Jajment

That my room stays locked for most part of the day is no surprise and to say that it serves as a virtual lodge would be an understatement.Perhaps the only time it finds favour with guys is when one of them drops in to get a good afternoon's sleep(dich,he says my room induces sleep thanks to its 'AC' effect) or when one of them needs the day's edition of the spicy TOI.One of them is jaj!Jaj fancies himself as the official wandering tramp of pearl hostel. You will be forgiven for mistaking him for the wild boar-hogging,Roman bashing Gaul Obelix of 'Asterix' fame. The fat belly of his is really hard to miss as it tries hard to push out of his T-shirt like an inflated balloon. He has a large appetite(pun intended) for words, and he has got the 'balls'(pun again) to smash any english lits event at any place, at any time.
No sooner has he brushed his teeth, he lumbers his way to the vetti wing. He
surveys all open rooms along the way, till he reaches dich's room which is his
obvious favourite.
Jaj's favourite pastime is pulling dich's leg's and in the process adding a few
more Tamil swear words to his already swelling lexicon. Jaj quite dutifully and
successfully fulfills all the 'hostel' duties like staying jobless for hours
together,listening to gossip and doing bakar . If he is lucky he gets charge of dich's comp in the room and then its CS all the way.He has this rather
unconventional stance of playing the game. His fat,bucket-like palms rest on
the battered and bruised keyboard, the fore legs of the chair are raised while
he supports himself on its hind legs. He has mastered this art to
perfection( Not that it guarantees safety to anyone sitting behing him on the
floor!). He goes about on his firing spree till he finds that he is no match
for the BOT. A spell of unmentionables(obviously directed towards the BOT) is
let out in fury, in whatever sparse tamil he knows. Whether its a confrontation
with dich or CS, decibel levels are always on the higher side.

jaj's obsession for his second job is the talk of the hostel now-a-days. He
was made to look gullible when he sat
for a company which presented quite a rosy profile of itself. Unfortunately, jaj was
selected.Since then he has been following the entire placement scenario under a
microscope. He is quick to latch on to anything which he consdiers a clue about
the new companies, their arrival date etc. He could go to any lengths to force
the beans to be spilt- take one of the cic-reps() out for a casual dinner at
a gate and after a hearty meal spend a few hours of mindless bakar and slowly
but gradually sliping in the placement issue so that they let out their secrets.
Unfortunately his indecision isnt helping him either. Raaraa's wise-cracks
only add to his misery.Its been going along for sometimes. Raaraa gives him
assurances about the most awaited 'big ones'. jaj plays the waiting game skipping the 'small ones' for it. But a day before the supposed big-one, jaj dsicovers that is is actually a "tech profile" which leaves him high,dry and frustrated. jaj's gpa doesnt help matters much.
Jaj is probably the biggest placement critic that the college has had for
years. He cant understand the logic behind so many tech companies descending on
our campus for placements. When you remind him that this is a T-school and
there are as many software companies as tech, he is quick to retort that there
should be more of non-software and non-tech offers (Why dont you try your luck
in Bollywood, sunshine!!). He even went to the extent of dashing of a
suggestion-letter titled "i will teach you how to recruit potential candidates
like me" to a particular firm after he failed to make it!
All this hulabaloo for just one thing: A Bloddy, Friggin double job!!!
If you thought this is the end of story, wait a minute, keep your fingers
crossed! For you just know he wants a double job to get out of his OC profile,
you dont know what about that profile scares him,(rather who about the profile
scares him). Well no marks for guessing! Its good old papa!! She was and is
news always, isnt she! She has been the raw-material for jaj's nightmares. The thought of himself and her working in adjacent, AC filled cubicles, sends
cold shivers down his spine. The mere mention of papa scares him out of his
wits.( wouldnt be a bad idea to refer to her as the "You-know-who" or "She-Who-Must-Not-be-Named" ,harry potter fame).

No surprises here, considering his hate-turned-phobia for females.Jaj comes
along as a really spineless dude when it comes to girls. Due his age-old
isolation from the fairer sex, he is facing a crisis of sorts.Stories are rife
that he knew about a girl in school only through his mom and that too
when he was in engg college. The introduction to chirkut
seemed just the right medium to connect with females. At least he dint hav to
talk to them face-to-face and avoid wetting his pants in fear. But paranoid jaj
has his own share of problems here too! He cant get along with any damn female.
He has narrowed his fem-quest only to ..er..well..Pallakkad females.Come what
may,he still cant get papa out of his mind (one of thsoe love-hate things)
. The heart-break after the kau incident explains it.

To give you an idea of how a conversation between jaj and papa would sound,lets
take a quick fast-forward. For more see the post below

Papa's jajment day

Jaj and papa in OC, Bangalore:

Papa: (sees jaj, waves out to him) hey,hi,i have seen before,arent u from NITT?
Jaj: (looks back to check whether its really him or someone else, hesitates).
Er..ya..hi..I m from NITT.

Papa:oh! (strectches out her hand).hi.. I m lux papa!
Jaj: Er..( hesitates,dreads the possibility of shaking hands with papa, looks
around if anyone is watching)..I ..er.. just came out of the toilet now..sorry!
anyways.. Hi..jaj here!aaa.. nice meeting u.

jaj makes a dash towards the elevator to show her that he is busy but she
stalks him all the way. In the elevator:

papa:(pulls out her hanky and mirror from her bag) No probs yaar! (checks her
make-up).. I have seen u around for quite some time.Its strange v are from the
same college and havent spoken for a yr.
Jaj: (doesnt know what to say)..Er..I..I was a bit busy ..i dont think i
noticed you were around!


papa:(smiles, turns on her seductive charm)too busy..or..just too busy for me
jaj: (terrified, sweats profusely)i..i... dont know what u talking about!And in
any case I dont know you that well either.

papa: Oh c'mon, we got selected and rejected for the same companies countless times.Dont u think its something more than co-incidence??
jaja: (nervously) yes, it is something more than co-incidence..We were both useless 7-pointers. And even though u had a better C.G than me,u r stalking me like hell.


papa: Loosu! Why are u getting so frightened of me?? Oh, you thought I am
gonna ask you for a treat,like kau, right?? clever boy!I m not going to ask
anything from you. Is that ok?
jaj: (cools himself down,breathing heavily)Gosh kau!! you took a treat out of
that guy in college! (gets a measure of how powerful she can be,pauses)....ok..look..I
have to go..i have lots of work!

Suddenely the elevator comes to a halt!! The two are stuck inside!
papa looks as unfazed as ever,looks at jaj and flashes a wicked smile!

papa: Your work can wait and anyways it just the two of us here, so there's no
escaping!
jaj:( mutters a few tamil swear words under his breath)

papa: Hey, that! Those words sound soo familiar! arent they part of the dich-
slang??
jaj: yes.He promised to teach me tamil and taught me this instead, that idiot,
dog! But how do you know dich??

papa: aaah dich! shared some good times with him! He was good but not good
enough to deserve me! Had to chuck him and move on ,u know(says it as-a-matter-
of-factly). But he made a good courier-service guy, transporting notes and
stuff ,hostel to hostel
jaj: (Now start to feel a li'l more intimidated and scared of papa)..oo.. okk..
(wondering wat she will do next)

papa: Hey leave all the talk about guys.( Runs her fingers over her hair)How am
I looking today??
jaj: (fear filled, the look of a hostage, still looking at the
floor)..er..well.. nice..yes nice!

papa: Loser!! Cant you even see a girl in her face and talk?? Do I have to
teach you that too?? (Holds his face firmly so that it faces hers). Now tell
me, how do I look?? (winks her eye)

jaj:(limbs totally shaking and shivering with fear, summons all his courage,
looks at her for a split millisecond,turns his face away) nice.. cute!!

papa: (gives him a light slap on the face) Only cute?? nothing more than that??
Anyways,at least tell me how does this dress look on me!

jaj: (just too much for him, he is on his knees now, closes his eyes, shakes
his head) Shiv shiva!!pls forgive this girl n me too!!(slaps himself,prays to god)

Draws the lakshman rekha on the elevator floor with a pen, seperating him and
her
papa: (flabbergasted, half smiling, half confused) Cant you appreciate genuine
beauty? Now Wat the hell is wrong with you, y are u drwing that line, jaj?

jaj: dont cross that line! Dont step any further(his plight is now that of a
helpless woman standing in front of gulshan grover approaching her with hungry
eyes).

papa: (a laugh) Relax da!! Tell me, do I look like someone who would harm you,
I mean considering your size and mine. Do you talk like this to all girls?

jaj: Daddy told me not to talk to girls! My daddy was right!I even hate using
girl names(on the point of crying) Sings the nursery rhyme taught to him.
jajant jajant, yes papa
Seeing girls, no papa
telling lies, no papa
Open your eyes, wah wah wah!!

papa: Hey, that is my name which you are using at the end of every line,dumbo!
jaj: Oh sorry, i dint realize!

papa:cool cool! (stretches her hand out ), friends?
jaj: (looking a bit more composed now) No, I dont have any 'FRIENDS' cd's with
me,all that you wanted has been written and couriered to you by dich!!

papa: Poda mokkai (chaat)!! I was asking ,we are friends, arent we??
jaj: I guess ya! But it will be safe naa, I mean,I havent had female friends before.Daddy says....

papa: Oh shut up!! gr8, then!! Things always happen for the good! lets just say, I am your first girlfriend (grins, pats him on the back). I will add you in chirkut as my 500th victim. By the way , your Tamil sounds awesome, i'll teach much more tamil then wat Dich taught u and (pauses)..much more than tamil too!

jaj: So,..ya.. forgot to ask! Wat r ur hobbies other than filling up CV's and resumes,sitting for companies for a double job, attending interviews . Infact(now emphatic)I have the same set of hobbies, u know!

papa: Wow!!U too!! v have so much in common da! Infact I luv solving crossies,( takes out a crossie from her bag), isnt this a crossword??

jaj: (smiles) yeah... I ll teach u how to solve crossies. Infact very people know that I m the crossie king. They hav no "clue" who i m !!
papa: (charmed thoroughly, hands on her cheeks, open mouthed) wow!!u r soooo good!!

jaj: Oopss.. (rubs his stomach). I just realized... I m hungry now! I wish v could go to the gate if someone sponsors us!

papa: No worry! its on me! I'll treat u at home! I can make good rasam rice, (closes her eyes ,licks her lips) and I m sure u'll luvvvv mom's curd rice! (proclaims softly) After all, The best way to a man's heart is (eyes jaj's stomach) thru his belly naa?

As luck would have it , the elevator springs back to life.People look on as jaj and papa walk out hand in hand.

Regards

Vishwesh