"V"ivacious

It felt like any other Saturday except for the fact that there was something special in the offing. After a few busy weeks,the plan to meet "V" was to materialize.
I address her as "V" since her parents like mine did not believe in the principle of KISS ("keeping it short n sweet") while naming her. The location for our rendezvous this time was conveniently chosen as R-City, an amazingly large mall very well-known in the eastern suburb environs of Ghatkopar which is equidistant from our respective homes. I dint mind it one bit - "V" was spot-on in her choice of locations.

As luck would have it, the scheduled time of 3.30 pm could not be honoured by both of us. I made my way into the mall quite obscenely decorated with flashy designs which resembled stockings with color all around and flags fluttering at the entrance. Perspiration poured out just like water from over-flooded reservoirs & it covered my forehead each time I wiped it clean; No! it wasnt the thought of meeting "V" that made me perspire but the summer was taking full toll of me.
Having reached there by 4 and unable to find her, I felt a mini sense of victory thinking I had reached earlier than her. I dialled her number only to hear from her that she has reached a good 10-minutes ago and in one of the floors upstairs scouting for potential shopping hot-spots.

She dint mind my late attendance as she was busy indulging herself in the feminine hobby of "checking" out the costliest dresses on the 1st floor. She instantly located me through the unusually sparse Saturday crowd while still on the call. She had a earphone dangling out from a ear which begged for more music.
Today she had worn a lovely grey T with a black "over-dress" and black pants which made her look slimmer though I dint admit. Her hair fell neat on her shoulders. "V" flashed her 100-watt 'welcome mister' smile which could have brought the crowd to a grinding halt if not for their frenzied window-shoppping. We dint stop too.

We made our way up to the food-court as I checked out the heavily-decked men's suitings stores, electronic shops, fun & gaming zones, till we reached upstairs. There's something about "V" which serves as the source of stamina for her to talk endlessly unless interrupted, unmindful of where we are. Today she sounded really fresh despite the sveltering heat outside. Maybe a transfer of energy-levels from her to me could restore some equality, I thought.

I could sense that a part of her wanted to rush to the ladies' garment section given a chance since she had only half-checked it thanks to my sudden call. "V" ranted, rather apologetically, about how shopping for her sister (Read " shopping with her sister") was still unfinished business as per her. Its official: Girls cant resist splurging which they seldom admit.

Her thoughts snapped once we reached the food-court which was housed in a very large area on the toop-floor which also has the multiplex. We spotted a small table bang in the centre of the food-court. "V" is a die-hard sucker for filter-coffee thanks to her typical south-indian (tamil)upbringing in Mumbai. My dislike for coffee, quite a known fact by now,dint bother her; we sat down with 2 refreshing cups of masala chai and lots of talk.
"V" had started off on her rich agenda of topics and shot point-blank as usual. No, it wasnt about our MBA class pursuits. We had long got over class mock-tests, CAT/XAT/SNAP scores, percantiles, after-class sessions and other such pains in life. In-fact one of this very pains was the reason we had reached till this very point. "V" is a girl smart & sharp enough to handle almost anything in life except for her math abilities which is a perennial weakness and a big pain for her.

I have often wondered if only there was an extra section of witty remarks/sarcastic humour in each of these exams, she would top them all hands-down. Nevertheless, unlike most females , she made no bones of her weaknesses.She was happy about my B-school calls and I couldnt help thinking that a day with her would prepare me well for all possible GDs & PIs.

Chairs around us changes, people came and went, people at the counters changed but we remained deep-rooted in our seats. Time n again, V would push her hair back from her face and scan the entire food-court for any potential irritants ( her office colleagues, friends who stay closeby) to be absolutely sure there eas no eavesdropping.
"V's" free-flowing ability to talk and talk non-stop at length & speed, describing every minute/miniscule detail of time (till seconds),place,person (physical descriptions included), emotion and her ever-expanding memory can put a Pentium-5 microprocessor to shame.
Some of our engrossing talks centred around:

. Her mother's recent efforts to fatten her up and repeated comments on her waistlines from every quarter in her family. My jokes on her maintaining a supposed "size zero" frame were met with the same retorts of " I wont listen to anybody" as she mused over her cup of masala tea wshing for it to become invisible.

. One of her Chembur office managers whom she had just spotted a few tables away digging into a big sandwich. Not surprisingly she had "kind" words for her.

. Her favourite red dress which got oil-soaked accidentally which meant 400 bucks down the drain. (I expressed my desire for a kitchen cleaning cloth which attracted a stare and some sarcasm from her.)

. Her bestest friend "K" & "K's" boyfriend whom I had, by now, picturized as a person on the "to-be-met" list.

. Her dear cousins whom we have conveniently re-chirstened as "Katrina" & "Akki" respectively.

. Her new black bag which instantly attracted my attention even though I am no critic on women's accessories.

. Her dad (Took a major chunk of our time. Her tea had gone cold. Mine empty)

. Her work. (she audits people)

. IPL (Surprise, surprise?? Not a bit..she sees it for Rohit Sharma though my offers to buy his posters for her room were met with strong rejections.)

. Refreshing good old memories of the past 5 months (No, it wasnt doubt-clearing sessions on quadratic equations)

After almost 4 hrs which passed by unnoticed, we were thoroughly exhausted; she from the talking & I from the listening.
One of "V's" fervent complaints is that most people dont listen, they just hear. Point taken Sir. I did perform my duties well today. I mentally gave myself a pat on the back for the achievement.

Proof of the listening?? You just read it , mate !!


Regards


Vish

Deciphering corporate lingo

Its actually quite a puzzle to figure out what goes on in the minds of the top bosses of an organization. When the going is good, its supposed to be everyone's company and when its bad its my company and i kick u out. Weird huh??. Its during these "going good" times that the HR chips in with their quota of training-cum-competency development programmes. Moe often than not, these sessions are packed in the final weeks of the fiscal year when the HR dept eventually break their yr long slumber.
One such training session was spread over a whole week for the 1st week of march. It was one "designed" to sharpen & give shape to our already existing skills since it was supposed to be essential for "superior business performance to leverage the stregnths." There is something to the current fiscal status of a company and the discovery & use of new hi-fi management jargons. The relation is a very direct one would agree. An evidence for this was the very fromal mail for this training session. The mail for the training wasn't short of a wedding invitation although no one was willing to bet on whether it would be as enjoyable as one.It looked as if the Oxford dictionary had worked overtime for the mail and with its outrageous sprinkling of management fundas it sounded like a subtle. Some snippets:

The giant strides of progress we have made are in line with our larger goals for the next 5 years to meet our custemers latent desires.

What it means: We made 4 lac nos., we sold 3.8 lac nos. Not bad!! Next time make sure everything is pushed well into the market.

The fruits of success have finally begun to ripen. The architects of these herculean achievements are undoubtedly all of you. You have made yourselves & and your company proud.

What it means: Damn! i cant belive it! you guys managed to sell it all. How on earth did u do it??

We have achievements tremendous growth in sales & valuations despite the turbulent scenario, the skewed exchange rates, the volatile interest rates (some more rates). But we still shouldnt be happy!

What it means: You did good. ..Doesnt mean you ask for a raise. You wont get any. Remember what Lord krishna told arjuna in the Gita!

It that time of the year wherein you can revel in your success. Give yourselves a pat on the back. But make sure you dont rest on your laurels.

What it means: Party now! ITs now or never!! You never know when I will change my mind. Doesnt mean you take frequent leaves, you still have to report to work tomorrow. Work your a**es even harder now.

Its an example of how well the company vision has been cascaded to all levels with your consent & participation.

What it means: We have successfully drilled our ideoloy into your minds with absolutely no room for your stupid questions. We dont care whether you like it or not. If you dont like anything, learn to respect your bosses' decisions and learn to accept stuff as it is.

The goals we have set are not easy. The pitfalls are many, the hurdles insurmountable and the market unpredicatble.

What it means: I cant guranatee that you will be on the payroll of the company for too long. You are so gonna be screwed, baby!

Its that time when the grains are seperated from the chaff; The strong from the weak.

What it means: Only the luckiest sons of b****es will survive, others will have to find a job pretty soon!

And the strongest indication of strength is the posession of knowledge, skill & attitude all at once. This is what distinguishes the best from the ordinary.

What it means: The training will transform you into those lucky sons of b****es!

Your process is quite critical to the sound functioning of the sector to meet the future business challenges.

What it means: what would I do without you?

Hence it becomes inevitable that you are equipped with the necessary skills to manage & design new,improved & robust processes & systems for superior business performance.

What it means: I dont dont what its all about but I want you all at the training

The HR training & development team have conceptualised & designed the program in a way that will appeal to all and take care of your on-the-job training lacunae, if any.

What it means: My boss has received a complaint from Sr.VP HR that you guys treat them quite shabbily. i am getting jacked for no fault of mine!

It will be a 5-day long residential training session in-line with your functional training requirements. It will serve as the necessary break to re-assess and introspect our approach

What it means: Geez..You guys are on a company-paid holiday for a week. So what if it is just 80 km from Mumbai, dont expect us to take you to the beaches of Bahamas.

If any person, for any particular reason has contraints in attending the program, he/she is free to meet any of us.

What it means: We dont like "No" for an answer. We dont care what problems you have in life or what the program is all about. We want 100% attendance.



Regards

Vish

The weekend hike

My quota of travel for the season has just begun. I sincerely gave it a thought to have a twitter account just to contend with regular travel & still stay in touch with as many of my people. Morever, it is the new "in" thing in social networking; so they say. But I instantly shot down this idea for 2 particular reasons. Firstly, my brain seems to have reached all-time saturation levels and refuses to remember new passwords, IDs, secret questions (yes..these are absolute necessities if you forget passwords on a consistent basis). Secondly and most importantly,you need to have followers to be in twitter.

Having said that, the overtly mad craze for social networking hasn't showed any signs of subsiding yet. Or maybe it has just started. For the moment though, the bug doesnt seem to have bit me well enough. It was startling to be called a loser by one of my very close friends the other day just because I didnt know of a certain "fishville" game. Yeah right !!
Fishville, Farmville as amusing as the names of these games get, its almost as if you are from the stone-age if you haven't tried your hand at any of them. Personally, I was a die-hard sucker for orkut thanks to its user-friendly format. Despite the many changes it has undegone, the makers have made sure it requires no user-guide for anyone to maneouvre through. Virtual networking seems to have taken a backseat for me; u see nothing does match up to personalised physical presence.
And what better way to chill with mates than a 2 day hike on the weekend!

The ground-work for the hike had been laid out long ago thanks to a series of chain-mails fuelled by a certain Mr. "Yogi" who had made it absolutely clear by then that he wasn't really loaded with work. The result: As expected, it received an overwhelming response & a thumbs-up from the "trekking" junta.




Well, getting to the travel part of it. For a change it was a far-cry from the routine, boring supplier visits/out-door duties which are so much a part-n-parcel of the job. Infact it was a trip close to spirituality & history, quite far from the bustle of city life. Social networking would have been the last thing one anybody's list..(agreed..but then its always part of the list).




So finally, the 17 of us did set off on a 2-day hike to a place called Raigad. It is place loacated nearly 90 km from Mumbai, a fair distance from the Mumbai-Pune route. An amazing fort built by the great Maratha warrior-king Shivaji in the 17th century, in the environs of the massive Sahyadri mountain ranges (close in resemblance to the Grand Canyon), 2800 ft above sea-level!



To be honest, it wasnt as challenging or arduous a trek as some of the earlier ones were, where loosing your grip and slipping were common sights. Still, with 17 of us, there is always a strong lurking possibility that a few flashes of extreme dare-devilry could ruin the whole thing. Thankfully, the heroics were within palpable limits. It was just a 3 hr trek climbing up but the scorching heat ensured that by the time we reached the summit our energies had been sapped to nil.


As a matter of fact, unlike most other places, forts in Maharashtra are always on mountain tops. The topography of Maharashtra with its sprawling & sometimes treacherous ranges was an asset to the Maratha kings who preferred it that way since they were naturally gifted in mountaineering & guerilla tactics and could easily ward/fight off their enemies, especially the Mughals who preferred the plains.



A trek to any of these mountain-forts would leave you marvelling at how they were built at such seemingly inaccessible places at high altitudes complete with provisions for running a full-fledged city; markets, stables for horses & cattle, temples, granaries, water systems, massive palace courts, watch-towers & vigilance check points etc. All of which have managed to survive for centuries & now lie in ruins. Hats off to these super dare-devils and their fine sense of architecture too.



One notable feature was the highest point in Raigad called "Takmak Tok". It drops down almost vertically into the valley. Centuries ago, serious crimes had only one punishment- Death. The criminal would be tied up with ropes , put in a sack and would be thrown down this spot. Seriously, there is something about history that sends shivers down your spine, more so when you imagine it happen.

Some things which do not change irrespective of the trek - the relentless Dumb Charade & Antakshari sessions (preparations for which start almost a month in advance), intense photo sessions (outrageous poses) which serve as a serious impediment if you want to complete the trek in the stipulated time.
Nevertheless, here are a few "drops" from the "ocean"

Regards

Vish

Ajab CAT ki ghazab kahaani !

Strange things happen! Technology does come up with its share of betrayals especially when it is looked upon as an ever-reliable enabler. At a time when most Bollywood hits bombed at the box-office and a sudden vacuum in T20 cricket, the online CAT'09 served as the perfect blockbuster with some much-needed action. It had all the ingredients which any die-hard fan would normally associate with a 2 n half hr long Bolly film/ T20 match. There was action, drama, thrill, suspense.. (er..no romance here).. No marks for guessing who the villans & victims were. Whats more, as is the case every year, its cash registers were ringing with the moolah of 2.4 lac young, eager & unassuming students who were in for a surprise! A real rude one! Dawn the 28th of December, disaster struck on the 1st day itself as a supposed virus/bug broke through, rendering all the arrangements ineffective, causing the CAT to flunk its first day. IIMs blamed the virus, students blamed the IIMs and the test-agency,the test ageny blamed the PCs. Whats more, there were concerns of re-tests which contributed to the blood-bath for the next few days.

The 5th day; 2nd of of Nov and the 30 odd cities with 300 something CAT centres geared up for the test which would be spread over the remaining period of days. Mumbai had its share of 5 centres to cater to the student population. Each centre had both morning & evening sessions. The morning sessions begun at 10.30 sharp and most candidates were advised, pretty wisely, to report 2 hrs in advance to their repective centres to complete the set of rituals before the Computer Based test and, most importantly, get accustomed to a PC in front of you for the exam instead of a paper & pen. The feel at the examination centres was just so "not-exam-like". In contrast to the normal paper-pen exam, there were no parents waiting with bated breath outside the exam rooms like husbands outside maternity wards, no herds of students wielding their class notes like AK-47's, no mad frenzy in the air.
The only thing in the air was the stench from the garbage lorry stationed adjacent to the gate of the college which was my exam centre. The man at the entrance stopped me & grunted for my identity. I shoved everything into his hand as if he were a airport security officer. He pretended to understand & read the info (obviosuly printed in english)and then stepped aside to permit me in. A mini-line stood at the stairs and each of us were given our respective floor numbers, classes & PC nos. As I made my way upstairs, there was yet another mini-queue where screening was done "airport-style" minus the X-ray machine & metal detector. The only difference being that our pockets were turned outside-in, all the contents consfiscated & sealed in plastic bags usually reserved for storing perishables.
I then proceeded to the plush, AC-filled room which housed 30 computers. 2 well-dressed dudes, rather over-dressed dudes who donned dark blue aprons were seated in the first row. I failed to understand the logic behind this outrageous dress sense which would have otherwise sounded suitable in a scientific laboratory.
One of them grunted for my paper content and I gave it to him..What was this?? Some kind of a grunt fest or rudeness competition? After the verification, I was summoned to sit in the chair facing the cam connected to the computer and my pic was taken. Finger prints from both hands were taken. Wow! all this sounded straight out of a Holly flick where a bank locker housed a billion dollars with Z-level security to protect it.
The biometrics over, I was given 2 HB pencils,an eraser, a rough sheet,a do's & Donts laminated sheet and directed to my PC where my just-taken photo flashed on the upper-right corner of the screen. "Not bad" i thought as I momentarily gazed at it and mentally gave myself a pat on the back, wondering whether it would easily qualify as one of my best & chic display pictures in orkut or facebook. I instantly shook off the thought reminding myself that it was pretty ridiculous to think of social networking just an hr before the CAT exam. And in any case, even if I demanded the pic for my personal use, Mr. grunt wouldnt so much as hand it over in a flash for anything in the world.
As the minuites ticked by, students/candidates trickled in. Both my "neighbours" has come now. Both were girls (not that i expected girls swarming around in the CAT examination). And it wouldnt have made a difference; the guy-tendency to stare at females seems to evaporate in the face of competition, no matter how much estrogen is present in the hall at the given time. I shared a polite " good luck" smile with each of them and they shared a smile which bordered on "good luck" & "baby, we are so screwed!".
The one on the right wore a orange kurta n jeans and the one on the left was in a magenta salwar. Unlike most mumbai girls who are intrested in appearances of other girls & hell-bent on making style statements, fashion,for these 2 girls, seemed secondary . Both looked like they had been locked up in a room filled with CAT-study material for the past one year. Their lack of interest in the activity around them and their nerdy demeanour made it absoultely clear to me that they would surely crack it & get calls from at least 4 of the 7 IIMs.

35 minutes to go. The entire class, by now, was subjecting itself to "pre-examination mannerisms": visitng the wash-rooms, having a glass of water, some even sharpening their already sharpened pencils, some adjusting their shirts as if it was an interview, some dudes praying silently, some trying hard to remember complex quants formulae and a few like me sitting quietly and studying the desktop. I picked up the "Dos & Dont's" sheet, printed on both sides. As per universal norm, the "Dont's" seem to exceed the "Do's". Our movements would be monitored constantly by cameras to catch cheaters, it read. Now, this was truly Z-class!!

15 minutes from the start..Mr Grunt and his friend went over each computer and logged a big password and ID and came to a page which requested yet another password n ID. Then came a tutorial page which ,it said, would give us the feel of the exam. The tutorial over, we were then directed to the test link which required a good 3 minutes to upload and at 10.00 am sharp the big T20 test for me started.

Regards

Vish

Corporate culture

As I swipe my card and enter the brightly-lit, plush office which wears its corporate aura yet again at the dawn of a new day; I hear the usual phone calls, telecon sessions, vendor bashing, shortages,inventories, feasability talk, cost,quality,delivery,dispatch,...poooh.

But yet I somehow feel out of place.

Then I walk to where my work cubicle is and I fail to identify which one is mine (especially if everything's in the right place).
Not surprising if you are travelling half the month.

And then the boss/bosses notice that they havent seen me for ages and just as I put my back-side to rest and attempt to seat myself conmfortably, there is invariably an interrogation session around the corner.

Good morning. Where have you been? Long time, yaar!!" Trying their utmost to sound like long-lost pals at their cheerful and calming best, as if I had just returned from a vacation in Disneyland.

Where have you been??
You ought to know where I have been since its you who delegates work and you get paid for doing it, right?


" Sir, I had to attend to some pending development issues in of "A" project at "X" supplier in "B"city and then had to rush off all of a sudden to Y vendor."
(Damn supplier X & Supplier Y. They could easily win oscars for spoiling some else's holiday!)

Then what follows is a full-on, 10-minute verbal report of X & Y vendors.
The verbal report serves its purpose of calming any unfound fears, if there were any,that I was on a paid holiday under the pretext of "official" duty.

" So, developments on in full swing, huh?" cuts in one of the other bosses who it seems is having a field day with no work to do.
(That, these days, seems a very common phenomenon since the "delegating" job doesnt take much time.)

Weekends for are at a premium these days!
And if there ever was a long one,
(A long weekend for me is a non-working Saturday & Sunday)it invariably does end up in travel within town.
The previous weekend had come came with its share of travails. Not that it bothered me much since I had just completed a 3-day soujourn of Chennai & Nashik.

Friday was supposed to be a half-day which ended up being a hectic full-day thanks to "What's Your Rashee?". As it was, the only two things that seemed intresting were priyanka and the ttitle track. (The guy who recommended the movie was lucky enough to escape getting bashed up or paying a re-fund to the 12 of us who went for it carrying high hopes.).
And then we waited, with bated breaths & increased desperation,for what we call as the "honeymoon" period.
Yes you heard it right!
The Sept-to-Nov period is what i call the "honeymoon" period for most employees. Usually peppered with a series of festivals, it easily qualifies as the most unproductive season of the financial year as far as work is concerned.
Most blokes wouldnt care working just weeks before the festivities begin, since its the "run up-to-the-event" time and no one's in the "mood" to slog.
And guess what? No one's prepared to work after the fun gets over, since they are yet to shake off the festive "mood" (hangover as some may call it)!!

Good god, such strange ways of keeping away work! (Just say "No", that will do!)


Regards

Vish

IPL fever

If ever there was a very colourful outburst of glitz, glamour, hype n hoopla, color and lights with a sea of people thrown in, it wouldnt have matched the IPL. Add to this 2 things which make India go crazy: Bollywood & cricket and every logic goes for a toss. The initial build-up to the IPL by virtue of its aggressive media campaign splashed all over the newspapers, TV, net & radio was something any marketing guy could learn from.
This massive IPL seduction ensured that the other IPL (Indian political league, which so many channels had cunningly christened to garner some miniscule viewership) had to be content with a shrinking fan-following.Surely, it did overshadow the election drama which failed to make an impact, at least in mumbai. Mumbai with its extended weekend had only 2 out of 5 people polling. Appalling to say the least, considering the whole hue n cry raised after 26/11 and the 'wake up' campaign. And you thought educated people would go all out to vote.

Anyways, back to IPL,some very interesting things of note;

1) The spotlight was more on the owners than on the performers. Rather it seemed as if the owners 'paid n performed' rather than 'paid the players to perform'.

2) Controvery stalked SRK like his shadow.
His gimmick of distributing golden mukuts failed miserably.
His 4-captain theory was rubbished by the pundits and thrown into the dustbin even before it came into effect ( A very popular anecdote doing the rounds on sms suggested that the 1st captain was for the toss, the 2nd for choosing the team, the 3rd for effecting the field changes and the 4th as a substitute captain)

3) Yet another anecdote on SRK after his team took a beating from every other team in the tournament was the one which likened him to Mahatma gandhi since both of them were 'insulted' in south africa!

Fair say..The knight riders had their daylights knocked out


4) Rains played spoil-sport in the initial parts of the tournament and transformed the T-20 matches into T-10 & T-5 matches (glimpse of the future??).The mathematicians had to work overtime to calculate the new scores. And the players were paid millions.

5) Men were auctioned off to the respective franchisees to the tune of millions. The only time when Shilpa & Preity would have fancied fighting over a man( in real life).

6) Man of the match awards have gone out of the window the window after Preity's "Jaadoo ki jhaapis". Shilpa" Hot" Shetty could well have her own brand of cricket (different bats,balls,cricket gear etc) just like "shilpa yoga".

7) JP duminy - $ 950000, Kevin pietersen - $ 1550000, Dada - $ 1092000.
Cheer-girls - $$$$$$$.....Priceless.

There are some things money cannot buy and those are the most attractive ones!

8) PVI - Paisa Vasool Index which measured the performance + brand value of a player, was invented . (Not long ago we discovered the zero)


9) Lalit would have had his heart in his mouth firstly when the elections knocked off any ideas he entertained of having an 'Indian' IPL and when the heavens opened up in south Africa. But he is currently on a splurging his excesses albeit for charity work in SA.

10) Its becoming increasingly difficult to decide which team to support.
I have changed my allegiance at least 4-5 times now.

(It started off with rajasthan since they won the last time, they failed miserably this time - > Mumbai indians 'cos of a dashing opening partnership, till their losing spree started...then chennai and lately its Kings Punjab. I luv Preity tll then..)


Regards

vish

Corporate culture - Part 1

There's more to work than just the desk,the PC, the heaps of files and documents,bosses,suppliers and the likes. Each day (day in office I mean) is an event in itself. but some things never change.I have ,quite flawlessly, managed to maintain my (unofficial) reporting time as 9 am ,every day; which is actually a very blatant, 15-min violation of the official time of 8.45 am. Without sounding proud or emphatic, I should say "its an art well mastered". Even in my wildest dreams, never have I fantasised myself swiping in at the official company time.

Just as I trudge into our posh, brightly-lit office, I am greeted by a half-filled office which makes me look like an early bird. Not surprising!!I give myself a pat on the back, mentally. Then the junta starts trickling in slowly but gradually. Some people wait with bated breath and count down seconds for the shrill 'breakfast' bell to ring at 9.30 which is a signal for everyone to put down everything before them and have a bite. A few minutes later, the 'breakfast' place strewn with samosa or 'bhajji' pieces and cups of tea resembles a battle-field thanks to some clumsy idiots who haven't been given a crash-course on eating properly.

As i make my way back to my place, to my right, I find 'Shaktimaan' seated comfortably in his place, typing away furiosuly on his lappie and debating hard with a supplier on a quote I guess . Shaktimaan (obviosuly not his original name) has been christened so because of his daunting, 'Salman'esque frame and a heavy walk to go with it. His (body-hugging) shirt looks like it could tear off any second due to his Popeye-like bulges. He is known to follow a very religious health regimen at the company gym despite his busy schedule. Shaktimaan's intimidating physique is enough to psyche out all his suppliers to the point of ' no more negotiations'. Shaktimaan in his new role has been buried under heaps of responsibility lately and he still plays mentor to 'Virus'.

'Virus', 'Viral fever', 'Tame tiger' whatever you say, points to just one person. Seated in the cubicle adjacent to shaktimaan, you are forgiven for mistaking him for a 8th grade school boy. He gives you that confused look that seems to suggest that he hasnt spoken for ages in an otherwise boisterous department. Some people even observed that the last time they heard him talk was when he had conducted the morning meeting on Monday, a good 2 months ago. He is the junior-most addition to the department and touted to be the dept's bright future.

"Viral" shouts Shaktimaan and gives him the 'khunnas' look as if he would bash him up then n there. Viral gets up with a start, half startled by the sudden call of duty. Shaktimaan asks Viral for a blow-by-blow account of the activities which he was supposed to complete just like a school headmaster asking a child the status of the previous day's homework. Viral apprises him accordingly. Shaktimaan gives him the 'satisfied' look and along with it a few words of wisdom. Viral then starts off work in his trademark fashion which appears like a slow-motion sequence from a movie; be it removing a file from his shelf or typing a mail. I meanwhile, manage to wave a quick 'Hi' to Viral.

Sai Baba looks on, as he sees Shaktimaan sounding some instructions to Viral. Baba is amused to the core. This morning he has carved out a special look moustache like one of those heavily-loaded telugu movie stars. Baba is famous for his versatile cooking skills which could put any living female to shame. Easily one of the most shrewed guys around, he is one capable of arranging a training session on notoreity ("jhol" as we call it). He can be heard giving the supplier an earful. But the catch here being that he doesnt distinguish between genders and that sounds awfully confusing to the listener.

"Sir, tere ko pata nahi target date kab hain. Material kab laayegi?
Material kabhi aayegi. AAyegi ki nahi aayegi?" (Pauses)..
"Tu mere ko commitment date do" (Bangs the receiver into the resting position, sits expressionless).

A cubicle even further away is 'Yogi' who has worn a'happy' look this morning due to the absence of his boss who literally 'stares him in the face' while at work. He dials he number and as the voice answers he starts of in customary fashion.

" Hello? Hasmukh bhaai..main yogi baat kar raha hoon... Aaaj kya banaa raha hain?? Achcha theek hain, 200 piece bhej do."

Kya bana rahaa hain??? Now, What kind of a question is that supposed to be??? It would have made sense had he posted the same query to the halwaai-waalaaa or the roadside chaat-waalaa after seeing the menu-card.
Anyways,Yogi seems to float around in a world of his own completely unmindful of what is happening around him. He is perhaps the tallest guy in the whole of the company and the primary target of all his banter is his immediate neighbour 'Saab' and 'cheerleader'.

Saab is a part of a very rare species which is a combination of a metallurgy and an MBA degree in marketing. Formally dressed, bespectacled, oily hair side-parted to perfection to the smallest micron and an aura of a scholarly saintliness. And then you realize why the name is 'Saab'. Hearing him speak, you cant help but wonder if he was actually paid to sell ideas or really outrageous fundaas. People are still willing to bet their money on what his responsibility in the organization actually is. But for the moment, he is seen as the partner-in-crime to none other than 'Bala'.

Then suddenely the momentary silence is interrupted by a very familiar female voice.
"Chalo, Lunch..Lunch ke liye jaate hain."

Enter the cheerleader!
The outdoor expeditions and picnics that she is part of earn much more coverage than her office work. Infact there are times when you can see her working too. Although she wouldnt admit, but her fetish for a lean figure makes sure she counts the number of grains of rice on her plate. C'mon, a lone chapati hardly qualifies as 'lunch'! And she ponders over it for ages till it begs and cries to be eaten.
Her fervent calls for coffee breaks in the late afternoons have dwindled somewhat in recent times. Her flirtatious exchanges with 'Saab' are a notable feature, but Saab appears too busy (with what??) and steadfast to fall for it.

As the clock strikes 6, the cheerleader is the first to pack up what looks like a shopping bag. The others pretend as if they are still enagaged in 'important' work (some really are). By 7.30, the whole office wears an empty look.

And you thought it was just about work!!

Regards

Vish

Socialite Activism

6 weeks after 26/11 and the outrage which most people had nursed for a while seems to have evaporated into thin air. Interesting to note, that the most vociferous voices against the carnage were those of the South Mumbai socialites a.k.a socialite activists. Yes socialite activists are the "in" thing when it comes to public expression or voicing his shortcomings.They are the ones who who call the shots: From politician bashing to representing the aam aadmi (whomever it may be)

So who exactly is a socialite activist?? Well, he/she (mostly its a 'she', apologies for the gender bias guys) has to fulfil the following criteria to be accorded the status of a socialite activist (SA):

1) Should be a regular on the Page 3 party circuit in Mumbai

2) Should have lived all his/her life in South Mumbai or if not then had a remote connection to someone living down there.

3) Should essentially be one of these
A model/super-model who has been branded "unhot" and dumped into oblivion by the ramp-gurus.

An actor/actress who hasnt been bagging any roles lately due to fall-out with major banners or someone who has been labelled "uncle/aunty" by the audience and lost favour with them.

A tv serial actor/actress who doesnt even fit in as a judge in reality shows and has taken refuge in tv commercials.

A loser author whose books'pages are now used by the chaat-waalaa to serve bhel-puri.

A theatre personality who hasnt been able to draw crowds to his boring Shakespearean plays/dramas.

A social activist/human rights activist who has been the pin-up boy/girl for many an andolan/agitation thanks to the media romance.

A local restaurant/spa/beauty parlour owner who wasnt doing business till 26/11 and got 5 times as much customers after the incident just by showing to TV that his/her place was targetted,partly damaged and he/she escaped unhurt.

A top-notch columnist in a news daily whose daily crap doesnt make much sense anymore.


4) Should be someone who can easily bullshit with an air of sophistication about them and wants to share a piece of the limelight.

And what bigger platform for these colorful personalities than the one built by our media. The media was lauded from all quarters for their (constructive) role in portraying the groud realities during the operation. It has to be said that barring a few jingoistic news channels, the majority of them showed uncanny restraint in reporting the events without actually becoming a hindranceto the ongoing operations.
But they had other ideas. The news channels ,drunk on praise, decided to go overboard with their sympathy & anger hysteria aftermath the operation.

It would have been a different story had there been a panel of the common people on the talk shows. Instead, the representatives of the aam aadmi, the SAs were on the panel for the discussions. One such show had an expensive silk saree-clad buxom lady of medium build,with presumably 5 layers of make-up done, thoroughly "lip-sticked", streaked hair and to go with it an obvious swagger. I tell you, the camera is such a powerful invention. It captures the most subtle features & mannerisms. She was a noted human rights activist they said, although she looked as if she had lost her way to one of those frequent art gallery exhibitions in tinseltown. Or maybe she didn't know how to dress up for the moment since occasons such has this dint occur on a daily basis.
She expressed 'deep outrage and shock' at the attacks. Being a resident of south mumbai she felt more 'insecure and unsafe than before'. She was feeling 'helpless and confused'. Then her helplessness gave way to anger all of a sudden. She wanted 'heads to roll'. When questioned who was to be held responsible she flipped her streaked hair back and with her characteristic swagger said that it was 'us' (The common man she meant) since we elected the politicians. Some politician bashing followed and then the host decided he had had enough of her and then told her to shut up politely.
The second SA on the panel was an actor with an enviable string of flops to his credit ( if that is something worth envying). He couldnt have put a foot right in bollywood even by mistake. Girls had forsaken him ages ago and so had "hits". He was dressed in his customary body-hugging Tee, trying to look cool and casual. His talk was something akin to what the 1st lady had said ,albeit it had a dash of hi-fi vocab thrown in. Words like "dismantling the terror infrastructure"," increased surveillance mechanisms", "accountable governance" were clearly missing from the 1st SA.

Then a noted lyricist, a mad economist,a renowned fashionista, a bearded theatre personality, an ad guru followed. Some of their common rants being:

. The two hotels were their favourite hang-out places/2nd homes from their days of yore.

.The wine in the two places was unparalleled. Look at the bar now, its lying in shambles.

. They were not going to celebrate the new year. (Baah..most hotels had cancelled off new yr plans by then and parties were to be low-key events. So basically this was a subtle way for these SAs to say " I have nowhere to go dude".)

.I want heads to roll. I want good intelligence. I want answers. I want explanations. I want the sun, the moon, the stars...

.Mumbai's spirit will never die nor will it stop.It fights back everytime it is under crisis. ( It was almost like getting your ear drilled hearing it for the umpteenth time. Boss, I cant stop going to work for fear of being bombed or attacked.Can I?)

. We the people are responsible for the carnage. We are electing them (Someone please tell these guys that we can only elect among the candidates thrown at us.)

.Terror Infrastructure dismantling, Accountable governance, Increased Intel Surveilance mechanisms...

On the brighter side, some positives did come out. The administration underwent a shake-up change. Some attributed it to the strong show of public strength at The gateway of India which had candle-light marches and peaceful demonstrations whre the SAs tried hard to mingle with the commoners and join in. The media made merry, they had a 'big story' to report, they had achieved their goal of what they called citizen journalism.

6 weeks on, the SAs are back to doing what they did best: page 3 parties,socializing, art exhibitions, ribbon-cutting ceremonies

As they say, It happens only in mumbai



Regards


Vishwesh

Social Net-working or not-working?

This was about a year ago. I got the shock of my life one sunday morning when my inbox welcomed me with 60-odd new mails. Being a sunday, I had time on my hands to go through each one of them before I could decide whether to retain it or delete it. Most of these mails were 'invitations' from different people, known(Read: jobless friends) and unknown. These were invitations to join and be a part of their friend circle on some not-so-popular social networking sites. I tried my hand at accepting the invitations, which involved filling lengthy registrations forms like the ones normally enountered while filling applications to uiversity programs.Then you were to choose ur 'cool' IDs and passwords. I did all of this and then all of this disappeared into oblivion for me.
Then a new batch of invitations to yet newer sites would find their way into my mail-box. Over the period i have got smarter and have reduced the burden on my already grief-stricken mailbox.
But social networking is here to stay and it is the in thing. It was a phenomenon which kicked off about 3 yrs back in India and since then ther has been no looking back. The e-mail rendered the letter useless, the instant messaging 'chat' replaced the e-mail and now its the 'scrap' which reigns supreme. Orkut and Facebook take the cake, though orkut is the more popular one in India. Most social networking sites have a structure which resembles the bio-data often submitted during job-interviews which includes:
The professional,
personal,
'About me' section and the 'interests ' section to top it all
On an average a startling 75% of the male population uses social networking to hook up (or make an attempt at hooking up) with a person of the opposite sex. The reason is simple,these sites link different people through list, circles,mutual friends etc and a lot many people project themselves openly. Well for once, even the most shy or dumb guy got his 'chance'.

Things most common on social networking sites, especially orkut:

1) Each guy has the current hot actor's pic as his display picture to avoid any embarassment while inviting any girl to join his circle.

2) For girls the display picture features either their favourite actress or things like flowers/puppies/kittens/ or anything according to them that qualifies as cute.

3) Most people are proud of the number of scraps they own. Some cant even count the number of zeroes in the number of scraps they own.

4)The worst friendship invitations a.k.a pick-up lines cane be easily discovered here. Sample it for yourself:


hey sweety i went thru your profile/....and then traced this community of thy....
1).u look damn sweet n say

2). hi wanna be my friend?

3)WOuld u like FRIENDSHIP with me .

4)If u wish and like then reply fast my friend.

5)hey girly u got a nice smile haaa

6) hi dear
u dere?
can i be ur fri?
my name his XYZ

7) so dear,
u like pets lot write ?? note the 'write'

8) hello, thx fr acceptin the request....

9)hi dear,
i need ur help.....pls scrap back into my scrapbook too

10) "Hey i like your smile/eyes/ears/nose. so, can we be friends?"

11) " Hey, will you please accept the hand of friendship from me?" (I can't see any hand)


5) Most of the so-called pick-up lines are hoplessly loaded with grammatical errors and the result of it is completely distorted and meaningless lines.
( I am a compete fan of these lines and there are many 'communities' n groups which are dedicated to celebrate these friendship lines.)

6) On the flip-side, if it weren't for orkut, no girl would get requests/invites and she wouldnt feel like a princess.


7)Orkutting is now the most sophisticated way of time-pass.It involves a lot many features and add-ons these days.

8) Most school students score really bad in English thanks to the poor quality/hip language used in such sites.

"Watcha Doin" replaces "What are you doing"
"Ssup" replaces " What is up with you?"

wa88, gr88 etc have done their bit of damage.

So if u bleve in orktn pls. dnt frgt to read this.it ll do wndrs to ur alredy spoilt languge and ll mke sure u dnt join oder social ntwrkin sites and waste ur prcious tym.

Regards

Vish

Female Quotient

The Sunday newspaper does throw up something intresting in the midst of all the Nuke Deal chaos, the ballooning inflation and the grief-stricken stock market. Well as amusing at it may sound, there's something called a women's vodka. Yes,a drink exclusively for women. The latest addition to the list which celebrates 'female'dom. Women's day, Women's cream, a Women's radio station,women's reservation, woman mail etc etc.
And now women's vodka! I was pleasantly surprised no one had made a big deal about it, either on TV or radio. It could be because of 3 things (besides ,of course,poor marketing strategy): maybe women find it too sissy to celebrate 'being a woman' and stuff like that, maybe they really dont care or both.
Well, guys do have a point when they say that its not a 'man's world' as it is so often, made out to be. And girls too being the true "fight-until-death" species would argue otherwise, saying the are the worthy ones. A lot had been said and written about the so-called gender war. Most of this being very conveniently exploited by commercial movies to the fullest for producing typical candy-floss entertainment which, if viewed now, are.. Yawn!
Anyways, breaking the cliche and being unorthodox is and has always been the trend.

Below is a questionnaire for the fairer sex. Hope you like it and I hope you manage to read the whole thing. The more the negatives, the more your FQ or female quotient is. So, Go on, Why should guys have all the fun!

Complete the sentence
. Behind every successful man...

1) There is a woman (-100)

2) There is a woman who wonders "How did he become successful with me around?" (-150)



. Most girls think ...

1) Every guy is an a**hole. (-10)

2) Every guy, except her favourite film hero, is an a**hole.(-50)

3) Guys are normal. (0)



. If a guy doesnt give you the attention you seek, doesnt indulge you in sweet talk or basically sounds dis-interested in you, your reaction would be

1) "I think he's gay. He isnt straight." (Grapes are Sour). (5)

2) " Thinks he is some Big VIP or something..snob! Er.. is he looking this side by any chance? " (-15)

3) " Never seen such a MCP in my life.(Male Chauvinist Pig, if u havent figured that out). Doesnt know how to talk to a girl." (-20)

4) " Damn boring. Nothing 'Happening' about him. Arre, just imagine...like..I stood near him and he dint notice me for like 10 minutes!! whoa! By the way, am I looking too fat.?" (tugs at the bottom of her 'top' as if there is a mirror visible only to her.) (-10)


. If the same guy were to give you the 'interested' look,the attention you seek or tries to indulge you in sweet talk and ask you out, your reaction would be:

1) " Cheap Flirt! I know what your intentions are, Mister." (10)

2) " So you say I am the one ,huh? Or am I number 31?" (15)

3) "Akeli ladki ko chedte sharam nahi aati, Ghar mein ma-behen nahi hain kya?" (5)

4) " You cheapo,womaniser! How disgusting can you get." (20)

5) " Actually..Er..can we just be good friends." (-100)

6) " Dont worry bro, very soon you will get hooked." (-200)



. When a guy talks about Angelina Jolie, Jessica Alba, Bips,Aishwarya and the likes. you would

1) Say "Oh puh-lease" , feel utterly disgusted and start bitching about the above actresses, and villify them to the point of hate. (-1000)

2) (Smile expectedly) "Boys will be boys." (-10)

3) (Sarcasm)"All you men are the same." (-50)

4) (Disguested expression) " You guys are all sick." (-50)

5)(Give your guy a look as if he had watched porn) "You pervert!" (-100)



.You are in the theatre and there is love scene, in which the lead couple is holding hands and whispering dialogues with absolutely no other action for the next 10 minutes.

1)You say " Aww..how cute!" in a soft and girlie tone. (-90)

2)Slap and Wake your guy up. (-100)

3) .. And tell him " See duffer! This is called romance. Learn it" (-1000)

4)Expect your guy to assume you are better than the actress and pester him to enact the same scene daily with you. (- 5000)



. Men make a big fuss about how women are a mystery and how they cant understand what women actually want. Women want

1) unconditional love. (0)

2) A guy = Her Favourite Bolly actor + Her favourite Indian male super-model + her favourite singer + Sanjay kapoor (remember Khaana Khazaanaa on TV??)+ an inustrialist, all rolled in one. (-5)

3) A Guy who is sweet, caring, loving, affectionate,... BLAH
( BLAH = a list of 1490 common adjectives commonly used by every girl for describing the concept of something called a "dream man",common on social networking sites) (-100000...)



. Your favourite question/exclamation of all time would be?

1) " Am i looking good?" (-25)

2) " Is she slimmer and hotter or am I?" (-50)

3) " This color/dress/ring/necklace suits me ki that color/dress/ring/necklace?" (-75)

4) " Who is She?" (-100)

5) " How Sweet/Rude!" (-150)

6) " Oh puh-leaze, Grow up guys!!" (-200)


. You find this girl in a party, much better-looking than you,who's got all the male- company, conducts herself pretty well. Your next-day girl gossip would be as follows:

1)Say good things about her during your gossip session. (+ infinity..You can skip this option!!)

2)Make a face as if you dint care one bit but deep inside you are burning and reminding yourself that " She's a Bitch and I feel like killing her". (-100)

3)Say " Bohot attitude dhika rahi thi woh." And make faces,imitate her walk and talk. (-200)

4)Say " Gosh, did you see her dress. Her dress sense was shaming and appalling. (And you buy and wear the same dress a few days later.) (-300)



. As a girl,Your favourite pastime would be..

1) Shopping, bargaining and spending on stuff (-20)

2) ...which is expensive and of absolutely no use to you (-200)

3). Swiping credit cards (-25)

4) ...which are obviously not yours (-250)

5) Make the guy carry the shopping bags without paying him coolie charges (350)



Do calculate your Female Quotient and let me know.



Regards


Vishwesh

A rainy day

As kids,I remember, our first essay of english class from 3rd to 5th grade would be titled " A Rainy Day". And we used to write it without an iota of suffering, destruction or misery mentioned in it,making it sound almost next to a fairy-tale.

Today was just the opposite. It poured on unmercifully for almost the first half of the day. I Got stuck in the middle of nowhere and somehow made it,past mini-rivers, to work. Comin back was easy though as the weather had easened up.
200 mm of rain was recorded today. Almost a fifth of the downpour experienced on 26/7. Its the start of july and the next 2 months will be tough; the peak season so to speak.
I am already in the process of setting up a mini house in my office cubicle, with the luxury of bare necessities like a towel, extra sock and other dressing accessories. I am sure many of you would have done pretty much the same thing or would be doing it soon.
Nevertheless, today was nighmarish for many. For a brief period, I guess, transport services were hit, but otherwise it was life as usual.It was just sufficient enough to remind people of that dreadful day which is still fresh in minds even after 3 monsoons.

Health to all!

Regards

Vishwesh

Monsoon Raaga!

I cursed under my breath,as I stood in the bus,struggling hard to pull the wallet from my pocket which was covered by layers and layers of armour (Read rain-jacket and 'rain pant'). The wretched thing showed no signs of coming out and slipped deeper each time. The onlookers a.k.a the seated people watched on as if I was the chief clown performing at the russian circus and it was show-time.One more addition to murphy's laws: The closer the bus conductor is to you, the more time it will take you to dig the damn thing out of your pocket. And by the time you shell out the notes, they are already dripping wet!

Well,the rains are here with the usual bang. Been a week of action.
"Please Dont be santhusht. Thoda aur wish karo", thats what the rain-gods seemed to say as the skies opened up.And we have already got a trailer of what we'll be seeing for the next 4 months. Same story though!
The showers come with pin-point accuracy every year something that the Met dept here is not noted for. And they have been a source of much-needed respite from the near unbearable drip-drop,sweaty and humid conditions that the city experienced during the summer.Mumbai's murkiest, dirtiest, mushiest(pun so obvious),slushiest and perhaps its most romantic season is back.
I had my first drench on my way back from work. Felt nice. It felt so blissful, even after numerous rain-baths, year after year. Mom dint think so.
In most flood-prone areas here, stuff like ropes, boats, nets etc are kept handy days before,to face a possible flood situation 'baywatch ishtyle'. Most people who reside at the lower floors of buildings in such areas vacate days before, to escape a watery grave. Ask even a 4th grader here which places would perenially be under water and he would rattle a dozen names,faster than his geography lessons.

The BMC is at the recieving end yet again for the slippery roads, pot-holed roads and roads under construction which are dug up exactly a day before the rains come. Perfect timing!
And the mother of them all: The American consulate sounded an advisory to all americans who are in mumabi or who plan to visit mumbai in this period. No, not a terrorist strike or blast scare.
It reads "When in mumbai,Beware of open manholes. Dont venture out too much." Ok, agreed that each year the notoreity of the monsoons assumes dangerous proportions. But this is ridiculous man!! Hahahaha, travel advisory!

Hot tips:

In Mumbai everything goes down the drain, except for the rain water. True.Very true during the high tide.
.High tide + heavy rains = full-too flooding + you having to swim in flood waters.

High tide timings are important. Dont venture anywhere near the sea, unless you are serious about suicide.

.Open manholes. Walk in a chain, if you are a group. If one falls, the others are there to pull him/her. If the others fall, not your fault.

.If you cant form chains and you cant see ahead while wading through the water, then play " Follow the leader." If the person before you goes missing after some time, then choose a different path.

. For heavens' sake keep yourself clean after coming home at least! Leptospirosis is now becoming a common word, although people can't spell it. It's caused by rat urine. Obviosuly, you cant stop the rat but you can care for yourself.

.Most importantly, keep off the Eastern Express highway as much as possible,especially the vikhroli-ghatkopar stretch (now nicknamed the 'road to death'). The reason: 136 accidents in just 5 days. A certain chemical called 'mast' turned out to be in surplus while laying the road. Add to that the rains which made sure that the vehicles on the 10 km long stretch were in for a slippery, skiddy ballerina show.

.Try to minimise travel. (I know its its next to impossible)

. When stuck in a traffic jam, dont get too frustrated. The guy in the posh Honda Accord is also feeling the same pinch. See, the monsoon is a great leveller; it teaches you to be patient. (I know, by now you have made up your mind to kick me)

. People who own cars: Carry out pre-monsoon checks of batteries, tyres, maintenance of your car including wipers and top-up the fuel of your car during the monsoon

.Hammer is a handy tool: To break the glass on the driver's window from the
middle/centre, in case of an auto-lock system failure if you are stuck in a car say for about 8-14 hrs.

.Thick long nylon rope at least 20 metres long with a hook to be kept in
the dicky.Just in case..

.Keep dry and non -perishable food items in a vacuum container in some quantity. Dry fruits are recommended for pet-pooja.

.In a disaster- like situation instead of trying to reach home,first reach the nearest acquaintance.

.Also, carry a whistle with you. Remember Kate Winslet in 'Titanic'?

. Last but not the least, get a life. Stop cursing the BMC or the administration. You wont gain much by blaming other people. You are the one in charge of yourself.

Regards

Vishwesh

Global Masala!

A few weeks ago, the revered US prez stated that the global food shortage and price rice was thanks to developing economies in asia (Read India and china) wherein the middle class had become 'pretty rich' and more spendthrift towards their basic needs. Well tried Mr. Bush! But we dont celebrate thanksgivings over here!
Not long ago many of us awoke to a terrible phenomenon that India was subject to. It was called brain-drain which cost our country something more than crores n crores of rupees - talent, good talent!! The craze to study in the elite IITs, IIMs and strike it big in "Amreeka" was first and foremost on evry youngsters' mind. US visa, permanent citizenship,Silicon valley, masters, Harvard,Dow jones were the buzzmords. Then came the 'LPG' (Liberalisation,Privatisation,Globalisation) era. India opened up well and truly to the world. Many lamented that Inida was committing harakiri and would never come out of it. India caught a cold each time its big brother sneezed.

But the years to follow were something very unlike it. The India growth story finally unfolded. Bollywood overtook Hollywood. Tata took over corus, JLR. Jumbo vada-pav replaced burgers for a change. Indian fashion flooded international markets.NRIs gave up their high-paying jobs abroad and rushed to india. Bingo!4 of the top 10 billionaires were indians. Bangalore was the new silicon valley the IT heavyweights and chennai the new Detroit for global auto majors. The whole world had to stand up and take notice. Suddenely everyone vied for a share of the India pie.
What better example than the IPL T-20 tournament. The glitz, the glamour, the hype and excitement of IPL has by far overshadowed everything. One and half months later,The "Manoranjan ka baap" has beaten everything outright. Its fast, aggressive, power-packed and its there right before you, staring you in the face.

Shane Warne captains Jaipur. Shaun Pollock captained the mumbai indians. I bet,20 years ago, their "India" knowledge would have been just limited to the Taj Mahal or the poverty-stricken portrait of India featuring sadhus, fire-eaters and street jugglers. The very thought of "firangs" playing on our turf, representing different Indians cities would have just been laughed off as a figment of imagination, when Indians first took to the sport of the bat and the ball. Not that IPL has changed everything overnight, its just one of the many big things that has driven home the point. The colonial inventors of the game would be rolling in their graves if they were to witness the transormation the game has underwent a in terms of the shift of power,the way the game is played, the mooalah etc.
The Hyderabadis cheered when Symonds smashed sixes of hapless Indian bowlers(nothwithstanding his role in the racist 'monkey' controversy Down-under).The Kolkattans went beserk when Shoaib took out Sehwag with a thunderbolt. For that matter,shoaib in current form , wouldnt even dream of getting as much support from the whole of Pakistan as he got from the Eden garden crowds.
Well,just to give you an idea, consider this:
A Paki Batsman, An Australian at the non-striker's end, a West Indian Bowler, A Sri-Lankan wickeetkeeper, a New Zealander as an umpire, sweating it out in a power-packed contest at Wankhede in tinseltown mumbai's humidity. And what more proof does one need of steadfast globalization!! (Er..for your information, the cheer-girls in the opening ceremony were American and the ones who followed in the latter part of the tournament were British).
To me this is globalization at its best(est) form! Indian corporate houses and Bollywood celebrities pumped in billions saying that the game was a bit undervalued.Players were auctioned like horses and each of them had a price tag attached to him. Sponsors chipped in with their moolah. Television right were sold. Broadcaster all around the world had a field time. The crowds got their money's worth. The cheerleaders had a ball . Money changed a million hands. It was no longer cricket. Infact it was branded and marketed as cricket-ainment. New talent was unearthed. Big names bit the dust, unheard names blasted their way to the top.

As they say,change is the only thing constant and its upon us to make it a good change or a bad one. Cricket, fortunately, has adopted changes better than other sports. Move over IPL, just look at ourselves. where are we heading?what have we done? what do we speak today? We are the ones who have successfully married the paneer with the pizza,made a schezwan dosa and mineral water paani-puri.We have the largest English-speaking population in the world. So what if we dont speak it the way the brits do ,adding our own dosage of peculiar Indian accent. The point is when a country of a billion people speaks a language a particular way or adopts changes steadfastly in its own way, the other dont have a choice but to fall in our path. It wont be long before people would be trained to speak 'Indian english'.
That would be true globalization!!

Regards

Vishwesh

Nitt-i-tude Test

Well this was also one post which should have come out earlier ,during my engg days at NIT Trichy. But better late than never.
Ever wondered whether you were really made for the campus. Maybe a separate grading system to measure the degree of ‘NITT’itude in you. Well, worry not!
Here’s is a set of questions, which demand absolutely no use of your hard-earned engg knowledge, so to speak and no test preparation. The grading system is in +’s and –‘s (I hope you understand, + means more and - is less).


1.At 8.30 in the morning you

a)Are in bed wondering which world are you in, trying hard to reach out for the irritatingly loud alarm clock. (+ 4)

b)Have finished Splashing deo all over your unclean body and wear the same T-shirt. (+10)

c)Are trying hard to recollect what your bicycle looks like while searching for it among the ones fallen down… (-1)

d)..you realize you don’t have one and look for someone else to give you a lift (-2)

e)Are in the classroom, prancing to and fro, waiting for the teacher to come (-50)


2. In class you normally

a)Fight with the others for the first bench and then sit down to take notes (-100)

b)Are relishing "Tiger" biscuits, sitting in the last row. (+ 10)

c)Are halfway through ‘5 point Someone’. (+15)

d)...And the prof catches you(-15)

e)Wake up just in time for the attendance call.(+20)

f)Irritate the guys sitting beside you by pretending to enjoy the lecture and scribbling in your only book. (+100)


3. In the Octa User lab you generally:

a) Go to the SUN user lab. (-5)

b)... By mistake (-1)

c)Search for your name in the placement site (list of placed students) even 3 months after your placement and get happy once more. (+ 5)

d)Check the online silver notice board for the (supposed)movie in the trical audi, the next Saturday. (-10)

e) Do programming (-∞)

f)Play "Stick-cricket" for 2 hours on the trot (0 if you don’t have a PC in your hostel room, -20 if u have one)

g) Take printouts of your topper’s assignments (+25)


4. In the College Internet lab you:

a) Are trying hard to achieve your longtime goal of 20000 scraps, 800 friends, and 1 fan. (+2)

b) Read the online edition of ‘The Hindu’. (-50)

c) Open wikipedia and start mugging pages for the forthcoming inter-college quiz. (-100)

d) Memorize names of US universities and their disciplines (- 5)

e) Search for your house verandah on google earth (-∞)

f) Piss off the people waiting for their turn by playing the irfan pathan hat-trick on Youtube at least 10 times.(-15)

g) Annoy your 'neighbours' by playing the your favourite hindi song at full blast on your elephant earphones.(- 200 )




5. In the college mess you are:

a) Discussing your CAT scores (-50)

b) Draining out the excess oil from the curry (+15)

c) Working out strategies for CounterStrike (+25)

d) ...Which you started playing yesterday (-125)

e) Fighting with the mess-anna for an extra gulab jamun. (-5)

f) Searching for the paneer in the panner-parathaa, wondering why it is called so. (+ 500)

g) …And you find it at last (+ 1000)


6. The first thing you did after placements was

a) Nursed your battered n bruised backside, due to the 'love' showered on you by your dear friends. (+10)

b) Rushed to the ATM, to treat your friends. (+20)

c) Went to octa internet lab and changed your orkut profile name and used the company logo as ur display pic. (-5)

d) Wondered how many girls would be with you in the company. (-6)

e) Made a face as though you expected to screw up the interview and start boasting on how you overcame all odds. (+1 if less than 10 people got thru along with you, - 100 if more than 50 got thru)

g) Tried to look sad and forlorn over the company's pay package. (-200)


7. According to you, the library

a) Is a place where you sit and study, refer or take books from. (-1000…)

b) Is a place where you get to see,touch and feel rare, centuries-old manuscripts without even having to pay entry fee. (+5)

c) Cough, Cough, Aaaa..Aaaa.. Choo!!! (+ 1000)

d) Er..i don’t know. I am still asking people for directions (+15)

e) Library, you said?? (Long pause).. Is it some kind of a zodiac sign??? (+16)



8. Which of the following would you become, if (god forbid) you werent
recruited in the campus placements?

a) The xerox shop anna: Ever-ringing cash counters (+100)

b) The Gate Anna(Roadside dhaba): I wont need to give any second invitation to my customers. (+200)

c) The Bru shop anna: Night time is the right time. (+ 50)

d) The only stationery shop anna: Monopoly rules (+25)

e) The laundry anna: As long as no one bathes, its business all the way for me. (+ 20)

f) Become treasurer or Co-treasurer for one of the college fests. (+ 10)



9. In case you answered (a) to the above Question what will your future plans be?

a) Buy the library and convert it into "The central Xerox center". (+ 5)

b) Have a lifetime membership facility for regular customers. (+18)

d) Offer special gifts for the ones who duplicate material for more than 100 bucks
Per day. (+ 12)

e) "Buy one get one free" offers and festival discounts (+ 4)

f) Set up branches in the respective hostels itself (+ 1)




10. If your answer to the first Question was (b) what would your plans be?

a) Rechristen it. Give it a Fundoo name. ("Chill Gates" sounds much more appealing as opposed to plants, bamboo shoots, bananas,leaves etc) (+1)

b) Have my Best menu on the Saturday nights (??), at low costs, knowing that the mess food on Saturdays sucks bigtime. (+ 15)

c) Special placement-season offers. A 30% discount for guys offering their first-job treats and 50% discount for second-job treats. (GPA and pay-scale no criteria) (+25)

d) Have a credit card, I mean, "I-card" system,! (+ 26)

e) Obtain a patent for a new product called "Dew lime". (+1000)




11. If your answer to question one was (e), what would your plans be?

a) Launch a door-to-door delivery service. (-20)

b) Teach the hostel boys the virtues of cleanliness, washing and bathing (-100)

c) Stop interchanging clothes (+ 2)

d) Start recruiting boys and give them training. (-1)



Check your score and reply asap.


Regards

Vishwesh

College Bakar

Now, this one should have come much earlier, even when I was in college. Nevertheless, better late than never. Its just part of the whole 'senti' feeling when you think about your alma-mater. Far different from our work-places. The lectures,profs,depts,snacky,juicy,hostels etc.
One characteristic feature of our hostels were the bakar sessions. Bakar, in very simple terms, means a congregation of perennially jobless people, at any place, at any time of the day, completely focused on discussing all issues of seemingly national, international, political, economic and social importance. Such sessions do not have fixed timing schedules and cut across all language barriers. Bakar groups could be discovered outside the snacky, mess, near the coffee shop, etc.
A bakar session in a hostel room invariably consisted of a minimum of 2 people in the same room, who showed the same intensity as that of a placement Gd session, if not more. They covered a wide range of topics starting from the reason why each one of got ot this college to the rumors of a certain IT giant hiking its compensation package in the campus recruitment.

A bakar session was mostly put in motion by identifying the potential bakar room which was equipped well to deal with the rush. A simple session started as a mere after-lunch or after-dinner talk. As time went by, the crowd built up slowly but gradually thanks to the curious passersby who took time off to peep in and got absorbed in no time.

Placement bakar session:

The final year sessions were more of the research n analysis type about the ongoing placement process. Each participant pouring out his own written/gd/pi experience, trying his best to dissect his performance at every step of the placement procedure and presenting his own picture of how skewed the whole process was and where he lost out (. The victors, however, jubilantly shared everything in an “I-don’t-know-how-I-got-thru” manner in all modesty. After the post-mortems were done, the focus usually shifted to the “next probable big company”. Each expressing his opinion of how far the college lagged behind the IITs or how it was light-years ahead of other NITs in terms of the campus recruitments and the number of firms.

A few common statements that u would come across in the placement bakar sessions.

. “How come company X is not open for our dept…sheesh man, this is ridiculous yaar. I mean, look at the trical (electrical in our lingo) dudes, they r such lucky dogs, they do nothing in their dept for 2 whole years and end up getting all the companies in the 7th sem, pathetic.”

.” You guys should have been there for the ppt(pre placement talk)? That lady in the HR team was hot.

. “Who wants to hear the talk, I went there for a T-shirt. They were distributing many of them.I don’t have money to buy one.”

(The height of frustration) “5 kelas(failure in our lingo)in 5 writtens! Damn, I am absolutely useless. I shouldn’t have come to this college. I shouldn’t have taken engineering in the first place.”

. (height of Endurance) “2 hours, they made me sit for 2 frigging hours outside and my interview lasted another only 15 minutes, I started feeling hungry; that’s why I didn’t do well”.

. (The sporting type)“ To hell with Dream Company!! This company is not worth it. I knew that right from the start. Good I got chucked out in the written itself.”

. (The muggu) Arre yaar! I forgot to mug the previous year written paper’s answers for company X; the same paper came yesterday. Damn!

. (Mr. modest) Seriously dude, I can’t believe how I got through. I gave the written for time pass (and the company selected u for just the same thing).

(But the Oscar goes to….)

“Guys, where’s my R.S agrawal. (Searches underneath piles of books scattered all over the floor) Been searching for it for almost an hour.”

“But you didn’t buy a R.S agarwal, you moron !”

“Is it?? Then give me yours’, I have to practice for tomorrow’s apti paper”

.

CS (Counterstrike)gaming bakar sessions:
These PC-gaming bakar sessions were in full swing in 3rd yr hostel rooms and in the final yr mess. Discussing strategies and maps had become more than a way of life for these gaming gurus. The hardcore CS freaks could easily be distinguished from the rest of the tribe by their sheer enthu they displayed while going hammer-n-tongs over “who should be and shouldn’t be in the clan”. Infact , clan formations and clan defections sounded much more intersting compared to the real game that was played. The game,though,showed signs of losing its old charm in the final year hostels in the face of fast emerging DOTA(another popular game). But the old CS hawks continued to remain.

A few common CS comments:

. “X plays like shit, throw him out of the clan; he’s a complete disgrace.”

. “The guys from that hostel have absolutely no clue about this map…hehehe..They are screwed!!”

. “Oye, u should go and play with level 3 BOTS, not with us.”

. “Man, I m like really depressed . I don’t seem to be sniping well these days yaar. I have lost practice.”

CS had brought the junta closer than anything else though they no longer addressed each other by their real names but by their CS names.


Intellectual bakar sessions:
Well this sounds more like an oxymoron but these sessions did take place in all earnest.
Talks were mostly centered around preparation for the 'BIG' exams.


. “Yes man, Good long holidays we are getting naa?
Gonna be total freak-out for me.
Only a few exams in between; GRE, TOEFL, CAT, RAT, MAT, GMAT and XAT that’s it! “
(Phew!! That’s it?? Aren’t u guys forgetting a few more.)

“I cant understand why he is giving the entrance exam. Isn’t he content with his million-dollar job? Just another bloody show-off I say!!”

. I gave TOEFL in chennai. Damn AC went off first, then the keyboard, and then the mouse had to be replaced, speakers betrayed me in the listening….

. “My friend smashed 1500. I wanted to show him its no big deal. Anybody can do that. That’s why I registered.”

. (Wears a depressed look)” Booo hoo I got only 1440 and I only have a mediocre 9.3. I am doomed. Looks like CAT is my only path to salvation. “

. (A “cut-off” expert lost in his dreams)” If only I could get a decent break-up of 29 in English, 15 in DI/DS and another 17 in quants, I could get all the calls.”
.
. “Hey, applications over for you??? I thought of making a small change in mine. I have decided to take off “ University of X” from my application list. I took out the atlas yesterday night and found out that such a place X never exists.”

.” God, I need to do well in my F slot. I need at least an A (grade) in it. I am banking on him for a decent reco.”

Grade and study bakars:
Most bakar camps were self-introspection sessions in the “if only I had done better” or “So sad he got less than me” mode.

. “Hey did u hear, X got 8.4 He’s surely gonna hang himself now that his CG has dropped to 8.99”

. “Oh yes, I checked his GPA on the net; he got only a C in this slot. Felt really good!!”

.” I couldn’t believe my luck!! I didn’t deserve an S in this seriously. My internals were the lowest in class. Tsk…tsk. (talks of a female competitor) She had internals of 30 while I had 20;she ended up with an A…hehehehe.”

. (topper looks into the notes of a seven-pointer, look of (false)horror written all over his face)
“ Gosh, What are you studying!!!!! Man I am seeing it for the first time (in spite of revising it twice??)!! Sheesh…I am dead, please explain this yaar fast!


. “(Hands on head, repents)” Had I sincerely done a group-study with u guys and not wasted the holiday accumulating scraps on chirkut, I would have at least been in the top 3.”

. (And the first prize goes to…) Actually it should be voted as the most annoying reply in the campus.A pseudo-cool topper in reply to repeated queries of “ How much r u expecting da?”).

“I just want to pass this sem. nothing more. Like I have been doing in every sem, I started just 3 hrs before the exam.”


Regards

Vishwesh

News-ical

"To discuss more on the story we are joined in by our panel of experts, Mr X from the Institute of ABCD..." Does this line remind of something ,rather someone?
Well,TV journos and news reporters are a weird species!And unlike the Bengal Tiger,their numbers just keep growing by the day. Prime time 24*7 news has as much sensation, drama and masala attached to it as a 3-hr long Bollywood film. No wonder they refer to news as a 'stories'.Now, i m not someone who believes in rubbishing journos.They are such an integral part of our lives. I mean if it werent for them

. How would you keep count of the number of kids a certain Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie adopted from (god knows) how many continents.

. You wouldnt get breaking news about what what a certain politician ate for breakfast and whether the salt in it was less or more.

. How the god-damn world is coming to an end in 2008. (Yes..according to a renowned Hindi Channel the year 2008 is "Kaal ka saal")

The first ten days of the new yr , 'molestation' and 'Rascism ' were the keywords splashed across all the news channels. Yes, molestation is atrocious and unforgivable but a soul who would have seen these channels for the first time in his life would have probably concluded so:
"Women,get the hell out of Mumbai before its your turn"
"All male mumbaikars are women harassers."
Or even worse. "Delhi is better". (Ultimate insult, i should say!)

.Coming to the Rascism part he would hv thought:
" All Australians are wretched Rascists."
" 'Monkey' is a rascist taunt,as Mr Symonds pointed it out to the world. (Monkey! Oztraalian for Rascism ) and yeah , B*****D is no longer an abuse as v thought it was.

The other things which were..er..News-worthy

. A hindi news channel:
"Yuvi averages only 4.33 in his 6 innings ,Down under(which includes a match against a chindhi 3rd grade Australian club). Reason: Deepika is in Sydeny for a shoot. Phew! And we thought Yuvi was the guy at fault. To add some extra spice, Deeps-Yuvi pics are shown, his dismissals are shown for the umpteenth time with the popular OSO number " Aankhon mein teri.." playing in the background. The show goes on for more than an hour and there is an expert panel for discussion. Total timepass!


.Another channel screamed:
The 'Yeti' or the 'Maha-maanav' is no myth! Its has been recently spotted in the news(before the reporters allegedly scared it off. They forgot to add it!). Another TRP-raising show.

.Monsoon time in Mumbai(Field time for reporters.) The news-reader talks of the strong downpour, gives you the complete story and you are satisfied. But she isn't. So she follows it up with a
" For more on this, let's go to our correspondent Mr X on Y Road.".

Its waist-high water, not a single soul to be seen except for the reporter,umbrella in hand. The reporter shoves the mike inside a car stuck in the traffic jam and asks the guy behind the wheel.
" Ab aapko kaisa lag raha hain?" (This is their favourite!!!)
The poor chap has to contend with both the rain and the incessant barrage of queries before he is let-off.
I have always wondered about their love for seeminlgy 'inaccessible' places. Maybe Edmund Hillary wasnt the first guy to reach Everest.Maybe Osama wasn't the only guy hiding in the hills of Afghanistan. Maybe there was a news-person already up there, just waiting to ask them " Ab aapko kaisa lag rahaa hain?".


.And the ones which take the cake. Reality shows!!(Actually the major culprits here happen to be the 'soap' channels, for a change). The news channels just replay the 'reality(reel-ity)' dance and music shows from the 'soap' channels. And when you arrive at the news channel hoping for a dose of daily news when these shows are on , u obviosuly feel that you have clicked on the wrong channel. Then reality dawns and you have to remind yourself that its a TRP war exercise at its best.
The real performance in these shows comes from the judges' side. One cant help but feel that maybe the channel gives them the license to
.behave as indisciplined and school-boyish/girlish as they can,
.fight,
.tear each other's hair off,scratch each other,call names,
walk-out of the shows and promote all sort of cheap ,unruly and uncivilized behaviour.
And these are not normal people. They are the creme-da-la-creme of the entertainment industry.

Meanwhile,Our reporter gets into action and catches hold of the victor(who's now a celebrity) from the talent show and the inevitable follows
" Ab Aapko kaisa lag rahaa hain?" (sporting a fake, "I-m-so-happy for-u" smile)

The victor has to handle a few more and he/she learns the first lesson for a wannabe celebrity.Do not mess around with the press! We make u. We can break u. He/She is then linked to numerous women/men in the industry and the hulabaloo lasts till a formal statement is made which goes something like.
"We are just good friends." The channel is the undoubted winner.

.The top-notch journos in the business love putting the big ' news-makers' in a spot; be it the 'frank,hard-talk, one-to-one interviews', big (often ugly)fights, debates.And the best part is that these guys are never short of issues of national and social importance to debate over!

.Does our media really have a free hand?
Shouldnt they be given more power in a democracy? (Excuse me?)

.Why did Adam eat the apple? Was there something really happening between him and Eve or were they "Just friends"?

.Why did the chicken cross the road? Is it not an offence under "XYZ" animal act to let it do so?

.What came first: The hen or the chicken or the omlette?

.Was the tortoise the worthy winner of the Hare-tortoise race? Did he resort to unfair means? Did he call the hare names? did he sledge him?

.Is it right to use the word monkey? Is it just another abuse? Is it a racist taunt? Is it the name of an animal?

. Is Carla really Sarkozy's girlfriend ? If not, then who's child is she preganant with? Should she be accorded first-lady status according to existing protocol.

Phew!

And we thought all was well with the world!

Regards

Vishwesh

"Bus" Karo

My training continues in top gear. People are actually shocked when i tell them that my training duration is 1 yr. Work, Training, Office; no matter what people call it, its the same at the end of the day. You are always counting down days to the coming weekend. And most importantly you waste no time in squeezing in that extra bit of comfort into your life ,before and after the day's work ,especially during travel. I m one among the million commuters in the city who tunes into FM on the cell , unmindful of all the noise n traffic which is effectively drained out(along with the conductor's cries of "Pude Chala, Pude Chala( marathi for "Move,It") thanks to the music on full blast. The hapless bus conductor has to do some serious throating.

Damn amusing..if u were to observe these things while travelling in mumbai.
Fortunately for me,my work timings are such that I literally get to choose my seat in the bus. Absolutely no crowd at all (touchwood!)on my way to work. But the return story is a different one if I work till late hours. The traffic and the sweaty fragrance inside the bus doesnt make things better.
Its a real sight to see guys getting tossed and jostled around courtesy that startlingly sudden break. Much worse if the guy is sandwiched between females (u know, like right at the front, near the "Ladies Only" seats). If he fails to hold on properly he ends up bumping into the aunty standing behind him. As he turns around to apologize, he is greeted by a real,cold glare from her; a look mostly reserved for chain-snatchers,murderers,rapists and the like. Hehee..as if the poor guy did it on purpose.
Then there are these hilariously stupid guys who take an eternity searching for their wallet in their pant pockets only to realize they dont have one. After a good 10-15 minutes of searching in their shirt pocket, they fork out a crisp 100-rupee note for a mere 5-rupee ticket in a "Keep the change!" style( The note held between the tip of the index and middle finger ). The conductor, obviosuly not impressed by the whole exercise, makes no secret of how pissed off he is and gives him a real mouthful along with the 100 rupee note.
Then there are the college dudes who prefer to be the back-benchers even in the bus no matter how much space there is at the front,playing with their cell phones and having a great laugh occasionally. The girls, on the other hand, engage in what appear to be real path-breaking discussions interspersed with an occasional chorus of giggles which makes a few heads turn.
Then there are the people who seem completely oblivious to whats going on inside the bus because they are so busy watching out of the window. Window seat is always the prized one, be it a bus,rickshaw or bike.
There is momentary silence as the bus comes to a halt at the signal. The silence is however shortlived. Suddenely, as if from nowhere, we are interrupted by the famous bollywood number "Dhoom Machale" (a Ring tone). It is followed by a loud "Hello,.. Haan, harish bhai.. bolo...acchaa" , as if to show the whole bus that he's got a cell phone and that too with handsfree! To top it, he gestures with his hands, while talking. You get really irritated and want to remind him that the person at the other end cannot see through the cell phone. 5 minutes on, the conversation is at its loudest best and the junta in close proximity is sulking and silently cursing the guy under their breath. Just makes one wonder how Technology can be a real pain in the a** !! By the time he is finished with his talk, he has ensured that the every person in the bus knows who 'Harish bhai' is.

Then there are the guys (heroes) who are hell-bent on showing that they are completely different from the rest. They stand on the step-board ('local train' ishtyle)with acres of space available inside. Its a blasphemy for these people to board a stationary bus; the thrill they derive out of catching a bus on the "running" is unmatchable. They always exit through the entry door and vice versa. When you hear the conductor spewing expletives and unmentionables, you can sense that the 'heroes' are there somewhere in close vicinity.
One more tribe of bus commuters are the 'surprised' kind. Ya!The people who wear that perenially surprised look like they have seen a celebrity in the bus. You remove and open your wallet to pay the bus fare and they examine every action of yours which makes you feel like Mukesh Ambani.
Finally its time for me to unboard and I make my way through the maze of standees to the exit door.
Thats life!

Regards

Vishwesh