Well this was also one post which should have come out earlier ,during my engg days at NIT Trichy. But better late than never.
Ever wondered whether you were really made for the campus. Maybe a separate grading system to measure the degree of ‘NITT’itude in you. Well, worry not!
Here’s is a set of questions, which demand absolutely no use of your hard-earned engg knowledge, so to speak and no test preparation. The grading system is in +’s and –‘s (I hope you understand, + means more and - is less).
1.At 8.30 in the morning you
a)Are in bed wondering which world are you in, trying hard to reach out for the irritatingly loud alarm clock. (+ 4)
b)Have finished Splashing deo all over your unclean body and wear the same T-shirt. (+10)
c)Are trying hard to recollect what your bicycle looks like while searching for it among the ones fallen down… (-1)
d)..you realize you don’t have one and look for someone else to give you a lift (-2)
e)Are in the classroom, prancing to and fro, waiting for the teacher to come (-50)
2. In class you normally
a)Fight with the others for the first bench and then sit down to take notes (-100)
b)Are relishing "Tiger" biscuits, sitting in the last row. (+ 10)
c)Are halfway through ‘5 point Someone’. (+15)
d)...And the prof catches you(-15)
e)Wake up just in time for the attendance call.(+20)
f)Irritate the guys sitting beside you by pretending to enjoy the lecture and scribbling in your only book. (+100)
3. In the Octa User lab you generally:
a) Go to the SUN user lab. (-5)
b)... By mistake (-1)
c)Search for your name in the placement site (list of placed students) even 3 months after your placement and get happy once more. (+ 5)
d)Check the online silver notice board for the (supposed)movie in the trical audi, the next Saturday. (-10)
e) Do programming (-∞)
f)Play "Stick-cricket" for 2 hours on the trot (0 if you don’t have a PC in your hostel room, -20 if u have one)
g) Take printouts of your topper’s assignments (+25)
4. In the College Internet lab you:
a) Are trying hard to achieve your longtime goal of 20000 scraps, 800 friends, and 1 fan. (+2)
b) Read the online edition of ‘The Hindu’. (-50)
c) Open wikipedia and start mugging pages for the forthcoming inter-college quiz. (-100)
d) Memorize names of US universities and their disciplines (- 5)
e) Search for your house verandah on google earth (-∞)
f) Piss off the people waiting for their turn by playing the irfan pathan hat-trick on Youtube at least 10 times.(-15)
g) Annoy your 'neighbours' by playing the your favourite hindi song at full blast on your elephant earphones.(- 200 )
5. In the college mess you are:
a) Discussing your CAT scores (-50)
b) Draining out the excess oil from the curry (+15)
c) Working out strategies for CounterStrike (+25)
d) ...Which you started playing yesterday (-125)
e) Fighting with the mess-anna for an extra gulab jamun. (-5)
f) Searching for the paneer in the panner-parathaa, wondering why it is called so. (+ 500)
g) …And you find it at last (+ 1000)
6. The first thing you did after placements was
a) Nursed your battered n bruised backside, due to the 'love' showered on you by your dear friends. (+10)
b) Rushed to the ATM, to treat your friends. (+20)
c) Went to octa internet lab and changed your orkut profile name and used the company logo as ur display pic. (-5)
d) Wondered how many girls would be with you in the company. (-6)
e) Made a face as though you expected to screw up the interview and start boasting on how you overcame all odds. (+1 if less than 10 people got thru along with you, - 100 if more than 50 got thru)
g) Tried to look sad and forlorn over the company's pay package. (-200)
7. According to you, the library
a) Is a place where you sit and study, refer or take books from. (-1000…)
b) Is a place where you get to see,touch and feel rare, centuries-old manuscripts without even having to pay entry fee. (+5)
c) Cough, Cough, Aaaa..Aaaa.. Choo!!! (+ 1000)
d) Er..i don’t know. I am still asking people for directions (+15)
e) Library, you said?? (Long pause).. Is it some kind of a zodiac sign??? (+16)
8. Which of the following would you become, if (god forbid) you werent
recruited in the campus placements?
a) The xerox shop anna: Ever-ringing cash counters (+100)
b) The Gate Anna(Roadside dhaba): I wont need to give any second invitation to my customers. (+200)
c) The Bru shop anna: Night time is the right time. (+ 50)
d) The only stationery shop anna: Monopoly rules (+25)
e) The laundry anna: As long as no one bathes, its business all the way for me. (+ 20)
f) Become treasurer or Co-treasurer for one of the college fests. (+ 10)
9. In case you answered (a) to the above Question what will your future plans be?
a) Buy the library and convert it into "The central Xerox center". (+ 5)
b) Have a lifetime membership facility for regular customers. (+18)
d) Offer special gifts for the ones who duplicate material for more than 100 bucks
Per day. (+ 12)
e) "Buy one get one free" offers and festival discounts (+ 4)
f) Set up branches in the respective hostels itself (+ 1)
10. If your answer to the first Question was (b) what would your plans be?
a) Rechristen it. Give it a Fundoo name. ("Chill Gates" sounds much more appealing as opposed to plants, bamboo shoots, bananas,leaves etc) (+1)
b) Have my Best menu on the Saturday nights (??), at low costs, knowing that the mess food on Saturdays sucks bigtime. (+ 15)
c) Special placement-season offers. A 30% discount for guys offering their first-job treats and 50% discount for second-job treats. (GPA and pay-scale no criteria) (+25)
d) Have a credit card, I mean, "I-card" system,! (+ 26)
e) Obtain a patent for a new product called "Dew lime". (+1000)
11. If your answer to question one was (e), what would your plans be?
a) Launch a door-to-door delivery service. (-20)
b) Teach the hostel boys the virtues of cleanliness, washing and bathing (-100)
c) Stop interchanging clothes (+ 2)
d) Start recruiting boys and give them training. (-1)
Check your score and reply asap.
Regards
Vishwesh
Saturday, April 05, 2008
Thursday, February 28, 2008
College Bakar
Now, this one should have come much earlier, even when I was in college. Nevertheless, better late than never. Its just part of the whole 'senti' feeling when you think about your alma-mater. Far different from our work-places. The lectures,profs,depts,snacky,juicy,hostels etc.
One characteristic feature of our hostels were the bakar sessions. Bakar, in very simple terms, means a congregation of perennially jobless people, at any place, at any time of the day, completely focused on discussing all issues of seemingly national, international, political, economic and social importance. Such sessions do not have fixed timing schedules and cut across all language barriers. Bakar groups could be discovered outside the snacky, mess, near the coffee shop, etc.
A bakar session in a hostel room invariably consisted of a minimum of 2 people in the same room, who showed the same intensity as that of a placement Gd session, if not more. They covered a wide range of topics starting from the reason why each one of got ot this college to the rumors of a certain IT giant hiking its compensation package in the campus recruitment.
A bakar session was mostly put in motion by identifying the potential bakar room which was equipped well to deal with the rush. A simple session started as a mere after-lunch or after-dinner talk. As time went by, the crowd built up slowly but gradually thanks to the curious passersby who took time off to peep in and got absorbed in no time.
Placement bakar session:
The final year sessions were more of the research n analysis type about the ongoing placement process. Each participant pouring out his own written/gd/pi experience, trying his best to dissect his performance at every step of the placement procedure and presenting his own picture of how skewed the whole process was and where he lost out (. The victors, however, jubilantly shared everything in an “I-don’t-know-how-I-got-thru” manner in all modesty. After the post-mortems were done, the focus usually shifted to the “next probable big company”. Each expressing his opinion of how far the college lagged behind the IITs or how it was light-years ahead of other NITs in terms of the campus recruitments and the number of firms.
A few common statements that u would come across in the placement bakar sessions.
. “How come company X is not open for our dept…sheesh man, this is ridiculous yaar. I mean, look at the trical (electrical in our lingo) dudes, they r such lucky dogs, they do nothing in their dept for 2 whole years and end up getting all the companies in the 7th sem, pathetic.”
.” You guys should have been there for the ppt(pre placement talk)? That lady in the HR team was hot.
. “Who wants to hear the talk, I went there for a T-shirt. They were distributing many of them.I don’t have money to buy one.”
(The height of frustration) “5 kelas(failure in our lingo)in 5 writtens! Damn, I am absolutely useless. I shouldn’t have come to this college. I shouldn’t have taken engineering in the first place.”
. (height of Endurance) “2 hours, they made me sit for 2 frigging hours outside and my interview lasted another only 15 minutes, I started feeling hungry; that’s why I didn’t do well”.
. (The sporting type)“ To hell with Dream Company!! This company is not worth it. I knew that right from the start. Good I got chucked out in the written itself.”
. (The muggu) Arre yaar! I forgot to mug the previous year written paper’s answers for company X; the same paper came yesterday. Damn!
. (Mr. modest) Seriously dude, I can’t believe how I got through. I gave the written for time pass (and the company selected u for just the same thing).
(But the Oscar goes to….)
“Guys, where’s my R.S agrawal. (Searches underneath piles of books scattered all over the floor) Been searching for it for almost an hour.”
“But you didn’t buy a R.S agarwal, you moron !”
“Is it?? Then give me yours’, I have to practice for tomorrow’s apti paper”
.
CS (Counterstrike)gaming bakar sessions:
These PC-gaming bakar sessions were in full swing in 3rd yr hostel rooms and in the final yr mess. Discussing strategies and maps had become more than a way of life for these gaming gurus. The hardcore CS freaks could easily be distinguished from the rest of the tribe by their sheer enthu they displayed while going hammer-n-tongs over “who should be and shouldn’t be in the clan”. Infact , clan formations and clan defections sounded much more intersting compared to the real game that was played. The game,though,showed signs of losing its old charm in the final year hostels in the face of fast emerging DOTA(another popular game). But the old CS hawks continued to remain.
A few common CS comments:
. “X plays like shit, throw him out of the clan; he’s a complete disgrace.”
. “The guys from that hostel have absolutely no clue about this map…hehehe..They are screwed!!”
. “Oye, u should go and play with level 3 BOTS, not with us.”
. “Man, I m like really depressed . I don’t seem to be sniping well these days yaar. I have lost practice.”
CS had brought the junta closer than anything else though they no longer addressed each other by their real names but by their CS names.
Intellectual bakar sessions:
Well this sounds more like an oxymoron but these sessions did take place in all earnest.
Talks were mostly centered around preparation for the 'BIG' exams.
. “Yes man, Good long holidays we are getting naa?
Gonna be total freak-out for me.
Only a few exams in between; GRE, TOEFL, CAT, RAT, MAT, GMAT and XAT that’s it! “
(Phew!! That’s it?? Aren’t u guys forgetting a few more.)
“I cant understand why he is giving the entrance exam. Isn’t he content with his million-dollar job? Just another bloody show-off I say!!”
. I gave TOEFL in chennai. Damn AC went off first, then the keyboard, and then the mouse had to be replaced, speakers betrayed me in the listening….
. “My friend smashed 1500. I wanted to show him its no big deal. Anybody can do that. That’s why I registered.”
. (Wears a depressed look)” Booo hoo I got only 1440 and I only have a mediocre 9.3. I am doomed. Looks like CAT is my only path to salvation. “
. (A “cut-off” expert lost in his dreams)” If only I could get a decent break-up of 29 in English, 15 in DI/DS and another 17 in quants, I could get all the calls.”
.
. “Hey, applications over for you??? I thought of making a small change in mine. I have decided to take off “ University of X” from my application list. I took out the atlas yesterday night and found out that such a place X never exists.”
.” God, I need to do well in my F slot. I need at least an A (grade) in it. I am banking on him for a decent reco.”
Grade and study bakars:
Most bakar camps were self-introspection sessions in the “if only I had done better” or “So sad he got less than me” mode.
. “Hey did u hear, X got 8.4 He’s surely gonna hang himself now that his CG has dropped to 8.99”
. “Oh yes, I checked his GPA on the net; he got only a C in this slot. Felt really good!!”
.” I couldn’t believe my luck!! I didn’t deserve an S in this seriously. My internals were the lowest in class. Tsk…tsk. (talks of a female competitor) She had internals of 30 while I had 20;she ended up with an A…hehehehe.”
. (topper looks into the notes of a seven-pointer, look of (false)horror written all over his face)
“ Gosh, What are you studying!!!!! Man I am seeing it for the first time (in spite of revising it twice??)!! Sheesh…I am dead, please explain this yaar fast!
. “(Hands on head, repents)” Had I sincerely done a group-study with u guys and not wasted the holiday accumulating scraps on chirkut, I would have at least been in the top 3.”
. (And the first prize goes to…) Actually it should be voted as the most annoying reply in the campus.A pseudo-cool topper in reply to repeated queries of “ How much r u expecting da?”).
“I just want to pass this sem. nothing more. Like I have been doing in every sem, I started just 3 hrs before the exam.”
Regards
Vishwesh
One characteristic feature of our hostels were the bakar sessions. Bakar, in very simple terms, means a congregation of perennially jobless people, at any place, at any time of the day, completely focused on discussing all issues of seemingly national, international, political, economic and social importance. Such sessions do not have fixed timing schedules and cut across all language barriers. Bakar groups could be discovered outside the snacky, mess, near the coffee shop, etc.
A bakar session in a hostel room invariably consisted of a minimum of 2 people in the same room, who showed the same intensity as that of a placement Gd session, if not more. They covered a wide range of topics starting from the reason why each one of got ot this college to the rumors of a certain IT giant hiking its compensation package in the campus recruitment.
A bakar session was mostly put in motion by identifying the potential bakar room which was equipped well to deal with the rush. A simple session started as a mere after-lunch or after-dinner talk. As time went by, the crowd built up slowly but gradually thanks to the curious passersby who took time off to peep in and got absorbed in no time.
Placement bakar session:
The final year sessions were more of the research n analysis type about the ongoing placement process. Each participant pouring out his own written/gd/pi experience, trying his best to dissect his performance at every step of the placement procedure and presenting his own picture of how skewed the whole process was and where he lost out (. The victors, however, jubilantly shared everything in an “I-don’t-know-how-I-got-thru” manner in all modesty. After the post-mortems were done, the focus usually shifted to the “next probable big company”. Each expressing his opinion of how far the college lagged behind the IITs or how it was light-years ahead of other NITs in terms of the campus recruitments and the number of firms.
A few common statements that u would come across in the placement bakar sessions.
. “How come company X is not open for our dept…sheesh man, this is ridiculous yaar. I mean, look at the trical (electrical in our lingo) dudes, they r such lucky dogs, they do nothing in their dept for 2 whole years and end up getting all the companies in the 7th sem, pathetic.”
.” You guys should have been there for the ppt(pre placement talk)? That lady in the HR team was hot.
. “Who wants to hear the talk, I went there for a T-shirt. They were distributing many of them.I don’t have money to buy one.”
(The height of frustration) “5 kelas(failure in our lingo)in 5 writtens! Damn, I am absolutely useless. I shouldn’t have come to this college. I shouldn’t have taken engineering in the first place.”
. (height of Endurance) “2 hours, they made me sit for 2 frigging hours outside and my interview lasted another only 15 minutes, I started feeling hungry; that’s why I didn’t do well”.
. (The sporting type)“ To hell with Dream Company!! This company is not worth it. I knew that right from the start. Good I got chucked out in the written itself.”
. (The muggu) Arre yaar! I forgot to mug the previous year written paper’s answers for company X; the same paper came yesterday. Damn!
. (Mr. modest) Seriously dude, I can’t believe how I got through. I gave the written for time pass (and the company selected u for just the same thing).
(But the Oscar goes to….)
“Guys, where’s my R.S agrawal. (Searches underneath piles of books scattered all over the floor) Been searching for it for almost an hour.”
“But you didn’t buy a R.S agarwal, you moron !”
“Is it?? Then give me yours’, I have to practice for tomorrow’s apti paper”
.
CS (Counterstrike)gaming bakar sessions:
These PC-gaming bakar sessions were in full swing in 3rd yr hostel rooms and in the final yr mess. Discussing strategies and maps had become more than a way of life for these gaming gurus. The hardcore CS freaks could easily be distinguished from the rest of the tribe by their sheer enthu they displayed while going hammer-n-tongs over “who should be and shouldn’t be in the clan”. Infact , clan formations and clan defections sounded much more intersting compared to the real game that was played. The game,though,showed signs of losing its old charm in the final year hostels in the face of fast emerging DOTA(another popular game). But the old CS hawks continued to remain.
A few common CS comments:
. “X plays like shit, throw him out of the clan; he’s a complete disgrace.”
. “The guys from that hostel have absolutely no clue about this map…hehehe..They are screwed!!”
. “Oye, u should go and play with level 3 BOTS, not with us.”
. “Man, I m like really depressed . I don’t seem to be sniping well these days yaar. I have lost practice.”
CS had brought the junta closer than anything else though they no longer addressed each other by their real names but by their CS names.
Intellectual bakar sessions:
Well this sounds more like an oxymoron but these sessions did take place in all earnest.
Talks were mostly centered around preparation for the 'BIG' exams.
. “Yes man, Good long holidays we are getting naa?
Gonna be total freak-out for me.
Only a few exams in between; GRE, TOEFL, CAT, RAT, MAT, GMAT and XAT that’s it! “
(Phew!! That’s it?? Aren’t u guys forgetting a few more.)
“I cant understand why he is giving the entrance exam. Isn’t he content with his million-dollar job? Just another bloody show-off I say!!”
. I gave TOEFL in chennai. Damn AC went off first, then the keyboard, and then the mouse had to be replaced, speakers betrayed me in the listening….
. “My friend smashed 1500. I wanted to show him its no big deal. Anybody can do that. That’s why I registered.”
. (Wears a depressed look)” Booo hoo I got only 1440 and I only have a mediocre 9.3. I am doomed. Looks like CAT is my only path to salvation. “
. (A “cut-off” expert lost in his dreams)” If only I could get a decent break-up of 29 in English, 15 in DI/DS and another 17 in quants, I could get all the calls.”
.
. “Hey, applications over for you??? I thought of making a small change in mine. I have decided to take off “ University of X” from my application list. I took out the atlas yesterday night and found out that such a place X never exists.”
.” God, I need to do well in my F slot. I need at least an A (grade) in it. I am banking on him for a decent reco.”
Grade and study bakars:
Most bakar camps were self-introspection sessions in the “if only I had done better” or “So sad he got less than me” mode.
. “Hey did u hear, X got 8.4 He’s surely gonna hang himself now that his CG has dropped to 8.99”
. “Oh yes, I checked his GPA on the net; he got only a C in this slot. Felt really good!!”
.” I couldn’t believe my luck!! I didn’t deserve an S in this seriously. My internals were the lowest in class. Tsk…tsk. (talks of a female competitor) She had internals of 30 while I had 20;she ended up with an A…hehehehe.”
. (topper looks into the notes of a seven-pointer, look of (false)horror written all over his face)
“ Gosh, What are you studying!!!!! Man I am seeing it for the first time (in spite of revising it twice??)!! Sheesh…I am dead, please explain this yaar fast!
. “(Hands on head, repents)” Had I sincerely done a group-study with u guys and not wasted the holiday accumulating scraps on chirkut, I would have at least been in the top 3.”
. (And the first prize goes to…) Actually it should be voted as the most annoying reply in the campus.A pseudo-cool topper in reply to repeated queries of “ How much r u expecting da?”).
“I just want to pass this sem. nothing more. Like I have been doing in every sem, I started just 3 hrs before the exam.”
Regards
Vishwesh
Friday, January 11, 2008
News-ical
"To discuss more on the story we are joined in by our panel of experts, Mr X from the Institute of ABCD..." Does this line remind of something ,rather someone?
Well,TV journos and news reporters are a weird species!And unlike the Bengal Tiger,their numbers just keep growing by the day. Prime time 24*7 news has as much sensation, drama and masala attached to it as a 3-hr long Bollywood film. No wonder they refer to news as a 'stories'.Now, i m not someone who believes in rubbishing journos.They are such an integral part of our lives. I mean if it werent for them
. How would you keep count of the number of kids a certain Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie adopted from (god knows) how many continents.
. You wouldnt get breaking news about what what a certain politician ate for breakfast and whether the salt in it was less or more.
. How the god-damn world is coming to an end in 2008. (Yes..according to a renowned Hindi Channel the year 2008 is "Kaal ka saal")
The first ten days of the new yr , 'molestation' and 'Rascism ' were the keywords splashed across all the news channels. Yes, molestation is atrocious and unforgivable but a soul who would have seen these channels for the first time in his life would have probably concluded so:
"Women,get the hell out of Mumbai before its your turn"
"All male mumbaikars are women harassers."
Or even worse. "Delhi is better". (Ultimate insult, i should say!)
.Coming to the Rascism part he would hv thought:
" All Australians are wretched Rascists."
" 'Monkey' is a rascist taunt,as Mr Symonds pointed it out to the world. (Monkey! Oztraalian for Rascism ) and yeah , B*****D is no longer an abuse as v thought it was.
The other things which were..er..News-worthy
. A hindi news channel:
"Yuvi averages only 4.33 in his 6 innings ,Down under(which includes a match against a chindhi 3rd grade Australian club). Reason: Deepika is in Sydeny for a shoot. Phew! And we thought Yuvi was the guy at fault. To add some extra spice, Deeps-Yuvi pics are shown, his dismissals are shown for the umpteenth time with the popular OSO number " Aankhon mein teri.." playing in the background. The show goes on for more than an hour and there is an expert panel for discussion. Total timepass!
.Another channel screamed:
The 'Yeti' or the 'Maha-maanav' is no myth! Its has been recently spotted in the news(before the reporters allegedly scared it off. They forgot to add it!). Another TRP-raising show.
.Monsoon time in Mumbai(Field time for reporters.) The news-reader talks of the strong downpour, gives you the complete story and you are satisfied. But she isn't. So she follows it up with a
" For more on this, let's go to our correspondent Mr X on Y Road.".
Its waist-high water, not a single soul to be seen except for the reporter,umbrella in hand. The reporter shoves the mike inside a car stuck in the traffic jam and asks the guy behind the wheel.
" Ab aapko kaisa lag raha hain?" (This is their favourite!!!)
The poor chap has to contend with both the rain and the incessant barrage of queries before he is let-off.
I have always wondered about their love for seeminlgy 'inaccessible' places. Maybe Edmund Hillary wasnt the first guy to reach Everest.Maybe Osama wasn't the only guy hiding in the hills of Afghanistan. Maybe there was a news-person already up there, just waiting to ask them " Ab aapko kaisa lag rahaa hain?".
.And the ones which take the cake. Reality shows!!(Actually the major culprits here happen to be the 'soap' channels, for a change). The news channels just replay the 'reality(reel-ity)' dance and music shows from the 'soap' channels. And when you arrive at the news channel hoping for a dose of daily news when these shows are on , u obviosuly feel that you have clicked on the wrong channel. Then reality dawns and you have to remind yourself that its a TRP war exercise at its best.
The real performance in these shows comes from the judges' side. One cant help but feel that maybe the channel gives them the license to
.behave as indisciplined and school-boyish/girlish as they can,
.fight,
.tear each other's hair off,scratch each other,call names,
walk-out of the shows and promote all sort of cheap ,unruly and uncivilized behaviour.
And these are not normal people. They are the creme-da-la-creme of the entertainment industry.
Meanwhile,Our reporter gets into action and catches hold of the victor(who's now a celebrity) from the talent show and the inevitable follows
" Ab Aapko kaisa lag rahaa hain?" (sporting a fake, "I-m-so-happy for-u" smile)
The victor has to handle a few more and he/she learns the first lesson for a wannabe celebrity.Do not mess around with the press! We make u. We can break u. He/She is then linked to numerous women/men in the industry and the hulabaloo lasts till a formal statement is made which goes something like.
"We are just good friends." The channel is the undoubted winner.
.The top-notch journos in the business love putting the big ' news-makers' in a spot; be it the 'frank,hard-talk, one-to-one interviews', big (often ugly)fights, debates.And the best part is that these guys are never short of issues of national and social importance to debate over!
.Does our media really have a free hand?
Shouldnt they be given more power in a democracy? (Excuse me?)
.Why did Adam eat the apple? Was there something really happening between him and Eve or were they "Just friends"?
.Why did the chicken cross the road? Is it not an offence under "XYZ" animal act to let it do so?
.What came first: The hen or the chicken or the omlette?
.Was the tortoise the worthy winner of the Hare-tortoise race? Did he resort to unfair means? Did he call the hare names? did he sledge him?
.Is it right to use the word monkey? Is it just another abuse? Is it a racist taunt? Is it the name of an animal?
. Is Carla really Sarkozy's girlfriend ? If not, then who's child is she preganant with? Should she be accorded first-lady status according to existing protocol.
Phew!
And we thought all was well with the world!
Regards
Vishwesh
Well,TV journos and news reporters are a weird species!And unlike the Bengal Tiger,their numbers just keep growing by the day. Prime time 24*7 news has as much sensation, drama and masala attached to it as a 3-hr long Bollywood film. No wonder they refer to news as a 'stories'.Now, i m not someone who believes in rubbishing journos.They are such an integral part of our lives. I mean if it werent for them
. How would you keep count of the number of kids a certain Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie adopted from (god knows) how many continents.
. You wouldnt get breaking news about what what a certain politician ate for breakfast and whether the salt in it was less or more.
. How the god-damn world is coming to an end in 2008. (Yes..according to a renowned Hindi Channel the year 2008 is "Kaal ka saal")
The first ten days of the new yr , 'molestation' and 'Rascism ' were the keywords splashed across all the news channels. Yes, molestation is atrocious and unforgivable but a soul who would have seen these channels for the first time in his life would have probably concluded so:
"Women,get the hell out of Mumbai before its your turn"
"All male mumbaikars are women harassers."
Or even worse. "Delhi is better". (Ultimate insult, i should say!)
.Coming to the Rascism part he would hv thought:
" All Australians are wretched Rascists."
" 'Monkey' is a rascist taunt,as Mr Symonds pointed it out to the world. (Monkey! Oztraalian for Rascism ) and yeah , B*****D is no longer an abuse as v thought it was.
The other things which were..er..News-worthy
. A hindi news channel:
"Yuvi averages only 4.33 in his 6 innings ,Down under(which includes a match against a chindhi 3rd grade Australian club). Reason: Deepika is in Sydeny for a shoot. Phew! And we thought Yuvi was the guy at fault. To add some extra spice, Deeps-Yuvi pics are shown, his dismissals are shown for the umpteenth time with the popular OSO number " Aankhon mein teri.." playing in the background. The show goes on for more than an hour and there is an expert panel for discussion. Total timepass!
.Another channel screamed:
The 'Yeti' or the 'Maha-maanav' is no myth! Its has been recently spotted in the news(before the reporters allegedly scared it off. They forgot to add it!). Another TRP-raising show.
.Monsoon time in Mumbai(Field time for reporters.) The news-reader talks of the strong downpour, gives you the complete story and you are satisfied. But she isn't. So she follows it up with a
" For more on this, let's go to our correspondent Mr X on Y Road.".
Its waist-high water, not a single soul to be seen except for the reporter,umbrella in hand. The reporter shoves the mike inside a car stuck in the traffic jam and asks the guy behind the wheel.
" Ab aapko kaisa lag raha hain?" (This is their favourite!!!)
The poor chap has to contend with both the rain and the incessant barrage of queries before he is let-off.
I have always wondered about their love for seeminlgy 'inaccessible' places. Maybe Edmund Hillary wasnt the first guy to reach Everest.Maybe Osama wasn't the only guy hiding in the hills of Afghanistan. Maybe there was a news-person already up there, just waiting to ask them " Ab aapko kaisa lag rahaa hain?".
.And the ones which take the cake. Reality shows!!(Actually the major culprits here happen to be the 'soap' channels, for a change). The news channels just replay the 'reality(reel-ity)' dance and music shows from the 'soap' channels. And when you arrive at the news channel hoping for a dose of daily news when these shows are on , u obviosuly feel that you have clicked on the wrong channel. Then reality dawns and you have to remind yourself that its a TRP war exercise at its best.
The real performance in these shows comes from the judges' side. One cant help but feel that maybe the channel gives them the license to
.behave as indisciplined and school-boyish/girlish as they can,
.fight,
.tear each other's hair off,scratch each other,call names,
walk-out of the shows and promote all sort of cheap ,unruly and uncivilized behaviour.
And these are not normal people. They are the creme-da-la-creme of the entertainment industry.
Meanwhile,Our reporter gets into action and catches hold of the victor(who's now a celebrity) from the talent show and the inevitable follows
" Ab Aapko kaisa lag rahaa hain?" (sporting a fake, "I-m-so-happy for-u" smile)
The victor has to handle a few more and he/she learns the first lesson for a wannabe celebrity.Do not mess around with the press! We make u. We can break u. He/She is then linked to numerous women/men in the industry and the hulabaloo lasts till a formal statement is made which goes something like.
"We are just good friends." The channel is the undoubted winner.
.The top-notch journos in the business love putting the big ' news-makers' in a spot; be it the 'frank,hard-talk, one-to-one interviews', big (often ugly)fights, debates.And the best part is that these guys are never short of issues of national and social importance to debate over!
.Does our media really have a free hand?
Shouldnt they be given more power in a democracy? (Excuse me?)
.Why did Adam eat the apple? Was there something really happening between him and Eve or were they "Just friends"?
.Why did the chicken cross the road? Is it not an offence under "XYZ" animal act to let it do so?
.What came first: The hen or the chicken or the omlette?
.Was the tortoise the worthy winner of the Hare-tortoise race? Did he resort to unfair means? Did he call the hare names? did he sledge him?
.Is it right to use the word monkey? Is it just another abuse? Is it a racist taunt? Is it the name of an animal?
. Is Carla really Sarkozy's girlfriend ? If not, then who's child is she preganant with? Should she be accorded first-lady status according to existing protocol.
Phew!
And we thought all was well with the world!
Regards
Vishwesh
Saturday, December 15, 2007
"Bus" Karo
My training continues in top gear. People are actually shocked when i tell them that my training duration is 1 yr. Work, Training, Office; no matter what people call it, its the same at the end of the day. You are always counting down days to the coming weekend. And most importantly you waste no time in squeezing in that extra bit of comfort into your life ,before and after the day's work ,especially during travel. I m one among the million commuters in the city who tunes into FM on the cell , unmindful of all the noise n traffic which is effectively drained out(along with the conductor's cries of "Pude Chala, Pude Chala( marathi for "Move,It") thanks to the music on full blast. The hapless bus conductor has to do some serious throating.
Damn amusing..if u were to observe these things while travelling in mumbai.
Fortunately for me,my work timings are such that I literally get to choose my seat in the bus. Absolutely no crowd at all (touchwood!)on my way to work. But the return story is a different one if I work till late hours. The traffic and the sweaty fragrance inside the bus doesnt make things better.
Its a real sight to see guys getting tossed and jostled around courtesy that startlingly sudden break. Much worse if the guy is sandwiched between females (u know, like right at the front, near the "Ladies Only" seats). If he fails to hold on properly he ends up bumping into the aunty standing behind him. As he turns around to apologize, he is greeted by a real,cold glare from her; a look mostly reserved for chain-snatchers,murderers,rapists and the like. Hehee..as if the poor guy did it on purpose.
Then there are these hilariously stupid guys who take an eternity searching for their wallet in their pant pockets only to realize they dont have one. After a good 10-15 minutes of searching in their shirt pocket, they fork out a crisp 100-rupee note for a mere 5-rupee ticket in a "Keep the change!" style( The note held between the tip of the index and middle finger ). The conductor, obviosuly not impressed by the whole exercise, makes no secret of how pissed off he is and gives him a real mouthful along with the 100 rupee note.
Then there are the college dudes who prefer to be the back-benchers even in the bus no matter how much space there is at the front,playing with their cell phones and having a great laugh occasionally. The girls, on the other hand, engage in what appear to be real path-breaking discussions interspersed with an occasional chorus of giggles which makes a few heads turn.
Then there are the people who seem completely oblivious to whats going on inside the bus because they are so busy watching out of the window. Window seat is always the prized one, be it a bus,rickshaw or bike.
There is momentary silence as the bus comes to a halt at the signal. The silence is however shortlived. Suddenely, as if from nowhere, we are interrupted by the famous bollywood number "Dhoom Machale" (a Ring tone). It is followed by a loud "Hello,.. Haan, harish bhai.. bolo...acchaa" , as if to show the whole bus that he's got a cell phone and that too with handsfree! To top it, he gestures with his hands, while talking. You get really irritated and want to remind him that the person at the other end cannot see through the cell phone. 5 minutes on, the conversation is at its loudest best and the junta in close proximity is sulking and silently cursing the guy under their breath. Just makes one wonder how Technology can be a real pain in the a** !! By the time he is finished with his talk, he has ensured that the every person in the bus knows who 'Harish bhai' is.
Then there are the guys (heroes) who are hell-bent on showing that they are completely different from the rest. They stand on the step-board ('local train' ishtyle)with acres of space available inside. Its a blasphemy for these people to board a stationary bus; the thrill they derive out of catching a bus on the "running" is unmatchable. They always exit through the entry door and vice versa. When you hear the conductor spewing expletives and unmentionables, you can sense that the 'heroes' are there somewhere in close vicinity.
One more tribe of bus commuters are the 'surprised' kind. Ya!The people who wear that perenially surprised look like they have seen a celebrity in the bus. You remove and open your wallet to pay the bus fare and they examine every action of yours which makes you feel like Mukesh Ambani.
Finally its time for me to unboard and I make my way through the maze of standees to the exit door.
Thats life!
Regards
Vishwesh
Damn amusing..if u were to observe these things while travelling in mumbai.
Fortunately for me,my work timings are such that I literally get to choose my seat in the bus. Absolutely no crowd at all (touchwood!)on my way to work. But the return story is a different one if I work till late hours. The traffic and the sweaty fragrance inside the bus doesnt make things better.
Its a real sight to see guys getting tossed and jostled around courtesy that startlingly sudden break. Much worse if the guy is sandwiched between females (u know, like right at the front, near the "Ladies Only" seats). If he fails to hold on properly he ends up bumping into the aunty standing behind him. As he turns around to apologize, he is greeted by a real,cold glare from her; a look mostly reserved for chain-snatchers,murderers,rapists and the like. Hehee..as if the poor guy did it on purpose.
Then there are these hilariously stupid guys who take an eternity searching for their wallet in their pant pockets only to realize they dont have one. After a good 10-15 minutes of searching in their shirt pocket, they fork out a crisp 100-rupee note for a mere 5-rupee ticket in a "Keep the change!" style( The note held between the tip of the index and middle finger ). The conductor, obviosuly not impressed by the whole exercise, makes no secret of how pissed off he is and gives him a real mouthful along with the 100 rupee note.
Then there are the college dudes who prefer to be the back-benchers even in the bus no matter how much space there is at the front,playing with their cell phones and having a great laugh occasionally. The girls, on the other hand, engage in what appear to be real path-breaking discussions interspersed with an occasional chorus of giggles which makes a few heads turn.
Then there are the people who seem completely oblivious to whats going on inside the bus because they are so busy watching out of the window. Window seat is always the prized one, be it a bus,rickshaw or bike.
There is momentary silence as the bus comes to a halt at the signal. The silence is however shortlived. Suddenely, as if from nowhere, we are interrupted by the famous bollywood number "Dhoom Machale" (a Ring tone). It is followed by a loud "Hello,.. Haan, harish bhai.. bolo...acchaa" , as if to show the whole bus that he's got a cell phone and that too with handsfree! To top it, he gestures with his hands, while talking. You get really irritated and want to remind him that the person at the other end cannot see through the cell phone. 5 minutes on, the conversation is at its loudest best and the junta in close proximity is sulking and silently cursing the guy under their breath. Just makes one wonder how Technology can be a real pain in the a** !! By the time he is finished with his talk, he has ensured that the every person in the bus knows who 'Harish bhai' is.
Then there are the guys (heroes) who are hell-bent on showing that they are completely different from the rest. They stand on the step-board ('local train' ishtyle)with acres of space available inside. Its a blasphemy for these people to board a stationary bus; the thrill they derive out of catching a bus on the "running" is unmatchable. They always exit through the entry door and vice versa. When you hear the conductor spewing expletives and unmentionables, you can sense that the 'heroes' are there somewhere in close vicinity.
One more tribe of bus commuters are the 'surprised' kind. Ya!The people who wear that perenially surprised look like they have seen a celebrity in the bus. You remove and open your wallet to pay the bus fare and they examine every action of yours which makes you feel like Mukesh Ambani.
Finally its time for me to unboard and I make my way through the maze of standees to the exit door.
Thats life!
Regards
Vishwesh
Sunday, October 28, 2007
In(tro)duction 3
The next 2 weeks of my induction:
Mere classroom sessions with Saturday tests.Some losers even studied for it (night-outs, sleeping with their books open...u got my point na?)and some maha-losers even discussed answers after the tests. The tests were of the timepass kind just to scare the kids, which ultimately failed its purpose(although these loser a.k.a studious tribes would have their books perpetually open to revise their 'notes'..baah! gimme a break!).
Yawn!! for your convenience and to avoid the risk of losing my valuable readers I have(wisely) chosen not to elaborate much on gears, shafts,drives,suspension systems,...Yawn!
The 4th week
Without a doubt, the best of them all! 60 of us were taken on an out-bound fitness survival camp. It included trekking,reppling, rafting, kayaking, shooting, setting our own tents and (believe it or not)cooking (rather experimenting with foodstuffs) ourselves. 3 days later we were still panting for breath and thanking the almighty that each of us had returned in one piece albeit with niggles and muscle pains.
The 5th week
Some C2C(college to corporate) thing! Was supposed to build in confidence levels, know yourself as a person and it was meant to ensure that your transition from college to corporate was smooth.I dont remember much except that I played some kiddish games and did lotsa tp(familiarise yourself with short-forms..if you dont what is tp, go hang yourself). Things we did
. Made a house using handicraft paper which actually looked like one (Wow!)
. Built a pyramid using shoes (there were 10 in a group..ours was the tallest pyramid thanks to my ingenuity).
Moral of the story: No matter how much your shoe stinks ,when you work in a group and compete against other groups, it doesnt really matter!
. Formed human chains. Some more tp and games
. Small Ball, Big ball (Naughty naughty! its the name of a game!)
Thne some more fundaas by the proprietors (a couple).Phew.
6th and the last week
.Takes the honours for the most boring week of the program. Except of course, the last day, the DJ nite..Awesome stuff. It just went to show we had some real talent amongst us! Our company Prez addressed us and gave us glimpses of his fundoo-ness.
After eveything was over it was hugs,hanshakes,tears galore. A real emotional moment ( But nothing to beat the feeling when i left college). Everyone was gonna go different places, into various functions. That was it. We bid adieu with heavy hearts.
Regards
vishwesh
Mere classroom sessions with Saturday tests.Some losers even studied for it (night-outs, sleeping with their books open...u got my point na?)and some maha-losers even discussed answers after the tests. The tests were of the timepass kind just to scare the kids, which ultimately failed its purpose(although these loser a.k.a studious tribes would have their books perpetually open to revise their 'notes'..baah! gimme a break!).
Yawn!! for your convenience and to avoid the risk of losing my valuable readers I have(wisely) chosen not to elaborate much on gears, shafts,drives,suspension systems,...Yawn!
The 4th week
Without a doubt, the best of them all! 60 of us were taken on an out-bound fitness survival camp. It included trekking,reppling, rafting, kayaking, shooting, setting our own tents and (believe it or not)cooking (rather experimenting with foodstuffs) ourselves. 3 days later we were still panting for breath and thanking the almighty that each of us had returned in one piece albeit with niggles and muscle pains.
The 5th week
Some C2C(college to corporate) thing! Was supposed to build in confidence levels, know yourself as a person and it was meant to ensure that your transition from college to corporate was smooth.I dont remember much except that I played some kiddish games and did lotsa tp(familiarise yourself with short-forms..if you dont what is tp, go hang yourself). Things we did
. Made a house using handicraft paper which actually looked like one (Wow!)
. Built a pyramid using shoes (there were 10 in a group..ours was the tallest pyramid thanks to my ingenuity).
Moral of the story: No matter how much your shoe stinks ,when you work in a group and compete against other groups, it doesnt really matter!
. Formed human chains. Some more tp and games
. Small Ball, Big ball (Naughty naughty! its the name of a game!)
Thne some more fundaas by the proprietors (a couple).Phew.
6th and the last week
.Takes the honours for the most boring week of the program. Except of course, the last day, the DJ nite..Awesome stuff. It just went to show we had some real talent amongst us! Our company Prez addressed us and gave us glimpses of his fundoo-ness.
After eveything was over it was hugs,hanshakes,tears galore. A real emotional moment ( But nothing to beat the feeling when i left college). Everyone was gonna go different places, into various functions. That was it. We bid adieu with heavy hearts.
Regards
vishwesh
Saturday, October 27, 2007
In(tro)duction-2
Nasik is a weird city..Its a complete contrast to mumbai. The people, their lifestyle, the cool weather and lots of other stuff (except off course the pot- holed roads in some parts which are a trademark feature of mumbai). Everyone there seems to own a car; at least an indica. And I never saw a single signal there, forget traffic jams!
We had 40 odd days on our hands to make the most of our stay in the city. My day began at 6.30 (yes!daily!).A hostleler's nightmare as you may call it! I would be woken up by a sudden knock on the door. The funniest part being that I still havent figured out who used to do it..probably one of the "other" room guys. Fact is I never really gave a damn as long as the person regularly kept waking me up on time. Our induction seesions were scheduled at 8 am each day and the company bus would ferry us half n hour in advance so that we could swipe our I-cards in time before the rush started.
The first week was a bit of a pain although we were given 2 shirts and a bag and the "T-shirt and jeans" dress-code was enforced till we got our uniforms. they called it the senior management week as all the VPs, Sr. VPs,Heads..blah blah from each function( HR, Finance,marketing, product development..see i remember things) addressed us with fundoo powerpoint presentations which failed to make any sense to us. There are times u feel the company wastes its precious moolah giving these intelectual blabbermouths fat pay packets. But then these are the blokes who conceptualise. They work out the way ahead for the company ,which is something very important.
The common mantra in their "feel good" presentations being "You are the young,dynamic minds,brimming with knowledge who have entered the industry when the india story is just unfolding and rising. You are really fortunate. We wish we were 30 yrs younger so that we could be in your place". One just got the feeling that these big dudes had copied each others presentations the previous night ,just like engineering students copied assignments.
Ya right! Bright, young minds (I have heard that before, the first day at engg college when someone called us that in his speech)! They wanted to project us as the privileged lot in order to create an "I-am-soo-jealous-of-you" atmosphere. Crap! Utter crap! Why would a Sr.VP wish to be an engineer in the first place? Anyways,each day was packed with 3 breaks (morning tea- sumptuous lunch- snack n tea) and 4 senior management talks. Each of them spoke as if they had a vacancy awaiting us in their departments and we just had to pick n choose. Being a perennial back-bencher by default and design I slept through a few sessions(at times waking up my immediate neighbours by snoring loudly). Such sessions also help bring out the best drawing talents( mostly in the back rows). The funniest(and most eagerly awaited) part of these sessions was the "Audience Queries'" phase which followed the presentations. A thousand hands would go up and the poor guy on stage would be at the recieving end of a barrage of outrageously stupid questions.
Some of them which could be touted as automatic entries into the guiness book of records for the "World's Most stupid query"
Girl to the marketing VP:
"Sir, I think the Tv commercial you are showing is not very nice.It is not telling anythng about the product. It only focuses on the man and woman in the helicopter.(Lady, he knows his job better than you)
" Sir,thank you for the wonderful talk. I just wanted to ask what is the greenfield project you talked about. Is it the name you gave to your new environment-friendly plant." (Give me a break!!)
Even better:
Guy to the HR head
" Sir, do we have any chance of a overseas posting."
"Yes u do, Zambia! Nice country, nice people"
The ultimate:
" Sir,I am really very happy with your talk and I enjoyed it (??). I dont have any question in mind. I want to work with this company for entire life.
Regards
Vishwesh
We had 40 odd days on our hands to make the most of our stay in the city. My day began at 6.30 (yes!daily!).A hostleler's nightmare as you may call it! I would be woken up by a sudden knock on the door. The funniest part being that I still havent figured out who used to do it..probably one of the "other" room guys. Fact is I never really gave a damn as long as the person regularly kept waking me up on time. Our induction seesions were scheduled at 8 am each day and the company bus would ferry us half n hour in advance so that we could swipe our I-cards in time before the rush started.
The first week was a bit of a pain although we were given 2 shirts and a bag and the "T-shirt and jeans" dress-code was enforced till we got our uniforms. they called it the senior management week as all the VPs, Sr. VPs,Heads..blah blah from each function( HR, Finance,marketing, product development..see i remember things) addressed us with fundoo powerpoint presentations which failed to make any sense to us. There are times u feel the company wastes its precious moolah giving these intelectual blabbermouths fat pay packets. But then these are the blokes who conceptualise. They work out the way ahead for the company ,which is something very important.
The common mantra in their "feel good" presentations being "You are the young,dynamic minds,brimming with knowledge who have entered the industry when the india story is just unfolding and rising. You are really fortunate. We wish we were 30 yrs younger so that we could be in your place". One just got the feeling that these big dudes had copied each others presentations the previous night ,just like engineering students copied assignments.
Ya right! Bright, young minds (I have heard that before, the first day at engg college when someone called us that in his speech)! They wanted to project us as the privileged lot in order to create an "I-am-soo-jealous-of-you" atmosphere. Crap! Utter crap! Why would a Sr.VP wish to be an engineer in the first place? Anyways,each day was packed with 3 breaks (morning tea- sumptuous lunch- snack n tea) and 4 senior management talks. Each of them spoke as if they had a vacancy awaiting us in their departments and we just had to pick n choose. Being a perennial back-bencher by default and design I slept through a few sessions(at times waking up my immediate neighbours by snoring loudly). Such sessions also help bring out the best drawing talents( mostly in the back rows). The funniest(and most eagerly awaited) part of these sessions was the "Audience Queries'" phase which followed the presentations. A thousand hands would go up and the poor guy on stage would be at the recieving end of a barrage of outrageously stupid questions.
Some of them which could be touted as automatic entries into the guiness book of records for the "World's Most stupid query"
Girl to the marketing VP:
"Sir, I think the Tv commercial you are showing is not very nice.It is not telling anythng about the product. It only focuses on the man and woman in the helicopter.(Lady, he knows his job better than you)
" Sir,thank you for the wonderful talk. I just wanted to ask what is the greenfield project you talked about. Is it the name you gave to your new environment-friendly plant." (Give me a break!!)
Even better:
Guy to the HR head
" Sir, do we have any chance of a overseas posting."
"Yes u do, Zambia! Nice country, nice people"
The ultimate:
" Sir,I am really very happy with your talk and I enjoyed it (??). I dont have any question in mind. I want to work with this company for entire life.
Regards
Vishwesh
Sunday, October 21, 2007
In(tro)duction
Its been a li'l over 2 months since i last saw the blogger dashboard. It just goes to show that just about anybody in this world can be kept busy and starved for time. (Infact some people politely enquired whether i had forgotten by blogger password or how to blog.)
But an eventful 2 months its been. So much so that even a blog freak like me cant decide where to start frm.
I joined my new company in mid-august in nasik, a place 180 km frm mumbai. This was the place where we were scheduled to have our induction programme. The company was kind enough to e-mail me the details of the place, the contact nos,general info about the location to ensure that i wasnt stuck in the middle of nowhere. Even before the e-mails, the company sent a series of letters (one of them a 'feel-good' letter addressed to my parents on me being one of the lucky ones to join their company ,which moved my father...hehehe)
I got off at the specified address (wasnt much of a pain). It was a spacious bunglow-type house with a plush lawn outside).Light music played on FM, creating an atmosphere of serenity n comfort. Coffee and tea vending machines were there on offer.All of these much needed after a (believe-it-or-not) 5 hr ride frm mumbai to nasik(courtesy a nasty, bumpy road and a toppled tanker).
"Ah ha!!So this is where i m gonna be put up during my stay over here" i thought.
My details were carefully checked ,cross-checked and matched like DNA samples; first by a guy who held a 'fresh trainees' manual in hand and another who had our details on his PC.
"Oh, congrats! U are the first in the list. Do you know you are the first trainee recruited by our company this year!" (Great! As if being the first in the list would entitle me to additional salary benefits.).
I smiled, as if to say " Oh, It was nothing really."
I was asked for a photo of mine and within ninutes i was handed a sheet of paper. To my horror i discovered that this plush bungalow wasnt where i was supposed to stay.It was just the company guest house. The place of stay was in the sheet of paper(an apartment they had said).
Besides me there were 3-4 other trainees. One who's face resembled that of a sacrificial lamb, yet another one who was attempting to look cool in
wacky jeans, most of them with anxiety clearly written all over their faces
After having made sure i was done with the details,i sat on the sofa and helped myself to some tea
A well-dressed man, cell in hand, entered the 'bungalow'and shook hands with me and spoke to all of us in a tone which most people reserve for new tiny-tots who r all crying-crying on their first day at school.
"HR guy!"i thought. Isnt that their job, making u feel at home even in the middle of Sahara desert.
A van waited outside for us to ferry us to our location. We gasped n grunted in pushing(shoving) our suitcases inside it.After a 10 km travel (i presume).. we reached the place. It was a fine 3-storey building with flats.
Me and a guy from rajasthan named dheeraj(whom i had met in the guest house) were put up in a room. The other room in the same flat was shared by a guy from mumbai(venky) and a guy from orissa(suprit). It dint take me long to realise that Dheeraj was the show-off kind who wouldnt waste an opportunity to publicise himself. Venky was the typical home-grown kid who grumbled and cribbed about stuff while suprit was our master story-teller who could make do with anything. He had done his share of india trotting. He was a Bong who had lived in different places and had experienced things which ordinary mortals only dreamt of. And this meant he had lots to talk about. There where 24 other trainees in the building. The ground floor had the common room where we would assemble for breakfast, lunch and dinner and each floor had a TV set.
Our caretaker was a thin, wiry guy called mahadev who wore a dirty orange uniform who would address each of us as "Sirji". We introduced ourselves and got to know each other well.This was our home for the next 40 days and we hoped everything would go on fine.
Regards
Vishwesh
But an eventful 2 months its been. So much so that even a blog freak like me cant decide where to start frm.
I joined my new company in mid-august in nasik, a place 180 km frm mumbai. This was the place where we were scheduled to have our induction programme. The company was kind enough to e-mail me the details of the place, the contact nos,general info about the location to ensure that i wasnt stuck in the middle of nowhere. Even before the e-mails, the company sent a series of letters (one of them a 'feel-good' letter addressed to my parents on me being one of the lucky ones to join their company ,which moved my father...hehehe)
I got off at the specified address (wasnt much of a pain). It was a spacious bunglow-type house with a plush lawn outside).Light music played on FM, creating an atmosphere of serenity n comfort. Coffee and tea vending machines were there on offer.All of these much needed after a (believe-it-or-not) 5 hr ride frm mumbai to nasik(courtesy a nasty, bumpy road and a toppled tanker).
"Ah ha!!So this is where i m gonna be put up during my stay over here" i thought.
My details were carefully checked ,cross-checked and matched like DNA samples; first by a guy who held a 'fresh trainees' manual in hand and another who had our details on his PC.
"Oh, congrats! U are the first in the list. Do you know you are the first trainee recruited by our company this year!" (Great! As if being the first in the list would entitle me to additional salary benefits.).
I smiled, as if to say " Oh, It was nothing really."
I was asked for a photo of mine and within ninutes i was handed a sheet of paper. To my horror i discovered that this plush bungalow wasnt where i was supposed to stay.It was just the company guest house. The place of stay was in the sheet of paper(an apartment they had said).
Besides me there were 3-4 other trainees. One who's face resembled that of a sacrificial lamb, yet another one who was attempting to look cool in
wacky jeans, most of them with anxiety clearly written all over their faces
After having made sure i was done with the details,i sat on the sofa and helped myself to some tea
A well-dressed man, cell in hand, entered the 'bungalow'and shook hands with me and spoke to all of us in a tone which most people reserve for new tiny-tots who r all crying-crying on their first day at school.
"HR guy!"i thought. Isnt that their job, making u feel at home even in the middle of Sahara desert.
A van waited outside for us to ferry us to our location. We gasped n grunted in pushing(shoving) our suitcases inside it.After a 10 km travel (i presume).. we reached the place. It was a fine 3-storey building with flats.
Me and a guy from rajasthan named dheeraj(whom i had met in the guest house) were put up in a room. The other room in the same flat was shared by a guy from mumbai(venky) and a guy from orissa(suprit). It dint take me long to realise that Dheeraj was the show-off kind who wouldnt waste an opportunity to publicise himself. Venky was the typical home-grown kid who grumbled and cribbed about stuff while suprit was our master story-teller who could make do with anything. He had done his share of india trotting. He was a Bong who had lived in different places and had experienced things which ordinary mortals only dreamt of. And this meant he had lots to talk about. There where 24 other trainees in the building. The ground floor had the common room where we would assemble for breakfast, lunch and dinner and each floor had a TV set.
Our caretaker was a thin, wiry guy called mahadev who wore a dirty orange uniform who would address each of us as "Sirji". We introduced ourselves and got to know each other well.This was our home for the next 40 days and we hoped everything would go on fine.
Regards
Vishwesh
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Iyer Studies
“ Dei vishu, how much did u get in your maths exam.” I remember a distant relative of ours asking me. in my school days.
“94 out of 100,Mama, ” I said reluctantly, apprehension gripping me. What would be his reaction, appreciation or sheer rubbishing?
"Only 94!!! (Nods his head as a sign of disapproval). Very poor. Where did u lose the 6 marks? Silly mistakes, huh? In those days we had tables of 25 on our fingertips. One mistake here or there and we used to get a thorough caning. We could perform 3-digit multiplications even before you could gulf down half a glass of water.” (We had no better things to do then.)
As time went by, I developed an immunity to his talks which oozed with gyaan of “good old days”, due to his frequent visits, to an extent that they now sounded much more hilarious each time. Just that it weakened my ability to suppress my smile n booming laughter every time i heard boasts of such hi-fi math prowess. Yes, really high standards are set and there’s no escaping them. 94 out of 100 is pathetic. Not pathetic, it’s despicable. What everyone wants to know is “where you lost the 6 marks?” No one looks at the 94. Surprisingly there were far more torturous subjects in school to contend with than math (the social sciences always ranked top on my hit-list), and so I considered myself really fortunate that maamaa's enquiry ended with math itself.
Yes, that’s a tam-bram aka iyer family . Enter the krishnans and the vekataramans. Enter the tam-bram (TB) boy; innocent and frail looking, oily head, side-parted hair, glasses for the geeky avatar. This dude has to go through a lot, quite literally from the day he is born. A typical TB name should satisfy the following features (in most cases):
. The boy is christened with his grandfather’s name, however archaic it may sound.
Think of the consequences of having such a naming system. A bit on the same lines as ‘King George-IV’, ‘Chandragupta-П’, just to distinguish you from your grandfather.
. The boy’s first name should span a minimum of 10 letters.
. His last name (father’s name) should be equally long.
. Both, the first name and the last names are:
a) Names of Hindu gods
b) Names of Hindu gods’ incarnations (avatars)
c) A combination of a) and b)
The logic behind this is simple. Each time someone calls out your name, he invokes the almighty and in doing so he absolves himself of all sins. And that’s a good thing.
All this sounds really good on paper, but one thinks it really arduous calling out a 10-letter name, especially in the age of instant messaging and scrapping where short-forms rule the roost. So, Balasubramanian is reduced to a Balu, a krishnamoorthy to a kicha and a Venkatachalam to …er…Denk or venky, whichever comes to mouth first.
The big name serves a big pain when you start filling out an application form and you suddenly discover that there aren’t enough boxes to fit in 20-odd characters. That’s when you cant help but wonder why your parents didn’t adhere to the KISS (Keep It Short-n-Sweet) principle.
The young TB boy then has to fulfill all the basic requirements of a TB childhood dutifully. These include learning at least one of the following: Carnatic music (either singing or an instrument or both), Vedas or bhajans, dance (in case of girls, STRICTLY classical; salsa sounds more like a Spanish dish doesnt it?).
Much of school life passes without hassles. The 10th exam and the 12th exams do their bit of image making or breaking, (though there has been some relief in recent times with the advent of additional entrance exams). Figures of 90, 98,99 (anything in the late nineties) are the order of the day. An 85+% in 10th and a 95+% in science in 12th is a must. Rather, these are cut-offs set by the TB hawks (read ‘TB maamaas’). Score more than that and its no big deal, u r a TB, u r expected to do well. Get less than that and get ready to face the music from all quarters. You wont need microphones to detect murmurs at marriages, functions, etc. Murmurs of your supposed poor performance spread like wildfire thanks to a few enterprising ‘maamis’ who would happily do overtime if BBC went on a strike.
"Gosh, did u hear how much Gopalakrishnan’s son got in 12th? Only 88%".
"Lord (a “Aiyyo Raama” or a “Krishna” or plain “Shiva, Shiva”) ,show him the good way. Pump some buddhi into the boy’s empty head.”
“Now they have put him into some XYZ engg college in New Bombay. It has cost them lakhs to get him in.”
By the way, the 95% in 12th is the magical PCM or the PCB total (that you are a TB boy automatically implies that you are a science student hell-bent on transforming the next 4-5 of your life into a slug-fest.). It has to be either engg or medical, anything non-engineering is a cardinal sin. Or wait! Engineering, not in any city college, (not with a new engg college sprouting every day, at every gully) .The whole series of entrance exams that follows the state board exams are an indispensable part of a TB boy’s life. The IIT-JEE, the AIEEE, the BITSAT…. Lo and Behold!!!! We have a whole rat race ahead. As a TB u r expected to make it to any one of the iit/nit/bits campuses.
The iit/nit/bits brand name does you a whole world of wonders, especially in marriages and religious gatherings, especially when you are being introduced to someone.
Mama1: “ namaskaaram mama! This is my son, he is studying in iit/nit X.”
Mama2: (who till now flashed an artificial smile, looks genuinely impressed)
“ Oh iit/nit X, very good, very good. Very prestigious institute. Which field (branch) are you in, paa? Software (comp Sci he meant) or Electronics.??
Grrrrrr… there you go!! Does computer and electronics alone make the world go round??? Where does chemical engg or even metallurgy feature in all this?
Boy (Son of mama1): "no maamaa, I have taken chemical!"
Mama2: (His face now exhibiting a variety of emotions, common one among them being pity) "Oh, chemical engg! You didn’t get computer Science or IT because of low marks?"
(Imagine the boy’s plight had he been doing any ‘non-engineering’ course)
mama2:(Reassures)" But don’t worry (as if the guy was all crying crying). Chemical is also a good course. Good scope abroad.
Infact, My brother’s daughter-in-law’s first cousin’s friend’s neighbour (works out a complex relation which sounds more like a Data interpretation question) also did chemical engg in nit X, he completed his MS in the “states”."
Mama2: (Now that the issue of higher studies has come up, this question is a standard favourite of most mamas. Doesn’t matter if you are in the 1st yr of engg or 1st yr kindergarten)
“So, what do you plan to do after engg, paa?”
Boy: (he has to answer it to the point, as his dad looks at him, smiling, not exactly a comfortable smile) “ I…I.Ah..Haven’t decided yet, maamaa. I just want to finish my engg and think...
(Before he could complete, mama2 cuts him off)
Mama2: (looks horrified) what is this paa? See, you should have some ambition in life! You should have specific goals, like doing a MS or MBA when you are still young (even before you know what M B A stands for). This is the age to study.
If you study hard now, you can enjoy later” (Yawn! How many times have we heard this same clichéd dialogue? Its far more irritating than the recorded message in Hindi “Is route key sabhi line vyasth hain”
Crash!! Izzat ka Falooda !
See, that’s the whole point, isn’t it? Here’s a child who’s just started learning how to walk and people expect him to run in the Olympic marathon.
The race doesn’t end with engg itself. The boy is then faced with the “12th std syndrome” again (lots of entrance exams again) in his final year. Most TB boys fill in every application form from GRE to CAT, which is their way of “keeping all options open in the worst-case scenario”.
A B.Tech degree from IIT/NIT and a MBA from IIM or a MS to top it all. 2 years later the boy lands a 14-hour job as an investment banker complete with a six-digit salary or he is a professor, armed with a MS/Ph.D, teaching in a university in the “states”.
Then disaster strikes, the unassuming TB boy’s amma talks of marriage and hands over his photo and a copy of his jaadhagam (kundali) to the same ‘enterprising maamis’ in her quest for a nalla ponnu (good girl, in literal terms), for her son. The same cycle repeats itself and many years later the TB boy(now a maamaa) is still left wondering “Where was the enjoyment after the hard-work?” as one of the maamaas had once said.
Well, That’s how it goes; from long names to institutes of higher learning, it’s all about living up to the standards and a way of life. High ranking, studious,..Whatever you may call it; a TB boy’s life is challenging, unique and a complete standout from the rest!
Regards
Vishwesh
“94 out of 100,Mama, ” I said reluctantly, apprehension gripping me. What would be his reaction, appreciation or sheer rubbishing?
"Only 94!!! (Nods his head as a sign of disapproval). Very poor. Where did u lose the 6 marks? Silly mistakes, huh? In those days we had tables of 25 on our fingertips. One mistake here or there and we used to get a thorough caning. We could perform 3-digit multiplications even before you could gulf down half a glass of water.” (We had no better things to do then.)
As time went by, I developed an immunity to his talks which oozed with gyaan of “good old days”, due to his frequent visits, to an extent that they now sounded much more hilarious each time. Just that it weakened my ability to suppress my smile n booming laughter every time i heard boasts of such hi-fi math prowess. Yes, really high standards are set and there’s no escaping them. 94 out of 100 is pathetic. Not pathetic, it’s despicable. What everyone wants to know is “where you lost the 6 marks?” No one looks at the 94. Surprisingly there were far more torturous subjects in school to contend with than math (the social sciences always ranked top on my hit-list), and so I considered myself really fortunate that maamaa's enquiry ended with math itself.
Yes, that’s a tam-bram aka iyer family . Enter the krishnans and the vekataramans. Enter the tam-bram (TB) boy; innocent and frail looking, oily head, side-parted hair, glasses for the geeky avatar. This dude has to go through a lot, quite literally from the day he is born. A typical TB name should satisfy the following features (in most cases):
. The boy is christened with his grandfather’s name, however archaic it may sound.
Think of the consequences of having such a naming system. A bit on the same lines as ‘King George-IV’, ‘Chandragupta-П’, just to distinguish you from your grandfather.
. The boy’s first name should span a minimum of 10 letters.
. His last name (father’s name) should be equally long.
. Both, the first name and the last names are:
a) Names of Hindu gods
b) Names of Hindu gods’ incarnations (avatars)
c) A combination of a) and b)
The logic behind this is simple. Each time someone calls out your name, he invokes the almighty and in doing so he absolves himself of all sins. And that’s a good thing.
All this sounds really good on paper, but one thinks it really arduous calling out a 10-letter name, especially in the age of instant messaging and scrapping where short-forms rule the roost. So, Balasubramanian is reduced to a Balu, a krishnamoorthy to a kicha and a Venkatachalam to …er…Denk or venky, whichever comes to mouth first.
The big name serves a big pain when you start filling out an application form and you suddenly discover that there aren’t enough boxes to fit in 20-odd characters. That’s when you cant help but wonder why your parents didn’t adhere to the KISS (Keep It Short-n-Sweet) principle.
The young TB boy then has to fulfill all the basic requirements of a TB childhood dutifully. These include learning at least one of the following: Carnatic music (either singing or an instrument or both), Vedas or bhajans, dance (in case of girls, STRICTLY classical; salsa sounds more like a Spanish dish doesnt it?).
Much of school life passes without hassles. The 10th exam and the 12th exams do their bit of image making or breaking, (though there has been some relief in recent times with the advent of additional entrance exams). Figures of 90, 98,99 (anything in the late nineties) are the order of the day. An 85+% in 10th and a 95+% in science in 12th is a must. Rather, these are cut-offs set by the TB hawks (read ‘TB maamaas’). Score more than that and its no big deal, u r a TB, u r expected to do well. Get less than that and get ready to face the music from all quarters. You wont need microphones to detect murmurs at marriages, functions, etc. Murmurs of your supposed poor performance spread like wildfire thanks to a few enterprising ‘maamis’ who would happily do overtime if BBC went on a strike.
"Gosh, did u hear how much Gopalakrishnan’s son got in 12th? Only 88%".
"Lord (a “Aiyyo Raama” or a “Krishna” or plain “Shiva, Shiva”) ,show him the good way. Pump some buddhi into the boy’s empty head.”
“Now they have put him into some XYZ engg college in New Bombay. It has cost them lakhs to get him in.”
By the way, the 95% in 12th is the magical PCM or the PCB total (that you are a TB boy automatically implies that you are a science student hell-bent on transforming the next 4-5 of your life into a slug-fest.). It has to be either engg or medical, anything non-engineering is a cardinal sin. Or wait! Engineering, not in any city college, (not with a new engg college sprouting every day, at every gully) .The whole series of entrance exams that follows the state board exams are an indispensable part of a TB boy’s life. The IIT-JEE, the AIEEE, the BITSAT…. Lo and Behold!!!! We have a whole rat race ahead. As a TB u r expected to make it to any one of the iit/nit/bits campuses.
The iit/nit/bits brand name does you a whole world of wonders, especially in marriages and religious gatherings, especially when you are being introduced to someone.
Mama1: “ namaskaaram mama! This is my son, he is studying in iit/nit X.”
Mama2: (who till now flashed an artificial smile, looks genuinely impressed)
“ Oh iit/nit X, very good, very good. Very prestigious institute. Which field (branch) are you in, paa? Software (comp Sci he meant) or Electronics.??
Grrrrrr… there you go!! Does computer and electronics alone make the world go round??? Where does chemical engg or even metallurgy feature in all this?
Boy (Son of mama1): "no maamaa, I have taken chemical!"
Mama2: (His face now exhibiting a variety of emotions, common one among them being pity) "Oh, chemical engg! You didn’t get computer Science or IT because of low marks?"
(Imagine the boy’s plight had he been doing any ‘non-engineering’ course)
mama2:(Reassures)" But don’t worry (as if the guy was all crying crying). Chemical is also a good course. Good scope abroad.
Infact, My brother’s daughter-in-law’s first cousin’s friend’s neighbour (works out a complex relation which sounds more like a Data interpretation question) also did chemical engg in nit X, he completed his MS in the “states”."
Mama2: (Now that the issue of higher studies has come up, this question is a standard favourite of most mamas. Doesn’t matter if you are in the 1st yr of engg or 1st yr kindergarten)
“So, what do you plan to do after engg, paa?”
Boy: (he has to answer it to the point, as his dad looks at him, smiling, not exactly a comfortable smile) “ I…I.Ah..Haven’t decided yet, maamaa. I just want to finish my engg and think...
(Before he could complete, mama2 cuts him off)
Mama2: (looks horrified) what is this paa? See, you should have some ambition in life! You should have specific goals, like doing a MS or MBA when you are still young (even before you know what M B A stands for). This is the age to study.
If you study hard now, you can enjoy later” (Yawn! How many times have we heard this same clichéd dialogue? Its far more irritating than the recorded message in Hindi “Is route key sabhi line vyasth hain”
Crash!! Izzat ka Falooda !
See, that’s the whole point, isn’t it? Here’s a child who’s just started learning how to walk and people expect him to run in the Olympic marathon.
The race doesn’t end with engg itself. The boy is then faced with the “12th std syndrome” again (lots of entrance exams again) in his final year. Most TB boys fill in every application form from GRE to CAT, which is their way of “keeping all options open in the worst-case scenario”.
A B.Tech degree from IIT/NIT and a MBA from IIM or a MS to top it all. 2 years later the boy lands a 14-hour job as an investment banker complete with a six-digit salary or he is a professor, armed with a MS/Ph.D, teaching in a university in the “states”.
Then disaster strikes, the unassuming TB boy’s amma talks of marriage and hands over his photo and a copy of his jaadhagam (kundali) to the same ‘enterprising maamis’ in her quest for a nalla ponnu (good girl, in literal terms), for her son. The same cycle repeats itself and many years later the TB boy(now a maamaa) is still left wondering “Where was the enjoyment after the hard-work?” as one of the maamaas had once said.
Well, That’s how it goes; from long names to institutes of higher learning, it’s all about living up to the standards and a way of life. High ranking, studious,..Whatever you may call it; a TB boy’s life is challenging, unique and a complete standout from the rest!
Regards
Vishwesh
Monday, July 30, 2007
Meeting Pam
Sometimes bloody technology poses more problems than it solves..First it was my I-pod which started misbehaving (It hung comp-style! Wouldnt budge from its display screen..maa kasam). The wretched thing wouldnt even turn off.
Since my dad had used it last, he was the one who had his heart in his mouth. I wasnt to keen on screwing it any further by giving it to some local god-forsaken electronic-waalaa..So I did the best thing possible i could, albeit not the smartest of things..starved it for charge for like 2 days till it went off..then charged it again till it was full.. n Eureka, it sprang to life. See, sometimes it helps to have engineers in the family! We never practice what we study and what we practice isnt worthy enough to be studied..
The next day the computer started showing signs of insanity. It would boot (phew..so it wasnt a HD crash) but i just had a desktop for show..absolutely nothing else on it!! I later found out that it was a virus at work corrupting the OS which was later fixed by an old batch-mate of mine.
A few days later,I decided one fine morning that I would meet by college friends(Pall and Pam) who had started off with their training in Pune. Well not exactly Pune..but a place between pune n mumbai,on the city's outskirts,which houses a certain automobile giant. I had to take directions by phone from good ol' Pam at literally each step of my journey. Everything went off quite well.. till i got down at a place called chinchwad,where it was my cell phone's turn to give its quota of problems.
"Network busy" it said and to make matters worse there was no charge(so.. not just the cell phone, hutch was also partly responsible)!! Shit..I had to reach pam somehow.. otherwise I would be stuck in this damn place the whole night.
There are times in life where one desperately wishes actress Kajol to pop out of thin air and give a Tata Indicom, saying " Network problem?? Switch to tata indicom!Ye aapka saath nahi chodega".
This was just one such occasion!
After about 15 attempts on my side and as many attempts by Pam we finally got to talk to each other again and he found out my exact location. Pam was just the same as i had seen him last before leaving college. Not that i expected him to change.Its his nose which really stands out even today. The same nose which withstood the much talked about nose-operation. Today, he was in traditional gear- kurta and he was all cool n relaxed.
After a tight hug and pleasantries, we got into a "luxury bus" (buses with proper BEST bus-like seats are called luxury buses there). We were meeting each other after a long gap so we had loads to gossip about. Thursdays 'off' for them meant that Wednesday nights were reserved for party time. I gathered from Pam's tone that he did love his job, the place and his colleagues. Though he ruefully admitted that there were just 6 females in their batch of 100-odd .Not that Pam is a champion of women's participation but he would have liked a bit more gender balance.
His talk then centred around a cute HR chick in the company (they only one) on whom the entire male junta had gone bonkers. She was on a short stay in the company to complete her PMP(post grad). A hundred hearts bled when she was later discovered in a coffee shop gettting cosy with her boyfriend..She left the company soon, so no big deal, he said!
I am happy for Pam. Pam, i feel, is on a mission to re-discover himself, exploring the fun-part of himself. The part of him which was in deep slumber during his pre-engineering days, when he was immersed deeply in calculus, organic chemistry, electromagnetism,IIT dreams and coaching classes. We partied in a smallish multiplex-cum-pub till 12.30..till we were absolutely sure that all of us were out of breath and there was no means of transport to take us to our place of stay. Even the last local had left! There were 10 of us including me,Pam,Pall and their work mates. We walked up to the main road and made up our minds to stop any passing lorry for lift. But it was a car which came to our rescue. Yeah u heard it right,CAR not CARS! All 10 of us go into it like mad cattle. I still dont remember which car it was, at that point we found such details pretty irrelevant. We just wanted to reach our place asap
(Ah..I know wat u r still thinkin..how 10 in one car? Sorry cant divulge details.)..
When we reached our destination i picked myself up with great difficulty. I was virtually squashed to pulp under 2-3 big butts and to say that it was excruciating pain would be an understatement.
Pam shares his flat with a guy who lives to sleep all day. The only indication of his "awakening" ,pam said, was when a female's (his girl's) voice came from his room.And that too only thursday mornings when she came to meet him.
The next day was spent roaming in the city with pam and 3 of his friends from mumbai. It had started to rain heavily and we were drenched to the core. The roaming included a trip to one of the prime CAT coaching classes in city since Pam had to kickstart his CAT-prep somehow with the help of a suitable test-series for a reasonable fee.
The lady at the desk greeted us with a smile and later found herself at the recieving end of Pam's bargaining tactics usually reserved for vegetable vendors,which included some intermittent sweet talk as well.It was a cat-n-mouse game being played and finally it was Pam who had to conceede defeat. But Pam's attempts at informal talk seemed to have aroused a sense of regret in her that she was just an ordinary graduate, having worked in this god-forsaken coaching centre for 7 years.
We then caught up with the latest movie "Partner" ,typical of the "Govinda timepass" genre. We were thoroughly exhausted by the time we reached the colony at around 11.
Amazing how company life can change you n ur habits; Pam was up by 7 the next day! He always carries to work a bag which has a John Grisham in it...lol..
He dropped me at the bus stop on his way to work as I bid adieu.
Regards
Vishwesh
Since my dad had used it last, he was the one who had his heart in his mouth. I wasnt to keen on screwing it any further by giving it to some local god-forsaken electronic-waalaa..So I did the best thing possible i could, albeit not the smartest of things..starved it for charge for like 2 days till it went off..then charged it again till it was full.. n Eureka, it sprang to life. See, sometimes it helps to have engineers in the family! We never practice what we study and what we practice isnt worthy enough to be studied..
The next day the computer started showing signs of insanity. It would boot (phew..so it wasnt a HD crash) but i just had a desktop for show..absolutely nothing else on it!! I later found out that it was a virus at work corrupting the OS which was later fixed by an old batch-mate of mine.
A few days later,I decided one fine morning that I would meet by college friends(Pall and Pam) who had started off with their training in Pune. Well not exactly Pune..but a place between pune n mumbai,on the city's outskirts,which houses a certain automobile giant. I had to take directions by phone from good ol' Pam at literally each step of my journey. Everything went off quite well.. till i got down at a place called chinchwad,where it was my cell phone's turn to give its quota of problems.
"Network busy" it said and to make matters worse there was no charge(so.. not just the cell phone, hutch was also partly responsible)!! Shit..I had to reach pam somehow.. otherwise I would be stuck in this damn place the whole night.
There are times in life where one desperately wishes actress Kajol to pop out of thin air and give a Tata Indicom, saying " Network problem?? Switch to tata indicom!Ye aapka saath nahi chodega".
This was just one such occasion!
After about 15 attempts on my side and as many attempts by Pam we finally got to talk to each other again and he found out my exact location. Pam was just the same as i had seen him last before leaving college. Not that i expected him to change.Its his nose which really stands out even today. The same nose which withstood the much talked about nose-operation. Today, he was in traditional gear- kurta and he was all cool n relaxed.
After a tight hug and pleasantries, we got into a "luxury bus" (buses with proper BEST bus-like seats are called luxury buses there). We were meeting each other after a long gap so we had loads to gossip about. Thursdays 'off' for them meant that Wednesday nights were reserved for party time. I gathered from Pam's tone that he did love his job, the place and his colleagues. Though he ruefully admitted that there were just 6 females in their batch of 100-odd .Not that Pam is a champion of women's participation but he would have liked a bit more gender balance.
His talk then centred around a cute HR chick in the company (they only one) on whom the entire male junta had gone bonkers. She was on a short stay in the company to complete her PMP(post grad). A hundred hearts bled when she was later discovered in a coffee shop gettting cosy with her boyfriend..She left the company soon, so no big deal, he said!
I am happy for Pam. Pam, i feel, is on a mission to re-discover himself, exploring the fun-part of himself. The part of him which was in deep slumber during his pre-engineering days, when he was immersed deeply in calculus, organic chemistry, electromagnetism,IIT dreams and coaching classes. We partied in a smallish multiplex-cum-pub till 12.30..till we were absolutely sure that all of us were out of breath and there was no means of transport to take us to our place of stay. Even the last local had left! There were 10 of us including me,Pam,Pall and their work mates. We walked up to the main road and made up our minds to stop any passing lorry for lift. But it was a car which came to our rescue. Yeah u heard it right,CAR not CARS! All 10 of us go into it like mad cattle. I still dont remember which car it was, at that point we found such details pretty irrelevant. We just wanted to reach our place asap
(Ah..I know wat u r still thinkin..how 10 in one car? Sorry cant divulge details.)..
When we reached our destination i picked myself up with great difficulty. I was virtually squashed to pulp under 2-3 big butts and to say that it was excruciating pain would be an understatement.
Pam shares his flat with a guy who lives to sleep all day. The only indication of his "awakening" ,pam said, was when a female's (his girl's) voice came from his room.And that too only thursday mornings when she came to meet him.
The next day was spent roaming in the city with pam and 3 of his friends from mumbai. It had started to rain heavily and we were drenched to the core. The roaming included a trip to one of the prime CAT coaching classes in city since Pam had to kickstart his CAT-prep somehow with the help of a suitable test-series for a reasonable fee.
The lady at the desk greeted us with a smile and later found herself at the recieving end of Pam's bargaining tactics usually reserved for vegetable vendors,which included some intermittent sweet talk as well.It was a cat-n-mouse game being played and finally it was Pam who had to conceede defeat. But Pam's attempts at informal talk seemed to have aroused a sense of regret in her that she was just an ordinary graduate, having worked in this god-forsaken coaching centre for 7 years.
We then caught up with the latest movie "Partner" ,typical of the "Govinda timepass" genre. We were thoroughly exhausted by the time we reached the colony at around 11.
Amazing how company life can change you n ur habits; Pam was up by 7 the next day! He always carries to work a bag which has a John Grisham in it...lol..
He dropped me at the bus stop on his way to work as I bid adieu.
Regards
Vishwesh
Friday, June 29, 2007
Mumbai mayhem
10 hrs! 10 hrs its been raining unabated as i just peep out from the glass windows. No signs of a let-up watsoever as the roads,streets,shops n buildings take a battering.When it rains, it comes down really hard, in buckets.
The ghosts of 26/7 still havent died and each moment of that eventful day still remains deeply etched in peoples' minds. Ask anyone and he/she will have a story of theirs to tell u. Stranded 18 hrs on a flyover, fished out using ropes or spending half a day on the roof of a BEST bus..all this sounds like such bedtime story material, doesnt it??
'Its nothing new in Mumbai' you may argue ;doesnt it wreak havoc in the city every year? Fair say, 30-50 cm of rainfall a day is perfectly fine here, though at times, it may go to a 100. The city drains getting clogged are pretty normal .People wading through waist-high water at places is quite a common sight. Road transport is hit a bit. Local Trains run 15 min late (yeah if that happens in mumbai then u r absolutely sure that the city is facing a terrible downpour). Trade suffers. Houses are flooded. Money worth crores is washed away in no time. And people take refuge in their places of work for days, till the office canteens show signs of famine.
And still the people keep their mouths shut. No one cries for help. No one cribs or cries like cyclone or tsunami victims. See..havent u studied in school that 'Silence is golden' (or is it silver?))!! See.. there's not even a demand for a relief package of a cr rupees like other places (v wont get it anyways, so no big deal). Because ,u see, there's nothing new..yeh sab toh hota rehta hain yaar har saal." All this for a city which boasts of contributing a third to the country's exchequer.
And the reason why all this isnt new is because we have got so f****ng used to this life thanks to our "chalta hain" attitude and resilience infinitum.
Flood or blasts, in mumbai, we practise something called " The Art of surviving" (no its different from " The art of living").Its not something practised or taught in yoga classes. Its done by normal mumbaikars quite subconsciously,daily in their lives. For instance ,fearlessly hanging out of a crowded fast-local with just a semblance of a finger-nail inside it (even a day after a train blast), living in a micro matchbox apartment for generations in a crowded suburb, evading a million potholes everyday, getting stuck in traffic snarls for hrs together etc etc.
Brand MUMBAI is remembered (Rather exploited) only on two occasions- one to showcase its role as the proverbial cash cow (its hard-earned money in the form of taxes obviously feeding the hungry vote banks in north india, feeding the sarkaari babus in delhi and making life comfortable for the thankless capital city, ).
And Secondly (most importantly) to talk about the courage and spirit shown by the brave mumbaikar who stares calamity in the face and battles against all odds even as the whole system struggles to come to terms . The "salaam mumbai" rhetoric is sung by babus (when what the city really needs is something more substantial) and then all's well.After all the mayhem as died down, life resumes as normal for the common man in the city, the very next day itself or the very next week in the worst of circumstances. As if nothin really happened!
Fverything is forgotten....till the next calamity strikes. Meanwhile, plans to transform Mumbai to Shanghai are drawn out. And we thought that the whole Shanghai fixation was just one of those over-ambitious,candy-floss dreams that our leaders get from time to time! 'Modelling Mumbai on Shanghai lines' they say.
Interesting, it seems, Mumbai has six sister cities in different parts of the world (maximum permitted by the Indian government).
Yeah, six really hot sisters!!
They are: Berlin, London, Los Angeles, Saint Petersburg, Stuttgart and Yokohama (Shanghai is not one of them incase you were looking for it!).
Hmm.. for the moment, modelling the city is the last thing on our minds as every soul tries his/her best to keep indoors and admires the marauding rains, from the confines of their houses for isnt it supposed to be Mumbai's most romantic season.
Regards
Vishwesh
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
The "BOSS" of all films
Hmm..for a change, this monsoon, Rajini fever is spreading faster than chikungunya.One is reminded of the famous Enrique number, with slight modifications of course-
" You can run, You can hide but you can't escape the Sivaji bug.".
All the wait finally ended on the 15th of June as the superstar's banners and posters all over Tamil soil were bathed in gallons of milk(paal abhishekam).News channels momentarily took a break from their obsession for " President's poll (Read: Kaun Banega Rashtrapati?") and stopped to rave about the Superstar's new avataar.
You could see pictures of cinema theatres with queues running for miles, ones u normal encounter in Mumbai junior colleges during admission-time.They showed ticket vendors having a honeymoon time selling tickets for prices as high as a whopping 1000 bucks per ticket..woow!
And to top it all there were happy faces in the queue, amidst all the pulling n pushing ;guys taking utmost pride in the fact that they were in the queue from 1 in the morning and would asolutely kill to get a glimpse of the superstar in his brand new movie. Then there were those who said they had done part-time jobs to pay for their tickets and those who had just come from a night-shift... Enough proof to say that they were all Superstar's Die-hard fans. See,all this has got just one name. Fanaticism!! Its the max limit u can stretch yourself to, to show the cameraman that you well and truly swear by the man.
Then all the statistics books were opened for this was the costliest Indian film ever to be made and Rajni Saar the highest paid indian actor. Comparison between him and the Big B were drawn at will by the wily news channels eagerly wanting a lip-smacking North-South clash so that they could create fresh tamasha.
" I am the king, but he is the real emperor" said superstar in all humility to a channel,putting to rest all the hulabaloo.
US, UK, Australia and malaysia were no exception, we heard. They were absolutely taken by storm as the film assumed Tsunamic proportions. Regional box-offices and some of the bollywood flicks back home had no clue what hit them as they suffered a heavy pounding ." Jhoom Barabar Jhoom" would have been a super-duper flop anyway, so no big deal. "Oceans 13" is populated with just too many hunks. "Shrek-3" is just another sissy animation movie compared to the superstar's stunts and "Cheeni Kum" doesnt have high-voltage punch dialogues.
So, Sivaji- The Boss it was! and superstar had one more entrant into his fan club..hehehe..temporarily though
Regards
Vishwesh
The "BOSS" of all films-2
So..without much deliberation we went for the obvious choice- Sivaji-The BOSS (Bachelor Of Social Service, a change from the previous one which (for us)meant Brother Of Sexy Sisters). We encountered the usual Saturday shopping buzz at the mammoth Nirmal Lifestyles where there is a PVR. Timepass and hanging out (no,not shopping)in Mumbai has suddenely got a new definiton thanks to the numerous malls that have sprung up. But this one takes the cake. This is one place where the brands meet. For an ordinary man, a trip around the whole shopping space,especially the numerous cloth and food outlets (Mocha, Cafe Coffee day, tai-chi,pizza hut,only parathas,italian,chaat shops etc) more than makes up for his missed morning-walk.
We got the tickets for a princely sum of Rs 150. It was quite evident that the movie was a sell-out since the man at the counter politely tuned down my dad's request for a back-row seat and gave us centre seats in the 3rd row.My dad tried to make small talk in an effort to achieve the impossible- getting a concession over the tickets( for the pain of sitting in one of the front rows and sacrificing comfort).Instead he got two slit-sized cards,all glossy and colorful.
" What are these?" asked dad
" Well, we cant give you concessions, but you can win huge prizes in a lucky draw if you fill this up and put it into the drop-box after seeing the movie." said the man at the counter, rather amused.
I stuffed them up in my pocket as if they were empty toffee wrappers. We were already a bit late for the movie.
It was a typical Superstar movie. His "riches-to-rags-to-riches" formula worked wonders yet again as his previous movies. Lots of colour,flamboyance,masalaa and the subtle doses of comedy had the "madrasi" junta in the multiplex absolutely entertained.
The main-villain in tamil movies is diametrically opposite(in looks) to the ones we see in other languages. More often than not he is the only guy in the movie who is clean-shaven and all "gora gora(fair)" while the rest of his tribe sport unkempt facial hair and dark faces.
Well,as per the trend, tamil film heros(with moustaches ,of course) just seem to get darker and older whereas their sweethearts get fairer and younger (It always happens!!). Anyways, i guess,they are just out to prove the point that Opposites indeed attract.
The songs showed where most of the 80 cr was spent on (besides Superstar's fee, hairdressers and beauticians)
And yeah, before I forget, Superstar's histronics and his punch dialogues served as the perfect icing on the cake . His old cigarette-trick (Hang yourself if you dont know wat I am talking about!) has been replaced by the chewing gum trick. All he needs is a flat, reflecting surface for him to bounce the gum into his mouth perfectly, be it is hand or the villain's forehead(But isnt it supposed to be a gum and shouldnt it stick??).
Its no secret, there's no logic, only magic in Rajni Saar's movies! Then there is this 1-rupee coin which he plays table-tennis with it using the same hand, as if it were a ping-pong ball with zero gravity. And as only superstar can do, he uses the same coin to convert black money to white( no, not by painting it) and spends it for the people ,against all odds and gods.
His punch dialogues:
" Paera keta summa adhurudhu'la"
" When you hear my name you get the shivers, dont you?"
"COOOL...!!" (Most frequently used in the movie)
"Kanna, panninga dhaan kootama varum, singam single aa dhaan varum"
"Only pigs come in a group, the lion comes alone"
And if that fails to impress you ,he uses voice recognition as the password for accessing the info in his lappie.
"Hi buddy, Sivaji here.. KOOL!" That's the line!
And the strange creature replies "Hi shiv" each time. Koool !!
For a change, some of the "punches" were delivered by the comedian just to show that the Superstar was generous enough to give every person(actor) in tamil Nadu a chance to voice out "punches" and that he dint want it to be his monopoly of sorts..
"Punches" by the comedian were mostly the rhyming ones:
"Sixukku appuram seven da, Sivajikku appuram yevenda"
"After six there is seven, after Sivaji there is no one."
"Kuzhanthaigal paakrathu pogo, sivajikita vendaam go go"
"Children see pogo, dont take panga with Sivaji, go go!...hehehe nice one)
"Chittoor Thaandina Kaatpaadi, Sivajiya seendinaa Dead Body!"
"If you go beyond Chittoor you will reach Kaatpaadi, If you tease Sivaji you will become a Dead body!"
See, it had all the ingredients what an average man looks for in a movie- action, romance,comedy,style,dialogues,song and dance. Isnt that enough?
C'mon, movies are meant to entertain you after all!
And, I came out of the theatre with a satisfied,"Paisa Vasool!!" feeling after a li'l over 3 hrs of Superstar-entertainment.
KOOL...
Regards
Vishwesh
We got the tickets for a princely sum of Rs 150. It was quite evident that the movie was a sell-out since the man at the counter politely tuned down my dad's request for a back-row seat and gave us centre seats in the 3rd row.My dad tried to make small talk in an effort to achieve the impossible- getting a concession over the tickets( for the pain of sitting in one of the front rows and sacrificing comfort).Instead he got two slit-sized cards,all glossy and colorful.
" What are these?" asked dad
" Well, we cant give you concessions, but you can win huge prizes in a lucky draw if you fill this up and put it into the drop-box after seeing the movie." said the man at the counter, rather amused.
I stuffed them up in my pocket as if they were empty toffee wrappers. We were already a bit late for the movie.
It was a typical Superstar movie. His "riches-to-rags-to-riches" formula worked wonders yet again as his previous movies. Lots of colour,flamboyance,masalaa and the subtle doses of comedy had the "madrasi" junta in the multiplex absolutely entertained.
The main-villain in tamil movies is diametrically opposite(in looks) to the ones we see in other languages. More often than not he is the only guy in the movie who is clean-shaven and all "gora gora(fair)" while the rest of his tribe sport unkempt facial hair and dark faces.
Well,as per the trend, tamil film heros(with moustaches ,of course) just seem to get darker and older whereas their sweethearts get fairer and younger (It always happens!!). Anyways, i guess,they are just out to prove the point that Opposites indeed attract.
The songs showed where most of the 80 cr was spent on (besides Superstar's fee, hairdressers and beauticians)
And yeah, before I forget, Superstar's histronics and his punch dialogues served as the perfect icing on the cake . His old cigarette-trick (Hang yourself if you dont know wat I am talking about!) has been replaced by the chewing gum trick. All he needs is a flat, reflecting surface for him to bounce the gum into his mouth perfectly, be it is hand or the villain's forehead(But isnt it supposed to be a gum and shouldnt it stick??).
Its no secret, there's no logic, only magic in Rajni Saar's movies! Then there is this 1-rupee coin which he plays table-tennis with it using the same hand, as if it were a ping-pong ball with zero gravity. And as only superstar can do, he uses the same coin to convert black money to white( no, not by painting it) and spends it for the people ,against all odds and gods.
His punch dialogues:
" Paera keta summa adhurudhu'la"
" When you hear my name you get the shivers, dont you?"
"COOOL...!!" (Most frequently used in the movie)
"Kanna, panninga dhaan kootama varum, singam single aa dhaan varum"
"Only pigs come in a group, the lion comes alone"
And if that fails to impress you ,he uses voice recognition as the password for accessing the info in his lappie.
"Hi buddy, Sivaji here.. KOOL!" That's the line!
And the strange creature replies "Hi shiv" each time. Koool !!
For a change, some of the "punches" were delivered by the comedian just to show that the Superstar was generous enough to give every person(actor) in tamil Nadu a chance to voice out "punches" and that he dint want it to be his monopoly of sorts..
"Punches" by the comedian were mostly the rhyming ones:
"Sixukku appuram seven da, Sivajikku appuram yevenda"
"After six there is seven, after Sivaji there is no one."
"Kuzhanthaigal paakrathu pogo, sivajikita vendaam go go"
"Children see pogo, dont take panga with Sivaji, go go!...hehehe nice one)
"Chittoor Thaandina Kaatpaadi, Sivajiya seendinaa Dead Body!"
"If you go beyond Chittoor you will reach Kaatpaadi, If you tease Sivaji you will become a Dead body!"
See, it had all the ingredients what an average man looks for in a movie- action, romance,comedy,style,dialogues,song and dance. Isnt that enough?
C'mon, movies are meant to entertain you after all!
And, I came out of the theatre with a satisfied,"Paisa Vasool!!" feeling after a li'l over 3 hrs of Superstar-entertainment.
KOOL...
Regards
Vishwesh
Friday, June 15, 2007
Nittwits
"He is a silent,ever-smiling, sarcastic b*****d who loves tearing peoples' reputation to shreds with his blogs"
Hmmm (*enough adjectives used ,i guess)..Thats a very common opinion you would hear about me from most people in nitt. True enough, the 4-yr stay in the vast campus had given me enough to write about. But like most people, the senthu( senti + enthu) got to me in the last month of our final sem. The same things that we had complained n cribbed about all these years now became elements which aroused and added dollops of 'senti' (nostalgia) in us. There was hectic frenzy all around as Reminiscence videos and pictures constantly circulated in the hostel lans. There were pictures of us in fake "study" postures, us in the depts n labs(yes, at least for once we had to show our parents bak home that their money wasnt going waste),pics of us at the roof-top,tree-tops,at 3-star hotels ..we were everywhere. Treats had now become as common a feature in our lives as bread for breakfast, much to an extent that we longed for mess food sometimes. Job-treats, get-togethers,wing-treats, dept-treats, hostel treats, timepass-treats..they just assumed different names but the objective was the same - To make the most of whatever little time was left, with our mates before we passed out of the insti and went different ways. And it all ended on the 15th of may,as I vacated my room and transferred all my belongings into the rickshaw and bid farewell to the college and my friends. As anticipated, it took quite some time for me to digest the whole "getting out" feeling. 4 eventful years have gone by and dvds (or comps) filled with college photos n videos are the only real snippets of reminiscence left with many of us. One thing which most of us wont forget is the nitt college lingo which was part n parcel of our lives 'in' there. These are just a few specimen words from my nitt lexicon.
Chaat ( ch'aat', the number of a's in "chaat" actually gives out the intensity of chaaat one is subjected to (chaatitude) )- Used to describe someone who is well accomplished in the field of dry humour to an extent that you tear your hair in frustration n start screaming, a PJist or someone who can keep talking endlessly. Quite easily the most frequently used word in daily nitt conversations. Used as a noun, verb, adjective. Normally all class lectures are classified chaaaat!
Eg: Abey chaat mat! (verb)
F**k u , chaat b*****d! (adjective)
Man, how can u be such a chaat! (noun)
Qjaada (Jaa'daa', the q is just for timepass. its silent actually)- brimming with too much atti. Mostly used when talking about juniors
( "The guy has just too much 'qjaada'. We need to increase his score.")
Score- an outrageously crazy system put in place to measure the number of hits a hapless junior gets (for no fault of his).
Junior to other junior:" Look (gleefully showing his cheeks swollen like a fulka on the pan)!! my score is 200,its definitely more than yours)
Kela- ( K'laa', dont confuse with banana because the meaning is completely different )- a failure, alternatively used for a situation where things dont work out the way u wanted and hoplessly become worse.
("another kela for me! 5 kelas in 5 interviews! great going")
funti- girlfriend or someone who can be remotely termed so
funti - male version of the above
Dosa - (dont confuse with the south indian dish) dean of student affairs
coe- (pronounced as 'koi' or just C O E)the richest person in college thanks to numerous students' exam paper re-evaluation applications, transcript and grade card requests( along with the cash..i forgot)
cycles- Once in a month phenomenon. short for cycle tests.
afty- (aaf' tee')- still not sure about the spelling (whether its halfty or afty). It basically means that your day ends with the lunch break coz there r no classes after it.Afty can be a matter of pride especially when there are inter-dept clashes on the issue of which dept really works its ass out.
mornty- (mon' tee')- A situation where there r no classes in the morning and the day begins after lunch.
Fulty- (full' tee')- mornty + halfty - classes. Ok fine, its a weekday holiday!
supple (sapp' lee')- Another chance to screw up your grades. Arrears as they call it
baap/maa- one who chaats u, guides u, bugs u with useless advice, n basically gets to boss u around(during the first yr) just beacause you commited the cardinal sin of writing the aieee a year after him/her,from the same state as him/her and choose the same branch as his/her.
beta/beti - Someone who feels the same about u.
potha/pothi- part of the hierarchy
parpotha/parpothi- last in the hierarchy.
maal- Something nice to the eyes,, eye candy!
dog-rice- (the mess annas have a name for it- Pulav) a saturday-nite delicacy served in each n every mess across nitt campus.A must-eat for anyone visiting the campus. Every nittian had eaten it at least once (the only one time). This 'nitt special' comprises of undercooked rice and a generous sprinkling of vegetables, with a brownish-gold color to it.
PBM - Short for Paneer butter masala (also the conveniently modified name of a certain hostel deputy-warden)
barotta - No, not a failed attempt at pronouncing paratha. Its the staple diet of Tamil Nadu. The phrase " roti, kapda, makaan" can be suitably modified as " barota, lungi aur makaan"
dew lime - Water + Ice +Mountain dew + Lemon juice ( Pateneted by the roadside gate annas).
Rem - short for Reminiscence. A rem book and rem video are the highlights of the final sem.
Senti- (Sen'tee') the feeling of nostalgia. If the things that you loved to hate all these years bring tears to your eyes, then you are feeling reaally "senti"!!
Regards
Vishwesh
Hmmm (*enough adjectives used ,i guess)..Thats a very common opinion you would hear about me from most people in nitt. True enough, the 4-yr stay in the vast campus had given me enough to write about. But like most people, the senthu( senti + enthu) got to me in the last month of our final sem. The same things that we had complained n cribbed about all these years now became elements which aroused and added dollops of 'senti' (nostalgia) in us. There was hectic frenzy all around as Reminiscence videos and pictures constantly circulated in the hostel lans. There were pictures of us in fake "study" postures, us in the depts n labs(yes, at least for once we had to show our parents bak home that their money wasnt going waste),pics of us at the roof-top,tree-tops,at 3-star hotels ..we were everywhere. Treats had now become as common a feature in our lives as bread for breakfast, much to an extent that we longed for mess food sometimes. Job-treats, get-togethers,wing-treats, dept-treats, hostel treats, timepass-treats..they just assumed different names but the objective was the same - To make the most of whatever little time was left, with our mates before we passed out of the insti and went different ways. And it all ended on the 15th of may,as I vacated my room and transferred all my belongings into the rickshaw and bid farewell to the college and my friends. As anticipated, it took quite some time for me to digest the whole "getting out" feeling. 4 eventful years have gone by and dvds (or comps) filled with college photos n videos are the only real snippets of reminiscence left with many of us. One thing which most of us wont forget is the nitt college lingo which was part n parcel of our lives 'in' there. These are just a few specimen words from my nitt lexicon.
Chaat ( ch'aat', the number of a's in "chaat" actually gives out the intensity of chaaat one is subjected to (chaatitude) )- Used to describe someone who is well accomplished in the field of dry humour to an extent that you tear your hair in frustration n start screaming, a PJist or someone who can keep talking endlessly. Quite easily the most frequently used word in daily nitt conversations. Used as a noun, verb, adjective. Normally all class lectures are classified chaaaat!
Eg: Abey chaat mat! (verb)
F**k u , chaat b*****d! (adjective)
Man, how can u be such a chaat! (noun)
Qjaada (Jaa'daa', the q is just for timepass. its silent actually)- brimming with too much atti. Mostly used when talking about juniors
( "The guy has just too much 'qjaada'. We need to increase his score.")
Score- an outrageously crazy system put in place to measure the number of hits a hapless junior gets (for no fault of his).
Junior to other junior:" Look (gleefully showing his cheeks swollen like a fulka on the pan)!! my score is 200,its definitely more than yours)
Kela- ( K'laa', dont confuse with banana because the meaning is completely different )- a failure, alternatively used for a situation where things dont work out the way u wanted and hoplessly become worse.
("another kela for me! 5 kelas in 5 interviews! great going")
funti- girlfriend or someone who can be remotely termed so
funti - male version of the above
Dosa - (dont confuse with the south indian dish) dean of student affairs
coe- (pronounced as 'koi' or just C O E)the richest person in college thanks to numerous students' exam paper re-evaluation applications, transcript and grade card requests( along with the cash..i forgot)
cycles- Once in a month phenomenon. short for cycle tests.
afty- (aaf' tee')- still not sure about the spelling (whether its halfty or afty). It basically means that your day ends with the lunch break coz there r no classes after it.Afty can be a matter of pride especially when there are inter-dept clashes on the issue of which dept really works its ass out.
mornty- (mon' tee')- A situation where there r no classes in the morning and the day begins after lunch.
Fulty- (full' tee')- mornty + halfty - classes. Ok fine, its a weekday holiday!
supple (sapp' lee')- Another chance to screw up your grades. Arrears as they call it
baap/maa- one who chaats u, guides u, bugs u with useless advice, n basically gets to boss u around(during the first yr) just beacause you commited the cardinal sin of writing the aieee a year after him/her,from the same state as him/her and choose the same branch as his/her.
beta/beti - Someone who feels the same about u.
potha/pothi- part of the hierarchy
parpotha/parpothi- last in the hierarchy.
maal- Something nice to the eyes,, eye candy!
dog-rice- (the mess annas have a name for it- Pulav) a saturday-nite delicacy served in each n every mess across nitt campus.A must-eat for anyone visiting the campus. Every nittian had eaten it at least once (the only one time). This 'nitt special' comprises of undercooked rice and a generous sprinkling of vegetables, with a brownish-gold color to it.
PBM - Short for Paneer butter masala (also the conveniently modified name of a certain hostel deputy-warden)
barotta - No, not a failed attempt at pronouncing paratha. Its the staple diet of Tamil Nadu. The phrase " roti, kapda, makaan" can be suitably modified as " barota, lungi aur makaan"
dew lime - Water + Ice +Mountain dew + Lemon juice ( Pateneted by the roadside gate annas).
Rem - short for Reminiscence. A rem book and rem video are the highlights of the final sem.
Senti- (Sen'tee') the feeling of nostalgia. If the things that you loved to hate all these years bring tears to your eyes, then you are feeling reaally "senti"!!
Regards
Vishwesh
Friday, May 04, 2007
RaaRaa
Quarter to 3! I was at the xerox shop staring at the empty glass bottles on the juicy table.The xerox anna instantly recogonized me as the guy who took 31 cpc copies daily and laid out 2 bundles of 31 copies each and with it the bill which read 219. What I had was a soiled 100 rupee note. Even then i fumbled in my pockets just to show him i was searching for more cash. Obviously not finding it, i gestured that this was just wat i had. He returned an angry stare which suggested " you are going nowhere mate' as he advanced towards me. And then I woke up with a start as my cell phone buzzed with the all too familiar 'Dil chahta hain' ringtone.Wooow! take that for a monday morning dream.
Bundles of A4 sheets,xerox copies,cpcs for juniors and then evaluating the crap had become more than just a part of life as the cpc co-ordi. Dint take me long to figure out that I was actually learning more from the cpcs than the juniors.But most importantly it gave a huge breathing space to the guy who had made me co-ordi in the first place. RaaRaa! RaaRaa's sole motive behind this whole mission was to delay the inevitable (a blog on him)and he made no secret of his deadly conspiracy which he had hatched to dirupt my lovely blog life.
Now something on RaaRaa, the man, the self-proclaimed drunkard! A battered and bruised face resembling a minefield of pimples( which he soo desperately tries to cover with a mask of ponds talcum powder), a thin lean body which doesnt seem to get any fatter despite the numerous treats he extracts out of others, a false smile on his face make up this Sick-rep. RaaRaa is quite famous for his oratory skills. His speeches,mostly chaat ones concerning placement, companies,etc (wat more can u expect from a sick-rep?)are a hit in the meta dept especially when we need a change from the usual chaat dished out by the profs. But none can beat the one which propelled him to the post of Sick-rep (and later had his adversary in tears).
RaaRaa's entry into the A2 hall for a ppt is nothing short of an event.
He's suave, sophisticated, gentlemanly and his dressing sense is just enough to make people take notice of him.(all the above mentioned qualities were described in a Valentine's Day letter from a secret admirer of his. will come to that later). He gives his pimple-studded face a massage, his fingers running cheek-to-cheek feeling for every crest and trough on his face, his face tilted at an angle,( the same massage that a guy treats himself to in a shaving-razor commercial) quite subconsciuosly though for almost 10 minutes continuously. He surveys the hall at 9.00am (the time when most ppts are scheduled). Seeing it half empty ,much to his disappointment,he strides out with the air of a busy executive. The only misfit here is his vintage 1100. Then the all too familiar "godfather" ringtone can be heard
His first crush
Contrary to his 'prfoessional' image in the tp, RaaRaa is quite a couch-potato in the hostel. Football ranks number one on RaaRaa's interests. All thanks to the love of his life. The one whom he finds absolutley irresristble and bewitching. None other than fernando morientus!! It was love at first sight and from that moment he had made up his mind that if he were to lose his heart to someone it would be this hot dude. His fanaticism(love)reached dangerous proprtions at times.His swelling Octa printing charges nothwithstanding he filled his room with morientus color printouts day in and day out and would keep staring at the posters all day fantasising about him n FM.
Not long ago football took a backseat and he switched over to the cricket world cup. Now what would you call a person who placed a wager on England saying they will win the cricket world cup? Wouldnt sound anything near a reasonable bet even if it was the soccer world cup!! Well, RaaRaa by no means is part of the Barmy Army if you thought so and even if he was one he would be the only one left! Come an England match he sits with his eyes glued to the comp or the laptop stolen from kaly's room. Dont be fooled by his analysis and comments (The types you usually encounter in post match sessions). His knowledge of cricket is as good as Mandira's if not worse.You cant miss out the permutations and combination he works out to suitably convince ppl around him that englands passage into the semis would be no fairy tale
" England will sweep SA,
They will absolutely steamroll ireland and Bangladesh and then make light work of Srilanka. See! not a problem at all"
You remind him that SL and SA are quality teams in world cricket and you can hear him singing hymns in the praise of Kevin peterson and James Anderson. Dont be surprised if you hear a sudden vociferous roar of " England" or " Michael Vaughan" arms raised in the "Hail Fuehrer" way(A cup of beer in his hand and you would be absolutely sure that RaaRaa is english). Unfortunately RaaRaa's hopes were smashed to smitheerens. Quite frankly not a single soul expected the English to blast their way past their opponents into the semis, the way RaaRaa predicted they would. On the contrary England stumbled at the super eight stage itself and RaaRaa switched loyalties to New Zealand to avoid being the laughing stock in our hostel-wing (which he ultimatley did become.). New Zealand ended up losing its semi final match. All this led us to conlcude that on a day if RaaRaa declared himself unofficial cheerleader for a team, the team was destined to bite the dust on that given day.
One of RaaRaa's strengths is his treat-extracting techniques. He is highly skilled enough to convert "dutch treats" into treats for himself despite having notes stuffed in his pocket. As promised here is the letter he recieved.
RaaRaa's Valentine's day letter
Dear RaaRaa,
Please dont think this is just another Valentine's day card proxy and tear it off. Its a piece of my heart that I am offering you in the form of a wrethced piece of paper stuffed in an envelope. Its been long since we met.Rather we havent met in person but u are always there in my dreams.You are soo smart, sophisticated, suave and your dressing sense is amazing. Makes me wonder whether they are really yours.
I have also heard that you are a really brave man and everyone who stands up against you is nothing more than an insignificant 'INSECT' to you !! I have never felt like this about a guy before.
But it seems you have too much of a pimple problem. Deja Vu I should say!! I ll give u a acne pimple cream as a valentine gift. Dont worry.
And it seems we will be working in the same company and place. Have you started searching for a home for "us" in Banglore?? Do tell me asap if you do. I can be your college mate,company mate,...(fill in the blanks)etc etc all in one. I think it will be fun being together. Recently i have come across rumours saying that you booze a lot these days(Devdas style) and people are attributing it to a certain failed love-affair. Well, now that I will joining you in another 2 months you will have no problems forgetting her (I know who she is ! i know who she is!).
Also please please for Heaven's sake change your cell phone and that irritating ringtone of yours. Its doesnt look like one anymore. There are a lot many other things said about you. But i am not the least embarrased by what people around me say because I like you.
Lets have a candle-light dinner at Jenny's today.
Signing off
Yours lovingly
your ValentinEEE
P.S: I am not paying for the dinner tonight.
Regards
Vishwesh
Bundles of A4 sheets,xerox copies,cpcs for juniors and then evaluating the crap had become more than just a part of life as the cpc co-ordi. Dint take me long to figure out that I was actually learning more from the cpcs than the juniors.But most importantly it gave a huge breathing space to the guy who had made me co-ordi in the first place. RaaRaa! RaaRaa's sole motive behind this whole mission was to delay the inevitable (a blog on him)and he made no secret of his deadly conspiracy which he had hatched to dirupt my lovely blog life.
Now something on RaaRaa, the man, the self-proclaimed drunkard! A battered and bruised face resembling a minefield of pimples( which he soo desperately tries to cover with a mask of ponds talcum powder), a thin lean body which doesnt seem to get any fatter despite the numerous treats he extracts out of others, a false smile on his face make up this Sick-rep. RaaRaa is quite famous for his oratory skills. His speeches,mostly chaat ones concerning placement, companies,etc (wat more can u expect from a sick-rep?)are a hit in the meta dept especially when we need a change from the usual chaat dished out by the profs. But none can beat the one which propelled him to the post of Sick-rep (and later had his adversary in tears).
RaaRaa's entry into the A2 hall for a ppt is nothing short of an event.
He's suave, sophisticated, gentlemanly and his dressing sense is just enough to make people take notice of him.(all the above mentioned qualities were described in a Valentine's Day letter from a secret admirer of his. will come to that later). He gives his pimple-studded face a massage, his fingers running cheek-to-cheek feeling for every crest and trough on his face, his face tilted at an angle,( the same massage that a guy treats himself to in a shaving-razor commercial) quite subconsciuosly though for almost 10 minutes continuously. He surveys the hall at 9.00am (the time when most ppts are scheduled). Seeing it half empty ,much to his disappointment,he strides out with the air of a busy executive. The only misfit here is his vintage 1100. Then the all too familiar "godfather" ringtone can be heard
His first crush
Contrary to his 'prfoessional' image in the tp, RaaRaa is quite a couch-potato in the hostel. Football ranks number one on RaaRaa's interests. All thanks to the love of his life. The one whom he finds absolutley irresristble and bewitching. None other than fernando morientus!! It was love at first sight and from that moment he had made up his mind that if he were to lose his heart to someone it would be this hot dude. His fanaticism(love)reached dangerous proprtions at times.His swelling Octa printing charges nothwithstanding he filled his room with morientus color printouts day in and day out and would keep staring at the posters all day fantasising about him n FM.
Not long ago football took a backseat and he switched over to the cricket world cup. Now what would you call a person who placed a wager on England saying they will win the cricket world cup? Wouldnt sound anything near a reasonable bet even if it was the soccer world cup!! Well, RaaRaa by no means is part of the Barmy Army if you thought so and even if he was one he would be the only one left! Come an England match he sits with his eyes glued to the comp or the laptop stolen from kaly's room. Dont be fooled by his analysis and comments (The types you usually encounter in post match sessions). His knowledge of cricket is as good as Mandira's if not worse.You cant miss out the permutations and combination he works out to suitably convince ppl around him that englands passage into the semis would be no fairy tale
" England will sweep SA,
They will absolutely steamroll ireland and Bangladesh and then make light work of Srilanka. See! not a problem at all"
You remind him that SL and SA are quality teams in world cricket and you can hear him singing hymns in the praise of Kevin peterson and James Anderson. Dont be surprised if you hear a sudden vociferous roar of " England" or " Michael Vaughan" arms raised in the "Hail Fuehrer" way(A cup of beer in his hand and you would be absolutely sure that RaaRaa is english). Unfortunately RaaRaa's hopes were smashed to smitheerens. Quite frankly not a single soul expected the English to blast their way past their opponents into the semis, the way RaaRaa predicted they would. On the contrary England stumbled at the super eight stage itself and RaaRaa switched loyalties to New Zealand to avoid being the laughing stock in our hostel-wing (which he ultimatley did become.). New Zealand ended up losing its semi final match. All this led us to conlcude that on a day if RaaRaa declared himself unofficial cheerleader for a team, the team was destined to bite the dust on that given day.
One of RaaRaa's strengths is his treat-extracting techniques. He is highly skilled enough to convert "dutch treats" into treats for himself despite having notes stuffed in his pocket. As promised here is the letter he recieved.
RaaRaa's Valentine's day letter
Dear RaaRaa,
Please dont think this is just another Valentine's day card proxy and tear it off. Its a piece of my heart that I am offering you in the form of a wrethced piece of paper stuffed in an envelope. Its been long since we met.Rather we havent met in person but u are always there in my dreams.You are soo smart, sophisticated, suave and your dressing sense is amazing. Makes me wonder whether they are really yours.
I have also heard that you are a really brave man and everyone who stands up against you is nothing more than an insignificant 'INSECT' to you !! I have never felt like this about a guy before.
But it seems you have too much of a pimple problem. Deja Vu I should say!! I ll give u a acne pimple cream as a valentine gift. Dont worry.
And it seems we will be working in the same company and place. Have you started searching for a home for "us" in Banglore?? Do tell me asap if you do. I can be your college mate,company mate,...(fill in the blanks)etc etc all in one. I think it will be fun being together. Recently i have come across rumours saying that you booze a lot these days(Devdas style) and people are attributing it to a certain failed love-affair. Well, now that I will joining you in another 2 months you will have no problems forgetting her (I know who she is ! i know who she is!).
Also please please for Heaven's sake change your cell phone and that irritating ringtone of yours. Its doesnt look like one anymore. There are a lot many other things said about you. But i am not the least embarrased by what people around me say because I like you.
Lets have a candle-light dinner at Jenny's today.
Signing off
Yours lovingly
your ValentinEEE
P.S: I am not paying for the dinner tonight.
Regards
Vishwesh
Sunday, April 08, 2007
RaaRaa Kaise Na Jale !!
Raaraa came along as a guy who was the least attracted to the fairer sex. He had never spoken to girls before, never even indulged in 'roasting groundnuts'(an obvious fact since he came from chennai, india's most conservative city).
He maintained status-quo till,would you believe it, the 6th sem( some even classified him as a misogynist). But the sick-rep job opened new avenues for frustoo raaraa leading him to discover his masculine self.
The need to shrug off his loneliness and change his orkut profile
to committed intensified. The strong feeling of compnaionship was just so hard to
resist.He threw caution to the winds and stepped down from his self-
imposed bondage, to woo females. And what better place than the tp.
( Hereafter, RaaRaa's crush will be referred to as plain "she" and her boyfriend " he". Sorry cant use names. This has been done to avoid any (further) damage to raaraa's image in tp).
She evoked street-corner whistles and made heads turn wherever she set foot."She" in contrast to raaraa had a treasure of males to choose from. "He" was the prized one among them. . The two of them could be seen hanging out at just every place in the campus hand-in-hand.
But raaraa with a saintly smile, both brush off all rumors of, saying " They are just friends. She will never go out with anyone else. Coz she was, is and will always be mine."
Slowly and steadily she turned raw material for most of raaraa's dreams as he fantasised holding hands with her, floating about, running around trees. Friendship(supposed) turned into admiration. Admiration into love. And love into lust!!But raaraa's high- flying fanatasies were brought down crashing to earth one evening. It was that evening when raaraa had decided enough was enough. Dreams needed to be translated into reality. It was in a way a perfect setting, just the two
of them caught inside tp, heavy rains outside . But,Raaraa was head deep in alcohol.Still it wasn't alcohol blinding him as much as love.
raaraa: (clearing his throat) ah. (coughing)...hic..(tries his best to control the hiccups, but is helpless)
she: (No response as she tried hard to pull out the xerox copies out off the
dabba tp xerox machine)
Raaraa: (clueless wat to do next, coughs; this time a bit louder)
she: (concerned look on her face) oh, do u have a bad throat. (fumbles in her
purse for a 'halls'). Here take this and you will be fine.
raaraa: (stumbles along to to her side) ah..hic.. hic....I wanted to
hic..tell ...hic..you
She: (covers her nose) you are drunk, raaraa. How many times have i told you
not to steal money from my purse to drink?
raaraa: (holds his head, shakes it twice. but the alcohol wont leave him alone)
Sooorry.. sorry..I (staggers). I... just had ...hic ..8 legs..sorry..(voiced reduces
to a mumble) 8 pegs and washed it down with some ...hic..vodka. Whats wrong in it?
raaraa, by this time had staggered enough to get closer to her, he stumbled, rather appeared to,and clutched the unassuming girl's hand for support. Even though she found the smell of alcohol from his mouth on her face excruciatingly uneasy , she dragged the drunkard along to the nearest sofa.
raaraa: (still mumbling, as he lay on the couch, still clutching her soft
hands)you know why i got drunk??
she: (trying hard to free her hand from his grasp) its obvious. You must have
gone with your fellow drunkards; i mean fellow sick-reps. Sorry ,slip of the
tongue.
Raaraa: (eyes half closed, smile) its ok.. yar.. its verrry ...hic..ook. Hey those
dumbasses.. don know how to drink thats why I give them a...hic..crash course everyday. Look at me. I m soo ...hic ..hicc..controllled. I always booze responsibly. An occasional ..hic..boooze once .hic..every 2 days.
she: (still cant help the smell) That I can see for!! Shame on you!!! I m appalled. At least spend your own money on the booze. Stop stealing money or taking booze treats.
Disgusting!!!
raaraa: (big drunkard's laugh, although it sounded artificial) money..comes now ..hic....goes tomorrow.. wats the use of having it in the wallet (eyes still closed).
raaraa: I want to tell you some..something (closes his eyes). I.. dont..hic..
(pause)..know how.. how.. tooo hic...say it..
Papa ney kaha cigarette chod do, chod diya
Doston ney kaha treat lena chod do,chod diya
Tum keh rahi ho sharab chod do, almost chod diya
Kal koi kahe " duniya chod do" toh main kya karoonga??
( Literal Translation:
Dad said "quit smoking", I quit
Friends said " quit taking treats from others", I quit
You tell me " Quit drinking", I almost quit
What if someone says " Quit the world?" )
She stood shell-shocked,,expressionless, rock-solid. For a moment the world seemed to have come screeching to an indefinite halt. Raaraa meanwhile was half out of the couch, hanging out of it local-train style,eyes half open, smiling to himself as if the whole poem was an original.(actually some part of it was straight out of Devdas)
she: (her face now changed to normal as she flashed a smile): Wow!! what a line. It
rhymed perfectly. you say poems even when u r drunk. But I have a feeling I have heard it somewhere before.
Raaraa looked confused. This reaction of her's wasnt remotely close to wat he had
expected.He was either expecting brickbats or roses!!
She: raaraa you are such a good guy, even though u r such a culprit.U r someone whom
i have always looked to for support.
Raaraa's joy knew no bounds. He opened his mouth in jubiliation, only to see her move her face away and cover her nose.
She: (now holding his hand, sending a 1000-watt shiver down RaaRaa's spine)
raaraa: (shaking his head) yeah? Yeah? go on?
she: I have a surprise for you. She pulled out something from her purse.
raaraa: Yes yes show it (really desperate now, all the booze seem to have evaporated all of a sudden)
She: (sound effect) Tan..Da..Daaan. her it comes out!! Guess what??
Just a sec! It took just one second for RaaRaa's expression to go from extreme ecstasy to the deep depression when he saw the 'surprise'. A silky, shiny and colourful surprise it was. He was shattered!!
She: Here's a nice Raakhi for you!!! Happy RakshaBandhan to my dear little kid brother RaaRaa!
RaaRaa's face fell!! Did she really say Dear little KID BROTHER(kid brother-
highlighted, bold, italicised, emphasized...)!!
Oh no!! the words rang in his ears for the next few minutes.
"Happy RakshaBandhan to my dear little kid brother RaaRaa!" (Echo Effect!)
She could well have stabbed him with a knife or strangled him. He pinched himself just to make sure it wasnt one of the real bad dreams (ones featuring his fellow sick-reps). How he wished he had stayed drunk a little longer so that he wouldnt have heard her. How could she ever do this to him?? All those "flower and bee" dreams that he had seen all these days were after all just screen-saver material. He was heart-broken. He couldnt swallow the lump in his throat; it had grown football size.
she: Kya hua? Dont u like it? its from me your big sister!u were shocked naa?
surprise surprise!! Why r u crying??
raaraa: (melodrama spilling over) ya.. yes it is a real surprise.. (wiping of
his tears) Pagli,Yeh toh khushi key aasoon hain (fool,these are tears of joy)!
That night seemed like an eternity. Those words still rang like a bell in his ears. He spent the next few months in solitude. Beer kept him company though he had graduated to gin by now. His marks dipped. His CGPA took a plunge. He spent each whole day listening to meodramatic a.r rahman and lucky ali tunes on the laptop stolen from kaly's room.
And if you are still wondering what happened next.. well..He spent some time in Alcholics Anonymous till he was fine.
Now, He's gone back to his old crush.
Fernando Morientes!!
Regards
Vishwesh
He maintained status-quo till,would you believe it, the 6th sem( some even classified him as a misogynist). But the sick-rep job opened new avenues for frustoo raaraa leading him to discover his masculine self.
The need to shrug off his loneliness and change his orkut profile
to committed intensified. The strong feeling of compnaionship was just so hard to
resist.He threw caution to the winds and stepped down from his self-
imposed bondage, to woo females. And what better place than the tp.
( Hereafter, RaaRaa's crush will be referred to as plain "she" and her boyfriend " he". Sorry cant use names. This has been done to avoid any (further) damage to raaraa's image in tp).
She evoked street-corner whistles and made heads turn wherever she set foot."She" in contrast to raaraa had a treasure of males to choose from. "He" was the prized one among them. . The two of them could be seen hanging out at just every place in the campus hand-in-hand.
But raaraa with a saintly smile, both brush off all rumors of, saying " They are just friends. She will never go out with anyone else. Coz she was, is and will always be mine."
Slowly and steadily she turned raw material for most of raaraa's dreams as he fantasised holding hands with her, floating about, running around trees. Friendship(supposed) turned into admiration. Admiration into love. And love into lust!!But raaraa's high- flying fanatasies were brought down crashing to earth one evening. It was that evening when raaraa had decided enough was enough. Dreams needed to be translated into reality. It was in a way a perfect setting, just the two
of them caught inside tp, heavy rains outside . But,Raaraa was head deep in alcohol.Still it wasn't alcohol blinding him as much as love.
raaraa: (clearing his throat) ah. (coughing)...hic..(tries his best to control the hiccups, but is helpless)
she: (No response as she tried hard to pull out the xerox copies out off the
dabba tp xerox machine)
Raaraa: (clueless wat to do next, coughs; this time a bit louder)
she: (concerned look on her face) oh, do u have a bad throat. (fumbles in her
purse for a 'halls'). Here take this and you will be fine.
raaraa: (stumbles along to to her side) ah..hic.. hic....I wanted to
hic..tell ...hic..you
She: (covers her nose) you are drunk, raaraa. How many times have i told you
not to steal money from my purse to drink?
raaraa: (holds his head, shakes it twice. but the alcohol wont leave him alone)
Sooorry.. sorry..I (staggers). I... just had ...hic ..8 legs..sorry..(voiced reduces
to a mumble) 8 pegs and washed it down with some ...hic..vodka. Whats wrong in it?
raaraa, by this time had staggered enough to get closer to her, he stumbled, rather appeared to,and clutched the unassuming girl's hand for support. Even though she found the smell of alcohol from his mouth on her face excruciatingly uneasy , she dragged the drunkard along to the nearest sofa.
raaraa: (still mumbling, as he lay on the couch, still clutching her soft
hands)you know why i got drunk??
she: (trying hard to free her hand from his grasp) its obvious. You must have
gone with your fellow drunkards; i mean fellow sick-reps. Sorry ,slip of the
tongue.
Raaraa: (eyes half closed, smile) its ok.. yar.. its verrry ...hic..ook. Hey those
dumbasses.. don know how to drink thats why I give them a...hic..crash course everyday. Look at me. I m soo ...hic ..hicc..controllled. I always booze responsibly. An occasional ..hic..boooze once .hic..every 2 days.
she: (still cant help the smell) That I can see for!! Shame on you!!! I m appalled. At least spend your own money on the booze. Stop stealing money or taking booze treats.
Disgusting!!!
raaraa: (big drunkard's laugh, although it sounded artificial) money..comes now ..hic....goes tomorrow.. wats the use of having it in the wallet (eyes still closed).
raaraa: I want to tell you some..something (closes his eyes). I.. dont..hic..
(pause)..know how.. how.. tooo hic...say it..
Papa ney kaha cigarette chod do, chod diya
Doston ney kaha treat lena chod do,chod diya
Tum keh rahi ho sharab chod do, almost chod diya
Kal koi kahe " duniya chod do" toh main kya karoonga??
( Literal Translation:
Dad said "quit smoking", I quit
Friends said " quit taking treats from others", I quit
You tell me " Quit drinking", I almost quit
What if someone says " Quit the world?" )
She stood shell-shocked,,expressionless, rock-solid. For a moment the world seemed to have come screeching to an indefinite halt. Raaraa meanwhile was half out of the couch, hanging out of it local-train style,eyes half open, smiling to himself as if the whole poem was an original.(actually some part of it was straight out of Devdas)
she: (her face now changed to normal as she flashed a smile): Wow!! what a line. It
rhymed perfectly. you say poems even when u r drunk. But I have a feeling I have heard it somewhere before.
Raaraa looked confused. This reaction of her's wasnt remotely close to wat he had
expected.He was either expecting brickbats or roses!!
She: raaraa you are such a good guy, even though u r such a culprit.U r someone whom
i have always looked to for support.
Raaraa's joy knew no bounds. He opened his mouth in jubiliation, only to see her move her face away and cover her nose.
She: (now holding his hand, sending a 1000-watt shiver down RaaRaa's spine)
raaraa: (shaking his head) yeah? Yeah? go on?
she: I have a surprise for you. She pulled out something from her purse.
raaraa: Yes yes show it (really desperate now, all the booze seem to have evaporated all of a sudden)
She: (sound effect) Tan..Da..Daaan. her it comes out!! Guess what??
Just a sec! It took just one second for RaaRaa's expression to go from extreme ecstasy to the deep depression when he saw the 'surprise'. A silky, shiny and colourful surprise it was. He was shattered!!
She: Here's a nice Raakhi for you!!! Happy RakshaBandhan to my dear little kid brother RaaRaa!
RaaRaa's face fell!! Did she really say Dear little KID BROTHER(kid brother-
highlighted, bold, italicised, emphasized...)!!
Oh no!! the words rang in his ears for the next few minutes.
"Happy RakshaBandhan to my dear little kid brother RaaRaa!" (Echo Effect!)
She could well have stabbed him with a knife or strangled him. He pinched himself just to make sure it wasnt one of the real bad dreams (ones featuring his fellow sick-reps). How he wished he had stayed drunk a little longer so that he wouldnt have heard her. How could she ever do this to him?? All those "flower and bee" dreams that he had seen all these days were after all just screen-saver material. He was heart-broken. He couldnt swallow the lump in his throat; it had grown football size.
she: Kya hua? Dont u like it? its from me your big sister!u were shocked naa?
surprise surprise!! Why r u crying??
raaraa: (melodrama spilling over) ya.. yes it is a real surprise.. (wiping of
his tears) Pagli,Yeh toh khushi key aasoon hain (fool,these are tears of joy)!
That night seemed like an eternity. Those words still rang like a bell in his ears. He spent the next few months in solitude. Beer kept him company though he had graduated to gin by now. His marks dipped. His CGPA took a plunge. He spent each whole day listening to meodramatic a.r rahman and lucky ali tunes on the laptop stolen from kaly's room.
And if you are still wondering what happened next.. well..He spent some time in Alcholics Anonymous till he was fine.
Now, He's gone back to his old crush.
Fernando Morientes!!
Regards
Vishwesh
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
The CATalysis which never was!
The day after the cat exam was a silent post-mortem. The exam never really matched our expectations and was unusually easy for
a guy who was cooling his heels till the previous day,celebrating the end of
the engg sem exams( 6 in 6 days) What made it even worse
was we were allowed to retain the test booklet. This meant that you still
felt the urge to open it, getting the occasional bouts of "did i mark the
wrong answer" feeling.
Sites flashed details of cut-offs and answer. Grr..I dont get this,What
sadistic pleasure do they get by doing all this?? I could sense eager iim-
aspirants all over the country gobbling up each n every detail from a certain
website( whose name when translated to hindi quite literally means 'mad'
guy).The number of attempts made by each guy was just demoralising, to say the
least.
Add to this the "cat is belled" headlines on every news-channel(right
from D-day), one of which had a reporter interviewing a hapless chap just
after the 2 n half hour grilling. He sounded a little a little too optimistic
(after claiming to have attempted 31). My mother sounded more upbeat about the
cat exam analysis( Read:catalysis) than me.This feeling was easily manifested
in the way she was surfing through news channels for more n more "cat news",
REMOTE CONTROL in hand(rarest of phenomena after Halley's comet).
Things eased out later. Thanks to various damage-control initiatives like
spending as much time with friends,away from home; switching to "everyday"
soaps on tv and not venturing anywhere near news channels and "cat"sites.
Then the day came when the three of us (jaj, pam, me) chalked out a plan to
watch the latest bond flick in town, 2 days after D-day. Since we were coming
from three different places,we chose a theatre which was the
nearest to the three of us. A movie in a theatre in mumbai after almost 5 months (in
wilderness) was the biggest relief on could hope for!!jaj and pam were there waiting for me with the
tickets. jaj looked different with his glasses on ,while pam..er..he looked
just the same(its his nose, i tell u!!). We had about 15 minutes before the
movie actually started. A conversation kicked off as we sipped on some cola(a
costly proposition at 45 bucks.Daylight robbery! You always have to make a face
that its all soo reasonably priced. Consumerism Murdabad!)
"Sheesh man.. screwed totally!!!" pat came pam's lament accompanied by a shake of the head!
I wondered what he was talking about. Infact, my initial thought was that he
was crying over the cola being overpriced. But when was the last time he
ever cried over food or drink. Something else was bothering him.
"What's it man?" jaj enquired.
"Man..I got screwed in the english section,I smashed quants and DI.I attempted
only 15 in english and I referred to the answer keys online. I am getting only
26."
Oh!! So it wasn't about the cola after all! it was about CAT! And
what a place to start a cat analysis(catalysis)session. From the
corner of my eye, i could sense a college couple already relishing our cat-
talk and they were finding it quite amusing.)
Me:( sounding genuinely concerned)" Pam, how much are you geting using the
time answer keys?"
pam:(sulks)"ONLY 143 yaar!! 28 in english, 47 in DI, 68 in
quants!
sheesh..I m so screwed!
(ONLY 143!! someone please tell this guy you dont repeat your cent-percent board-exam performance everywhere, max you get a 100% percantile, thats it!!!)
The college couple sitting at the table now looked really interested and
they watched every movement of pam as if he were a 9'0 clock sitcom show on
star TV.
Me: "Oh, only 143!! Sha..i m really sad for you! anyways, its ok, luck next
time. I am sure you'll do well.
jaj:(Performing his job of a sooth-sayer to perfection)" Hey champ, you
smashed quants and DI and you have a great gpa. So, who knows, you may get
calls from 3 IIM's, if not all 6."
pam:"Are you kidding? No chance! English turned out to be my nemesis, when I
expected it to be my main scoring area. And i got the test paper code 444
which had 2 wrong questions. both of them quants! God, (a slight laugh, more of a "why-is-it-always-me" chuckle) Everything went against me!
Damn pam!!He was at his loudest best now! The couple could burst with laughter any second now, at the sight of 3 geeks discussing answer keys
in a goddamn movie theatre.
jaj: "There wont be any re-test or scrapping of wrong Questions (much to the dismay of pam, pam's face fell). By the way,wat was the answer for the 2nd question in the quants section. The surds question.
Me:(fed up of all the talk now and acting completely uninterested) I think it was 2 or 3rd , not sure.
The 15 min ended and we were inside the dark theatre. the new
james bond did his bit of hero-giri, leaping and diving across multi-storeyed
buildings as if they were concrete srpingboards.I sat between jaj and pam still
sipping my cola.Then came the
intermission.
pam: "Nice movie, huh? different from the previous ones naa?
Me: ya, it is
jaj chipped in with his fundaas on the bond aston-martin, the bond martini, the bond gun, the bond suit and many other bond accesories.
pam:"Hey any of u guys giving the XAT exam?I wanted to fill in the details
online.?(It was quite clear by now, number 143 would give him many sleepless
nights.)
Me: What?? You mean,you you want to write XAT too
pam: Arre ,obviously yaar!! this is my last chance to prove myself.(chuckles)!
(last chance?? Grrr...people cant do away with the cat hangover, can they?)
Anwyays, the meet ended on a good note, as we had a snack in a nearby reastaurant near sion circle.
pam(after the snack): hey guys, please check your score using the answer keys and tell me?
jaj: (A very familiar picture of horror on his face) "F*** you, pam!!!You crazy or what??
I want it to be a suspense. I dont want to get depressed so early. I prefer to wait"
For the next few days, my orkut scrapbook attracted an avalanche of "did you bell the cat or not?" scraps.
All this prompted me to fled the city and run off to a place (100 km away from mumbai), totally cut off from the rest of the world and returned only after all the hullabaloo had died down.
Regards
Vishwesh
a guy who was cooling his heels till the previous day,celebrating the end of
the engg sem exams( 6 in 6 days) What made it even worse
was we were allowed to retain the test booklet. This meant that you still
felt the urge to open it, getting the occasional bouts of "did i mark the
wrong answer" feeling.
Sites flashed details of cut-offs and answer. Grr..I dont get this,What
sadistic pleasure do they get by doing all this?? I could sense eager iim-
aspirants all over the country gobbling up each n every detail from a certain
website( whose name when translated to hindi quite literally means 'mad'
guy).The number of attempts made by each guy was just demoralising, to say the
least.
Add to this the "cat is belled" headlines on every news-channel(right
from D-day), one of which had a reporter interviewing a hapless chap just
after the 2 n half hour grilling. He sounded a little a little too optimistic
(after claiming to have attempted 31). My mother sounded more upbeat about the
cat exam analysis( Read:catalysis) than me.This feeling was easily manifested
in the way she was surfing through news channels for more n more "cat news",
REMOTE CONTROL in hand(rarest of phenomena after Halley's comet).
Things eased out later. Thanks to various damage-control initiatives like
spending as much time with friends,away from home; switching to "everyday"
soaps on tv and not venturing anywhere near news channels and "cat"sites.
Then the day came when the three of us (jaj, pam, me) chalked out a plan to
watch the latest bond flick in town, 2 days after D-day. Since we were coming
from three different places,we chose a theatre which was the
nearest to the three of us. A movie in a theatre in mumbai after almost 5 months (in
wilderness) was the biggest relief on could hope for!!jaj and pam were there waiting for me with the
tickets. jaj looked different with his glasses on ,while pam..er..he looked
just the same(its his nose, i tell u!!). We had about 15 minutes before the
movie actually started. A conversation kicked off as we sipped on some cola(a
costly proposition at 45 bucks.Daylight robbery! You always have to make a face
that its all soo reasonably priced. Consumerism Murdabad!)
"Sheesh man.. screwed totally!!!" pat came pam's lament accompanied by a shake of the head!
I wondered what he was talking about. Infact, my initial thought was that he
was crying over the cola being overpriced. But when was the last time he
ever cried over food or drink. Something else was bothering him.
"What's it man?" jaj enquired.
"Man..I got screwed in the english section,I smashed quants and DI.I attempted
only 15 in english and I referred to the answer keys online. I am getting only
26."
Oh!! So it wasn't about the cola after all! it was about CAT! And
what a place to start a cat analysis(catalysis)session. From the
corner of my eye, i could sense a college couple already relishing our cat-
talk and they were finding it quite amusing.)
Me:( sounding genuinely concerned)" Pam, how much are you geting using the
time answer keys?"
pam:(sulks)"ONLY 143 yaar!! 28 in english, 47 in DI, 68 in
quants!
sheesh..I m so screwed!
(ONLY 143!! someone please tell this guy you dont repeat your cent-percent board-exam performance everywhere, max you get a 100% percantile, thats it!!!)
The college couple sitting at the table now looked really interested and
they watched every movement of pam as if he were a 9'0 clock sitcom show on
star TV.
Me: "Oh, only 143!! Sha..i m really sad for you! anyways, its ok, luck next
time. I am sure you'll do well.
jaj:(Performing his job of a sooth-sayer to perfection)" Hey champ, you
smashed quants and DI and you have a great gpa. So, who knows, you may get
calls from 3 IIM's, if not all 6."
pam:"Are you kidding? No chance! English turned out to be my nemesis, when I
expected it to be my main scoring area. And i got the test paper code 444
which had 2 wrong questions. both of them quants! God, (a slight laugh, more of a "why-is-it-always-me" chuckle) Everything went against me!
Damn pam!!He was at his loudest best now! The couple could burst with laughter any second now, at the sight of 3 geeks discussing answer keys
in a goddamn movie theatre.
jaj: "There wont be any re-test or scrapping of wrong Questions (much to the dismay of pam, pam's face fell). By the way,wat was the answer for the 2nd question in the quants section. The surds question.
Me:(fed up of all the talk now and acting completely uninterested) I think it was 2 or 3rd , not sure.
The 15 min ended and we were inside the dark theatre. the new
james bond did his bit of hero-giri, leaping and diving across multi-storeyed
buildings as if they were concrete srpingboards.I sat between jaj and pam still
sipping my cola.Then came the
intermission.
pam: "Nice movie, huh? different from the previous ones naa?
Me: ya, it is
jaj chipped in with his fundaas on the bond aston-martin, the bond martini, the bond gun, the bond suit and many other bond accesories.
pam:"Hey any of u guys giving the XAT exam?I wanted to fill in the details
online.?(It was quite clear by now, number 143 would give him many sleepless
nights.)
Me: What?? You mean,you you want to write XAT too
pam: Arre ,obviously yaar!! this is my last chance to prove myself.(chuckles)!
(last chance?? Grrr...people cant do away with the cat hangover, can they?)
Anwyays, the meet ended on a good note, as we had a snack in a nearby reastaurant near sion circle.
pam(after the snack): hey guys, please check your score using the answer keys and tell me?
jaj: (A very familiar picture of horror on his face) "F*** you, pam!!!You crazy or what??
I want it to be a suspense. I dont want to get depressed so early. I prefer to wait"
For the next few days, my orkut scrapbook attracted an avalanche of "did you bell the cat or not?" scraps.
All this prompted me to fled the city and run off to a place (100 km away from mumbai), totally cut off from the rest of the world and returned only after all the hullabaloo had died down.
Regards
Vishwesh
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Jajment
That my room stays locked for most part of the day is no surprise and to say that it serves as a virtual lodge would be an understatement.Perhaps the only time it finds favour with guys is when one of them drops in to get a good afternoon's sleep(dich,he says my room induces sleep thanks to its 'AC' effect) or when one of them needs the day's edition of the spicy TOI.One of them is jaj!Jaj fancies himself as the official wandering tramp of pearl hostel. You will be forgiven for mistaking him for the wild boar-hogging,Roman bashing Gaul Obelix of 'Asterix' fame. The fat belly of his is really hard to miss as it tries hard to push out of his T-shirt like an inflated balloon. He has a large appetite(pun intended) for words, and he has got the 'balls'(pun again) to smash any english lits event at any place, at any time.
No sooner has he brushed his teeth, he lumbers his way to the vetti wing. He
surveys all open rooms along the way, till he reaches dich's room which is his
obvious favourite.
Jaj's favourite pastime is pulling dich's leg's and in the process adding a few
more Tamil swear words to his already swelling lexicon. Jaj quite dutifully and
successfully fulfills all the 'hostel' duties like staying jobless for hours
together,listening to gossip and doing bakar . If he is lucky he gets charge of dich's comp in the room and then its CS all the way.He has this rather
unconventional stance of playing the game. His fat,bucket-like palms rest on
the battered and bruised keyboard, the fore legs of the chair are raised while
he supports himself on its hind legs. He has mastered this art to
perfection( Not that it guarantees safety to anyone sitting behing him on the
floor!). He goes about on his firing spree till he finds that he is no match
for the BOT. A spell of unmentionables(obviously directed towards the BOT) is
let out in fury, in whatever sparse tamil he knows. Whether its a confrontation
with dich or CS, decibel levels are always on the higher side.
jaj's obsession for his second job is the talk of the hostel now-a-days. He
was made to look gullible when he sat
for a company which presented quite a rosy profile of itself. Unfortunately, jaj was
selected.Since then he has been following the entire placement scenario under a
microscope. He is quick to latch on to anything which he consdiers a clue about
the new companies, their arrival date etc. He could go to any lengths to force
the beans to be spilt- take one of the cic-reps() out for a casual dinner at
a gate and after a hearty meal spend a few hours of mindless bakar and slowly
but gradually sliping in the placement issue so that they let out their secrets.
Unfortunately his indecision isnt helping him either. Raaraa's wise-cracks
only add to his misery.Its been going along for sometimes. Raaraa gives him
assurances about the most awaited 'big ones'. jaj plays the waiting game skipping the 'small ones' for it. But a day before the supposed big-one, jaj dsicovers that is is actually a "tech profile" which leaves him high,dry and frustrated. jaj's gpa doesnt help matters much.
Jaj is probably the biggest placement critic that the college has had for
years. He cant understand the logic behind so many tech companies descending on
our campus for placements. When you remind him that this is a T-school and
there are as many software companies as tech, he is quick to retort that there
should be more of non-software and non-tech offers (Why dont you try your luck
in Bollywood, sunshine!!). He even went to the extent of dashing of a
suggestion-letter titled "i will teach you how to recruit potential candidates
like me" to a particular firm after he failed to make it!
All this hulabaloo for just one thing: A Bloddy, Friggin double job!!!
If you thought this is the end of story, wait a minute, keep your fingers
crossed! For you just know he wants a double job to get out of his OC profile,
you dont know what about that profile scares him,(rather who about the profile
scares him). Well no marks for guessing! Its good old papa!! She was and is
news always, isnt she! She has been the raw-material for jaj's nightmares. The thought of himself and her working in adjacent, AC filled cubicles, sends
cold shivers down his spine. The mere mention of papa scares him out of his
wits.( wouldnt be a bad idea to refer to her as the "You-know-who" or "She-Who-Must-Not-be-Named" ,harry potter fame).
No surprises here, considering his hate-turned-phobia for females.Jaj comes
along as a really spineless dude when it comes to girls. Due his age-old
isolation from the fairer sex, he is facing a crisis of sorts.Stories are rife
that he knew about a girl in school only through his mom and that too
when he was in engg college. The introduction to chirkut
seemed just the right medium to connect with females. At least he dint hav to
talk to them face-to-face and avoid wetting his pants in fear. But paranoid jaj
has his own share of problems here too! He cant get along with any damn female.
He has narrowed his fem-quest only to ..er..well..Pallakkad females.Come what
may,he still cant get papa out of his mind (one of thsoe love-hate things)
. The heart-break after the kau incident explains it.
To give you an idea of how a conversation between jaj and papa would sound,lets
take a quick fast-forward. For more see the post below
No sooner has he brushed his teeth, he lumbers his way to the vetti wing. He
surveys all open rooms along the way, till he reaches dich's room which is his
obvious favourite.
Jaj's favourite pastime is pulling dich's leg's and in the process adding a few
more Tamil swear words to his already swelling lexicon. Jaj quite dutifully and
successfully fulfills all the 'hostel' duties like staying jobless for hours
together,listening to gossip and doing bakar . If he is lucky he gets charge of dich's comp in the room and then its CS all the way.He has this rather
unconventional stance of playing the game. His fat,bucket-like palms rest on
the battered and bruised keyboard, the fore legs of the chair are raised while
he supports himself on its hind legs. He has mastered this art to
perfection( Not that it guarantees safety to anyone sitting behing him on the
floor!). He goes about on his firing spree till he finds that he is no match
for the BOT. A spell of unmentionables(obviously directed towards the BOT) is
let out in fury, in whatever sparse tamil he knows. Whether its a confrontation
with dich or CS, decibel levels are always on the higher side.
jaj's obsession for his second job is the talk of the hostel now-a-days. He
was made to look gullible when he sat
for a company which presented quite a rosy profile of itself. Unfortunately, jaj was
selected.Since then he has been following the entire placement scenario under a
microscope. He is quick to latch on to anything which he consdiers a clue about
the new companies, their arrival date etc. He could go to any lengths to force
the beans to be spilt- take one of the cic-reps() out for a casual dinner at
a gate and after a hearty meal spend a few hours of mindless bakar and slowly
but gradually sliping in the placement issue so that they let out their secrets.
Unfortunately his indecision isnt helping him either. Raaraa's wise-cracks
only add to his misery.Its been going along for sometimes. Raaraa gives him
assurances about the most awaited 'big ones'. jaj plays the waiting game skipping the 'small ones' for it. But a day before the supposed big-one, jaj dsicovers that is is actually a "tech profile" which leaves him high,dry and frustrated. jaj's gpa doesnt help matters much.
Jaj is probably the biggest placement critic that the college has had for
years. He cant understand the logic behind so many tech companies descending on
our campus for placements. When you remind him that this is a T-school and
there are as many software companies as tech, he is quick to retort that there
should be more of non-software and non-tech offers (Why dont you try your luck
in Bollywood, sunshine!!). He even went to the extent of dashing of a
suggestion-letter titled "i will teach you how to recruit potential candidates
like me" to a particular firm after he failed to make it!
All this hulabaloo for just one thing: A Bloddy, Friggin double job!!!
If you thought this is the end of story, wait a minute, keep your fingers
crossed! For you just know he wants a double job to get out of his OC profile,
you dont know what about that profile scares him,(rather who about the profile
scares him). Well no marks for guessing! Its good old papa!! She was and is
news always, isnt she! She has been the raw-material for jaj's nightmares. The thought of himself and her working in adjacent, AC filled cubicles, sends
cold shivers down his spine. The mere mention of papa scares him out of his
wits.( wouldnt be a bad idea to refer to her as the "You-know-who" or "She-Who-Must-Not-be-Named" ,harry potter fame).
No surprises here, considering his hate-turned-phobia for females.Jaj comes
along as a really spineless dude when it comes to girls. Due his age-old
isolation from the fairer sex, he is facing a crisis of sorts.Stories are rife
that he knew about a girl in school only through his mom and that too
when he was in engg college. The introduction to chirkut
seemed just the right medium to connect with females. At least he dint hav to
talk to them face-to-face and avoid wetting his pants in fear. But paranoid jaj
has his own share of problems here too! He cant get along with any damn female.
He has narrowed his fem-quest only to ..er..well..Pallakkad females.Come what
may,he still cant get papa out of his mind (one of thsoe love-hate things)
. The heart-break after the kau incident explains it.
To give you an idea of how a conversation between jaj and papa would sound,lets
take a quick fast-forward. For more see the post below
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