IPL fever

If ever there was a very colourful outburst of glitz, glamour, hype n hoopla, color and lights with a sea of people thrown in, it wouldnt have matched the IPL. Add to this 2 things which make India go crazy: Bollywood & cricket and every logic goes for a toss. The initial build-up to the IPL by virtue of its aggressive media campaign splashed all over the newspapers, TV, net & radio was something any marketing guy could learn from.
This massive IPL seduction ensured that the other IPL (Indian political league, which so many channels had cunningly christened to garner some miniscule viewership) had to be content with a shrinking fan-following.Surely, it did overshadow the election drama which failed to make an impact, at least in mumbai. Mumbai with its extended weekend had only 2 out of 5 people polling. Appalling to say the least, considering the whole hue n cry raised after 26/11 and the 'wake up' campaign. And you thought educated people would go all out to vote.

Anyways, back to IPL,some very interesting things of note;

1) The spotlight was more on the owners than on the performers. Rather it seemed as if the owners 'paid n performed' rather than 'paid the players to perform'.

2) Controvery stalked SRK like his shadow.
His gimmick of distributing golden mukuts failed miserably.
His 4-captain theory was rubbished by the pundits and thrown into the dustbin even before it came into effect ( A very popular anecdote doing the rounds on sms suggested that the 1st captain was for the toss, the 2nd for choosing the team, the 3rd for effecting the field changes and the 4th as a substitute captain)

3) Yet another anecdote on SRK after his team took a beating from every other team in the tournament was the one which likened him to Mahatma gandhi since both of them were 'insulted' in south africa!

Fair say..The knight riders had their daylights knocked out


4) Rains played spoil-sport in the initial parts of the tournament and transformed the T-20 matches into T-10 & T-5 matches (glimpse of the future??).The mathematicians had to work overtime to calculate the new scores. And the players were paid millions.

5) Men were auctioned off to the respective franchisees to the tune of millions. The only time when Shilpa & Preity would have fancied fighting over a man( in real life).

6) Man of the match awards have gone out of the window the window after Preity's "Jaadoo ki jhaapis". Shilpa" Hot" Shetty could well have her own brand of cricket (different bats,balls,cricket gear etc) just like "shilpa yoga".

7) JP duminy - $ 950000, Kevin pietersen - $ 1550000, Dada - $ 1092000.
Cheer-girls - $$$$$$$.....Priceless.

There are some things money cannot buy and those are the most attractive ones!

8) PVI - Paisa Vasool Index which measured the performance + brand value of a player, was invented . (Not long ago we discovered the zero)


9) Lalit would have had his heart in his mouth firstly when the elections knocked off any ideas he entertained of having an 'Indian' IPL and when the heavens opened up in south Africa. But he is currently on a splurging his excesses albeit for charity work in SA.

10) Its becoming increasingly difficult to decide which team to support.
I have changed my allegiance at least 4-5 times now.

(It started off with rajasthan since they won the last time, they failed miserably this time - > Mumbai indians 'cos of a dashing opening partnership, till their losing spree started...then chennai and lately its Kings Punjab. I luv Preity tll then..)


Regards

vish

Corporate culture - Part 1

There's more to work than just the desk,the PC, the heaps of files and documents,bosses,suppliers and the likes. Each day (day in office I mean) is an event in itself. but some things never change.I have ,quite flawlessly, managed to maintain my (unofficial) reporting time as 9 am ,every day; which is actually a very blatant, 15-min violation of the official time of 8.45 am. Without sounding proud or emphatic, I should say "its an art well mastered". Even in my wildest dreams, never have I fantasised myself swiping in at the official company time.

Just as I trudge into our posh, brightly-lit office, I am greeted by a half-filled office which makes me look like an early bird. Not surprising!!I give myself a pat on the back, mentally. Then the junta starts trickling in slowly but gradually. Some people wait with bated breath and count down seconds for the shrill 'breakfast' bell to ring at 9.30 which is a signal for everyone to put down everything before them and have a bite. A few minutes later, the 'breakfast' place strewn with samosa or 'bhajji' pieces and cups of tea resembles a battle-field thanks to some clumsy idiots who haven't been given a crash-course on eating properly.

As i make my way back to my place, to my right, I find 'Shaktimaan' seated comfortably in his place, typing away furiosuly on his lappie and debating hard with a supplier on a quote I guess . Shaktimaan (obviosuly not his original name) has been christened so because of his daunting, 'Salman'esque frame and a heavy walk to go with it. His (body-hugging) shirt looks like it could tear off any second due to his Popeye-like bulges. He is known to follow a very religious health regimen at the company gym despite his busy schedule. Shaktimaan's intimidating physique is enough to psyche out all his suppliers to the point of ' no more negotiations'. Shaktimaan in his new role has been buried under heaps of responsibility lately and he still plays mentor to 'Virus'.

'Virus', 'Viral fever', 'Tame tiger' whatever you say, points to just one person. Seated in the cubicle adjacent to shaktimaan, you are forgiven for mistaking him for a 8th grade school boy. He gives you that confused look that seems to suggest that he hasnt spoken for ages in an otherwise boisterous department. Some people even observed that the last time they heard him talk was when he had conducted the morning meeting on Monday, a good 2 months ago. He is the junior-most addition to the department and touted to be the dept's bright future.

"Viral" shouts Shaktimaan and gives him the 'khunnas' look as if he would bash him up then n there. Viral gets up with a start, half startled by the sudden call of duty. Shaktimaan asks Viral for a blow-by-blow account of the activities which he was supposed to complete just like a school headmaster asking a child the status of the previous day's homework. Viral apprises him accordingly. Shaktimaan gives him the 'satisfied' look and along with it a few words of wisdom. Viral then starts off work in his trademark fashion which appears like a slow-motion sequence from a movie; be it removing a file from his shelf or typing a mail. I meanwhile, manage to wave a quick 'Hi' to Viral.

Sai Baba looks on, as he sees Shaktimaan sounding some instructions to Viral. Baba is amused to the core. This morning he has carved out a special look moustache like one of those heavily-loaded telugu movie stars. Baba is famous for his versatile cooking skills which could put any living female to shame. Easily one of the most shrewed guys around, he is one capable of arranging a training session on notoreity ("jhol" as we call it). He can be heard giving the supplier an earful. But the catch here being that he doesnt distinguish between genders and that sounds awfully confusing to the listener.

"Sir, tere ko pata nahi target date kab hain. Material kab laayegi?
Material kabhi aayegi. AAyegi ki nahi aayegi?" (Pauses)..
"Tu mere ko commitment date do" (Bangs the receiver into the resting position, sits expressionless).

A cubicle even further away is 'Yogi' who has worn a'happy' look this morning due to the absence of his boss who literally 'stares him in the face' while at work. He dials he number and as the voice answers he starts of in customary fashion.

" Hello? Hasmukh bhaai..main yogi baat kar raha hoon... Aaaj kya banaa raha hain?? Achcha theek hain, 200 piece bhej do."

Kya bana rahaa hain??? Now, What kind of a question is that supposed to be??? It would have made sense had he posted the same query to the halwaai-waalaaa or the roadside chaat-waalaa after seeing the menu-card.
Anyways,Yogi seems to float around in a world of his own completely unmindful of what is happening around him. He is perhaps the tallest guy in the whole of the company and the primary target of all his banter is his immediate neighbour 'Saab' and 'cheerleader'.

Saab is a part of a very rare species which is a combination of a metallurgy and an MBA degree in marketing. Formally dressed, bespectacled, oily hair side-parted to perfection to the smallest micron and an aura of a scholarly saintliness. And then you realize why the name is 'Saab'. Hearing him speak, you cant help but wonder if he was actually paid to sell ideas or really outrageous fundaas. People are still willing to bet their money on what his responsibility in the organization actually is. But for the moment, he is seen as the partner-in-crime to none other than 'Bala'.

Then suddenely the momentary silence is interrupted by a very familiar female voice.
"Chalo, Lunch..Lunch ke liye jaate hain."

Enter the cheerleader!
The outdoor expeditions and picnics that she is part of earn much more coverage than her office work. Infact there are times when you can see her working too. Although she wouldnt admit, but her fetish for a lean figure makes sure she counts the number of grains of rice on her plate. C'mon, a lone chapati hardly qualifies as 'lunch'! And she ponders over it for ages till it begs and cries to be eaten.
Her fervent calls for coffee breaks in the late afternoons have dwindled somewhat in recent times. Her flirtatious exchanges with 'Saab' are a notable feature, but Saab appears too busy (with what??) and steadfast to fall for it.

As the clock strikes 6, the cheerleader is the first to pack up what looks like a shopping bag. The others pretend as if they are still enagaged in 'important' work (some really are). By 7.30, the whole office wears an empty look.

And you thought it was just about work!!

Regards

Vish

Socialite Activism

6 weeks after 26/11 and the outrage which most people had nursed for a while seems to have evaporated into thin air. Interesting to note, that the most vociferous voices against the carnage were those of the South Mumbai socialites a.k.a socialite activists. Yes socialite activists are the "in" thing when it comes to public expression or voicing his shortcomings.They are the ones who who call the shots: From politician bashing to representing the aam aadmi (whomever it may be)

So who exactly is a socialite activist?? Well, he/she (mostly its a 'she', apologies for the gender bias guys) has to fulfil the following criteria to be accorded the status of a socialite activist (SA):

1) Should be a regular on the Page 3 party circuit in Mumbai

2) Should have lived all his/her life in South Mumbai or if not then had a remote connection to someone living down there.

3) Should essentially be one of these
A model/super-model who has been branded "unhot" and dumped into oblivion by the ramp-gurus.

An actor/actress who hasnt been bagging any roles lately due to fall-out with major banners or someone who has been labelled "uncle/aunty" by the audience and lost favour with them.

A tv serial actor/actress who doesnt even fit in as a judge in reality shows and has taken refuge in tv commercials.

A loser author whose books'pages are now used by the chaat-waalaa to serve bhel-puri.

A theatre personality who hasnt been able to draw crowds to his boring Shakespearean plays/dramas.

A social activist/human rights activist who has been the pin-up boy/girl for many an andolan/agitation thanks to the media romance.

A local restaurant/spa/beauty parlour owner who wasnt doing business till 26/11 and got 5 times as much customers after the incident just by showing to TV that his/her place was targetted,partly damaged and he/she escaped unhurt.

A top-notch columnist in a news daily whose daily crap doesnt make much sense anymore.


4) Should be someone who can easily bullshit with an air of sophistication about them and wants to share a piece of the limelight.

And what bigger platform for these colorful personalities than the one built by our media. The media was lauded from all quarters for their (constructive) role in portraying the groud realities during the operation. It has to be said that barring a few jingoistic news channels, the majority of them showed uncanny restraint in reporting the events without actually becoming a hindranceto the ongoing operations.
But they had other ideas. The news channels ,drunk on praise, decided to go overboard with their sympathy & anger hysteria aftermath the operation.

It would have been a different story had there been a panel of the common people on the talk shows. Instead, the representatives of the aam aadmi, the SAs were on the panel for the discussions. One such show had an expensive silk saree-clad buxom lady of medium build,with presumably 5 layers of make-up done, thoroughly "lip-sticked", streaked hair and to go with it an obvious swagger. I tell you, the camera is such a powerful invention. It captures the most subtle features & mannerisms. She was a noted human rights activist they said, although she looked as if she had lost her way to one of those frequent art gallery exhibitions in tinseltown. Or maybe she didn't know how to dress up for the moment since occasons such has this dint occur on a daily basis.
She expressed 'deep outrage and shock' at the attacks. Being a resident of south mumbai she felt more 'insecure and unsafe than before'. She was feeling 'helpless and confused'. Then her helplessness gave way to anger all of a sudden. She wanted 'heads to roll'. When questioned who was to be held responsible she flipped her streaked hair back and with her characteristic swagger said that it was 'us' (The common man she meant) since we elected the politicians. Some politician bashing followed and then the host decided he had had enough of her and then told her to shut up politely.
The second SA on the panel was an actor with an enviable string of flops to his credit ( if that is something worth envying). He couldnt have put a foot right in bollywood even by mistake. Girls had forsaken him ages ago and so had "hits". He was dressed in his customary body-hugging Tee, trying to look cool and casual. His talk was something akin to what the 1st lady had said ,albeit it had a dash of hi-fi vocab thrown in. Words like "dismantling the terror infrastructure"," increased surveillance mechanisms", "accountable governance" were clearly missing from the 1st SA.

Then a noted lyricist, a mad economist,a renowned fashionista, a bearded theatre personality, an ad guru followed. Some of their common rants being:

. The two hotels were their favourite hang-out places/2nd homes from their days of yore.

.The wine in the two places was unparalleled. Look at the bar now, its lying in shambles.

. They were not going to celebrate the new year. (Baah..most hotels had cancelled off new yr plans by then and parties were to be low-key events. So basically this was a subtle way for these SAs to say " I have nowhere to go dude".)

.I want heads to roll. I want good intelligence. I want answers. I want explanations. I want the sun, the moon, the stars...

.Mumbai's spirit will never die nor will it stop.It fights back everytime it is under crisis. ( It was almost like getting your ear drilled hearing it for the umpteenth time. Boss, I cant stop going to work for fear of being bombed or attacked.Can I?)

. We the people are responsible for the carnage. We are electing them (Someone please tell these guys that we can only elect among the candidates thrown at us.)

.Terror Infrastructure dismantling, Accountable governance, Increased Intel Surveilance mechanisms...

On the brighter side, some positives did come out. The administration underwent a shake-up change. Some attributed it to the strong show of public strength at The gateway of India which had candle-light marches and peaceful demonstrations whre the SAs tried hard to mingle with the commoners and join in. The media made merry, they had a 'big story' to report, they had achieved their goal of what they called citizen journalism.

6 weeks on, the SAs are back to doing what they did best: page 3 parties,socializing, art exhibitions, ribbon-cutting ceremonies

As they say, It happens only in mumbai



Regards


Vishwesh

Social Net-working or not-working?

This was about a year ago. I got the shock of my life one sunday morning when my inbox welcomed me with 60-odd new mails. Being a sunday, I had time on my hands to go through each one of them before I could decide whether to retain it or delete it. Most of these mails were 'invitations' from different people, known(Read: jobless friends) and unknown. These were invitations to join and be a part of their friend circle on some not-so-popular social networking sites. I tried my hand at accepting the invitations, which involved filling lengthy registrations forms like the ones normally enountered while filling applications to uiversity programs.Then you were to choose ur 'cool' IDs and passwords. I did all of this and then all of this disappeared into oblivion for me.
Then a new batch of invitations to yet newer sites would find their way into my mail-box. Over the period i have got smarter and have reduced the burden on my already grief-stricken mailbox.
But social networking is here to stay and it is the in thing. It was a phenomenon which kicked off about 3 yrs back in India and since then ther has been no looking back. The e-mail rendered the letter useless, the instant messaging 'chat' replaced the e-mail and now its the 'scrap' which reigns supreme. Orkut and Facebook take the cake, though orkut is the more popular one in India. Most social networking sites have a structure which resembles the bio-data often submitted during job-interviews which includes:
The professional,
personal,
'About me' section and the 'interests ' section to top it all
On an average a startling 75% of the male population uses social networking to hook up (or make an attempt at hooking up) with a person of the opposite sex. The reason is simple,these sites link different people through list, circles,mutual friends etc and a lot many people project themselves openly. Well for once, even the most shy or dumb guy got his 'chance'.

Things most common on social networking sites, especially orkut:

1) Each guy has the current hot actor's pic as his display picture to avoid any embarassment while inviting any girl to join his circle.

2) For girls the display picture features either their favourite actress or things like flowers/puppies/kittens/ or anything according to them that qualifies as cute.

3) Most people are proud of the number of scraps they own. Some cant even count the number of zeroes in the number of scraps they own.

4)The worst friendship invitations a.k.a pick-up lines cane be easily discovered here. Sample it for yourself:


hey sweety i went thru your profile/....and then traced this community of thy....
1).u look damn sweet n say

2). hi wanna be my friend?

3)WOuld u like FRIENDSHIP with me .

4)If u wish and like then reply fast my friend.

5)hey girly u got a nice smile haaa

6) hi dear
u dere?
can i be ur fri?
my name his XYZ

7) so dear,
u like pets lot write ?? note the 'write'

8) hello, thx fr acceptin the request....

9)hi dear,
i need ur help.....pls scrap back into my scrapbook too

10) "Hey i like your smile/eyes/ears/nose. so, can we be friends?"

11) " Hey, will you please accept the hand of friendship from me?" (I can't see any hand)


5) Most of the so-called pick-up lines are hoplessly loaded with grammatical errors and the result of it is completely distorted and meaningless lines.
( I am a compete fan of these lines and there are many 'communities' n groups which are dedicated to celebrate these friendship lines.)

6) On the flip-side, if it weren't for orkut, no girl would get requests/invites and she wouldnt feel like a princess.


7)Orkutting is now the most sophisticated way of time-pass.It involves a lot many features and add-ons these days.

8) Most school students score really bad in English thanks to the poor quality/hip language used in such sites.

"Watcha Doin" replaces "What are you doing"
"Ssup" replaces " What is up with you?"

wa88, gr88 etc have done their bit of damage.

So if u bleve in orktn pls. dnt frgt to read this.it ll do wndrs to ur alredy spoilt languge and ll mke sure u dnt join oder social ntwrkin sites and waste ur prcious tym.

Regards

Vish

Female Quotient

The Sunday newspaper does throw up something intresting in the midst of all the Nuke Deal chaos, the ballooning inflation and the grief-stricken stock market. Well as amusing at it may sound, there's something called a women's vodka. Yes,a drink exclusively for women. The latest addition to the list which celebrates 'female'dom. Women's day, Women's cream, a Women's radio station,women's reservation, woman mail etc etc.
And now women's vodka! I was pleasantly surprised no one had made a big deal about it, either on TV or radio. It could be because of 3 things (besides ,of course,poor marketing strategy): maybe women find it too sissy to celebrate 'being a woman' and stuff like that, maybe they really dont care or both.
Well, guys do have a point when they say that its not a 'man's world' as it is so often, made out to be. And girls too being the true "fight-until-death" species would argue otherwise, saying the are the worthy ones. A lot had been said and written about the so-called gender war. Most of this being very conveniently exploited by commercial movies to the fullest for producing typical candy-floss entertainment which, if viewed now, are.. Yawn!
Anyways, breaking the cliche and being unorthodox is and has always been the trend.

Below is a questionnaire for the fairer sex. Hope you like it and I hope you manage to read the whole thing. The more the negatives, the more your FQ or female quotient is. So, Go on, Why should guys have all the fun!

Complete the sentence
. Behind every successful man...

1) There is a woman (-100)

2) There is a woman who wonders "How did he become successful with me around?" (-150)



. Most girls think ...

1) Every guy is an a**hole. (-10)

2) Every guy, except her favourite film hero, is an a**hole.(-50)

3) Guys are normal. (0)



. If a guy doesnt give you the attention you seek, doesnt indulge you in sweet talk or basically sounds dis-interested in you, your reaction would be

1) "I think he's gay. He isnt straight." (Grapes are Sour). (5)

2) " Thinks he is some Big VIP or something..snob! Er.. is he looking this side by any chance? " (-15)

3) " Never seen such a MCP in my life.(Male Chauvinist Pig, if u havent figured that out). Doesnt know how to talk to a girl." (-20)

4) " Damn boring. Nothing 'Happening' about him. Arre, just imagine...like..I stood near him and he dint notice me for like 10 minutes!! whoa! By the way, am I looking too fat.?" (tugs at the bottom of her 'top' as if there is a mirror visible only to her.) (-10)


. If the same guy were to give you the 'interested' look,the attention you seek or tries to indulge you in sweet talk and ask you out, your reaction would be:

1) " Cheap Flirt! I know what your intentions are, Mister." (10)

2) " So you say I am the one ,huh? Or am I number 31?" (15)

3) "Akeli ladki ko chedte sharam nahi aati, Ghar mein ma-behen nahi hain kya?" (5)

4) " You cheapo,womaniser! How disgusting can you get." (20)

5) " Actually..Er..can we just be good friends." (-100)

6) " Dont worry bro, very soon you will get hooked." (-200)



. When a guy talks about Angelina Jolie, Jessica Alba, Bips,Aishwarya and the likes. you would

1) Say "Oh puh-lease" , feel utterly disgusted and start bitching about the above actresses, and villify them to the point of hate. (-1000)

2) (Smile expectedly) "Boys will be boys." (-10)

3) (Sarcasm)"All you men are the same." (-50)

4) (Disguested expression) " You guys are all sick." (-50)

5)(Give your guy a look as if he had watched porn) "You pervert!" (-100)



.You are in the theatre and there is love scene, in which the lead couple is holding hands and whispering dialogues with absolutely no other action for the next 10 minutes.

1)You say " Aww..how cute!" in a soft and girlie tone. (-90)

2)Slap and Wake your guy up. (-100)

3) .. And tell him " See duffer! This is called romance. Learn it" (-1000)

4)Expect your guy to assume you are better than the actress and pester him to enact the same scene daily with you. (- 5000)



. Men make a big fuss about how women are a mystery and how they cant understand what women actually want. Women want

1) unconditional love. (0)

2) A guy = Her Favourite Bolly actor + Her favourite Indian male super-model + her favourite singer + Sanjay kapoor (remember Khaana Khazaanaa on TV??)+ an inustrialist, all rolled in one. (-5)

3) A Guy who is sweet, caring, loving, affectionate,... BLAH
( BLAH = a list of 1490 common adjectives commonly used by every girl for describing the concept of something called a "dream man",common on social networking sites) (-100000...)



. Your favourite question/exclamation of all time would be?

1) " Am i looking good?" (-25)

2) " Is she slimmer and hotter or am I?" (-50)

3) " This color/dress/ring/necklace suits me ki that color/dress/ring/necklace?" (-75)

4) " Who is She?" (-100)

5) " How Sweet/Rude!" (-150)

6) " Oh puh-leaze, Grow up guys!!" (-200)


. You find this girl in a party, much better-looking than you,who's got all the male- company, conducts herself pretty well. Your next-day girl gossip would be as follows:

1)Say good things about her during your gossip session. (+ infinity..You can skip this option!!)

2)Make a face as if you dint care one bit but deep inside you are burning and reminding yourself that " She's a Bitch and I feel like killing her". (-100)

3)Say " Bohot attitude dhika rahi thi woh." And make faces,imitate her walk and talk. (-200)

4)Say " Gosh, did you see her dress. Her dress sense was shaming and appalling. (And you buy and wear the same dress a few days later.) (-300)



. As a girl,Your favourite pastime would be..

1) Shopping, bargaining and spending on stuff (-20)

2) ...which is expensive and of absolutely no use to you (-200)

3). Swiping credit cards (-25)

4) ...which are obviously not yours (-250)

5) Make the guy carry the shopping bags without paying him coolie charges (350)



Do calculate your Female Quotient and let me know.



Regards


Vishwesh

A rainy day

As kids,I remember, our first essay of english class from 3rd to 5th grade would be titled " A Rainy Day". And we used to write it without an iota of suffering, destruction or misery mentioned in it,making it sound almost next to a fairy-tale.

Today was just the opposite. It poured on unmercifully for almost the first half of the day. I Got stuck in the middle of nowhere and somehow made it,past mini-rivers, to work. Comin back was easy though as the weather had easened up.
200 mm of rain was recorded today. Almost a fifth of the downpour experienced on 26/7. Its the start of july and the next 2 months will be tough; the peak season so to speak.
I am already in the process of setting up a mini house in my office cubicle, with the luxury of bare necessities like a towel, extra sock and other dressing accessories. I am sure many of you would have done pretty much the same thing or would be doing it soon.
Nevertheless, today was nighmarish for many. For a brief period, I guess, transport services were hit, but otherwise it was life as usual.It was just sufficient enough to remind people of that dreadful day which is still fresh in minds even after 3 monsoons.

Health to all!

Regards

Vishwesh

Monsoon Raaga!

I cursed under my breath,as I stood in the bus,struggling hard to pull the wallet from my pocket which was covered by layers and layers of armour (Read rain-jacket and 'rain pant'). The wretched thing showed no signs of coming out and slipped deeper each time. The onlookers a.k.a the seated people watched on as if I was the chief clown performing at the russian circus and it was show-time.One more addition to murphy's laws: The closer the bus conductor is to you, the more time it will take you to dig the damn thing out of your pocket. And by the time you shell out the notes, they are already dripping wet!

Well,the rains are here with the usual bang. Been a week of action.
"Please Dont be santhusht. Thoda aur wish karo", thats what the rain-gods seemed to say as the skies opened up.And we have already got a trailer of what we'll be seeing for the next 4 months. Same story though!
The showers come with pin-point accuracy every year something that the Met dept here is not noted for. And they have been a source of much-needed respite from the near unbearable drip-drop,sweaty and humid conditions that the city experienced during the summer.Mumbai's murkiest, dirtiest, mushiest(pun so obvious),slushiest and perhaps its most romantic season is back.
I had my first drench on my way back from work. Felt nice. It felt so blissful, even after numerous rain-baths, year after year. Mom dint think so.
In most flood-prone areas here, stuff like ropes, boats, nets etc are kept handy days before,to face a possible flood situation 'baywatch ishtyle'. Most people who reside at the lower floors of buildings in such areas vacate days before, to escape a watery grave. Ask even a 4th grader here which places would perenially be under water and he would rattle a dozen names,faster than his geography lessons.

The BMC is at the recieving end yet again for the slippery roads, pot-holed roads and roads under construction which are dug up exactly a day before the rains come. Perfect timing!
And the mother of them all: The American consulate sounded an advisory to all americans who are in mumabi or who plan to visit mumbai in this period. No, not a terrorist strike or blast scare.
It reads "When in mumbai,Beware of open manholes. Dont venture out too much." Ok, agreed that each year the notoreity of the monsoons assumes dangerous proportions. But this is ridiculous man!! Hahahaha, travel advisory!

Hot tips:

In Mumbai everything goes down the drain, except for the rain water. True.Very true during the high tide.
.High tide + heavy rains = full-too flooding + you having to swim in flood waters.

High tide timings are important. Dont venture anywhere near the sea, unless you are serious about suicide.

.Open manholes. Walk in a chain, if you are a group. If one falls, the others are there to pull him/her. If the others fall, not your fault.

.If you cant form chains and you cant see ahead while wading through the water, then play " Follow the leader." If the person before you goes missing after some time, then choose a different path.

. For heavens' sake keep yourself clean after coming home at least! Leptospirosis is now becoming a common word, although people can't spell it. It's caused by rat urine. Obviosuly, you cant stop the rat but you can care for yourself.

.Most importantly, keep off the Eastern Express highway as much as possible,especially the vikhroli-ghatkopar stretch (now nicknamed the 'road to death'). The reason: 136 accidents in just 5 days. A certain chemical called 'mast' turned out to be in surplus while laying the road. Add to that the rains which made sure that the vehicles on the 10 km long stretch were in for a slippery, skiddy ballerina show.

.Try to minimise travel. (I know its its next to impossible)

. When stuck in a traffic jam, dont get too frustrated. The guy in the posh Honda Accord is also feeling the same pinch. See, the monsoon is a great leveller; it teaches you to be patient. (I know, by now you have made up your mind to kick me)

. People who own cars: Carry out pre-monsoon checks of batteries, tyres, maintenance of your car including wipers and top-up the fuel of your car during the monsoon

.Hammer is a handy tool: To break the glass on the driver's window from the
middle/centre, in case of an auto-lock system failure if you are stuck in a car say for about 8-14 hrs.

.Thick long nylon rope at least 20 metres long with a hook to be kept in
the dicky.Just in case..

.Keep dry and non -perishable food items in a vacuum container in some quantity. Dry fruits are recommended for pet-pooja.

.In a disaster- like situation instead of trying to reach home,first reach the nearest acquaintance.

.Also, carry a whistle with you. Remember Kate Winslet in 'Titanic'?

. Last but not the least, get a life. Stop cursing the BMC or the administration. You wont gain much by blaming other people. You are the one in charge of yourself.

Regards

Vishwesh