Sunday, April 08, 2007

RaaRaa Kaise Na Jale !!

Raaraa came along as a guy who was the least attracted to the fairer sex. He had never spoken to girls before, never even indulged in 'roasting groundnuts'(an obvious fact since he came from chennai, india's most conservative city).
He maintained status-quo till,would you believe it, the 6th sem( some even classified him as a misogynist). But the sick-rep job opened new avenues for frustoo raaraa leading him to discover his masculine self.
The need to shrug off his loneliness and change his orkut profile
to committed intensified. The strong feeling of compnaionship was just so hard to
resist.He threw caution to the winds and stepped down from his self-
imposed bondage, to woo females. And what better place than the tp.

( Hereafter, RaaRaa's crush will be referred to as plain "she" and her boyfriend " he". Sorry cant use names. This has been done to avoid any (further) damage to raaraa's image in tp).

She evoked street-corner whistles and made heads turn wherever she set foot."She" in contrast to raaraa had a treasure of males to choose from. "He" was the prized one among them. . The two of them could be seen hanging out at just every place in the campus hand-in-hand.
But raaraa with a saintly smile, both brush off all rumors of, saying " They are just friends. She will never go out with anyone else. Coz she was, is and will always be mine."
Slowly and steadily she turned raw material for most of raaraa's dreams as he fantasised holding hands with her, floating about, running around trees. Friendship(supposed) turned into admiration. Admiration into love. And love into lust!!But raaraa's high- flying fanatasies were brought down crashing to earth one evening. It was that evening when raaraa had decided enough was enough. Dreams needed to be translated into reality. It was in a way a perfect setting, just the two
of them caught inside tp, heavy rains outside . But,Raaraa was head deep in alcohol.Still it wasn't alcohol blinding him as much as love.

raaraa: (clearing his throat) ah. (coughing)...hic..(tries his best to control the hiccups, but is helpless)
she: (No response as she tried hard to pull out the xerox copies out off the
dabba tp xerox machine)

Raaraa: (clueless wat to do next, coughs; this time a bit louder)
she: (concerned look on her face) oh, do u have a bad throat. (fumbles in her
purse for a 'halls'). Here take this and you will be fine.

raaraa: (stumbles along to to her side) ah..hic.. hic....I wanted to
She: (covers her nose) you are drunk, raaraa. How many times have i told you
not to steal money from my purse to drink?

raaraa: (holds his head, shakes it twice. but the alcohol wont leave him alone)
Sooorry.. sorry..I (staggers). I... just had ...hic ..8 legs..sorry..(voiced reduces
to a mumble) 8 pegs and washed it down with some Whats wrong in it?

raaraa, by this time had staggered enough to get closer to her, he stumbled, rather appeared to,and clutched the unassuming girl's hand for support. Even though she found the smell of alcohol from his mouth on her face excruciatingly uneasy , she dragged the drunkard along to the nearest sofa.

raaraa: (still mumbling, as he lay on the couch, still clutching her soft
hands)you know why i got drunk??
she: (trying hard to free her hand from his grasp) its obvious. You must have
gone with your fellow drunkards; i mean fellow sick-reps. Sorry ,slip of the

Raaraa: (eyes half closed, smile) its ok.. yar.. its verrry ...hic..ook. Hey those
dumbasses.. don know how to drink thats why I give them a...hic..crash course everyday. Look at me. I m soo ...hic ..hicc..controllled. I always booze responsibly. An occasional ..hic..boooze once .hic..every 2 days.
she: (still cant help the smell) That I can see for!! Shame on you!!! I m appalled. At least spend your own money on the booze. Stop stealing money or taking booze treats.

raaraa: (big drunkard's laugh, although it sounded artificial) money..comes now ..hic....goes tomorrow.. wats the use of having it in the wallet (eyes still closed).

raaraa: I want to tell you some..something (closes his eyes). I.. dont..hic..
(pause)..know how.. how.. tooo hic...say it..

Papa ney kaha cigarette chod do, chod diya
Doston ney kaha treat lena chod do,chod diya
Tum keh rahi ho sharab chod do, almost chod diya
Kal koi kahe " duniya chod do" toh main kya karoonga??

( Literal Translation:
Dad said "quit smoking", I quit
Friends said " quit taking treats from others", I quit
You tell me " Quit drinking", I almost quit
What if someone says " Quit the world?" )

She stood shell-shocked,,expressionless, rock-solid. For a moment the world seemed to have come screeching to an indefinite halt. Raaraa meanwhile was half out of the couch, hanging out of it local-train style,eyes half open, smiling to himself as if the whole poem was an original.(actually some part of it was straight out of Devdas)

she: (her face now changed to normal as she flashed a smile): Wow!! what a line. It
rhymed perfectly. you say poems even when u r drunk. But I have a feeling I have heard it somewhere before.

Raaraa looked confused. This reaction of her's wasnt remotely close to wat he had
expected.He was either expecting brickbats or roses!!

She: raaraa you are such a good guy, even though u r such a culprit.U r someone whom
i have always looked to for support.
Raaraa's joy knew no bounds. He opened his mouth in jubiliation, only to see her move her face away and cover her nose.

She: (now holding his hand, sending a 1000-watt shiver down RaaRaa's spine)
raaraa: (shaking his head) yeah? Yeah? go on?

she: I have a surprise for you. She pulled out something from her purse.
raaraa: Yes yes show it (really desperate now, all the booze seem to have evaporated all of a sudden)

She: (sound effect) Tan..Da..Daaan. her it comes out!! Guess what??
Just a sec! It took just one second for RaaRaa's expression to go from extreme ecstasy to the deep depression when he saw the 'surprise'. A silky, shiny and colourful surprise it was. He was shattered!!

She: Here's a nice Raakhi for you!!! Happy RakshaBandhan to my dear little kid brother RaaRaa!

RaaRaa's face fell!! Did she really say Dear little KID BROTHER(kid brother-
highlighted, bold, italicised, emphasized...)!!
Oh no!! the words rang in his ears for the next few minutes.

"Happy RakshaBandhan to my dear little kid brother RaaRaa!" (Echo Effect!)

She could well have stabbed him with a knife or strangled him. He pinched himself just to make sure it wasnt one of the real bad dreams (ones featuring his fellow sick-reps). How he wished he had stayed drunk a little longer so that he wouldnt have heard her. How could she ever do this to him?? All those "flower and bee" dreams that he had seen all these days were after all just screen-saver material. He was heart-broken. He couldnt swallow the lump in his throat; it had grown football size.

she: Kya hua? Dont u like it? its from me your big sister!u were shocked naa?
surprise surprise!! Why r u crying??
raaraa: (melodrama spilling over) ya.. yes it is a real surprise.. (wiping of
his tears) Pagli,Yeh toh khushi key aasoon hain (fool,these are tears of joy)!

That night seemed like an eternity. Those words still rang like a bell in his ears. He spent the next few months in solitude. Beer kept him company though he had graduated to gin by now. His marks dipped. His CGPA took a plunge. He spent each whole day listening to meodramatic a.r rahman and lucky ali tunes on the laptop stolen from kaly's room.

And if you are still wondering what happened next.. well..He spent some time in Alcholics Anonymous till he was fine.

Now, He's gone back to his old crush.
Fernando Morientes!!