Monsoon Raaga!

I cursed under my breath,as I stood in the bus,struggling hard to pull the wallet from my pocket which was covered by layers and layers of armour (Read rain-jacket and 'rain pant'). The wretched thing showed no signs of coming out and slipped deeper each time. The onlookers a.k.a the seated people watched on as if I was the chief clown performing at the russian circus and it was show-time.One more addition to murphy's laws: The closer the bus conductor is to you, the more time it will take you to dig the damn thing out of your pocket. And by the time you shell out the notes, they are already dripping wet!

Well,the rains are here with the usual bang. Been a week of action.
"Please Dont be santhusht. Thoda aur wish karo", thats what the rain-gods seemed to say as the skies opened up.And we have already got a trailer of what we'll be seeing for the next 4 months. Same story though!
The showers come with pin-point accuracy every year something that the Met dept here is not noted for. And they have been a source of much-needed respite from the near unbearable drip-drop,sweaty and humid conditions that the city experienced during the summer.Mumbai's murkiest, dirtiest, mushiest(pun so obvious),slushiest and perhaps its most romantic season is back.
I had my first drench on my way back from work. Felt nice. It felt so blissful, even after numerous rain-baths, year after year. Mom dint think so.
In most flood-prone areas here, stuff like ropes, boats, nets etc are kept handy days before,to face a possible flood situation 'baywatch ishtyle'. Most people who reside at the lower floors of buildings in such areas vacate days before, to escape a watery grave. Ask even a 4th grader here which places would perenially be under water and he would rattle a dozen names,faster than his geography lessons.

The BMC is at the recieving end yet again for the slippery roads, pot-holed roads and roads under construction which are dug up exactly a day before the rains come. Perfect timing!
And the mother of them all: The American consulate sounded an advisory to all americans who are in mumabi or who plan to visit mumbai in this period. No, not a terrorist strike or blast scare.
It reads "When in mumbai,Beware of open manholes. Dont venture out too much." Ok, agreed that each year the notoreity of the monsoons assumes dangerous proportions. But this is ridiculous man!! Hahahaha, travel advisory!

Hot tips:

In Mumbai everything goes down the drain, except for the rain water. True.Very true during the high tide.
.High tide + heavy rains = full-too flooding + you having to swim in flood waters.

High tide timings are important. Dont venture anywhere near the sea, unless you are serious about suicide.

.Open manholes. Walk in a chain, if you are a group. If one falls, the others are there to pull him/her. If the others fall, not your fault.

.If you cant form chains and you cant see ahead while wading through the water, then play " Follow the leader." If the person before you goes missing after some time, then choose a different path.

. For heavens' sake keep yourself clean after coming home at least! Leptospirosis is now becoming a common word, although people can't spell it. It's caused by rat urine. Obviosuly, you cant stop the rat but you can care for yourself.

.Most importantly, keep off the Eastern Express highway as much as possible,especially the vikhroli-ghatkopar stretch (now nicknamed the 'road to death'). The reason: 136 accidents in just 5 days. A certain chemical called 'mast' turned out to be in surplus while laying the road. Add to that the rains which made sure that the vehicles on the 10 km long stretch were in for a slippery, skiddy ballerina show.

.Try to minimise travel. (I know its its next to impossible)

. When stuck in a traffic jam, dont get too frustrated. The guy in the posh Honda Accord is also feeling the same pinch. See, the monsoon is a great leveller; it teaches you to be patient. (I know, by now you have made up your mind to kick me)

. People who own cars: Carry out pre-monsoon checks of batteries, tyres, maintenance of your car including wipers and top-up the fuel of your car during the monsoon

.Hammer is a handy tool: To break the glass on the driver's window from the
middle/centre, in case of an auto-lock system failure if you are stuck in a car say for about 8-14 hrs.

.Thick long nylon rope at least 20 metres long with a hook to be kept in
the dicky.Just in case..

.Keep dry and non -perishable food items in a vacuum container in some quantity. Dry fruits are recommended for pet-pooja.

.In a disaster- like situation instead of trying to reach home,first reach the nearest acquaintance.

.Also, carry a whistle with you. Remember Kate Winslet in 'Titanic'?

. Last but not the least, get a life. Stop cursing the BMC or the administration. You wont gain much by blaming other people. You are the one in charge of yourself.

Regards

Vishwesh

In(tro)duction-2

Nasik is a weird city..Its a complete contrast to mumbai. The people, their lifestyle, the cool weather and lots of other stuff (except off course the pot- holed roads in some parts which are a trademark feature of mumbai). Everyone there seems to own a car; at least an indica. And I never saw a single signal there, forget traffic jams!
We had 40 odd days on our hands to make the most of our stay in the city. My day began at 6.30 (yes!daily!).A hostleler's nightmare as you may call it! I would be woken up by a sudden knock on the door. The funniest part being that I still havent figured out who used to do it..probably one of the "other" room guys. Fact is I never really gave a damn as long as the person regularly kept waking me up on time. Our induction seesions were scheduled at 8 am each day and the company bus would ferry us half n hour in advance so that we could swipe our I-cards in time before the rush started.
The first week was a bit of a pain although we were given 2 shirts and a bag and the "T-shirt and jeans" dress-code was enforced till we got our uniforms. they called it the senior management week as all the VPs, Sr. VPs,Heads..blah blah from each function( HR, Finance,marketing, product development..see i remember things) addressed us with fundoo powerpoint presentations which failed to make any sense to us. There are times u feel the company wastes its precious moolah giving these intelectual blabbermouths fat pay packets. But then these are the blokes who conceptualise. They work out the way ahead for the company ,which is something very important.
The common mantra in their "feel good" presentations being "You are the young,dynamic minds,brimming with knowledge who have entered the industry when the india story is just unfolding and rising. You are really fortunate. We wish we were 30 yrs younger so that we could be in your place". One just got the feeling that these big dudes had copied each others presentations the previous night ,just like engineering students copied assignments.

Ya right! Bright, young minds (I have heard that before, the first day at engg college when someone called us that in his speech)! They wanted to project us as the privileged lot in order to create an "I-am-soo-jealous-of-you" atmosphere. Crap! Utter crap! Why would a Sr.VP wish to be an engineer in the first place? Anyways,each day was packed with 3 breaks (morning tea- sumptuous lunch- snack n tea) and 4 senior management talks. Each of them spoke as if they had a vacancy awaiting us in their departments and we just had to pick n choose. Being a perennial back-bencher by default and design I slept through a few sessions(at times waking up my immediate neighbours by snoring loudly). Such sessions also help bring out the best drawing talents( mostly in the back rows). The funniest(and most eagerly awaited) part of these sessions was the "Audience Queries'" phase which followed the presentations. A thousand hands would go up and the poor guy on stage would be at the recieving end of a barrage of outrageously stupid questions.
Some of them which could be touted as automatic entries into the guiness book of records for the "World's Most stupid query"
Girl to the marketing VP:
"Sir, I think the Tv commercial you are showing is not very nice.It is not telling anythng about the product. It only focuses on the man and woman in the helicopter.(Lady, he knows his job better than you)

" Sir,thank you for the wonderful talk. I just wanted to ask what is the greenfield project you talked about. Is it the name you gave to your new environment-friendly plant." (Give me a break!!)

Even better:
Guy to the HR head
" Sir, do we have any chance of a overseas posting."
"Yes u do, Zambia! Nice country, nice people"

The ultimate:
" Sir,I am really very happy with your talk and I enjoyed it (??). I dont have any question in mind. I want to work with this company for entire life.



Regards

Vishwesh

Iyer Studies

“ Dei vishu, how much did u get in your maths exam.” I remember a distant relative of ours asking me. in my school days.



“94 out of 100,Mama, ” I said reluctantly, apprehension gripping me. What would be his reaction, appreciation or sheer rubbishing?



"Only 94!!! (Nods his head as a sign of disapproval). Very poor. Where did u lose the 6 marks? Silly mistakes, huh? In those days we had tables of 25 on our fingertips. One mistake here or there and we used to get a thorough caning. We could perform 3-digit multiplications even before you could gulf down half a glass of water.” (We had no better things to do then.)



As time went by, I developed an immunity to his talks which oozed with gyaan of “good old days”, due to his frequent visits, to an extent that they now sounded much more hilarious each time. Just that it weakened my ability to suppress my smile n booming laughter every time i heard boasts of such hi-fi math prowess. Yes, really high standards are set and there’s no escaping them. 94 out of 100 is pathetic. Not pathetic, it’s despicable. What everyone wants to know is “where you lost the 6 marks?” No one looks at the 94. Surprisingly there were far more torturous subjects in school to contend with than math (the social sciences always ranked top on my hit-list), and so I considered myself really fortunate that maamaa's enquiry ended with math itself.

Yes, that’s a tam-bram aka iyer family . Enter the krishnans and the vekataramans. Enter the tam-bram (TB) boy; innocent and frail looking, oily head, side-parted hair, glasses for the geeky avatar. This dude has to go through a lot, quite literally from the day he is born. A typical TB name should satisfy the following features (in most cases):


. The boy is christened with his grandfather’s name, however archaic it may sound.


Think of the consequences of having such a naming system. A bit on the same lines as ‘King George-IV’, ‘Chandragupta-П’, just to distinguish you from your grandfather.



. The boy’s first name should span a minimum of 10 letters.


. His last name (father’s name) should be equally long.


. Both, the first name and the last names are:


a) Names of Hindu gods

b) Names of Hindu gods’ incarnations (avatars)

c) A combination of a) and b)



The logic behind this is simple. Each time someone calls out your name, he invokes the almighty and in doing so he absolves himself of all sins. And that’s a good thing.
All this sounds really good on paper, but one thinks it really arduous calling out a 10-letter name, especially in the age of instant messaging and scrapping where short-forms rule the roost. So, Balasubramanian is reduced to a Balu, a krishnamoorthy to a kicha and a Venkatachalam to …er…Denk or venky, whichever comes to mouth first.

The big name serves a big pain when you start filling out an application form and you suddenly discover that there aren’t enough boxes to fit in 20-odd characters. That’s when you cant help but wonder why your parents didn’t adhere to the KISS (Keep It Short-n-Sweet) principle.

The young TB boy then has to fulfill all the basic requirements of a TB childhood dutifully. These include learning at least one of the following: Carnatic music (either singing or an instrument or both), Vedas or bhajans, dance (in case of girls, STRICTLY classical; salsa sounds more like a Spanish dish doesnt it?).

Much of school life passes without hassles. The 10th exam and the 12th exams do their bit of image making or breaking, (though there has been some relief in recent times with the advent of additional entrance exams). Figures of 90, 98,99 (anything in the late nineties) are the order of the day. An 85+% in 10th and a 95+% in science in 12th is a must. Rather, these are cut-offs set by the TB hawks (read ‘TB maamaas’). Score more than that and its no big deal, u r a TB, u r expected to do well. Get less than that and get ready to face the music from all quarters. You wont need microphones to detect murmurs at marriages, functions, etc. Murmurs of your supposed poor performance spread like wildfire thanks to a few enterprising ‘maamis’ who would happily do overtime if BBC went on a strike.


"Gosh, did u hear how much Gopalakrishnan’s son got in 12th? Only 88%".

"Lord (a “Aiyyo Raama” or a “Krishna” or plain “Shiva, Shiva”) ,show him the good way. Pump some buddhi into the boy’s empty head.”

“Now they have put him into some XYZ engg college in New Bombay. It has cost them lakhs to get him in.”
By the way, the 95% in 12th is the magical PCM or the PCB total (that you are a TB boy automatically implies that you are a science student hell-bent on transforming the next 4-5 of your life into a slug-fest.). It has to be either engg or medical, anything non-engineering is a cardinal sin. Or wait! Engineering, not in any city college, (not with a new engg college sprouting every day, at every gully) .The whole series of entrance exams that follows the state board exams are an indispensable part of a TB boy’s life. The IIT-JEE, the AIEEE, the BITSAT…. Lo and Behold!!!! We have a whole rat race ahead. As a TB u r expected to make it to any one of the iit/nit/bits campuses.

The iit/nit/bits brand name does you a whole world of wonders, especially in marriages and religious gatherings, especially when you are being introduced to someone.



Mama1: “ namaskaaram mama! This is my son, he is studying in iit/nit X.”



Mama2: (who till now flashed an artificial smile, looks genuinely impressed)

“ Oh iit/nit X, very good, very good. Very prestigious institute. Which field (branch) are you in, paa? Software (comp Sci he meant) or Electronics.??


Grrrrrr… there you go!! Does computer and electronics alone make the world go round??? Where does chemical engg or even metallurgy feature in all this?



Boy (Son of mama1): "no maamaa, I have taken chemical!"



Mama2: (His face now exhibiting a variety of emotions, common one among them being pity) "Oh, chemical engg! You didn’t get computer Science or IT because of low marks?"

(Imagine the boy’s plight had he been doing any ‘non-engineering’ course)



mama2:(Reassures)" But don’t worry (as if the guy was all crying crying). Chemical is also a good course. Good scope abroad.
Infact, My brother’s daughter-in-law’s first cousin’s friend’s neighbour (works out a complex relation which sounds more like a Data interpretation question) also did chemical engg in nit X, he completed his MS in the “states”."

Mama2: (Now that the issue of higher studies has come up, this question is a standard favourite of most mamas. Doesn’t matter if you are in the 1st yr of engg or 1st yr kindergarten)


“So, what do you plan to do after engg, paa?”
Boy: (he has to answer it to the point, as his dad looks at him, smiling, not exactly a comfortable smile) “ I…I.Ah..Haven’t decided yet, maamaa. I just want to finish my engg and think...


(Before he could complete, mama2 cuts him off)



Mama2: (looks horrified) what is this paa? See, you should have some ambition in life! You should have specific goals, like doing a MS or MBA when you are still young (even before you know what M B A stands for). This is the age to study.



If you study hard now, you can enjoy later” (Yawn! How many times have we heard this same clichéd dialogue? Its far more irritating than the recorded message in Hindi “Is route key sabhi line vyasth hain”



Crash!! Izzat ka Falooda !





See, that’s the whole point, isn’t it? Here’s a child who’s just started learning how to walk and people expect him to run in the Olympic marathon.



The race doesn’t end with engg itself. The boy is then faced with the “12th std syndrome” again (lots of entrance exams again) in his final year. Most TB boys fill in every application form from GRE to CAT, which is their way of “keeping all options open in the worst-case scenario”.

A B.Tech degree from IIT/NIT and a MBA from IIM or a MS to top it all. 2 years later the boy lands a 14-hour job as an investment banker complete with a six-digit salary or he is a professor, armed with a MS/Ph.D, teaching in a university in the “states”.



Then disaster strikes, the unassuming TB boy’s amma talks of marriage and hands over his photo and a copy of his jaadhagam (kundali) to the same ‘enterprising maamis’ in her quest for a nalla ponnu (good girl, in literal terms), for her son. The same cycle repeats itself and many years later the TB boy(now a maamaa) is still left wondering “Where was the enjoyment after the hard-work?” as one of the maamaas had once said.



Well, That’s how it goes; from long names to institutes of higher learning, it’s all about living up to the standards and a way of life. High ranking, studious,..Whatever you may call it; a TB boy’s life is challenging, unique and a complete standout from the rest!

Regards

Vishwesh

Mumbai mayhem

10 hrs! 10 hrs its been raining unabated as i just peep out from the glass windows. No signs of a let-up watsoever as the roads,streets,shops n buildings take a battering.When it rains, it comes down really hard, in buckets.
The ghosts of 26/7 still havent died and each moment of that eventful day still remains deeply etched in peoples' minds. Ask anyone and he/she will have a story of theirs to tell u. Stranded 18 hrs on a flyover, fished out using ropes or spending half a day on the roof of a BEST bus..all this sounds like such bedtime story material, doesnt it??


'Its nothing new in Mumbai' you may argue ;doesnt it wreak havoc in the city every year? Fair say, 30-50 cm of rainfall a day is perfectly fine here, though at times, it may go to a 100. The city drains getting clogged are pretty normal .People wading through waist-high water at places is quite a common sight. Road transport is hit a bit. Local Trains run 15 min late (yeah if that happens in mumbai then u r absolutely sure that the city is facing a terrible downpour). Trade suffers. Houses are flooded. Money worth crores is washed away in no time. And people take refuge in their places of work for days, till the office canteens show signs of famine.



And still the people keep their mouths shut. No one cries for help. No one cribs or cries like cyclone or tsunami victims. See..havent u studied in school that 'Silence is golden' (or is it silver?))!! See.. there's not even a demand for a relief package of a cr rupees like other places (v wont get it anyways, so no big deal). Because ,u see, there's nothing new..yeh sab toh hota rehta hain yaar har saal." All this for a city which boasts of contributing a third to the country's exchequer.
And the reason why all this isnt new is because we have got so f****ng used to this life thanks to our "chalta hain" attitude and resilience infinitum.



Flood or blasts, in mumbai, we practise something called " The Art of surviving" (no its different from " The art of living").Its not something practised or taught in yoga classes. Its done by normal mumbaikars quite subconsciously,daily in their lives. For instance ,fearlessly hanging out of a crowded fast-local with just a semblance of a finger-nail inside it (even a day after a train blast), living in a micro matchbox apartment for generations in a crowded suburb, evading a million potholes everyday, getting stuck in traffic snarls for hrs together etc etc.
Brand MUMBAI is remembered (Rather exploited) only on two occasions- one to showcase its role as the proverbial cash cow (its hard-earned money in the form of taxes obviously feeding the hungry vote banks in north india, feeding the sarkaari babus in delhi and making life comfortable for the thankless capital city, ).
And Secondly (most importantly) to talk about the courage and spirit shown by the brave mumbaikar who stares calamity in the face and battles against all odds even as the whole system struggles to come to terms . The "salaam mumbai" rhetoric is sung by babus (when what the city really needs is something more substantial) and then all's well.After all the mayhem as died down, life resumes as normal for the common man in the city, the very next day itself or the very next week in the worst of circumstances. As if nothin really happened!
Fverything is forgotten....till the next calamity strikes. Meanwhile, plans to transform Mumbai to Shanghai are drawn out. And we thought that the whole Shanghai fixation was just one of those over-ambitious,candy-floss dreams that our leaders get from time to time! 'Modelling Mumbai on Shanghai lines' they say.
Interesting, it seems, Mumbai has six sister cities in different parts of the world (maximum permitted by the Indian government).
Yeah, six really hot sisters!!
They are: Berlin, London, Los Angeles, Saint Petersburg, Stuttgart and Yokohama (Shanghai is not one of them incase you were looking for it!).

Hmm.. for the moment, modelling the city is the last thing on our minds as every soul tries his/her best to keep indoors and admires the marauding rains, from the confines of their houses for isnt it supposed to be Mumbai's most romantic season.

Regards

Vishwesh

The "BOSS" of all films

Hmm..for a change, this monsoon, Rajini fever is spreading faster than chikungunya.One is reminded of the famous Enrique number, with slight modifications of course-
" You can run, You can hide but you can't escape the Sivaji bug.".

All the wait finally ended on the 15th of June as the superstar's banners and posters all over Tamil soil were bathed in gallons of milk(paal abhishekam).News channels momentarily took a break from their obsession for " President's poll (Read: Kaun Banega Rashtrapati?") and stopped to rave about the Superstar's new avataar.
You could see pictures of cinema theatres with queues running for miles, ones u normal encounter in Mumbai junior colleges during admission-time.They showed ticket vendors having a honeymoon time selling tickets for prices as high as a whopping 1000 bucks per ticket..woow!
And to top it all there were happy faces in the queue, amidst all the pulling n pushing ;guys taking utmost pride in the fact that they were in the queue from 1 in the morning and would asolutely kill to get a glimpse of the superstar in his brand new movie. Then there were those who said they had done part-time jobs to pay for their tickets and those who had just come from a night-shift... Enough proof to say that they were all Superstar's Die-hard fans. See,all this has got just one name. Fanaticism!! Its the max limit u can stretch yourself to, to show the cameraman that you well and truly swear by the man.

Then all the statistics books were opened for this was the costliest Indian film ever to be made and Rajni Saar the highest paid indian actor. Comparison between him and the Big B were drawn at will by the wily news channels eagerly wanting a lip-smacking North-South clash so that they could create fresh tamasha.
" I am the king, but he is the real emperor" said superstar in all humility to a channel,putting to rest all the hulabaloo.
US, UK, Australia and malaysia were no exception, we heard. They were absolutely taken by storm as the film assumed Tsunamic proportions. Regional box-offices and some of the bollywood flicks back home had no clue what hit them as they suffered a heavy pounding ." Jhoom Barabar Jhoom" would have been a super-duper flop anyway, so no big deal. "Oceans 13" is populated with just too many hunks. "Shrek-3" is just another sissy animation movie compared to the superstar's stunts and "Cheeni Kum" doesnt have high-voltage punch dialogues.

So, Sivaji- The Boss it was! and superstar had one more entrant into his fan club..hehehe..temporarily though


Regards

Vishwesh

The "BOSS" of all films-2

So..without much deliberation we went for the obvious choice- Sivaji-The BOSS (Bachelor Of Social Service, a change from the previous one which (for us)meant Brother Of Sexy Sisters). We encountered the usual Saturday shopping buzz at the mammoth Nirmal Lifestyles where there is a PVR. Timepass and hanging out (no,not shopping)in Mumbai has suddenely got a new definiton thanks to the numerous malls that have sprung up. But this one takes the cake. This is one place where the brands meet. For an ordinary man, a trip around the whole shopping space,especially the numerous cloth and food outlets (Mocha, Cafe Coffee day, tai-chi,pizza hut,only parathas,italian,chaat shops etc) more than makes up for his missed morning-walk.

We got the tickets for a princely sum of Rs 150. It was quite evident that the movie was a sell-out since the man at the counter politely tuned down my dad's request for a back-row seat and gave us centre seats in the 3rd row.My dad tried to make small talk in an effort to achieve the impossible- getting a concession over the tickets( for the pain of sitting in one of the front rows and sacrificing comfort).Instead he got two slit-sized cards,all glossy and colorful.

" What are these?" asked dad

" Well, we cant give you concessions, but you can win huge prizes in a lucky draw if you fill this up and put it into the drop-box after seeing the movie." said the man at the counter, rather amused.

I stuffed them up in my pocket as if they were empty toffee wrappers. We were already a bit late for the movie.
It was a typical Superstar movie. His "riches-to-rags-to-riches" formula worked wonders yet again as his previous movies. Lots of colour,flamboyance,masalaa and the subtle doses of comedy had the "madrasi" junta in the multiplex absolutely entertained.
The main-villain in tamil movies is diametrically opposite(in looks) to the ones we see in other languages. More often than not he is the only guy in the movie who is clean-shaven and all "gora gora(fair)" while the rest of his tribe sport unkempt facial hair and dark faces.
Well,as per the trend, tamil film heros(with moustaches ,of course) just seem to get darker and older whereas their sweethearts get fairer and younger (It always happens!!). Anyways, i guess,they are just out to prove the point that Opposites indeed attract.
The songs showed where most of the 80 cr was spent on (besides Superstar's fee, hairdressers and beauticians)
And yeah, before I forget, Superstar's histronics and his punch dialogues served as the perfect icing on the cake . His old cigarette-trick (Hang yourself if you dont know wat I am talking about!) has been replaced by the chewing gum trick. All he needs is a flat, reflecting surface for him to bounce the gum into his mouth perfectly, be it is hand or the villain's forehead(But isnt it supposed to be a gum and shouldnt it stick??).
Its no secret, there's no logic, only magic in Rajni Saar's movies! Then there is this 1-rupee coin which he plays table-tennis with it using the same hand, as if it were a ping-pong ball with zero gravity. And as only superstar can do, he uses the same coin to convert black money to white( no, not by painting it) and spends it for the people ,against all odds and gods.

His punch dialogues:
" Paera keta summa adhurudhu'la"
" When you hear my name you get the shivers, dont you?"

"COOOL...!!" (Most frequently used in the movie)

"Kanna, panninga dhaan kootama varum, singam single aa dhaan varum"
"Only pigs come in a group, the lion comes alone"


And if that fails to impress you ,he uses voice recognition as the password for accessing the info in his lappie.

"Hi buddy, Sivaji here.. KOOL!" That's the line!
And the strange creature replies "Hi shiv" each time. Koool !!

For a change, some of the "punches" were delivered by the comedian just to show that the Superstar was generous enough to give every person(actor) in tamil Nadu a chance to voice out "punches" and that he dint want it to be his monopoly of sorts..

"Punches" by the comedian were mostly the rhyming ones:

"Sixukku appuram seven da, Sivajikku appuram yevenda"
"After six there is seven, after Sivaji there is no one."

"Kuzhanthaigal paakrathu pogo, sivajikita vendaam go go"
"Children see pogo, dont take panga with Sivaji, go go!...hehehe nice one)

"Chittoor Thaandina Kaatpaadi, Sivajiya seendinaa Dead Body!"
"If you go beyond Chittoor you will reach Kaatpaadi, If you tease Sivaji you will become a Dead body!"

See, it had all the ingredients what an average man looks for in a movie- action, romance,comedy,style,dialogues,song and dance. Isnt that enough?
C'mon, movies are meant to entertain you after all!

And, I came out of the theatre with a satisfied,"Paisa Vasool!!" feeling after a li'l over 3 hrs of Superstar-entertainment.

KOOL...


Regards

Vishwesh

The CATalysis which never was!

The day after the cat exam was a silent post-mortem. The exam never really matched our expectations and was unusually easy for
a guy who was cooling his heels till the previous day,celebrating the end of
the engg sem exams( 6 in 6 days) What made it even worse
was we were allowed to retain the test booklet. This meant that you still
felt the urge to open it, getting the occasional bouts of "did i mark the
wrong answer" feeling.
Sites flashed details of cut-offs and answer. Grr..I dont get this,What
sadistic pleasure do they get by doing all this?? I could sense eager iim-
aspirants all over the country gobbling up each n every detail from a certain
website( whose name when translated to hindi quite literally means 'mad'
guy).The number of attempts made by each guy was just demoralising, to say the
least.
Add to this the "cat is belled" headlines on every news-channel(right
from D-day), one of which had a reporter interviewing a hapless chap just
after the 2 n half hour grilling. He sounded a little a little too optimistic
(after claiming to have attempted 31). My mother sounded more upbeat about the
cat exam analysis( Read:catalysis) than me.This feeling was easily manifested
in the way she was surfing through news channels for more n more "cat news",
REMOTE CONTROL in hand(rarest of phenomena after Halley's comet).
Things eased out later. Thanks to various damage-control initiatives like
spending as much time with friends,away from home; switching to "everyday"
soaps on tv and not venturing anywhere near news channels and "cat"sites.
Then the day came when the three of us (jaj, pam, me) chalked out a plan to
watch the latest bond flick in town, 2 days after D-day. Since we were coming
from three different places,we chose a theatre which was the
nearest to the three of us. A movie in a theatre in mumbai after almost 5 months (in
wilderness) was the biggest relief on could hope for!!jaj and pam were there waiting for me with the
tickets. jaj looked different with his glasses on ,while pam..er..he looked
just the same(its his nose, i tell u!!). We had about 15 minutes before the
movie actually started. A conversation kicked off as we sipped on some cola(a
costly proposition at 45 bucks.Daylight robbery! You always have to make a face
that its all soo reasonably priced. Consumerism Murdabad!)

"Sheesh man.. screwed totally!!!" pat came pam's lament accompanied by a shake of the head!

I wondered what he was talking about. Infact, my initial thought was that he
was crying over the cola being overpriced. But when was the last time he
ever cried over food or drink. Something else was bothering him.

"What's it man?" jaj enquired.
"Man..I got screwed in the english section,I smashed quants and DI.I attempted
only 15 in english and I referred to the answer keys online. I am getting only
26."

Oh!! So it wasn't about the cola after all! it was about CAT! And
what a place to start a cat analysis(catalysis)session. From the
corner of my eye, i could sense a college couple already relishing our cat-
talk and they were finding it quite amusing.)

Me:( sounding genuinely concerned)" Pam, how much are you geting using the
time answer keys?"

pam:(sulks)"ONLY 143 yaar!! 28 in english, 47 in DI, 68 in
quants!
sheesh..I m so screwed!

(ONLY 143!! someone please tell this guy you dont repeat your cent-percent board-exam performance everywhere, max you get a 100% percantile, thats it!!!)

The college couple sitting at the table now looked really interested and
they watched every movement of pam as if he were a 9'0 clock sitcom show on
star TV.

Me: "Oh, only 143!! Sha..i m really sad for you! anyways, its ok, luck next
time. I am sure you'll do well.

jaj:(Performing his job of a sooth-sayer to perfection)" Hey champ, you
smashed quants and DI and you have a great gpa. So, who knows, you may get
calls from 3 IIM's, if not all 6."

pam:"Are you kidding? No chance! English turned out to be my nemesis, when I
expected it to be my main scoring area. And i got the test paper code 444
which had 2 wrong questions. both of them quants! God, (a slight laugh, more of a "why-is-it-always-me" chuckle) Everything went against me!

Damn pam!!He was at his loudest best now! The couple could burst with laughter any second now, at the sight of 3 geeks discussing answer keys
in a goddamn movie theatre.

jaj: "There wont be any re-test or scrapping of wrong Questions (much to the dismay of pam, pam's face fell). By the way,wat was the answer for the 2nd question in the quants section. The surds question.

Me:(fed up of all the talk now and acting completely uninterested) I think it was 2 or 3rd , not sure.

The 15 min ended and we were inside the dark theatre. the new
james bond did his bit of hero-giri, leaping and diving across multi-storeyed
buildings as if they were concrete srpingboards.I sat between jaj and pam still
sipping my cola.Then came the
intermission.

pam: "Nice movie, huh? different from the previous ones naa?
Me: ya, it is

jaj chipped in with his fundaas on the bond aston-martin, the bond martini, the bond gun, the bond suit and many other bond accesories.

pam:"Hey any of u guys giving the XAT exam?I wanted to fill in the details
online.?(It was quite clear by now, number 143 would give him many sleepless
nights.)

Me: What?? You mean,you you want to write XAT too

pam: Arre ,obviously yaar!! this is my last chance to prove myself.(chuckles)!
(last chance?? Grrr...people cant do away with the cat hangover, can they?)

Anwyays, the meet ended on a good note, as we had a snack in a nearby reastaurant near sion circle.

pam(after the snack): hey guys, please check your score using the answer keys and tell me?

jaj: (A very familiar picture of horror on his face) "F*** you, pam!!!You crazy or what??
I want it to be a suspense. I dont want to get depressed so early. I prefer to wait"


For the next few days, my orkut scrapbook attracted an avalanche of "did you bell the cat or not?" scraps.
All this prompted me to fled the city and run off to a place (100 km away from mumbai), totally cut off from the rest of the world and returned only after all the hullabaloo had died down.

Regards

Vishwesh