Socialite Activism

6 weeks after 26/11 and the outrage which most people had nursed for a while seems to have evaporated into thin air. Interesting to note, that the most vociferous voices against the carnage were those of the South Mumbai socialites a.k.a socialite activists. Yes socialite activists are the "in" thing when it comes to public expression or voicing his shortcomings.They are the ones who who call the shots: From politician bashing to representing the aam aadmi (whomever it may be)

So who exactly is a socialite activist?? Well, he/she (mostly its a 'she', apologies for the gender bias guys) has to fulfil the following criteria to be accorded the status of a socialite activist (SA):

1) Should be a regular on the Page 3 party circuit in Mumbai

2) Should have lived all his/her life in South Mumbai or if not then had a remote connection to someone living down there.

3) Should essentially be one of these
A model/super-model who has been branded "unhot" and dumped into oblivion by the ramp-gurus.

An actor/actress who hasnt been bagging any roles lately due to fall-out with major banners or someone who has been labelled "uncle/aunty" by the audience and lost favour with them.

A tv serial actor/actress who doesnt even fit in as a judge in reality shows and has taken refuge in tv commercials.

A loser author whose books'pages are now used by the chaat-waalaa to serve bhel-puri.

A theatre personality who hasnt been able to draw crowds to his boring Shakespearean plays/dramas.

A social activist/human rights activist who has been the pin-up boy/girl for many an andolan/agitation thanks to the media romance.

A local restaurant/spa/beauty parlour owner who wasnt doing business till 26/11 and got 5 times as much customers after the incident just by showing to TV that his/her place was targetted,partly damaged and he/she escaped unhurt.

A top-notch columnist in a news daily whose daily crap doesnt make much sense anymore.


4) Should be someone who can easily bullshit with an air of sophistication about them and wants to share a piece of the limelight.

And what bigger platform for these colorful personalities than the one built by our media. The media was lauded from all quarters for their (constructive) role in portraying the groud realities during the operation. It has to be said that barring a few jingoistic news channels, the majority of them showed uncanny restraint in reporting the events without actually becoming a hindranceto the ongoing operations.
But they had other ideas. The news channels ,drunk on praise, decided to go overboard with their sympathy & anger hysteria aftermath the operation.

It would have been a different story had there been a panel of the common people on the talk shows. Instead, the representatives of the aam aadmi, the SAs were on the panel for the discussions. One such show had an expensive silk saree-clad buxom lady of medium build,with presumably 5 layers of make-up done, thoroughly "lip-sticked", streaked hair and to go with it an obvious swagger. I tell you, the camera is such a powerful invention. It captures the most subtle features & mannerisms. She was a noted human rights activist they said, although she looked as if she had lost her way to one of those frequent art gallery exhibitions in tinseltown. Or maybe she didn't know how to dress up for the moment since occasons such has this dint occur on a daily basis.
She expressed 'deep outrage and shock' at the attacks. Being a resident of south mumbai she felt more 'insecure and unsafe than before'. She was feeling 'helpless and confused'. Then her helplessness gave way to anger all of a sudden. She wanted 'heads to roll'. When questioned who was to be held responsible she flipped her streaked hair back and with her characteristic swagger said that it was 'us' (The common man she meant) since we elected the politicians. Some politician bashing followed and then the host decided he had had enough of her and then told her to shut up politely.
The second SA on the panel was an actor with an enviable string of flops to his credit ( if that is something worth envying). He couldnt have put a foot right in bollywood even by mistake. Girls had forsaken him ages ago and so had "hits". He was dressed in his customary body-hugging Tee, trying to look cool and casual. His talk was something akin to what the 1st lady had said ,albeit it had a dash of hi-fi vocab thrown in. Words like "dismantling the terror infrastructure"," increased surveillance mechanisms", "accountable governance" were clearly missing from the 1st SA.

Then a noted lyricist, a mad economist,a renowned fashionista, a bearded theatre personality, an ad guru followed. Some of their common rants being:

. The two hotels were their favourite hang-out places/2nd homes from their days of yore.

.The wine in the two places was unparalleled. Look at the bar now, its lying in shambles.

. They were not going to celebrate the new year. (Baah..most hotels had cancelled off new yr plans by then and parties were to be low-key events. So basically this was a subtle way for these SAs to say " I have nowhere to go dude".)

.I want heads to roll. I want good intelligence. I want answers. I want explanations. I want the sun, the moon, the stars...

.Mumbai's spirit will never die nor will it stop.It fights back everytime it is under crisis. ( It was almost like getting your ear drilled hearing it for the umpteenth time. Boss, I cant stop going to work for fear of being bombed or attacked.Can I?)

. We the people are responsible for the carnage. We are electing them (Someone please tell these guys that we can only elect among the candidates thrown at us.)

.Terror Infrastructure dismantling, Accountable governance, Increased Intel Surveilance mechanisms...

On the brighter side, some positives did come out. The administration underwent a shake-up change. Some attributed it to the strong show of public strength at The gateway of India which had candle-light marches and peaceful demonstrations whre the SAs tried hard to mingle with the commoners and join in. The media made merry, they had a 'big story' to report, they had achieved their goal of what they called citizen journalism.

6 weeks on, the SAs are back to doing what they did best: page 3 parties,socializing, art exhibitions, ribbon-cutting ceremonies

As they say, It happens only in mumbai



Regards


Vishwesh

Social Net-working or not-working?

This was about a year ago. I got the shock of my life one sunday morning when my inbox welcomed me with 60-odd new mails. Being a sunday, I had time on my hands to go through each one of them before I could decide whether to retain it or delete it. Most of these mails were 'invitations' from different people, known(Read: jobless friends) and unknown. These were invitations to join and be a part of their friend circle on some not-so-popular social networking sites. I tried my hand at accepting the invitations, which involved filling lengthy registrations forms like the ones normally enountered while filling applications to uiversity programs.Then you were to choose ur 'cool' IDs and passwords. I did all of this and then all of this disappeared into oblivion for me.
Then a new batch of invitations to yet newer sites would find their way into my mail-box. Over the period i have got smarter and have reduced the burden on my already grief-stricken mailbox.
But social networking is here to stay and it is the in thing. It was a phenomenon which kicked off about 3 yrs back in India and since then ther has been no looking back. The e-mail rendered the letter useless, the instant messaging 'chat' replaced the e-mail and now its the 'scrap' which reigns supreme. Orkut and Facebook take the cake, though orkut is the more popular one in India. Most social networking sites have a structure which resembles the bio-data often submitted during job-interviews which includes:
The professional,
personal,
'About me' section and the 'interests ' section to top it all
On an average a startling 75% of the male population uses social networking to hook up (or make an attempt at hooking up) with a person of the opposite sex. The reason is simple,these sites link different people through list, circles,mutual friends etc and a lot many people project themselves openly. Well for once, even the most shy or dumb guy got his 'chance'.

Things most common on social networking sites, especially orkut:

1) Each guy has the current hot actor's pic as his display picture to avoid any embarassment while inviting any girl to join his circle.

2) For girls the display picture features either their favourite actress or things like flowers/puppies/kittens/ or anything according to them that qualifies as cute.

3) Most people are proud of the number of scraps they own. Some cant even count the number of zeroes in the number of scraps they own.

4)The worst friendship invitations a.k.a pick-up lines cane be easily discovered here. Sample it for yourself:


hey sweety i went thru your profile/....and then traced this community of thy....
1).u look damn sweet n say

2). hi wanna be my friend?

3)WOuld u like FRIENDSHIP with me .

4)If u wish and like then reply fast my friend.

5)hey girly u got a nice smile haaa

6) hi dear
u dere?
can i be ur fri?
my name his XYZ

7) so dear,
u like pets lot write ?? note the 'write'

8) hello, thx fr acceptin the request....

9)hi dear,
i need ur help.....pls scrap back into my scrapbook too

10) "Hey i like your smile/eyes/ears/nose. so, can we be friends?"

11) " Hey, will you please accept the hand of friendship from me?" (I can't see any hand)


5) Most of the so-called pick-up lines are hoplessly loaded with grammatical errors and the result of it is completely distorted and meaningless lines.
( I am a compete fan of these lines and there are many 'communities' n groups which are dedicated to celebrate these friendship lines.)

6) On the flip-side, if it weren't for orkut, no girl would get requests/invites and she wouldnt feel like a princess.


7)Orkutting is now the most sophisticated way of time-pass.It involves a lot many features and add-ons these days.

8) Most school students score really bad in English thanks to the poor quality/hip language used in such sites.

"Watcha Doin" replaces "What are you doing"
"Ssup" replaces " What is up with you?"

wa88, gr88 etc have done their bit of damage.

So if u bleve in orktn pls. dnt frgt to read this.it ll do wndrs to ur alredy spoilt languge and ll mke sure u dnt join oder social ntwrkin sites and waste ur prcious tym.

Regards

Vish

Female Quotient

The Sunday newspaper does throw up something intresting in the midst of all the Nuke Deal chaos, the ballooning inflation and the grief-stricken stock market. Well as amusing at it may sound, there's something called a women's vodka. Yes,a drink exclusively for women. The latest addition to the list which celebrates 'female'dom. Women's day, Women's cream, a Women's radio station,women's reservation, woman mail etc etc.
And now women's vodka! I was pleasantly surprised no one had made a big deal about it, either on TV or radio. It could be because of 3 things (besides ,of course,poor marketing strategy): maybe women find it too sissy to celebrate 'being a woman' and stuff like that, maybe they really dont care or both.
Well, guys do have a point when they say that its not a 'man's world' as it is so often, made out to be. And girls too being the true "fight-until-death" species would argue otherwise, saying the are the worthy ones. A lot had been said and written about the so-called gender war. Most of this being very conveniently exploited by commercial movies to the fullest for producing typical candy-floss entertainment which, if viewed now, are.. Yawn!
Anyways, breaking the cliche and being unorthodox is and has always been the trend.

Below is a questionnaire for the fairer sex. Hope you like it and I hope you manage to read the whole thing. The more the negatives, the more your FQ or female quotient is. So, Go on, Why should guys have all the fun!

Complete the sentence
. Behind every successful man...

1) There is a woman (-100)

2) There is a woman who wonders "How did he become successful with me around?" (-150)



. Most girls think ...

1) Every guy is an a**hole. (-10)

2) Every guy, except her favourite film hero, is an a**hole.(-50)

3) Guys are normal. (0)



. If a guy doesnt give you the attention you seek, doesnt indulge you in sweet talk or basically sounds dis-interested in you, your reaction would be

1) "I think he's gay. He isnt straight." (Grapes are Sour). (5)

2) " Thinks he is some Big VIP or something..snob! Er.. is he looking this side by any chance? " (-15)

3) " Never seen such a MCP in my life.(Male Chauvinist Pig, if u havent figured that out). Doesnt know how to talk to a girl." (-20)

4) " Damn boring. Nothing 'Happening' about him. Arre, just imagine...like..I stood near him and he dint notice me for like 10 minutes!! whoa! By the way, am I looking too fat.?" (tugs at the bottom of her 'top' as if there is a mirror visible only to her.) (-10)


. If the same guy were to give you the 'interested' look,the attention you seek or tries to indulge you in sweet talk and ask you out, your reaction would be:

1) " Cheap Flirt! I know what your intentions are, Mister." (10)

2) " So you say I am the one ,huh? Or am I number 31?" (15)

3) "Akeli ladki ko chedte sharam nahi aati, Ghar mein ma-behen nahi hain kya?" (5)

4) " You cheapo,womaniser! How disgusting can you get." (20)

5) " Actually..Er..can we just be good friends." (-100)

6) " Dont worry bro, very soon you will get hooked." (-200)



. When a guy talks about Angelina Jolie, Jessica Alba, Bips,Aishwarya and the likes. you would

1) Say "Oh puh-lease" , feel utterly disgusted and start bitching about the above actresses, and villify them to the point of hate. (-1000)

2) (Smile expectedly) "Boys will be boys." (-10)

3) (Sarcasm)"All you men are the same." (-50)

4) (Disguested expression) " You guys are all sick." (-50)

5)(Give your guy a look as if he had watched porn) "You pervert!" (-100)



.You are in the theatre and there is love scene, in which the lead couple is holding hands and whispering dialogues with absolutely no other action for the next 10 minutes.

1)You say " Aww..how cute!" in a soft and girlie tone. (-90)

2)Slap and Wake your guy up. (-100)

3) .. And tell him " See duffer! This is called romance. Learn it" (-1000)

4)Expect your guy to assume you are better than the actress and pester him to enact the same scene daily with you. (- 5000)



. Men make a big fuss about how women are a mystery and how they cant understand what women actually want. Women want

1) unconditional love. (0)

2) A guy = Her Favourite Bolly actor + Her favourite Indian male super-model + her favourite singer + Sanjay kapoor (remember Khaana Khazaanaa on TV??)+ an inustrialist, all rolled in one. (-5)

3) A Guy who is sweet, caring, loving, affectionate,... BLAH
( BLAH = a list of 1490 common adjectives commonly used by every girl for describing the concept of something called a "dream man",common on social networking sites) (-100000...)



. Your favourite question/exclamation of all time would be?

1) " Am i looking good?" (-25)

2) " Is she slimmer and hotter or am I?" (-50)

3) " This color/dress/ring/necklace suits me ki that color/dress/ring/necklace?" (-75)

4) " Who is She?" (-100)

5) " How Sweet/Rude!" (-150)

6) " Oh puh-leaze, Grow up guys!!" (-200)


. You find this girl in a party, much better-looking than you,who's got all the male- company, conducts herself pretty well. Your next-day girl gossip would be as follows:

1)Say good things about her during your gossip session. (+ infinity..You can skip this option!!)

2)Make a face as if you dint care one bit but deep inside you are burning and reminding yourself that " She's a Bitch and I feel like killing her". (-100)

3)Say " Bohot attitude dhika rahi thi woh." And make faces,imitate her walk and talk. (-200)

4)Say " Gosh, did you see her dress. Her dress sense was shaming and appalling. (And you buy and wear the same dress a few days later.) (-300)



. As a girl,Your favourite pastime would be..

1) Shopping, bargaining and spending on stuff (-20)

2) ...which is expensive and of absolutely no use to you (-200)

3). Swiping credit cards (-25)

4) ...which are obviously not yours (-250)

5) Make the guy carry the shopping bags without paying him coolie charges (350)



Do calculate your Female Quotient and let me know.



Regards


Vishwesh

A rainy day

As kids,I remember, our first essay of english class from 3rd to 5th grade would be titled " A Rainy Day". And we used to write it without an iota of suffering, destruction or misery mentioned in it,making it sound almost next to a fairy-tale.

Today was just the opposite. It poured on unmercifully for almost the first half of the day. I Got stuck in the middle of nowhere and somehow made it,past mini-rivers, to work. Comin back was easy though as the weather had easened up.
200 mm of rain was recorded today. Almost a fifth of the downpour experienced on 26/7. Its the start of july and the next 2 months will be tough; the peak season so to speak.
I am already in the process of setting up a mini house in my office cubicle, with the luxury of bare necessities like a towel, extra sock and other dressing accessories. I am sure many of you would have done pretty much the same thing or would be doing it soon.
Nevertheless, today was nighmarish for many. For a brief period, I guess, transport services were hit, but otherwise it was life as usual.It was just sufficient enough to remind people of that dreadful day which is still fresh in minds even after 3 monsoons.

Health to all!

Regards

Vishwesh

Monsoon Raaga!

I cursed under my breath,as I stood in the bus,struggling hard to pull the wallet from my pocket which was covered by layers and layers of armour (Read rain-jacket and 'rain pant'). The wretched thing showed no signs of coming out and slipped deeper each time. The onlookers a.k.a the seated people watched on as if I was the chief clown performing at the russian circus and it was show-time.One more addition to murphy's laws: The closer the bus conductor is to you, the more time it will take you to dig the damn thing out of your pocket. And by the time you shell out the notes, they are already dripping wet!

Well,the rains are here with the usual bang. Been a week of action.
"Please Dont be santhusht. Thoda aur wish karo", thats what the rain-gods seemed to say as the skies opened up.And we have already got a trailer of what we'll be seeing for the next 4 months. Same story though!
The showers come with pin-point accuracy every year something that the Met dept here is not noted for. And they have been a source of much-needed respite from the near unbearable drip-drop,sweaty and humid conditions that the city experienced during the summer.Mumbai's murkiest, dirtiest, mushiest(pun so obvious),slushiest and perhaps its most romantic season is back.
I had my first drench on my way back from work. Felt nice. It felt so blissful, even after numerous rain-baths, year after year. Mom dint think so.
In most flood-prone areas here, stuff like ropes, boats, nets etc are kept handy days before,to face a possible flood situation 'baywatch ishtyle'. Most people who reside at the lower floors of buildings in such areas vacate days before, to escape a watery grave. Ask even a 4th grader here which places would perenially be under water and he would rattle a dozen names,faster than his geography lessons.

The BMC is at the recieving end yet again for the slippery roads, pot-holed roads and roads under construction which are dug up exactly a day before the rains come. Perfect timing!
And the mother of them all: The American consulate sounded an advisory to all americans who are in mumabi or who plan to visit mumbai in this period. No, not a terrorist strike or blast scare.
It reads "When in mumbai,Beware of open manholes. Dont venture out too much." Ok, agreed that each year the notoreity of the monsoons assumes dangerous proportions. But this is ridiculous man!! Hahahaha, travel advisory!

Hot tips:

In Mumbai everything goes down the drain, except for the rain water. True.Very true during the high tide.
.High tide + heavy rains = full-too flooding + you having to swim in flood waters.

High tide timings are important. Dont venture anywhere near the sea, unless you are serious about suicide.

.Open manholes. Walk in a chain, if you are a group. If one falls, the others are there to pull him/her. If the others fall, not your fault.

.If you cant form chains and you cant see ahead while wading through the water, then play " Follow the leader." If the person before you goes missing after some time, then choose a different path.

. For heavens' sake keep yourself clean after coming home at least! Leptospirosis is now becoming a common word, although people can't spell it. It's caused by rat urine. Obviosuly, you cant stop the rat but you can care for yourself.

.Most importantly, keep off the Eastern Express highway as much as possible,especially the vikhroli-ghatkopar stretch (now nicknamed the 'road to death'). The reason: 136 accidents in just 5 days. A certain chemical called 'mast' turned out to be in surplus while laying the road. Add to that the rains which made sure that the vehicles on the 10 km long stretch were in for a slippery, skiddy ballerina show.

.Try to minimise travel. (I know its its next to impossible)

. When stuck in a traffic jam, dont get too frustrated. The guy in the posh Honda Accord is also feeling the same pinch. See, the monsoon is a great leveller; it teaches you to be patient. (I know, by now you have made up your mind to kick me)

. People who own cars: Carry out pre-monsoon checks of batteries, tyres, maintenance of your car including wipers and top-up the fuel of your car during the monsoon

.Hammer is a handy tool: To break the glass on the driver's window from the
middle/centre, in case of an auto-lock system failure if you are stuck in a car say for about 8-14 hrs.

.Thick long nylon rope at least 20 metres long with a hook to be kept in
the dicky.Just in case..

.Keep dry and non -perishable food items in a vacuum container in some quantity. Dry fruits are recommended for pet-pooja.

.In a disaster- like situation instead of trying to reach home,first reach the nearest acquaintance.

.Also, carry a whistle with you. Remember Kate Winslet in 'Titanic'?

. Last but not the least, get a life. Stop cursing the BMC or the administration. You wont gain much by blaming other people. You are the one in charge of yourself.

Regards

Vishwesh

Global Masala!

A few weeks ago, the revered US prez stated that the global food shortage and price rice was thanks to developing economies in asia (Read India and china) wherein the middle class had become 'pretty rich' and more spendthrift towards their basic needs. Well tried Mr. Bush! But we dont celebrate thanksgivings over here!
Not long ago many of us awoke to a terrible phenomenon that India was subject to. It was called brain-drain which cost our country something more than crores n crores of rupees - talent, good talent!! The craze to study in the elite IITs, IIMs and strike it big in "Amreeka" was first and foremost on evry youngsters' mind. US visa, permanent citizenship,Silicon valley, masters, Harvard,Dow jones were the buzzmords. Then came the 'LPG' (Liberalisation,Privatisation,Globalisation) era. India opened up well and truly to the world. Many lamented that Inida was committing harakiri and would never come out of it. India caught a cold each time its big brother sneezed.

But the years to follow were something very unlike it. The India growth story finally unfolded. Bollywood overtook Hollywood. Tata took over corus, JLR. Jumbo vada-pav replaced burgers for a change. Indian fashion flooded international markets.NRIs gave up their high-paying jobs abroad and rushed to india. Bingo!4 of the top 10 billionaires were indians. Bangalore was the new silicon valley the IT heavyweights and chennai the new Detroit for global auto majors. The whole world had to stand up and take notice. Suddenely everyone vied for a share of the India pie.
What better example than the IPL T-20 tournament. The glitz, the glamour, the hype and excitement of IPL has by far overshadowed everything. One and half months later,The "Manoranjan ka baap" has beaten everything outright. Its fast, aggressive, power-packed and its there right before you, staring you in the face.

Shane Warne captains Jaipur. Shaun Pollock captained the mumbai indians. I bet,20 years ago, their "India" knowledge would have been just limited to the Taj Mahal or the poverty-stricken portrait of India featuring sadhus, fire-eaters and street jugglers. The very thought of "firangs" playing on our turf, representing different Indians cities would have just been laughed off as a figment of imagination, when Indians first took to the sport of the bat and the ball. Not that IPL has changed everything overnight, its just one of the many big things that has driven home the point. The colonial inventors of the game would be rolling in their graves if they were to witness the transormation the game has underwent a in terms of the shift of power,the way the game is played, the mooalah etc.
The Hyderabadis cheered when Symonds smashed sixes of hapless Indian bowlers(nothwithstanding his role in the racist 'monkey' controversy Down-under).The Kolkattans went beserk when Shoaib took out Sehwag with a thunderbolt. For that matter,shoaib in current form , wouldnt even dream of getting as much support from the whole of Pakistan as he got from the Eden garden crowds.
Well,just to give you an idea, consider this:
A Paki Batsman, An Australian at the non-striker's end, a West Indian Bowler, A Sri-Lankan wickeetkeeper, a New Zealander as an umpire, sweating it out in a power-packed contest at Wankhede in tinseltown mumbai's humidity. And what more proof does one need of steadfast globalization!! (Er..for your information, the cheer-girls in the opening ceremony were American and the ones who followed in the latter part of the tournament were British).
To me this is globalization at its best(est) form! Indian corporate houses and Bollywood celebrities pumped in billions saying that the game was a bit undervalued.Players were auctioned like horses and each of them had a price tag attached to him. Sponsors chipped in with their moolah. Television right were sold. Broadcaster all around the world had a field time. The crowds got their money's worth. The cheerleaders had a ball . Money changed a million hands. It was no longer cricket. Infact it was branded and marketed as cricket-ainment. New talent was unearthed. Big names bit the dust, unheard names blasted their way to the top.

As they say,change is the only thing constant and its upon us to make it a good change or a bad one. Cricket, fortunately, has adopted changes better than other sports. Move over IPL, just look at ourselves. where are we heading?what have we done? what do we speak today? We are the ones who have successfully married the paneer with the pizza,made a schezwan dosa and mineral water paani-puri.We have the largest English-speaking population in the world. So what if we dont speak it the way the brits do ,adding our own dosage of peculiar Indian accent. The point is when a country of a billion people speaks a language a particular way or adopts changes steadfastly in its own way, the other dont have a choice but to fall in our path. It wont be long before people would be trained to speak 'Indian english'.
That would be true globalization!!

Regards

Vishwesh

Nitt-i-tude Test

Well this was also one post which should have come out earlier ,during my engg days at NIT Trichy. But better late than never.
Ever wondered whether you were really made for the campus. Maybe a separate grading system to measure the degree of ‘NITT’itude in you. Well, worry not!
Here’s is a set of questions, which demand absolutely no use of your hard-earned engg knowledge, so to speak and no test preparation. The grading system is in +’s and –‘s (I hope you understand, + means more and - is less).


1.At 8.30 in the morning you

a)Are in bed wondering which world are you in, trying hard to reach out for the irritatingly loud alarm clock. (+ 4)

b)Have finished Splashing deo all over your unclean body and wear the same T-shirt. (+10)

c)Are trying hard to recollect what your bicycle looks like while searching for it among the ones fallen down… (-1)

d)..you realize you don’t have one and look for someone else to give you a lift (-2)

e)Are in the classroom, prancing to and fro, waiting for the teacher to come (-50)


2. In class you normally

a)Fight with the others for the first bench and then sit down to take notes (-100)

b)Are relishing "Tiger" biscuits, sitting in the last row. (+ 10)

c)Are halfway through ‘5 point Someone’. (+15)

d)...And the prof catches you(-15)

e)Wake up just in time for the attendance call.(+20)

f)Irritate the guys sitting beside you by pretending to enjoy the lecture and scribbling in your only book. (+100)


3. In the Octa User lab you generally:

a) Go to the SUN user lab. (-5)

b)... By mistake (-1)

c)Search for your name in the placement site (list of placed students) even 3 months after your placement and get happy once more. (+ 5)

d)Check the online silver notice board for the (supposed)movie in the trical audi, the next Saturday. (-10)

e) Do programming (-∞)

f)Play "Stick-cricket" for 2 hours on the trot (0 if you don’t have a PC in your hostel room, -20 if u have one)

g) Take printouts of your topper’s assignments (+25)


4. In the College Internet lab you:

a) Are trying hard to achieve your longtime goal of 20000 scraps, 800 friends, and 1 fan. (+2)

b) Read the online edition of ‘The Hindu’. (-50)

c) Open wikipedia and start mugging pages for the forthcoming inter-college quiz. (-100)

d) Memorize names of US universities and their disciplines (- 5)

e) Search for your house verandah on google earth (-∞)

f) Piss off the people waiting for their turn by playing the irfan pathan hat-trick on Youtube at least 10 times.(-15)

g) Annoy your 'neighbours' by playing the your favourite hindi song at full blast on your elephant earphones.(- 200 )




5. In the college mess you are:

a) Discussing your CAT scores (-50)

b) Draining out the excess oil from the curry (+15)

c) Working out strategies for CounterStrike (+25)

d) ...Which you started playing yesterday (-125)

e) Fighting with the mess-anna for an extra gulab jamun. (-5)

f) Searching for the paneer in the panner-parathaa, wondering why it is called so. (+ 500)

g) …And you find it at last (+ 1000)


6. The first thing you did after placements was

a) Nursed your battered n bruised backside, due to the 'love' showered on you by your dear friends. (+10)

b) Rushed to the ATM, to treat your friends. (+20)

c) Went to octa internet lab and changed your orkut profile name and used the company logo as ur display pic. (-5)

d) Wondered how many girls would be with you in the company. (-6)

e) Made a face as though you expected to screw up the interview and start boasting on how you overcame all odds. (+1 if less than 10 people got thru along with you, - 100 if more than 50 got thru)

g) Tried to look sad and forlorn over the company's pay package. (-200)


7. According to you, the library

a) Is a place where you sit and study, refer or take books from. (-1000…)

b) Is a place where you get to see,touch and feel rare, centuries-old manuscripts without even having to pay entry fee. (+5)

c) Cough, Cough, Aaaa..Aaaa.. Choo!!! (+ 1000)

d) Er..i don’t know. I am still asking people for directions (+15)

e) Library, you said?? (Long pause).. Is it some kind of a zodiac sign??? (+16)



8. Which of the following would you become, if (god forbid) you werent
recruited in the campus placements?

a) The xerox shop anna: Ever-ringing cash counters (+100)

b) The Gate Anna(Roadside dhaba): I wont need to give any second invitation to my customers. (+200)

c) The Bru shop anna: Night time is the right time. (+ 50)

d) The only stationery shop anna: Monopoly rules (+25)

e) The laundry anna: As long as no one bathes, its business all the way for me. (+ 20)

f) Become treasurer or Co-treasurer for one of the college fests. (+ 10)



9. In case you answered (a) to the above Question what will your future plans be?

a) Buy the library and convert it into "The central Xerox center". (+ 5)

b) Have a lifetime membership facility for regular customers. (+18)

d) Offer special gifts for the ones who duplicate material for more than 100 bucks
Per day. (+ 12)

e) "Buy one get one free" offers and festival discounts (+ 4)

f) Set up branches in the respective hostels itself (+ 1)




10. If your answer to the first Question was (b) what would your plans be?

a) Rechristen it. Give it a Fundoo name. ("Chill Gates" sounds much more appealing as opposed to plants, bamboo shoots, bananas,leaves etc) (+1)

b) Have my Best menu on the Saturday nights (??), at low costs, knowing that the mess food on Saturdays sucks bigtime. (+ 15)

c) Special placement-season offers. A 30% discount for guys offering their first-job treats and 50% discount for second-job treats. (GPA and pay-scale no criteria) (+25)

d) Have a credit card, I mean, "I-card" system,! (+ 26)

e) Obtain a patent for a new product called "Dew lime". (+1000)




11. If your answer to question one was (e), what would your plans be?

a) Launch a door-to-door delivery service. (-20)

b) Teach the hostel boys the virtues of cleanliness, washing and bathing (-100)

c) Stop interchanging clothes (+ 2)

d) Start recruiting boys and give them training. (-1)



Check your score and reply asap.


Regards

Vishwesh

College Bakar

Now, this one should have come much earlier, even when I was in college. Nevertheless, better late than never. Its just part of the whole 'senti' feeling when you think about your alma-mater. Far different from our work-places. The lectures,profs,depts,snacky,juicy,hostels etc.
One characteristic feature of our hostels were the bakar sessions. Bakar, in very simple terms, means a congregation of perennially jobless people, at any place, at any time of the day, completely focused on discussing all issues of seemingly national, international, political, economic and social importance. Such sessions do not have fixed timing schedules and cut across all language barriers. Bakar groups could be discovered outside the snacky, mess, near the coffee shop, etc.
A bakar session in a hostel room invariably consisted of a minimum of 2 people in the same room, who showed the same intensity as that of a placement Gd session, if not more. They covered a wide range of topics starting from the reason why each one of got ot this college to the rumors of a certain IT giant hiking its compensation package in the campus recruitment.

A bakar session was mostly put in motion by identifying the potential bakar room which was equipped well to deal with the rush. A simple session started as a mere after-lunch or after-dinner talk. As time went by, the crowd built up slowly but gradually thanks to the curious passersby who took time off to peep in and got absorbed in no time.

Placement bakar session:

The final year sessions were more of the research n analysis type about the ongoing placement process. Each participant pouring out his own written/gd/pi experience, trying his best to dissect his performance at every step of the placement procedure and presenting his own picture of how skewed the whole process was and where he lost out (. The victors, however, jubilantly shared everything in an “I-don’t-know-how-I-got-thru” manner in all modesty. After the post-mortems were done, the focus usually shifted to the “next probable big company”. Each expressing his opinion of how far the college lagged behind the IITs or how it was light-years ahead of other NITs in terms of the campus recruitments and the number of firms.

A few common statements that u would come across in the placement bakar sessions.

. “How come company X is not open for our dept…sheesh man, this is ridiculous yaar. I mean, look at the trical (electrical in our lingo) dudes, they r such lucky dogs, they do nothing in their dept for 2 whole years and end up getting all the companies in the 7th sem, pathetic.”

.” You guys should have been there for the ppt(pre placement talk)? That lady in the HR team was hot.

. “Who wants to hear the talk, I went there for a T-shirt. They were distributing many of them.I don’t have money to buy one.”

(The height of frustration) “5 kelas(failure in our lingo)in 5 writtens! Damn, I am absolutely useless. I shouldn’t have come to this college. I shouldn’t have taken engineering in the first place.”

. (height of Endurance) “2 hours, they made me sit for 2 frigging hours outside and my interview lasted another only 15 minutes, I started feeling hungry; that’s why I didn’t do well”.

. (The sporting type)“ To hell with Dream Company!! This company is not worth it. I knew that right from the start. Good I got chucked out in the written itself.”

. (The muggu) Arre yaar! I forgot to mug the previous year written paper’s answers for company X; the same paper came yesterday. Damn!

. (Mr. modest) Seriously dude, I can’t believe how I got through. I gave the written for time pass (and the company selected u for just the same thing).

(But the Oscar goes to….)

“Guys, where’s my R.S agrawal. (Searches underneath piles of books scattered all over the floor) Been searching for it for almost an hour.”

“But you didn’t buy a R.S agarwal, you moron !”

“Is it?? Then give me yours’, I have to practice for tomorrow’s apti paper”

.

CS (Counterstrike)gaming bakar sessions:
These PC-gaming bakar sessions were in full swing in 3rd yr hostel rooms and in the final yr mess. Discussing strategies and maps had become more than a way of life for these gaming gurus. The hardcore CS freaks could easily be distinguished from the rest of the tribe by their sheer enthu they displayed while going hammer-n-tongs over “who should be and shouldn’t be in the clan”. Infact , clan formations and clan defections sounded much more intersting compared to the real game that was played. The game,though,showed signs of losing its old charm in the final year hostels in the face of fast emerging DOTA(another popular game). But the old CS hawks continued to remain.

A few common CS comments:

. “X plays like shit, throw him out of the clan; he’s a complete disgrace.”

. “The guys from that hostel have absolutely no clue about this map…hehehe..They are screwed!!”

. “Oye, u should go and play with level 3 BOTS, not with us.”

. “Man, I m like really depressed . I don’t seem to be sniping well these days yaar. I have lost practice.”

CS had brought the junta closer than anything else though they no longer addressed each other by their real names but by their CS names.


Intellectual bakar sessions:
Well this sounds more like an oxymoron but these sessions did take place in all earnest.
Talks were mostly centered around preparation for the 'BIG' exams.


. “Yes man, Good long holidays we are getting naa?
Gonna be total freak-out for me.
Only a few exams in between; GRE, TOEFL, CAT, RAT, MAT, GMAT and XAT that’s it! “
(Phew!! That’s it?? Aren’t u guys forgetting a few more.)

“I cant understand why he is giving the entrance exam. Isn’t he content with his million-dollar job? Just another bloody show-off I say!!”

. I gave TOEFL in chennai. Damn AC went off first, then the keyboard, and then the mouse had to be replaced, speakers betrayed me in the listening….

. “My friend smashed 1500. I wanted to show him its no big deal. Anybody can do that. That’s why I registered.”

. (Wears a depressed look)” Booo hoo I got only 1440 and I only have a mediocre 9.3. I am doomed. Looks like CAT is my only path to salvation. “

. (A “cut-off” expert lost in his dreams)” If only I could get a decent break-up of 29 in English, 15 in DI/DS and another 17 in quants, I could get all the calls.”
.
. “Hey, applications over for you??? I thought of making a small change in mine. I have decided to take off “ University of X” from my application list. I took out the atlas yesterday night and found out that such a place X never exists.”

.” God, I need to do well in my F slot. I need at least an A (grade) in it. I am banking on him for a decent reco.”

Grade and study bakars:
Most bakar camps were self-introspection sessions in the “if only I had done better” or “So sad he got less than me” mode.

. “Hey did u hear, X got 8.4 He’s surely gonna hang himself now that his CG has dropped to 8.99”

. “Oh yes, I checked his GPA on the net; he got only a C in this slot. Felt really good!!”

.” I couldn’t believe my luck!! I didn’t deserve an S in this seriously. My internals were the lowest in class. Tsk…tsk. (talks of a female competitor) She had internals of 30 while I had 20;she ended up with an A…hehehehe.”

. (topper looks into the notes of a seven-pointer, look of (false)horror written all over his face)
“ Gosh, What are you studying!!!!! Man I am seeing it for the first time (in spite of revising it twice??)!! Sheesh…I am dead, please explain this yaar fast!


. “(Hands on head, repents)” Had I sincerely done a group-study with u guys and not wasted the holiday accumulating scraps on chirkut, I would have at least been in the top 3.”

. (And the first prize goes to…) Actually it should be voted as the most annoying reply in the campus.A pseudo-cool topper in reply to repeated queries of “ How much r u expecting da?”).

“I just want to pass this sem. nothing more. Like I have been doing in every sem, I started just 3 hrs before the exam.”


Regards

Vishwesh

News-ical

"To discuss more on the story we are joined in by our panel of experts, Mr X from the Institute of ABCD..." Does this line remind of something ,rather someone?
Well,TV journos and news reporters are a weird species!And unlike the Bengal Tiger,their numbers just keep growing by the day. Prime time 24*7 news has as much sensation, drama and masala attached to it as a 3-hr long Bollywood film. No wonder they refer to news as a 'stories'.Now, i m not someone who believes in rubbishing journos.They are such an integral part of our lives. I mean if it werent for them

. How would you keep count of the number of kids a certain Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie adopted from (god knows) how many continents.

. You wouldnt get breaking news about what what a certain politician ate for breakfast and whether the salt in it was less or more.

. How the god-damn world is coming to an end in 2008. (Yes..according to a renowned Hindi Channel the year 2008 is "Kaal ka saal")

The first ten days of the new yr , 'molestation' and 'Rascism ' were the keywords splashed across all the news channels. Yes, molestation is atrocious and unforgivable but a soul who would have seen these channels for the first time in his life would have probably concluded so:
"Women,get the hell out of Mumbai before its your turn"
"All male mumbaikars are women harassers."
Or even worse. "Delhi is better". (Ultimate insult, i should say!)

.Coming to the Rascism part he would hv thought:
" All Australians are wretched Rascists."
" 'Monkey' is a rascist taunt,as Mr Symonds pointed it out to the world. (Monkey! Oztraalian for Rascism ) and yeah , B*****D is no longer an abuse as v thought it was.

The other things which were..er..News-worthy

. A hindi news channel:
"Yuvi averages only 4.33 in his 6 innings ,Down under(which includes a match against a chindhi 3rd grade Australian club). Reason: Deepika is in Sydeny for a shoot. Phew! And we thought Yuvi was the guy at fault. To add some extra spice, Deeps-Yuvi pics are shown, his dismissals are shown for the umpteenth time with the popular OSO number " Aankhon mein teri.." playing in the background. The show goes on for more than an hour and there is an expert panel for discussion. Total timepass!


.Another channel screamed:
The 'Yeti' or the 'Maha-maanav' is no myth! Its has been recently spotted in the news(before the reporters allegedly scared it off. They forgot to add it!). Another TRP-raising show.

.Monsoon time in Mumbai(Field time for reporters.) The news-reader talks of the strong downpour, gives you the complete story and you are satisfied. But she isn't. So she follows it up with a
" For more on this, let's go to our correspondent Mr X on Y Road.".

Its waist-high water, not a single soul to be seen except for the reporter,umbrella in hand. The reporter shoves the mike inside a car stuck in the traffic jam and asks the guy behind the wheel.
" Ab aapko kaisa lag raha hain?" (This is their favourite!!!)
The poor chap has to contend with both the rain and the incessant barrage of queries before he is let-off.
I have always wondered about their love for seeminlgy 'inaccessible' places. Maybe Edmund Hillary wasnt the first guy to reach Everest.Maybe Osama wasn't the only guy hiding in the hills of Afghanistan. Maybe there was a news-person already up there, just waiting to ask them " Ab aapko kaisa lag rahaa hain?".


.And the ones which take the cake. Reality shows!!(Actually the major culprits here happen to be the 'soap' channels, for a change). The news channels just replay the 'reality(reel-ity)' dance and music shows from the 'soap' channels. And when you arrive at the news channel hoping for a dose of daily news when these shows are on , u obviosuly feel that you have clicked on the wrong channel. Then reality dawns and you have to remind yourself that its a TRP war exercise at its best.
The real performance in these shows comes from the judges' side. One cant help but feel that maybe the channel gives them the license to
.behave as indisciplined and school-boyish/girlish as they can,
.fight,
.tear each other's hair off,scratch each other,call names,
walk-out of the shows and promote all sort of cheap ,unruly and uncivilized behaviour.
And these are not normal people. They are the creme-da-la-creme of the entertainment industry.

Meanwhile,Our reporter gets into action and catches hold of the victor(who's now a celebrity) from the talent show and the inevitable follows
" Ab Aapko kaisa lag rahaa hain?" (sporting a fake, "I-m-so-happy for-u" smile)

The victor has to handle a few more and he/she learns the first lesson for a wannabe celebrity.Do not mess around with the press! We make u. We can break u. He/She is then linked to numerous women/men in the industry and the hulabaloo lasts till a formal statement is made which goes something like.
"We are just good friends." The channel is the undoubted winner.

.The top-notch journos in the business love putting the big ' news-makers' in a spot; be it the 'frank,hard-talk, one-to-one interviews', big (often ugly)fights, debates.And the best part is that these guys are never short of issues of national and social importance to debate over!

.Does our media really have a free hand?
Shouldnt they be given more power in a democracy? (Excuse me?)

.Why did Adam eat the apple? Was there something really happening between him and Eve or were they "Just friends"?

.Why did the chicken cross the road? Is it not an offence under "XYZ" animal act to let it do so?

.What came first: The hen or the chicken or the omlette?

.Was the tortoise the worthy winner of the Hare-tortoise race? Did he resort to unfair means? Did he call the hare names? did he sledge him?

.Is it right to use the word monkey? Is it just another abuse? Is it a racist taunt? Is it the name of an animal?

. Is Carla really Sarkozy's girlfriend ? If not, then who's child is she preganant with? Should she be accorded first-lady status according to existing protocol.

Phew!

And we thought all was well with the world!

Regards

Vishwesh

"Bus" Karo

My training continues in top gear. People are actually shocked when i tell them that my training duration is 1 yr. Work, Training, Office; no matter what people call it, its the same at the end of the day. You are always counting down days to the coming weekend. And most importantly you waste no time in squeezing in that extra bit of comfort into your life ,before and after the day's work ,especially during travel. I m one among the million commuters in the city who tunes into FM on the cell , unmindful of all the noise n traffic which is effectively drained out(along with the conductor's cries of "Pude Chala, Pude Chala( marathi for "Move,It") thanks to the music on full blast. The hapless bus conductor has to do some serious throating.

Damn amusing..if u were to observe these things while travelling in mumbai.
Fortunately for me,my work timings are such that I literally get to choose my seat in the bus. Absolutely no crowd at all (touchwood!)on my way to work. But the return story is a different one if I work till late hours. The traffic and the sweaty fragrance inside the bus doesnt make things better.
Its a real sight to see guys getting tossed and jostled around courtesy that startlingly sudden break. Much worse if the guy is sandwiched between females (u know, like right at the front, near the "Ladies Only" seats). If he fails to hold on properly he ends up bumping into the aunty standing behind him. As he turns around to apologize, he is greeted by a real,cold glare from her; a look mostly reserved for chain-snatchers,murderers,rapists and the like. Hehee..as if the poor guy did it on purpose.
Then there are these hilariously stupid guys who take an eternity searching for their wallet in their pant pockets only to realize they dont have one. After a good 10-15 minutes of searching in their shirt pocket, they fork out a crisp 100-rupee note for a mere 5-rupee ticket in a "Keep the change!" style( The note held between the tip of the index and middle finger ). The conductor, obviosuly not impressed by the whole exercise, makes no secret of how pissed off he is and gives him a real mouthful along with the 100 rupee note.
Then there are the college dudes who prefer to be the back-benchers even in the bus no matter how much space there is at the front,playing with their cell phones and having a great laugh occasionally. The girls, on the other hand, engage in what appear to be real path-breaking discussions interspersed with an occasional chorus of giggles which makes a few heads turn.
Then there are the people who seem completely oblivious to whats going on inside the bus because they are so busy watching out of the window. Window seat is always the prized one, be it a bus,rickshaw or bike.
There is momentary silence as the bus comes to a halt at the signal. The silence is however shortlived. Suddenely, as if from nowhere, we are interrupted by the famous bollywood number "Dhoom Machale" (a Ring tone). It is followed by a loud "Hello,.. Haan, harish bhai.. bolo...acchaa" , as if to show the whole bus that he's got a cell phone and that too with handsfree! To top it, he gestures with his hands, while talking. You get really irritated and want to remind him that the person at the other end cannot see through the cell phone. 5 minutes on, the conversation is at its loudest best and the junta in close proximity is sulking and silently cursing the guy under their breath. Just makes one wonder how Technology can be a real pain in the a** !! By the time he is finished with his talk, he has ensured that the every person in the bus knows who 'Harish bhai' is.

Then there are the guys (heroes) who are hell-bent on showing that they are completely different from the rest. They stand on the step-board ('local train' ishtyle)with acres of space available inside. Its a blasphemy for these people to board a stationary bus; the thrill they derive out of catching a bus on the "running" is unmatchable. They always exit through the entry door and vice versa. When you hear the conductor spewing expletives and unmentionables, you can sense that the 'heroes' are there somewhere in close vicinity.
One more tribe of bus commuters are the 'surprised' kind. Ya!The people who wear that perenially surprised look like they have seen a celebrity in the bus. You remove and open your wallet to pay the bus fare and they examine every action of yours which makes you feel like Mukesh Ambani.
Finally its time for me to unboard and I make my way through the maze of standees to the exit door.
Thats life!

Regards

Vishwesh

In(tro)duction 3

The next 2 weeks of my induction:
Mere classroom sessions with Saturday tests.Some losers even studied for it (night-outs, sleeping with their books open...u got my point na?)and some maha-losers even discussed answers after the tests. The tests were of the timepass kind just to scare the kids, which ultimately failed its purpose(although these loser a.k.a studious tribes would have their books perpetually open to revise their 'notes'..baah! gimme a break!).
Yawn!! for your convenience and to avoid the risk of losing my valuable readers I have(wisely) chosen not to elaborate much on gears, shafts,drives,suspension systems,...Yawn!

The 4th week
Without a doubt, the best of them all! 60 of us were taken on an out-bound fitness survival camp. It included trekking,reppling, rafting, kayaking, shooting, setting our own tents and (believe it or not)cooking (rather experimenting with foodstuffs) ourselves. 3 days later we were still panting for breath and thanking the almighty that each of us had returned in one piece albeit with niggles and muscle pains.

The 5th week
Some C2C(college to corporate) thing! Was supposed to build in confidence levels, know yourself as a person and it was meant to ensure that your transition from college to corporate was smooth.I dont remember much except that I played some kiddish games and did lotsa tp(familiarise yourself with short-forms..if you dont what is tp, go hang yourself). Things we did

. Made a house using handicraft paper which actually looked like one (Wow!)
. Built a pyramid using shoes (there were 10 in a group..ours was the tallest pyramid thanks to my ingenuity).
Moral of the story: No matter how much your shoe stinks ,when you work in a group and compete against other groups, it doesnt really matter!
. Formed human chains. Some more tp and games
. Small Ball, Big ball (Naughty naughty! its the name of a game!)
Thne some more fundaas by the proprietors (a couple).Phew.

6th and the last week
.Takes the honours for the most boring week of the program. Except of course, the last day, the DJ nite..Awesome stuff. It just went to show we had some real talent amongst us! Our company Prez addressed us and gave us glimpses of his fundoo-ness.
After eveything was over it was hugs,hanshakes,tears galore. A real emotional moment ( But nothing to beat the feeling when i left college). Everyone was gonna go different places, into various functions. That was it. We bid adieu with heavy hearts.

Regards

vishwesh

In(tro)duction-2

Nasik is a weird city..Its a complete contrast to mumbai. The people, their lifestyle, the cool weather and lots of other stuff (except off course the pot- holed roads in some parts which are a trademark feature of mumbai). Everyone there seems to own a car; at least an indica. And I never saw a single signal there, forget traffic jams!
We had 40 odd days on our hands to make the most of our stay in the city. My day began at 6.30 (yes!daily!).A hostleler's nightmare as you may call it! I would be woken up by a sudden knock on the door. The funniest part being that I still havent figured out who used to do it..probably one of the "other" room guys. Fact is I never really gave a damn as long as the person regularly kept waking me up on time. Our induction seesions were scheduled at 8 am each day and the company bus would ferry us half n hour in advance so that we could swipe our I-cards in time before the rush started.
The first week was a bit of a pain although we were given 2 shirts and a bag and the "T-shirt and jeans" dress-code was enforced till we got our uniforms. they called it the senior management week as all the VPs, Sr. VPs,Heads..blah blah from each function( HR, Finance,marketing, product development..see i remember things) addressed us with fundoo powerpoint presentations which failed to make any sense to us. There are times u feel the company wastes its precious moolah giving these intelectual blabbermouths fat pay packets. But then these are the blokes who conceptualise. They work out the way ahead for the company ,which is something very important.
The common mantra in their "feel good" presentations being "You are the young,dynamic minds,brimming with knowledge who have entered the industry when the india story is just unfolding and rising. You are really fortunate. We wish we were 30 yrs younger so that we could be in your place". One just got the feeling that these big dudes had copied each others presentations the previous night ,just like engineering students copied assignments.

Ya right! Bright, young minds (I have heard that before, the first day at engg college when someone called us that in his speech)! They wanted to project us as the privileged lot in order to create an "I-am-soo-jealous-of-you" atmosphere. Crap! Utter crap! Why would a Sr.VP wish to be an engineer in the first place? Anyways,each day was packed with 3 breaks (morning tea- sumptuous lunch- snack n tea) and 4 senior management talks. Each of them spoke as if they had a vacancy awaiting us in their departments and we just had to pick n choose. Being a perennial back-bencher by default and design I slept through a few sessions(at times waking up my immediate neighbours by snoring loudly). Such sessions also help bring out the best drawing talents( mostly in the back rows). The funniest(and most eagerly awaited) part of these sessions was the "Audience Queries'" phase which followed the presentations. A thousand hands would go up and the poor guy on stage would be at the recieving end of a barrage of outrageously stupid questions.
Some of them which could be touted as automatic entries into the guiness book of records for the "World's Most stupid query"
Girl to the marketing VP:
"Sir, I think the Tv commercial you are showing is not very nice.It is not telling anythng about the product. It only focuses on the man and woman in the helicopter.(Lady, he knows his job better than you)

" Sir,thank you for the wonderful talk. I just wanted to ask what is the greenfield project you talked about. Is it the name you gave to your new environment-friendly plant." (Give me a break!!)

Even better:
Guy to the HR head
" Sir, do we have any chance of a overseas posting."
"Yes u do, Zambia! Nice country, nice people"

The ultimate:
" Sir,I am really very happy with your talk and I enjoyed it (??). I dont have any question in mind. I want to work with this company for entire life.



Regards

Vishwesh

In(tro)duction

Its been a li'l over 2 months since i last saw the blogger dashboard. It just goes to show that just about anybody in this world can be kept busy and starved for time. (Infact some people politely enquired whether i had forgotten by blogger password or how to blog.)
But an eventful 2 months its been. So much so that even a blog freak like me cant decide where to start frm.
I joined my new company in mid-august in nasik, a place 180 km frm mumbai. This was the place where we were scheduled to have our induction programme. The company was kind enough to e-mail me the details of the place, the contact nos,general info about the location to ensure that i wasnt stuck in the middle of nowhere. Even before the e-mails, the company sent a series of letters (one of them a 'feel-good' letter addressed to my parents on me being one of the lucky ones to join their company ,which moved my father...hehehe)
I got off at the specified address (wasnt much of a pain). It was a spacious bunglow-type house with a plush lawn outside).Light music played on FM, creating an atmosphere of serenity n comfort. Coffee and tea vending machines were there on offer.All of these much needed after a (believe-it-or-not) 5 hr ride frm mumbai to nasik(courtesy a nasty, bumpy road and a toppled tanker).

"Ah ha!!So this is where i m gonna be put up during my stay over here" i thought.
My details were carefully checked ,cross-checked and matched like DNA samples; first by a guy who held a 'fresh trainees' manual in hand and another who had our details on his PC.
"Oh, congrats! U are the first in the list. Do you know you are the first trainee recruited by our company this year!" (Great! As if being the first in the list would entitle me to additional salary benefits.).
I smiled, as if to say " Oh, It was nothing really."
I was asked for a photo of mine and within ninutes i was handed a sheet of paper. To my horror i discovered that this plush bungalow wasnt where i was supposed to stay.It was just the company guest house. The place of stay was in the sheet of paper(an apartment they had said).
Besides me there were 3-4 other trainees. One who's face resembled that of a sacrificial lamb, yet another one who was attempting to look cool in
wacky jeans, most of them with anxiety clearly written all over their faces
After having made sure i was done with the details,i sat on the sofa and helped myself to some tea
A well-dressed man, cell in hand, entered the 'bungalow'and shook hands with me and spoke to all of us in a tone which most people reserve for new tiny-tots who r all crying-crying on their first day at school.

"HR guy!"i thought. Isnt that their job, making u feel at home even in the middle of Sahara desert.
A van waited outside for us to ferry us to our location. We gasped n grunted in pushing(shoving) our suitcases inside it.After a 10 km travel (i presume).. we reached the place. It was a fine 3-storey building with flats.
Me and a guy from rajasthan named dheeraj(whom i had met in the guest house) were put up in a room. The other room in the same flat was shared by a guy from mumbai(venky) and a guy from orissa(suprit). It dint take me long to realise that Dheeraj was the show-off kind who wouldnt waste an opportunity to publicise himself. Venky was the typical home-grown kid who grumbled and cribbed about stuff while suprit was our master story-teller who could make do with anything. He had done his share of india trotting. He was a Bong who had lived in different places and had experienced things which ordinary mortals only dreamt of. And this meant he had lots to talk about. There where 24 other trainees in the building. The ground floor had the common room where we would assemble for breakfast, lunch and dinner and each floor had a TV set.
Our caretaker was a thin, wiry guy called mahadev who wore a dirty orange uniform who would address each of us as "Sirji". We introduced ourselves and got to know each other well.This was our home for the next 40 days and we hoped everything would go on fine.

Regards

Vishwesh

Iyer Studies

“ Dei vishu, how much did u get in your maths exam.” I remember a distant relative of ours asking me. in my school days.



“94 out of 100,Mama, ” I said reluctantly, apprehension gripping me. What would be his reaction, appreciation or sheer rubbishing?



"Only 94!!! (Nods his head as a sign of disapproval). Very poor. Where did u lose the 6 marks? Silly mistakes, huh? In those days we had tables of 25 on our fingertips. One mistake here or there and we used to get a thorough caning. We could perform 3-digit multiplications even before you could gulf down half a glass of water.” (We had no better things to do then.)



As time went by, I developed an immunity to his talks which oozed with gyaan of “good old days”, due to his frequent visits, to an extent that they now sounded much more hilarious each time. Just that it weakened my ability to suppress my smile n booming laughter every time i heard boasts of such hi-fi math prowess. Yes, really high standards are set and there’s no escaping them. 94 out of 100 is pathetic. Not pathetic, it’s despicable. What everyone wants to know is “where you lost the 6 marks?” No one looks at the 94. Surprisingly there were far more torturous subjects in school to contend with than math (the social sciences always ranked top on my hit-list), and so I considered myself really fortunate that maamaa's enquiry ended with math itself.

Yes, that’s a tam-bram aka iyer family . Enter the krishnans and the vekataramans. Enter the tam-bram (TB) boy; innocent and frail looking, oily head, side-parted hair, glasses for the geeky avatar. This dude has to go through a lot, quite literally from the day he is born. A typical TB name should satisfy the following features (in most cases):


. The boy is christened with his grandfather’s name, however archaic it may sound.


Think of the consequences of having such a naming system. A bit on the same lines as ‘King George-IV’, ‘Chandragupta-П’, just to distinguish you from your grandfather.



. The boy’s first name should span a minimum of 10 letters.


. His last name (father’s name) should be equally long.


. Both, the first name and the last names are:


a) Names of Hindu gods

b) Names of Hindu gods’ incarnations (avatars)

c) A combination of a) and b)



The logic behind this is simple. Each time someone calls out your name, he invokes the almighty and in doing so he absolves himself of all sins. And that’s a good thing.
All this sounds really good on paper, but one thinks it really arduous calling out a 10-letter name, especially in the age of instant messaging and scrapping where short-forms rule the roost. So, Balasubramanian is reduced to a Balu, a krishnamoorthy to a kicha and a Venkatachalam to …er…Denk or venky, whichever comes to mouth first.

The big name serves a big pain when you start filling out an application form and you suddenly discover that there aren’t enough boxes to fit in 20-odd characters. That’s when you cant help but wonder why your parents didn’t adhere to the KISS (Keep It Short-n-Sweet) principle.

The young TB boy then has to fulfill all the basic requirements of a TB childhood dutifully. These include learning at least one of the following: Carnatic music (either singing or an instrument or both), Vedas or bhajans, dance (in case of girls, STRICTLY classical; salsa sounds more like a Spanish dish doesnt it?).

Much of school life passes without hassles. The 10th exam and the 12th exams do their bit of image making or breaking, (though there has been some relief in recent times with the advent of additional entrance exams). Figures of 90, 98,99 (anything in the late nineties) are the order of the day. An 85+% in 10th and a 95+% in science in 12th is a must. Rather, these are cut-offs set by the TB hawks (read ‘TB maamaas’). Score more than that and its no big deal, u r a TB, u r expected to do well. Get less than that and get ready to face the music from all quarters. You wont need microphones to detect murmurs at marriages, functions, etc. Murmurs of your supposed poor performance spread like wildfire thanks to a few enterprising ‘maamis’ who would happily do overtime if BBC went on a strike.


"Gosh, did u hear how much Gopalakrishnan’s son got in 12th? Only 88%".

"Lord (a “Aiyyo Raama” or a “Krishna” or plain “Shiva, Shiva”) ,show him the good way. Pump some buddhi into the boy’s empty head.”

“Now they have put him into some XYZ engg college in New Bombay. It has cost them lakhs to get him in.”
By the way, the 95% in 12th is the magical PCM or the PCB total (that you are a TB boy automatically implies that you are a science student hell-bent on transforming the next 4-5 of your life into a slug-fest.). It has to be either engg or medical, anything non-engineering is a cardinal sin. Or wait! Engineering, not in any city college, (not with a new engg college sprouting every day, at every gully) .The whole series of entrance exams that follows the state board exams are an indispensable part of a TB boy’s life. The IIT-JEE, the AIEEE, the BITSAT…. Lo and Behold!!!! We have a whole rat race ahead. As a TB u r expected to make it to any one of the iit/nit/bits campuses.

The iit/nit/bits brand name does you a whole world of wonders, especially in marriages and religious gatherings, especially when you are being introduced to someone.



Mama1: “ namaskaaram mama! This is my son, he is studying in iit/nit X.”



Mama2: (who till now flashed an artificial smile, looks genuinely impressed)

“ Oh iit/nit X, very good, very good. Very prestigious institute. Which field (branch) are you in, paa? Software (comp Sci he meant) or Electronics.??


Grrrrrr… there you go!! Does computer and electronics alone make the world go round??? Where does chemical engg or even metallurgy feature in all this?



Boy (Son of mama1): "no maamaa, I have taken chemical!"



Mama2: (His face now exhibiting a variety of emotions, common one among them being pity) "Oh, chemical engg! You didn’t get computer Science or IT because of low marks?"

(Imagine the boy’s plight had he been doing any ‘non-engineering’ course)



mama2:(Reassures)" But don’t worry (as if the guy was all crying crying). Chemical is also a good course. Good scope abroad.
Infact, My brother’s daughter-in-law’s first cousin’s friend’s neighbour (works out a complex relation which sounds more like a Data interpretation question) also did chemical engg in nit X, he completed his MS in the “states”."

Mama2: (Now that the issue of higher studies has come up, this question is a standard favourite of most mamas. Doesn’t matter if you are in the 1st yr of engg or 1st yr kindergarten)


“So, what do you plan to do after engg, paa?”
Boy: (he has to answer it to the point, as his dad looks at him, smiling, not exactly a comfortable smile) “ I…I.Ah..Haven’t decided yet, maamaa. I just want to finish my engg and think...


(Before he could complete, mama2 cuts him off)



Mama2: (looks horrified) what is this paa? See, you should have some ambition in life! You should have specific goals, like doing a MS or MBA when you are still young (even before you know what M B A stands for). This is the age to study.



If you study hard now, you can enjoy later” (Yawn! How many times have we heard this same clichéd dialogue? Its far more irritating than the recorded message in Hindi “Is route key sabhi line vyasth hain”



Crash!! Izzat ka Falooda !





See, that’s the whole point, isn’t it? Here’s a child who’s just started learning how to walk and people expect him to run in the Olympic marathon.



The race doesn’t end with engg itself. The boy is then faced with the “12th std syndrome” again (lots of entrance exams again) in his final year. Most TB boys fill in every application form from GRE to CAT, which is their way of “keeping all options open in the worst-case scenario”.

A B.Tech degree from IIT/NIT and a MBA from IIM or a MS to top it all. 2 years later the boy lands a 14-hour job as an investment banker complete with a six-digit salary or he is a professor, armed with a MS/Ph.D, teaching in a university in the “states”.



Then disaster strikes, the unassuming TB boy’s amma talks of marriage and hands over his photo and a copy of his jaadhagam (kundali) to the same ‘enterprising maamis’ in her quest for a nalla ponnu (good girl, in literal terms), for her son. The same cycle repeats itself and many years later the TB boy(now a maamaa) is still left wondering “Where was the enjoyment after the hard-work?” as one of the maamaas had once said.



Well, That’s how it goes; from long names to institutes of higher learning, it’s all about living up to the standards and a way of life. High ranking, studious,..Whatever you may call it; a TB boy’s life is challenging, unique and a complete standout from the rest!

Regards

Vishwesh

Meeting Pam

Sometimes bloody technology poses more problems than it solves..First it was my I-pod which started misbehaving (It hung comp-style! Wouldnt budge from its display screen..maa kasam). The wretched thing wouldnt even turn off.
Since my dad had used it last, he was the one who had his heart in his mouth. I wasnt to keen on screwing it any further by giving it to some local god-forsaken electronic-waalaa..So I did the best thing possible i could, albeit not the smartest of things..starved it for charge for like 2 days till it went off..then charged it again till it was full.. n Eureka, it sprang to life. See, sometimes it helps to have engineers in the family! We never practice what we study and what we practice isnt worthy enough to be studied..
The next day the computer started showing signs of insanity. It would boot (phew..so it wasnt a HD crash) but i just had a desktop for show..absolutely nothing else on it!! I later found out that it was a virus at work corrupting the OS which was later fixed by an old batch-mate of mine.
A few days later,I decided one fine morning that I would meet by college friends(Pall and Pam) who had started off with their training in Pune. Well not exactly Pune..but a place between pune n mumbai,on the city's outskirts,which houses a certain automobile giant. I had to take directions by phone from good ol' Pam at literally each step of my journey. Everything went off quite well.. till i got down at a place called chinchwad,where it was my cell phone's turn to give its quota of problems.
"Network busy" it said and to make matters worse there was no charge(so.. not just the cell phone, hutch was also partly responsible)!! Shit..I had to reach pam somehow.. otherwise I would be stuck in this damn place the whole night.
There are times in life where one desperately wishes actress Kajol to pop out of thin air and give a Tata Indicom, saying " Network problem?? Switch to tata indicom!Ye aapka saath nahi chodega".
This was just one such occasion!
After about 15 attempts on my side and as many attempts by Pam we finally got to talk to each other again and he found out my exact location. Pam was just the same as i had seen him last before leaving college. Not that i expected him to change.Its his nose which really stands out even today. The same nose which withstood the much talked about nose-operation. Today, he was in traditional gear- kurta and he was all cool n relaxed.


After a tight hug and pleasantries, we got into a "luxury bus" (buses with proper BEST bus-like seats are called luxury buses there). We were meeting each other after a long gap so we had loads to gossip about. Thursdays 'off' for them meant that Wednesday nights were reserved for party time. I gathered from Pam's tone that he did love his job, the place and his colleagues. Though he ruefully admitted that there were just 6 females in their batch of 100-odd .Not that Pam is a champion of women's participation but he would have liked a bit more gender balance.
His talk then centred around a cute HR chick in the company (they only one) on whom the entire male junta had gone bonkers. She was on a short stay in the company to complete her PMP(post grad). A hundred hearts bled when she was later discovered in a coffee shop gettting cosy with her boyfriend..She left the company soon, so no big deal, he said!
I am happy for Pam. Pam, i feel, is on a mission to re-discover himself, exploring the fun-part of himself. The part of him which was in deep slumber during his pre-engineering days, when he was immersed deeply in calculus, organic chemistry, electromagnetism,IIT dreams and coaching classes. We partied in a smallish multiplex-cum-pub till 12.30..till we were absolutely sure that all of us were out of breath and there was no means of transport to take us to our place of stay. Even the last local had left! There were 10 of us including me,Pam,Pall and their work mates. We walked up to the main road and made up our minds to stop any passing lorry for lift. But it was a car which came to our rescue. Yeah u heard it right,CAR not CARS! All 10 of us go into it like mad cattle. I still dont remember which car it was, at that point we found such details pretty irrelevant. We just wanted to reach our place asap
(Ah..I know wat u r still thinkin..how 10 in one car? Sorry cant divulge details.)..
When we reached our destination i picked myself up with great difficulty. I was virtually squashed to pulp under 2-3 big butts and to say that it was excruciating pain would be an understatement.
Pam shares his flat with a guy who lives to sleep all day. The only indication of his "awakening" ,pam said, was when a female's (his girl's) voice came from his room.And that too only thursday mornings when she came to meet him.
The next day was spent roaming in the city with pam and 3 of his friends from mumbai. It had started to rain heavily and we were drenched to the core. The roaming included a trip to one of the prime CAT coaching classes in city since Pam had to kickstart his CAT-prep somehow with the help of a suitable test-series for a reasonable fee.
The lady at the desk greeted us with a smile and later found herself at the recieving end of Pam's bargaining tactics usually reserved for vegetable vendors,which included some intermittent sweet talk as well.It was a cat-n-mouse game being played and finally it was Pam who had to conceede defeat. But Pam's attempts at informal talk seemed to have aroused a sense of regret in her that she was just an ordinary graduate, having worked in this god-forsaken coaching centre for 7 years.
We then caught up with the latest movie "Partner" ,typical of the "Govinda timepass" genre. We were thoroughly exhausted by the time we reached the colony at around 11.
Amazing how company life can change you n ur habits; Pam was up by 7 the next day! He always carries to work a bag which has a John Grisham in it...lol..
He dropped me at the bus stop on his way to work as I bid adieu.

Regards

Vishwesh

Mumbai mayhem

10 hrs! 10 hrs its been raining unabated as i just peep out from the glass windows. No signs of a let-up watsoever as the roads,streets,shops n buildings take a battering.When it rains, it comes down really hard, in buckets.
The ghosts of 26/7 still havent died and each moment of that eventful day still remains deeply etched in peoples' minds. Ask anyone and he/she will have a story of theirs to tell u. Stranded 18 hrs on a flyover, fished out using ropes or spending half a day on the roof of a BEST bus..all this sounds like such bedtime story material, doesnt it??


'Its nothing new in Mumbai' you may argue ;doesnt it wreak havoc in the city every year? Fair say, 30-50 cm of rainfall a day is perfectly fine here, though at times, it may go to a 100. The city drains getting clogged are pretty normal .People wading through waist-high water at places is quite a common sight. Road transport is hit a bit. Local Trains run 15 min late (yeah if that happens in mumbai then u r absolutely sure that the city is facing a terrible downpour). Trade suffers. Houses are flooded. Money worth crores is washed away in no time. And people take refuge in their places of work for days, till the office canteens show signs of famine.



And still the people keep their mouths shut. No one cries for help. No one cribs or cries like cyclone or tsunami victims. See..havent u studied in school that 'Silence is golden' (or is it silver?))!! See.. there's not even a demand for a relief package of a cr rupees like other places (v wont get it anyways, so no big deal). Because ,u see, there's nothing new..yeh sab toh hota rehta hain yaar har saal." All this for a city which boasts of contributing a third to the country's exchequer.
And the reason why all this isnt new is because we have got so f****ng used to this life thanks to our "chalta hain" attitude and resilience infinitum.



Flood or blasts, in mumbai, we practise something called " The Art of surviving" (no its different from " The art of living").Its not something practised or taught in yoga classes. Its done by normal mumbaikars quite subconsciously,daily in their lives. For instance ,fearlessly hanging out of a crowded fast-local with just a semblance of a finger-nail inside it (even a day after a train blast), living in a micro matchbox apartment for generations in a crowded suburb, evading a million potholes everyday, getting stuck in traffic snarls for hrs together etc etc.
Brand MUMBAI is remembered (Rather exploited) only on two occasions- one to showcase its role as the proverbial cash cow (its hard-earned money in the form of taxes obviously feeding the hungry vote banks in north india, feeding the sarkaari babus in delhi and making life comfortable for the thankless capital city, ).
And Secondly (most importantly) to talk about the courage and spirit shown by the brave mumbaikar who stares calamity in the face and battles against all odds even as the whole system struggles to come to terms . The "salaam mumbai" rhetoric is sung by babus (when what the city really needs is something more substantial) and then all's well.After all the mayhem as died down, life resumes as normal for the common man in the city, the very next day itself or the very next week in the worst of circumstances. As if nothin really happened!
Fverything is forgotten....till the next calamity strikes. Meanwhile, plans to transform Mumbai to Shanghai are drawn out. And we thought that the whole Shanghai fixation was just one of those over-ambitious,candy-floss dreams that our leaders get from time to time! 'Modelling Mumbai on Shanghai lines' they say.
Interesting, it seems, Mumbai has six sister cities in different parts of the world (maximum permitted by the Indian government).
Yeah, six really hot sisters!!
They are: Berlin, London, Los Angeles, Saint Petersburg, Stuttgart and Yokohama (Shanghai is not one of them incase you were looking for it!).

Hmm.. for the moment, modelling the city is the last thing on our minds as every soul tries his/her best to keep indoors and admires the marauding rains, from the confines of their houses for isnt it supposed to be Mumbai's most romantic season.

Regards

Vishwesh

The "BOSS" of all films

Hmm..for a change, this monsoon, Rajini fever is spreading faster than chikungunya.One is reminded of the famous Enrique number, with slight modifications of course-
" You can run, You can hide but you can't escape the Sivaji bug.".

All the wait finally ended on the 15th of June as the superstar's banners and posters all over Tamil soil were bathed in gallons of milk(paal abhishekam).News channels momentarily took a break from their obsession for " President's poll (Read: Kaun Banega Rashtrapati?") and stopped to rave about the Superstar's new avataar.
You could see pictures of cinema theatres with queues running for miles, ones u normal encounter in Mumbai junior colleges during admission-time.They showed ticket vendors having a honeymoon time selling tickets for prices as high as a whopping 1000 bucks per ticket..woow!
And to top it all there were happy faces in the queue, amidst all the pulling n pushing ;guys taking utmost pride in the fact that they were in the queue from 1 in the morning and would asolutely kill to get a glimpse of the superstar in his brand new movie. Then there were those who said they had done part-time jobs to pay for their tickets and those who had just come from a night-shift... Enough proof to say that they were all Superstar's Die-hard fans. See,all this has got just one name. Fanaticism!! Its the max limit u can stretch yourself to, to show the cameraman that you well and truly swear by the man.

Then all the statistics books were opened for this was the costliest Indian film ever to be made and Rajni Saar the highest paid indian actor. Comparison between him and the Big B were drawn at will by the wily news channels eagerly wanting a lip-smacking North-South clash so that they could create fresh tamasha.
" I am the king, but he is the real emperor" said superstar in all humility to a channel,putting to rest all the hulabaloo.
US, UK, Australia and malaysia were no exception, we heard. They were absolutely taken by storm as the film assumed Tsunamic proportions. Regional box-offices and some of the bollywood flicks back home had no clue what hit them as they suffered a heavy pounding ." Jhoom Barabar Jhoom" would have been a super-duper flop anyway, so no big deal. "Oceans 13" is populated with just too many hunks. "Shrek-3" is just another sissy animation movie compared to the superstar's stunts and "Cheeni Kum" doesnt have high-voltage punch dialogues.

So, Sivaji- The Boss it was! and superstar had one more entrant into his fan club..hehehe..temporarily though


Regards

Vishwesh

The "BOSS" of all films-2

So..without much deliberation we went for the obvious choice- Sivaji-The BOSS (Bachelor Of Social Service, a change from the previous one which (for us)meant Brother Of Sexy Sisters). We encountered the usual Saturday shopping buzz at the mammoth Nirmal Lifestyles where there is a PVR. Timepass and hanging out (no,not shopping)in Mumbai has suddenely got a new definiton thanks to the numerous malls that have sprung up. But this one takes the cake. This is one place where the brands meet. For an ordinary man, a trip around the whole shopping space,especially the numerous cloth and food outlets (Mocha, Cafe Coffee day, tai-chi,pizza hut,only parathas,italian,chaat shops etc) more than makes up for his missed morning-walk.

We got the tickets for a princely sum of Rs 150. It was quite evident that the movie was a sell-out since the man at the counter politely tuned down my dad's request for a back-row seat and gave us centre seats in the 3rd row.My dad tried to make small talk in an effort to achieve the impossible- getting a concession over the tickets( for the pain of sitting in one of the front rows and sacrificing comfort).Instead he got two slit-sized cards,all glossy and colorful.

" What are these?" asked dad

" Well, we cant give you concessions, but you can win huge prizes in a lucky draw if you fill this up and put it into the drop-box after seeing the movie." said the man at the counter, rather amused.

I stuffed them up in my pocket as if they were empty toffee wrappers. We were already a bit late for the movie.
It was a typical Superstar movie. His "riches-to-rags-to-riches" formula worked wonders yet again as his previous movies. Lots of colour,flamboyance,masalaa and the subtle doses of comedy had the "madrasi" junta in the multiplex absolutely entertained.
The main-villain in tamil movies is diametrically opposite(in looks) to the ones we see in other languages. More often than not he is the only guy in the movie who is clean-shaven and all "gora gora(fair)" while the rest of his tribe sport unkempt facial hair and dark faces.
Well,as per the trend, tamil film heros(with moustaches ,of course) just seem to get darker and older whereas their sweethearts get fairer and younger (It always happens!!). Anyways, i guess,they are just out to prove the point that Opposites indeed attract.
The songs showed where most of the 80 cr was spent on (besides Superstar's fee, hairdressers and beauticians)
And yeah, before I forget, Superstar's histronics and his punch dialogues served as the perfect icing on the cake . His old cigarette-trick (Hang yourself if you dont know wat I am talking about!) has been replaced by the chewing gum trick. All he needs is a flat, reflecting surface for him to bounce the gum into his mouth perfectly, be it is hand or the villain's forehead(But isnt it supposed to be a gum and shouldnt it stick??).
Its no secret, there's no logic, only magic in Rajni Saar's movies! Then there is this 1-rupee coin which he plays table-tennis with it using the same hand, as if it were a ping-pong ball with zero gravity. And as only superstar can do, he uses the same coin to convert black money to white( no, not by painting it) and spends it for the people ,against all odds and gods.

His punch dialogues:
" Paera keta summa adhurudhu'la"
" When you hear my name you get the shivers, dont you?"

"COOOL...!!" (Most frequently used in the movie)

"Kanna, panninga dhaan kootama varum, singam single aa dhaan varum"
"Only pigs come in a group, the lion comes alone"


And if that fails to impress you ,he uses voice recognition as the password for accessing the info in his lappie.

"Hi buddy, Sivaji here.. KOOL!" That's the line!
And the strange creature replies "Hi shiv" each time. Koool !!

For a change, some of the "punches" were delivered by the comedian just to show that the Superstar was generous enough to give every person(actor) in tamil Nadu a chance to voice out "punches" and that he dint want it to be his monopoly of sorts..

"Punches" by the comedian were mostly the rhyming ones:

"Sixukku appuram seven da, Sivajikku appuram yevenda"
"After six there is seven, after Sivaji there is no one."

"Kuzhanthaigal paakrathu pogo, sivajikita vendaam go go"
"Children see pogo, dont take panga with Sivaji, go go!...hehehe nice one)

"Chittoor Thaandina Kaatpaadi, Sivajiya seendinaa Dead Body!"
"If you go beyond Chittoor you will reach Kaatpaadi, If you tease Sivaji you will become a Dead body!"

See, it had all the ingredients what an average man looks for in a movie- action, romance,comedy,style,dialogues,song and dance. Isnt that enough?
C'mon, movies are meant to entertain you after all!

And, I came out of the theatre with a satisfied,"Paisa Vasool!!" feeling after a li'l over 3 hrs of Superstar-entertainment.

KOOL...


Regards

Vishwesh