Monday, August 14, 2006

"Mad for each other"

I guess the Darwinian theory of "survival-of-the-fittest" makes its presence felt everywhere in your daily life,whether you like it or not.
He hehehe ...Read on....
This is the stoy of Dich,papa and kau.

Lux Papa,though,a simple country girl, had this very stubborn-bitchy image
about her which made
her a total turn off for every Y-chromosomed creature in her dept. Everything
from the clothes she wore , the guys she talked (she never talks to females
anyway)to the "lux scandal" which rocked the dept ,raised her "infamous
celebrity" status notches higher, with every passing day. Someone who admired these
developments very secretly was Dich.
Dich was given the coveted title of Dich the Doggie, which only privileged few
in the campus are capable of bagging. As a token of his modesty he had
christened the Coffee Shop dog as dich too. An ardent animal lover, he had a
soft corner for the
cannine species and could be constantly heard saying "Wat a
faithful dog!!" In many a sense, the dog reminded him of the days when he
slogged is backside out to break into the top ranks in the entrance exam to get
into the college,the way he barked and drove out the countless denizens of Pearl hostel who infested his room and troubled him.
This was the same campus where he had met papa,his "figure".
He relived those past moments of how he had "corrected" her,the time they spent
together, in the same class, same bench, same..watever.Group study was always on
the cards. He even took to the "FLAMES" funda to verify whether she was the best
fit for him, by wrtin on the walls of the classrooms. Unmindful of her true
nature,he had built castles n sky-scrapers in
air, about transforming their bond into something substantial.But it wasnt to
be. He discovered to his horror that she was two-timing him. "That is it!!!" he
said. And it stood broken. Dich spent days in tears. OF course, papa was the
least affected as guys swarmed all around her.
2 yrs passed by. Placement season was on. The new-look dich had
blasted his way into MS and topped on all accounts: be it the CG, screwing
the comp(in the name of programmin), his fan following (male n female???). DS was
one of them.DS had accompanied Dich all the way to tinseltown mumbai. Dich
trusted her in every sense and liked her too.their combined pay totalled 2.5
lpm.But dich soon realized that there wasnt that fire that he had experienced when
he was with papa.
Papa's fortunes had just begun to look bright even though she looked a mere
shadow of dich. She got her lucky break in the form of the "OC" profile a few
days after dich. Dich had been on a short holiday to chennai then.
Meanwhile,Kau and his friends(the chennai gumbal) had just reached the station. They spotted a restaurant to get a light dinner before they moved on.As luck would have it,kau bumped into someone really familiar.But he couldnt remember who she was.Girls were never a comfort zone for kau. It was papa! papa too was on her way home and it seemed something much more than coincidence dat they meet this way.

Kau: WAT the SHIT?
papa:(lookin unnerved) i m so sorry.

kau: its ok, boss. so wat u doin her.
papa: doin research on zulu tribes. loosu , i came to eat here.

They sit down in a secluded spot, far away from the others.

papa: I hv seen u somewhere. Rn't u the presi of the "B' club?
kau: Hohohohohho(stifled laughter), Yeah dats me!
papa: wooooow!! I luv dat club so much. can i join it too. I luv drwing n painting.

kau: (feelin amused) All this is CHEAP shit! In a few months from now, i ll be
flyin to the Big apple (shows the sign of a plane flyin with his customary whistle.)
papa: Good, but for dat u need a visa first.

kau: PATHETIC! i thought i needed an air ticket. SCREWWWEED! anyways, What will
u do?
papa: Me will go to Singapore. marriage n stuff, u know.

kau: (whistles, runs his hand through his hair.) CHAMP!!

kau: will u come to US if u get a chance?
papa: Yes i want to daa, but how will I?

kau: Thats so simple! Mug the entire-wordlist, revise it 3 times.All this should
take only 3 weeks. Then give 10 complan tests. dat will take one week. everything over. last day give the exam.and then apply for univ. Damn Simple!!

papa: (by now floored n charmed by kau's knowledge):wow! And wat is dat "Hotel" test ?

kau: "WAT? its not hotel, its TOEFL. I ll give it this month."
papa: "ya watever. You know so much." (smiles flirtatiously)

kau:" Disgusting! In this mock CAT, a girl topped in ourcollege. WAT a SHAME!
papa:(looks amazed n confused,all at once n looks at kau as if he is talkin swahili)

papa: U on "chirkut" or wat?
kau: Ya, i m ther!

papa: So, wont u give a job-treat to a girl sittin with u,huh?
kau: : Sure! (pulls out n checks his wallet, in case..).

The talk went on, numbers exchanged.

papa: Thanks for such a lovely treat. by the way, dont you think your club needs a first lady,right? I m be of help.(Winks)

Kau: I leave 'no leaf' unturned,when it comes to feminine pulchritude.I detest
the adherence to archaic tradition in the club.

The chennai gumbal was left speechless as they saw the "figure" being
"corrected" by kau in the space of minutes.

Dich heard the news and is still in mourning.



Placement sentiment-1

Hardly a month into the placement season as people all around me get their choicest companies and I go about blogging endlessly. The first of the tech co's for meta was TM and it was the first 'kela' that I got.
The TM debacle wasnt to much of a setback for me!Jobless and unemployed I always was and have no qualms about it even now! Nevertheless,the aftermath witnessed some shocked expressions from the junta,most of whom thought TM was a total cakewalk for me. But alas,they were treated to the biggest disappointment of all times( second only to Germany's unceremonious exit from the WC semifinals.).
Our placements kicked off, the most conventional way (the way its been going on in our college from time immemorial! Two software giants,bulk recuiters,( whose abbrev letters can be subjected to permutation and combination to obtain each others' names), coming back to back! But surprise surprise! All dreams of "bulk" evaporated once the HR and Tech interviews results came! Only 50 were thru (yes 50 thru, and we dont call it bulk, dats our college!). Was this the sign of things to come! There was widespread panic among the "softy" junta who had nursed high hopes till then! News spread rife that our college was no longer on the "favoured" list and that others had caught up with us!
The same week heralded the entry of the most expensive tech recruiter of the non-circuit branches till then(at least for our dept). TM was and is always the talk of the town! But alas they flattered to decieve, if the ppt was anything to go by. The 2 dudes, one a grand ol' man of 60(isnt that the retirement age??) something and the other man a tad younger to him, made their way in to the barn. The ppt was supposed to give an insight into wat the company is all about and y the hell shuld u be part of it. Instead, in half n hour's time, the whole junta was subjected to a series of mindless figures of thousands, various allowances,added benefits,PPF percentages n what not's. The audience was left in a daze as if they had just been treated to the first quarterly returns for FY-2006-07 of TM. Honestly, till then I had only seen such pictures on CNBC India where they talk about turnovers, gross profits, post-tax profits, F&O's and stuff! The young dude seemed to like our campus, because there was (supposedly) a lot of greenery in some areas (the trees must have grown overnight i guess). He compared the campus to their manufacturing facility which also had "big plants" (???..hehehe).Wat still remained a mystery was their profile- marketing or manufacturing?
The written test was held the same day in our net-lab, an online one it was!The same 2 dudes were there as well! The ol' fella was constantly saying something tothe tune of " Attempt every Q. There is no negative("no negative marking" emphasized, bold, capitalized,Italic ...) marking. As if he was endorsing the "matka-maaro"(guessing) thing that we fear doing in tests, due to the negative marking penalty axe on our head! Nevertheless it was a testing one and 6 of us got thru from our dept.
GD was the next round and the all shortlisted candidates were present at the t &p . There were 7 in my group and we were supposed to speak on globalisation! Normally one would smell a fish-market in most gd's here, but today was different! Everything was so amicably done.5 minutes of puttting ur thoughts down and the 15 minutes of talk! I cut loose and blabbered incesantly for a full 2 minutes in my initial burst much to the chagrin of my fellow gd mates who probably must have harboured thoughts of plastering my mouth.Then others got a chance, while I chipped in between,occasionally building on what the others said.
I was one of the 20 gd shortlists. I was the penultimate interview candidate and this wasnt a very encouraging sign at all.The ones who went in before, on an average had interviews which lasted 10 mnutes approx,which were"coolkaal"! My turn came at 7.40 pm, my stomach grumbled harder for food ! "But job u need more than food ", i said to pacify it momentarily!
There were 3 dudes now! The 3rd one had apparently flown in the previous day evening (I overheard their loud phone convo, during the online test.).

To be continued......



placement sentiment-2

hi, to continue from where I had left.
There were 20-odd guys (by guys i mean, only boys, no females at all!)
shortlisted for the interview/s (v didnt know beforehand whether it was just
tech or only a HR).I was made to wait for a marathon 3 hrs in an A/C room (yep,as
if dat was a consolation).In the 3 hrs ,I made a trip to the snackyteria twice.
People on the way probably thought I was done with the I'view.

Later we were informed that, it was just HR, which made it even more
difficult .With two u had a chance of "making up" if at all u got jacked
in one. But here i had just a solitary chance.The candidates who went in came out, well, mostly wid smilin or non-crying faces. The interview time for each candidate just came decreasing all the time like a geometric series. After wat seemed to be an eternity ,my turn came.

I had observed all the previous guys subjecting themselves to ..well.. wat i would call "pre-nterview check-ups" (clearing the parched
throat,adjusting the straight tie,positioning the belt correctly, shuffling and
reshuffling all the contents of the folder,checkin their pant zip..) ,inumerable
times. I dint feel like doin any of those. Maybe I was too eager to rush into the
interview room and finish it off for the sake of my starved tummy, whose growls had
now assumed dangerous proportions or because I was so confidence
personified (or a bit of both maybe!).

There were 3 dudes in the AC filled room. All of them looked pretty
disinterested n exhausted.I identified the extreme 2 as the ppt
dudes. The ol' man was comfortably perched at the left end of the table, facing
me.The "slightly" younger dude was working away furiously on his lap-top. The
man in them middle (middle man)was the one who ,I thought, would ask me the bulk of the questions. And so he did.

Me: (Opening the door), excuse me sir?
All 3 in unision: Yes Yes, come come!!

Me: God evening Sirs (managed yet another broad, 32-bit smile of mine)!
All: Good Vishwanath. Please sit down. Sorry to keep you waitin
for so long!

Me: (smilin)Sir, its ok. Its worth waitin for a company like yours.
I couldnt help marvelling at myself for such an effortless, spontaneous ,
straight-faced,white lie. I mentally gave myself a pat on the back.

Middle man : (lookin disinterested in my comment as he glanced through my
resume ,at least he appeared to do so)
" So, u are from meta . wat type of job do u want?"(Sir , basically an
investment banking profile wont be bad.)

Me: "I am interested in the marketing profile that you offer."

Middle man:(sounding serious) " Actuaaally, we dont have any vacancy or
requirements in that profile.Any other profile?

Me: "Sir, I have given mfg as the next preference."

Middle man: "hmm... Actuallly even that seems to be difficult." (Sheesh..Was
this some kind of an employment exchange office.)

Me: (sounded undaunted): " Sir,anything remotely connected with mfg or meta
would also be interesting."

Ol' man:( His debut in the interview): Tell me abt...(middle man cuts him
off).. obviously the Q was " tell me something about urself?". A Q which many
dread the most and the need behind so many countless personality-development
classes and cramming "know-urself" notes.

I was just about to open my mouth when middle man (obviously feelin left
out) ,asked
" So , u r prepared for any thing our company offers,huh?"

Me: "Yes sir.It would be a very rewarding association, no matter wherever I
work in ur organization" (Jhoot boley Kauva kaatey!)

young man: (finally breaking his mouna-vrat): " You dont mind travellin also?
Because v have a plant comin up in this state X(one of the "relatively new
states" he mentioned)."

Me:"Yes sir, i dont mind it at all.It would be a new learning experience for
me.New place, new people"

young man: " Good.The profile in the new plant is of Y mfg, (then he went about
intricacies.. blah blah..given a chnace i would have yawned there itself.)

middle man: " Tell me something about his state X?

This simply wasnt a test of my geography knowledge.There was something more to
it , I realized by the expression on their faces. something said that these
dudes had already made up their minds on their final list and the were just
playing around with me, giving it the semblance of a casual hr interview so dat
I wouldnt return to hostel disappointed. True realization descended " Vishwesh
u r not getting thru, by any stretch of ur imagination. its over." everything
was over. To bad dude!!

Everything after that ..well.. seemed ordinary, even though it was normal Q-A.

Nevertheless,I politley gave them all they wanted on state X.

ol' man (still not satisfied wid the talk, it was already 8pm): Why do u want
this profile ?"

I built up some fundas somehow conecting meta wid the work in the profile. (No
matter wat the situation,the bluffing continued relentlessly.)

more followed on wat would be the ideal material for a car in terms of the
cost,properties etc if they were to make low-budget one.

I dug out my vast meta prowess. suggested a whole lot of new materials. they
appeared satisfies.
But I wasnt getting thru. that was the bottomline.

middle man: : " Do u have any Q's??"
I wasnt in a mood to ask anything . But I asked them about the allied activities of the organization, their dealings, their recent mergers and acquistions if any (displaying the curiosity of a loyal,retail shareholder.)

i shook my head blankly at the answers, couldnt wait to get the hell outta the place asap.

middle man: " thanks a lot. have a nice day"(shook hands)
Me: (smilin) "thank you sirs."

20 minutes of timepass had ended.

I was the penultimate candidate. I felt sorry for the dude after me. He would soon discover y.

my first "kela" of the placement season!