"From the Dog's mouth"

Maru'vellous' - Part6

2012-01-22T09:41:00.000-08:00

After about an hour and a half of intense grilling, Mohta and his hordes gave Changu the leave. The interiewers dusted their hands gleefully as if they had invented something new while Changu wiped the beads off his forhead and loosened his tie in disgust . It was that sort of an interview. Mohta Co. had taken him to the cleaners and had given him probably the most torrid 90 minutes of his life. Mohta had played the cunning quizmaster while Tandon played the part of the nitpicker to perfection, latching on to every opportunity to counter and corner Changu. Yakku delivered the final knock-out punches by throwing random demoralising quotes in between and pummelling Changu's confidence to pulp.

To add to his woes, Changu had specified "Tea accounts" when asked about his 'long-term' goals. He had also said that his admiration for Maru T extended beyond that for all the girls in class to whom he had written 'juices' in class. The final nail in his coffin was when he had said that he preferred healthy ginger tea to junk like toffees and candies. This had enraged the wily Mohta and the rest was for all to see.

As the battered and bruised Changu walked out, Maru instantly recognized him as the same enthusiastic kid whom he had interviewed earlier tin the day. He had been waiting patiently for Changu and had just stepped out of his room after screwing a few Day-1'ers. He realized that it was the handiwork of his sworn competitor and vowed to get back at him using this god-sent opportunity.

Suddenely the same " Maru T , r u with me?" tone rang, echoing in the corridors, turning all heads towards him. In recen times, it had blasted its way up the popularity charts even surpassing the once famous 'Kolaveri' song.

Without looking at the phone screen, he killed the call with a click. Starbucks had been after him for their India strategy. They had wanted to merge with wtih big McD to form Mac'Bhook'. He was constantly ignoring them for they were one of the reasons he had earned a 'C-' in the SM course a good 2 decades ago at this very same place. And most importantly, the bright future of the company was before his eyes now. He smiled.

'You look tired, paa' said Maru, re-adjusting his lungi and doing the cigarette-flipping act all at once.

' Yes Sir, er...i thought it was an interview for Maru T Stall..wtf?" a visibly irritated Changu retorted.

' Ok kid, keep your abuses to yourself. I know its extremely pissing off considering what you have been through. It happens.' (Flashback time: Maru remembered the day when he had gleefully promoted Surf in a P & G interview" and escaped getting thrashed by the interviewers. " Small Mistakes like these are common" he reminded himself with a chuckle.)

" I like you. Considering your passion, commitment and the fact that you have worked really hard, I would like to offer you a internship at the Maru T Stall group. If you accept it, then drink this (He poured tea from the kettle into a plastic cup with the Maru T logo).."

Changu took a sip and almost spat into it. But he made an attempt to finish it off.

Maru: (Seeing Changu's reaction) " I know it takes some time to get used to premium quality. But dont wory you will develop a taste for it, slowly but steadily. Now that you have drank my tea, it shows your allegiance to me. The days of allegiance over salt are over. Now its Maru-time! (He then gave a hi-five to Changu who still could believe his luck.)

Changu's penance had finally ended in success

Maruvellous - Part5

2011-12-15T18:45:00.000-08:00

Changu's series of flashbacks was broken by a call from a member of the scheduling team. " Please follow me" she said as she escorted him to room 906. Changu knocked on the door, hoping to see Maru again. But as the door opened, it was the sly Mohta who was waiting for him instead of Maru. The venue for his interview was supposed to be Room 609 and this small moment of error was going to be very eventful for Changu.

"Hello champ" said Mohta waving his hands like a confused traffic policeman " Come have a seat."

Changu was surprised to see that Mohta was not alone. He had his 2 loyal side-kicks with him, Yakku and 'Tandon. Both were in their favourite attire, their cargos and pull-overs. Both of then looked grossly overdressed in comparison to Mohta. But they did not mind it. They had got used to each other's ways.

Changu exchanged pleasantries with all of them and shook hands with Tandon and Mohta. Yakku gave him a his trademark 'Yo'( his middle and ring fingers folded and the rest protruding out).

Just as Changu bent down to pick up his fallen pen. Something pricked him hard on the hand and he started bleeding profusely.
"I am really sorry, boy" apologized Yakku. One of his overgrown spikes had touched Changu and had caused injury.

Tandon: (Matter of factly): " Dont worry, it will heal fast. This is nothing. Yesterday he killed a poor cat by mistake."

Mohta: (In no mood for casual talk): " Ok guys, enough of faaat. Lets get down to business. Here, take this kid's CV ( He gave both of them a copy each and proceeded to examine a copy himself).

Yakku: (Almost jumping out of his chair) " Only 9.7 in your undergrad??? You must be joking. This is abysmal. Sounds like a Maru T CV."

Tandon: " No extra-curriculars. And all hobbies/interests are standard. Beta, have you done anything in your life or not.? What a Maru-like CV" (He read out all hobbies that Changu had mentioned as Changu wore an embarassing look on his face.)

Mohta: (Not liking the mention of Maru T's name) " Guys, you are in an MCC interview now, ok. Tandon, those were the days. Kids these days. (Shake of the head. Pointing towards Tandon) You know what, Changu? You should be like this guy sitting near me.

Tandon's chest brimmed with pride as Mohta gave him a ego massage.
True, during his days, he was a master at attending PPTs and most of all at devouring pizzas at will, however cold they would be. People mocked at him , but a small thought grew into a bigger plan. He loved food. He had a started off by starting a 'petha' store in Agra with help from MCC. But he was not satisfied and wanted to diversify and had started his pizza outlets which catered to the PPT requirements of the college. This humble business grew manifold into multiple outlets all over the country. All this because of true passion. He was indebted to this college for providing him with this idea..

In recent times, he and Mohta were the biggest sponsorers for all food stalls in the festivals in the college.

Yakku on the other hand, had a slew of hair saloons offering many unconventional and patented hairdos'. The store was named "Yakku"cellent and commanded a major market. His spikes were the talk of the town.

A gruelling interview session was in the offing and Changu already had beads of sweat on his foreheadie despite the AC being on full blast.

...

'Maru'vellous' - Part 4

2011-11-27T20:13:00.001-08:00

Changu pranced too and fro in the corridor, waiting for his turn. It had been almost an hour and he had not been called for the next round of interviews. He feared that Maru would have forgotten about him, decided the final shortlists and packed off leaving him in the lurch. But Changu waited on, unmindful of the fact that there was a royal showdown going on between the 2 heavyweights, Maru & Mohta.

The optimist inside Changu cheered him up. A slight smile came up on his face as he remembered the sequence of events leading up to the CAT, the results, the shortlists, his selection and how his life had come one whole circle.

Yet another flashback , rather a series of flashbacks followed in the same ordered structure as his just-concluded 'case-analysis'.

http://my-newsense1.blogspot.com/2011/01/catastrophy.html

http://my-newsense1.blogspot.com/2011/02/catastrophy-2.html

http://my-newsense1.blogspot.com/2011/03/catastrophy-3.html

'Maru'vellous - Part3

2011-11-25T23:55:00.001-08:00

Changu readied himself for the next round of interviews for the Maru T stall group. He went through the usual check-up measures once again - adjusting his tie, checking his pant zip, scrutinizing the contents (CVs) of his folder. This was truly judgement day for him.

" This a test of my character." He reminded himself. "Either I do well or I screw up badly. If I do well, no big deal. I was destined for such big stuff. But if I dont, I wont be able to forgive myself or show my face to my section or dorm mates."

The words " Kya Aap C hain?" rang in his head like the temple bell. He instantly reprimanded himself for thinking about T-nite temps-shouts at such an opportune moment as he waited outside near the tracker.

Maru, meanwhile, had instructed the placement member not to schedule any interviews for the next few minutes. He had been at the interviews for 2 gruelling hours on a trot wherein he had ripped apart 12 Day-1ers. He felt good after his interaction with Changu. He walked out off the stuffed AC-filled room to take in some oxygen. He saw the same flurry of activity before his eyes which he had been a part of 2 decades ago. Anxious students running around or waiting for their turn and more anxious placement members working hard to schedule their interviews.

Maru adjusted the drapes of his sky-blue lungi which was ideal attire for the unusually hot November heat. He walked up to the tea-coffee vending machine, poured in some tea and took a sip from the cup. He gave it a scornful look as if he could burn it off with his eyes.
"What Yaaa, Nowhere near our standards" he said to himself with a sly smile. He then proceeded to wash his hands with the tea to validate the fact that it was nothing more than hot water.

Just as he was about to turn and leave, a very familiar face caught his eye. A short man, be-spectacled, side-parted hair and a swagger to go with it. He was shouting orders on his BB. The man then pulled out a box of lollipops and then took out a piece for himself. He then struggled to pull out the wrapper for the next 5 minutes and then emphatically stuffed it into his mouth.

Maru smiled to himself saying " So, Mohta is also here." as he crushed the tea-cup in his hand as a sign of the quintessential war-bugle.
Like Maru, Mohta too had come to recruit able people for his company, Mohta Candy Consulting.

Maru T & Co. and MCC were rivals in the consulting domain, although they had carved out a niche in their respective domains. Both were diametrically opposite in terms of their approach. Mohta was the one driven by analytical and logical thinking whereas Maru believed in hands-on, was spontaneous and took decisions on impulse. Nevertheless both had built successful, billion dollar companies which struck dollar signs in the eyes of the young graduates.
What's more, as an icing on the cake, they were from the same graduating batch of the college and sat in the same row.
They had a competitive streak about them and had a really unconventional approach which was reflected in their dress sense. Maru had worn a red shirt and majstic sky-blue lungi to ensure that his combo never matched. Mohta had come in striped shorts and the 50th variant of the 'Saarang' t-shirt which was the prescribed dress code at MCC. Sources said that instead of picking a pristine black trouser, he had adorned his wardrobe with 60 different shorts purchased at the prime Kota market for the same price as the trouser.

Mohta had seen Maru. He walked up to him and gave a smile wider than the model in the Close-up ad.
" Never a better time to run into old foes." Said Maru with a wink.

" You said, it" agreed Mohta as he sucked his lollipop and tried tugging at Maru's lungi.
Maru was up for the challenge. He swiftly moved aside saying "Nice try" and pulled the naadaa which protruded out from Mohta's shorts.

5 of the awe-struck students moved Maru T & Co. to number 1 and pushed MCC to 2nd place in their preference list.

"Yuck..what happened to your tongue." noted Maru.

" Nah..thats nothing. Raspberry-flavoured lollipops na" said Motha as he brandished his lollipop before Maru like a sword.

" So, hows it going for you?" enquired Maru" You have no idea." Mohta's face brimmed with attitude.

'Maru'vellous - Part2

2011-11-20T04:11:00.000-08:00

Maru look quite stunned with Changu's prompt reply. Never had anyone spelled out such an outrageous boutique of hobbies/interests.

Changu couldn't believe what he had just said. This was way off the rehearsed answer in the 7 previous mock HR interviews he had given to his seniors back in the dorm as part of the interview preparation. The 'skill and knowledge development', ' learning', 'exposure to different sectors' answers were far from what he had just blabbered.
For a moment Changu felt like evaporating from the interview room to escape Maru T's wrath. Maru T still wore the same look on his face - he was expressionless.

Then came his thunderous response
" My boy, I am proud of you!! You have, by far, been the most honest of all the numerous candidates I have interacted with so far."

Changu: ???

Maru T: Yes (Wipes of a tear). You in many ways, remind me of my days here, when I would get a through battering in the interviews. When I saw and heard you, I felt I was seeing a reflection of myself in the past.

Maru T: " I am having a troublesome stomach. What could be the problem?"
Changu: (With the excitement of a school-going kid wanting to be the first to answer)
Sir, give me a minute to think..
(Makes a few tree structures and arrows in a piece of paper.)

After a minute.

Changu: Sir, we first break down the problem into different smaller issues by employing the 2-G (Gayaa Guzraa) framework. In this case, the problem could be because of the food, your own body processes or some drug reaction.

(referring to his 'trees') Food can be classified as home-made, outside, food cooked by you (stifles a laughter)

Body processes can be internal or external
We concentrate on external which can be exercises, work, personal stress.

I safely assume that you have not taken any drug so there can be no drug reaction.

Let us concentrate on work and personal issues:
Since u r the boss of your company, there can be no work issues I assume.

In Personal issues, I think the first and foremost problem would be the fact that you are worried about the guys who would be hitting on your daughter.

I personally feel this is the root of the problem and it should be addressed to elimiate your health problem (Changu took the paper he had scribbled in and signed off with an air of non-chalance to indicate that he had cracked a puzzle. He looked for a word of encouragement from Maru T after the 10 minute ordeal.)

Maru T: " You moron..to hell with your frameworks..I haven't even given you the the case to work on.
(Clutching his overgrown tummy).. I was talking about my heath issues in general. Anyways, you have already wasted 10 minutes of mine. But on the positive side, I like your thought process. It is structured to say the least.

Changu: (Be-mused) Oh..thank you Sir.

Maru T: Ok..Changu we will schedule you next round in a few minutes from now.

Changu looked both apprehensive yet confident.

'Maru'vellous

2011-10-31T06:51:00.000-07:00

Page 220 of Changu's 300 page biography, A Best seller (to the chaat-waalahs in mumbai)

Nov-mid:(Somewhere, in some part of the country, in some B-school campus. which is not necessarily your's - Disclaimer )

Changu waited outside with bated breath and sweaty palms, awaiting his turn for the next interview. The Cluster-1 tension and nervous energy was palpable and beginning to show on the faces of all 10 people sitting beside him, competing with him for the same company. Nothing from the dress-rehearsal interviews would have matched up to this pressure of expectations today. The firm was the most preferred recruiter on campus. Their India operation was based out of Chennai and they were into the niche area of Tea technology and consulting. They had dethroned Big "Mc". No marks for guessing who they were. They were none other than "Maru T Stall group" or Big Maru as was referred in the college lingo over the years.

"Mr. Changu, Please come in " called out a man politely, sticking his head outside the room. As Changu entered the room, the fresh aroma of Tea gripped and flirted with his nose. There were 2 persons inside. Both of whom had come down to the campus 3 weeks ago to give their pre-placement talk. Changu recognized one of the founders as Maru T. His's mind took the quick kitkat break and soon a flash-back followed.

4 weeks back:

Notice on the placement site:

Big Maru ,the very popular group is here for major roles. Please feel free to ask questions since this would be instrumental in getting strategic roles for us in tea-making.
Time: 4:00-6:00 pm
Dress Code: Lungi

The co-ordinator at the PPT opened the PPT (for the 52nd time) with: "Hi, today we have with us our most preferred recruiter, Maru T group on campus. Hope you will know a thing or 2 from him about tea stalls. Without further ado, I hand over charge to Maru.

Maru T,then, had stepped in to give probably the most 'senti' and inspiring speech ever heard in the history of the college placements.
He had been advised that all Classrooms were no-smoking zones, which robbed the audience off the heroic cigarette-flicking act of Maru. Nevertheless, they witnessed his goggle-wearing act which drew huge cheers and whistles from the audience. Then followed the speech which has every soul in tears. (even the placement committee member had thrown away his 'absent & penalty' register and started to sob).

Maru: "Friends, I had a very humble beginning like most of you, no IIT tag, no CFA level achievements, no high-flying GPAs etc. I was here 22 years back, at the very same place as you, attending some god-forsaken PPT like all of you are doing right now and completing my Marketing Assignment sheet. Alas, I was caught and fined a princely sum of Rs 500. I did not have the money then to pay the fine but that did not deter me from gaining expertise in my 'cogg'nitive skills.
I could not open simple T-accounts in Financial accounting for DEBIT and CREDIT. But 22 years hence, I advise people on opening million-dollar Tea accounts.
I did not study marketing but I can position well.
I was always the subject of cold-calling in all Probability & Statistics classes. Today I decide probabilities and nullify hypothesis.
I decided one fine day, to start a company whose valuations would equal all the fine penalties I have paid so far.

I know each of you is aspiring to be a Maru T. We ourselves need young and fresh minds (and hands) in tea making. So if u have it in you, our doors and stalls are open. Any questions?

(His talk was interrupted by his mobile which rang twice. His ringtone was the remixed version of the retro-hit " Maru T, r u with me?".

A hand went up. It was a chick.
"Sir, what makes you come to work daily?"

Maru: WTF... What randomness and globe is this?? This is not an 'organizational dynamics' class. (Signalling to his side-kick) Please don't shortlist her.

Tsunami Jr. was itching to ask a question. "Sir, what is the selection procedure like?"
Maru: Good question. Our criterion is passion and excitement of wanting to become a Maru T. If you don’t exhibit it, I am sorry this is not the place for you.
Our choice is simple – The candidate should not exhibit characteristics of a Day-1’er.

A week later, after the ppt, the shortlists were out. Around 20 of them had got through. There was disappointment galore among many others at not being able to make it. Changu was beaming with joy. He was one among the 20 and was overjoyed!

At the interview:
Maru: "Sit down" he said. Unlke most interviewers whose standard favourite was "Tell me about urself" he asked " So what are your hobbies/interests?"

Changu: "Err… Sir. Giving CAT, filling up multiple CVs, uploading them, sending them to companies, filling up company forms and awaiting shortlists.

Maru looked stunned.

To be continued...

'SLOT'tered

2011-09-17T06:14:00.000-07:00

" Yaar, 6 ghante lagaataar soya hoon. Fir bhi neend aa rahi hain. ( I have slept for 6 hours but I stil feel like sleepy)" said 'ChoMu', my dorm-mate as he rubbed his blood-red eyes.

He had not got more than a few hrs of sleep in the past 4 days.
There was an element of guilt in his tone, for even a minute lapsed beyond the 'prescribed' sleeping time in WIMWI was akin to a sin committed.

"Abey Koi nahi! Peace Maar. Slot-2 khatam ho gaya ab.!!" I patted him and assured him that an extra hour of sleep would do no harm to his grades.

ChoMu's red eyes were a reflection of the pain all of us had been through in slot-1 and slot-2.

If ever there was a menu-card for Slot-1 and Slot-2, this is how it would have read:

8 surprise quizzes (slot 1)
8 more quizzes (slot-2, which ironically wasnt a surprise for us by then)
5 mid-term exam
8 end-term exams
9 marketing presentatons,
2 marketing projects
2 PS projects
5 WAC submissions
10 MC assignments
2 MC submissions
4 PLPs
1 GLP
....and countless cases from 13 casemats and an equivalent number of books which looked like "Yellow Pages" clones.
All this within 3 months.

" Main toh B******d 2 din tak subah hi nahi dekhoonga. Slot-3 se baad mein nipat lenge (I wont wake up in the near future. Slot-3 can wait)" quipped ChoMu with an air of nonchalance.
Quite understandably, my reassuring words had ensured he would not wake up till 11 pm that night.

Of the 29 dorms in WIMWI, Our Dorm, Dorm-7 (7th heaven) has the least number of Fachchas (juniors). There are 6 of us and 13 tuchchas (seniors). The 20th person in the dorm is a nerdy Mexican by the name of Jaymie (pronounced 'Hymie') who has just come on a 3-month long exchange programme along with 60-odd other people from different nationalities. The guy who stayed in the rooom before the Mexican arrived was Louie from France who it seems came here with the sole idea of touring india and seldom stayed in his room.
Of the 6 fahcchas, 4 of us-Bingo, Dhanno, Champ and me reside on the 1st floor while ChoMu and Gyaan are on the 2nd. The fact that we are just the 6 facchas in our dorm worked in our favour. It meant that we gelled up faster and better, (especially the 4 of us - ChoMu,Gyaan, Bingo and me, when we took refuge in our books in the cold confines of the library).

ChoMu is the quintessential aggressive and 'in-your-face' Haryanvi who would run rough-shod given a chance. He is from the dairy industry. He has a never-say-die attitude which makes him ideal WIMWI material. Slot-2 served as the ideal wake-up call for the normally relaxed and enthu-filled ChoMu.
He summed up his life here quite aptly in his sentences (of which a major proportion are unmentionables, censored in public interest)" @$%%%&& Aaj tak maine zindagi mein itni fight nahi maari,#$%### jitna har din yahaan maar rahaa hoon. Kuch samaj nahi aa raha, kya %@#$@@ ho raha hain" %##%##, #$#@@$, %#$%## .....

Dhanno is an epitome of studious-ness, hard-work and work-a-holism ,ready to latch on to any tit-bit of info which he thinks will equip him with the 'X' factor to propel himself ahead of others. A network engineer from CISCO, he is, by any stretch of imagination, the 'muggu' of the highest order (Pronounced as "Maggu", someone who Mugs and studies a lot more than the others do, WIMWI lingo) in our dorm. Has all the makings of a potential 'I-Schol'

Bingo,from the energy sector, is the eternally confused fachcha from IIT-M who has mastered the fine art of giving submissions at 5:59. well before the 6 pm deadline (Of course, not without losing enough sleep on it). He is credited with adulterating the WIMWI lingo with the IIT-M lingo (which actually sounds very user-friendly!). He has had his share of moments and 'claims-to-fame' in life.

Gyaan,from Renault with an aerospace degree from IIT-K to boast of, has probably earned a reputation of understating himself much too often. Given a chance between a drop-dead gorgeous woman and a bike, he would safely turn a blind eye to the lady and choose the machine. His craze for these mean machines almost made him weep on the day of the PS exam when the new R15 was being launched when he was in the examination hall.
Any negative talk/criticism about Delhi would be met with a very stiff and patriotic response from the man.

Champ,from Yahoo, makes it to the caricature of the software techie you would associate most Banglorean professionals with. A NIT-Suratkal product, he is well-versed with the knowledge of bits and bytes till the last molecule. His room also houses our 'pseudo' dorm-mate 'Suppandi' (Dorm 8 "Deity").

As I write this blog, people have just loosened up and put their feet up, albeit for the next 24 hrs till the registration for the next slot begins. There is also a mail from the TA (Teaching Associate) which tells us to prepare the marketing case for the next slot.

The next entry may take some while as this one did.

Over to Slot-3.

Regards

Vish

Words of Wisdom from WIMWI

2011-07-21T07:46:00.000-07:00

Amidst all the gloom created by the uninvited quizzes ( 8 of them within a month), assignments and submissions (lost count), there is still a silver lining in the form of our ever enthusiastic & motivating Probability & Stats prof TM.

Here are some of TM's pearls of wisom which I have religiously noted down, besides his assignments, although it is not an exhaustive list:

(Disclaimer: Absolutely no offence meant to anyone. :P)

( Looks at a half-asleep Abhishek on the 1st bench (wat guts!), who has failed to produce his average of 3 CPs (class participations) in one class)
" "Abhishek, hope i m not disturbing you."

(Noticing the eternally confused look on Sumit Somani's face)
" Sumit, is there anything wrong with me." ( thrice today)

(An equally clueless Monalisa)
" Monalisa, Hope you are not getting lost in these symbols. My job is to make your life simpler and not confuse you.

(Catches a girl unawares, almost at her journey to doze off to glory) " Harjyot, are you following me."

( Points to the Excel 2007 sheet on he projector)
" You should thank your stars that you are students of WIMWI, and you are aided by such technology."

" Even intuition needs a lot of intuition." (??)

And The best of the lot so far.......

" Statisticians are hated by a lot of people because they go in deep, stay longer and come out dry."
( A big wave of laughter.. WIMWI students arent discounted from thinking wild)

Regards

Vish

Mathosaurus

2011-07-06T08:27:00.000-07:00

There are occasions when a potentially harmless subject like math is transformed into a monster of Jurassic proportions thanks to a deadly concotion of greek symbols.

Hardcore math lovers would gulp this down with the same ease as a can of coke.

Take a look

And you thought math was just about your mother telling you to keep "3 in the mind" and "4 in the hand" and doing the counting.

(I know you are still wondering what the above equation was all about. Brutality)

Life!

Regards
Vish

WIMWI welcome

2011-06-25T21:27:00.000-07:00

Ah..its been an eventful first week at WIMWI. For those of you who are not familiar with the term WIMWI, it stands for "Well-Known Institute of Management in Western India"

Rightly so! There is something about the red-bricked structures on the campus which intimidates you the first time you step into it.
The ramp, the steps, the dorms,the LKP,the neat lawns, the underground gallery etc. all add to it.
It did take a while for the whole aura to digest,the awe to receede (and my open jaw to close). To some extent, it sounded like a scence straight out of the iconic " Alice to Wonderland."

I am part of the Dorm (Dormitory) "7th heaven". Each dorm, comprised of an equal distribution of the fachchas (juniors) and the tuchchas (seniors),has a unique dorm culture associated with it and there is something special about each one of them. And this continues on with each incoming batch.

As I made my way through various registration procedures on Day1, I got a glimpse of the diversity of the 400-odd batch of students. The sense of cut-throat, "I-will-kill-for-anything" competition was palpable right from day1.

We did get more than a taste of the academic rigour which is as deeply associated with WIMWI as pizza with cheese.The case analyses, assignment submissions, surprise quizzes, the x:59:59 deadlines for submissions, x:59:59 deadlines for reaching class etc are part of it.

Numerous magazines,newspaper dailies and popular public perception has voted it as the toughest B-school to get into. But what the stistics dont tell you is that its also the toughest B-school to survive in.

Meanwhile I have discovered, quite early, that a 4-hr sleep here is a real god-send and essential for my 'survival'.

Regards
Vish

The final converts

2011-05-30T02:41:00.000-07:00

Hi,

Its been a happy season so far (touchwood!).

11 B-school calls and all converted !

Converts: IIM A, IIM C, IIM L, IIM I, IIM Ranchi, IIM Rohtak, IIM Raipur, IIM Trichy, XLRI, SP Jain, SIBM-Pune

Rejects: None

IIM-A ..aah.. Sone pe suhaagaa !

With a heavy heart, I reject all the others.

Regards

Vish

Final Goodbyes!

2011-05-28T00:08:00.000-07:00

I woke up today, like most days at 7:00 am. Nothing unusual about it . The sun still rose from the east. I hurriedly took a shave & bath and fished for my I-card in the populated drawer. And then it struck me

"What am I searching for. Its all over !
Its official now ! I am finally jobless all over again."

It was a truly emotional farewell at M&M on the penultimate as well as the final day yesterday (besides the sad part of not being on the payroll of M&M anymore).

The exit-HR interview & final clearances involving signatures at 20 places were done with (It really tells you how big an organization like M&M is).

I had my last snack at the 4*4 cafe, with the last swipe of my I-card.
I surrendered my card to the P&IR personnel, quite reluctantly. Not that I wanted to have a bite at another Dahi-puri, but it was a part n parcel of my pocket and my identity for the past 4 yrs.

Wherever I went, the card had the power to evoke awe among the general junta. Such was its power!

I sent my farewell mails to the entire fraternity of CDMM, sourcing, designers, quality, production I was involved with within M&M and my suppliers too.
People were glad that that the farewell mail was something they could relate too even though it was a tad too long.(Some even confessed to have slept while reading half-way.)

Lots of phone-calls, tons of handshakes, hugs, goodbye messages, loads of advice from the seniors, promises to keep in touch till the last - marked the day.

Giving the farewell speech on both days was tough. There was so much to talk yet so little came out.
We relieved the fine moments, the leg-pulling, the regrets, the fun @ work part, the getaways, the treks, etc.

I was overwhelmed by the occasion..the big lump in the throat had grown football size (No, not thyroid deficiency! An intense surge of moments & memories of the past 4 year made it so.)

M&M, being my first employer, the M&M hangover will take some time to fade away.

Till then I will have to get accustomed to the fact that I am no longer on any company's payroll. So no easy cash.

So I guess, its no longer the "Mahi"-way anymore.

My best wishes to all who helped me in this journey. You have been wonderful.

All the very best.

More from IIM-A

Regards

Vish

Converted !!

2011-05-08T04:52:00.000-07:00

More often than not, the lull before the storm causes the real flutter.So was the case with me,given the 2 month hiatus between the IIM group discussion-interviews and the final shortlists. To be fair, most of my interviews were akin to "first day-first shows" which meant that the process would be spread over a period of nearly a month to accomodate the large sea of shortlisted candidates.
Even as the final interviews were still on, speculations on the possible date of the release of the final results took root and spread like wildfire. The mere mention of the "probable dates" had the aspiring students as much rivetted to the Pagalguy (PG) site as the spectacular India-SL world cup final.
Although the logical self in me restrained me from checking the PG site to avoid the unnecessary hype & hoopla; the whole buzz surrounding the aftermath of the GD-PIs was too tempting to reist, especially for my mother. Each day would start with the same-old,dreaded question from her.
" Any news?". She would ask
The question to which I would give a shrug and a nod in the negative. The frequent "NOs" somehow made me feel awkward and guilty given the fact that she was dead sure I would convert all my IIM calls and that it was just a matter of time. I wasn't half as sure as her. The fact that I had got IIM calls had only just begun to sunk in now.

IIM A was a 50-50 chance. Not that I had screwed it up. But no one seemed to have performed badly.
IIM C had generated a feel-good feeling in me. Nothwithstanding any twists & turns in the final shortlists; deep inside, I knew I had aced "C" like no one before. Just the official confirmation was needed.

IIM L, I and the 4 news IIMs were a breeze.
I went about my work as usual just to ensure I was engaged & busy and had no time to sit & worry like many on the PG site.

A close look at the PG site would be enough to tell you that a major proportion of posts on the CAT forums are those of desperate people who whine about just about anything from their poor past grades to their bad CAT scores to the look of the interview panel they faced.
They speculate about their chances based on some really trivial observations thus making a mountain of a mole-hill.
( " He dint offer me a toffee while I was leaving. Everyone else got 1 at least. I am screwed. I am screwed",
" They never checked my files", they dint fine me interesting".
" He cleaned his ears while I was answering his questions".
" He scratched his @&*. I am a failure. Boo hooo !!"

Somehow, all at once, everyone seem to have messed up his/her chances of converting a IIM call! There are ,however, a few exceptions in this gloom of pessimism. And from a few such composed voices emanating from the forums it was known that 18th April would be D-day!

April 17th,the night: A casual log onto the PG site (Curiosity always kills the cat)at around 12. Disappointly, none of the IIMs had come out with their shortlists (IIMs and their surprise element!).

XLRI had!
I followed the link provided in their site, keyed-in my details and waited in anticipation. The page refreshed itself, so did my brain. The merciless XAT paper, 99 percantile, the interview, the old man on the panel etc appeared & vanished within 2 sec. Finally the page that mattered the most appeared. It furnished all details including the most important one - " Was I in or out?" And the decision read as under:

!! CONGRATULATIONS !!

You have been selected for BM Programme for which you have applied to XLRI Jamshedpur.
Please wait for the official letter from the Chairperson, Admissions, XLRI Jamshedpur.

I confirmed it a couple more times just to be sure before telling the others about it. It was a mini-victory and given the unpredictability and weirdness associated with XLRI final calls, this was no mean achievement. I gave myself a small pat on the back, mentally. This would be a insurance, good enough to offset any depression if I dint convert any of the IIM calls.
Most people on the PG forum had promised themselves they wudnt sleep until they had seen the A,B & C final shortlists. Maybe it was too ridiculous a thought or I was too sleepy ;I dint bother checking any further and had a good night's sleep.

April 18th, 9:30 am: On my dek, sipping on some elaichi-tea, I brushed aside my work-dairy and opened the IIM A webpage (Our company's server-filters arent too fond of PG forums).
Today there was a new link under the PGP admissions heading. I clicked on it and fed in my details. No expectations, no fear of failure, no heart-breaks. And IIM C was always there to bank on ( I had made up my mind rather covertly that C was my ultimate source of refuge.) The page took not less than a few seconds to flash the following details:

Indian Institute of Management, Ahmedabad
Admission Status : Post-Graduate Programme in Management (PGP 2011-2013 batch), IIMA

Name VISHWANATH

Congratulations! You have been selected for admission to PGP (2011-2013 batch), IIMA. Please indicate your decision by e-mail.

The casualness of the moment melted away in thin air. The elaichi-chai was still swirling inside threatened to fall out of my open mouth. I sat staring at the PC in disbelief as if it were news of Katrina proposing to me. Shell-shocked, I scanned every word of the last 2 sentences esnuring it wasnt a typing error on part of IIM A.
For a moment, everything else around me seemed to come to a grinding halt.

Thinking it was the old GDPI-shortlisting link (such errors are common place), I entered my details again. The msg was the same. Out of disbelief I repeated the exercise a few more times. No change, same verdict!

How could it change??
Realization dawned.
India's premier B-school had finally decided that from among the 2-lakh odd candidates who had competed in the CAT, I was worthy enough to make it through to its hallowed portals.
" A ratio of 766 students per seat." my mind computed instantly. The mathematician inside me refused to die down even though CAT was over ages ago.
It was indeed a big deal after all. Beating 765 others for a seat in IIM-A is no joke. I had come up with something really special!

I was still in a stupor of utter disbelief, completely oblivious to the hectic daily activity around me.
Tears started to brim in my eyes and tried hard to sneak out. It wasnt wise to burst out in full public cognizance. Not that boys cant cry (Although women like to belive its their monopoly of sorts. They forget, we do hav feelings too.)
Give vent to my feelings, I certainly did. I dashed off to the nearest washroom,locked myself in and poured it all out.
A million thoughts engulfed me then - buying the CAT admission form at Rajkot during one of the longer supplier visits, test preps,mocks,CAT,my percantile,the shortlist to the interview stages, the interview,the cut-throat competition, the sacrifices that went into all these etc.
After composing myelf, I called up my mother in Banglore. She answered my 2nd call. Her reaction was palpable excitement and it was something she couldnt hav expressed in words.
I turned and walked to "Saab" who was working away furiously on his lappie. He was overjoyed to say the least; so was "chits", "yogi","amma","shaktiman","tame tiger","guru","alok" and many others. Slowly but surely, the news made its way through the whole dept in Kandivli. It was indeed wonderful that everyone else was enjoying and revelling in my success and it made the occasion all the more special.

By late afternoon, IIM C had declared their shortlists and I had made it there too! To be honest, thats wasnt a surprise.

Things were happening so fast,so soon. It was going to be really tough digesting the whole run of events right from last night.

The resignation letter had already been typed in my head

The feeling had just started to sink in now...

Regards

Vish

CATastrophy-3

2011-03-20T10:40:00.000-07:00

Changu was over the moon. He had Group discusion & Personal interview (GD & PI) calls from 7 of the 26 prestigious Bharatiya Institutes of Management (BIMs). But out of the 7 calls he had set his eyes on the 3 BIMs which he thought were a cut above the rest; BIM Jhumritalaya (BIM J), BIM Gorakhpur (BIM G), BIM Kolhapur (BIM K) (BIMs).
Accolades & greetings poured in from all quarters. His cellphone hadn't stopped ringing since last Monday. He felt like a true celebrity now. "Kaveri amma", the woman who lived next door in their village in remote UP (not visible on google earth), wanted tips on how she could train her 8-yr old 'Banku' for CAT2030. Tired & out of breath from his new-found celeb status, he fell on his bed a exhausted but satisfied man.

As he recollected his conversations on phone, one did catch his fancy. That of his girlfriend of 4 yrs, Changini. Of course there were minor differences between them, when she thought he gave more attention to the CAT than her. His marathon run of 5 CAT exams dint do him any favours. Now he had redeemed himself. Not 1 or 2 but 7 calls. " Now let's see what she says!" he said to himself with a wicked smile on his lips.

He had spoken to her the day before and noted with silent excitement that she would be alone for the next couple of days. It would be a perfect time to drop in at her place for a dinner date and much more.
But contrary to the ideas he had for the late evening at her house, a heated discusion on marriage followed.

Changu) Why dont u marry me? Damn u, I love you darling.
Changini) You haven't passed by short-list criteria.

Changu) WTF is dat?
Changini)I have spelled it out here on my blogpage. Who whoever passes the marriage shortlist criteria and scores a perfect 50 overall gets me.

changu) WAT?

She takes out her lappie and types in her blog-address which has her shortlist criteria. But the page refuses to open.

Mangu) Why doesnt the damn page open?
Manka) Too much net-traffic. Many of them are accessing it at once.Its been like this for the past couple of days.

Mangu) ???

Finally, the page opens displaying a lot of numbers.

Mangu) (Shell-shocked look on his face)What is that?
Manka) Those are the weightages for the individual component for the short-listing.

Boy) Components?? I thought I just had to love you.
Girl) No. you got it wrong. Look (She prints out the page and shows it to him.)

It reads as follows:

Changini's "husband" admission criteria

A total of 20 candidates will be shortlisted. Out of this, one very capable (rich,muscular,cute,loving,blah,blah1..) candidate wil be chosen as my husband. There are no reservations because I dont give a damn about a man's caste. All men are the same!! If you got a shock reading the first 3 lines, I advise you to read no further. Its gonna be equally atrocious (fair).

Criteria 1: Orientation (10%)
The applicant is male. (2 %)
..who is straight (5 %)
..straight with 1 or more relationships. (Pervert kahin kaa! 1 %)
.. straight with no relationships at all. (Get urself checked. 1 %)
..who would look at me even with beautiful women around (7 %)

Criteria 2: Family (10%)
Male with no siblings 4 marks
Male with pesky elder sister (2 marks beacuse we are not allowed to give negative marks)
Male with a younger bro/sis who can be bossed around (6 marks)
Male with a younger bro/sis and a mom who can be pushed around like hell
Male with a mom who watches the hindi soaps daily from 2pm - 10 pm (Pls dont bother to apply. This is keeping in mind the hazardous effect of such serials which spread their anti-bahu propaganda.)

Criteria 3: Salary ( 30% weightage)
A take-home of 50,000/month (4%)
A take home of 1,00,000/ month (4%)
A take-home of 3,00,000/month (4%)
A take-home of 4,00,00/ annum (screw you! You wont be considered even if you satisfy the other crietria.)

If you are baffled that the same weightage (4%) is given to different salary groups; please note "IT IS NOT A FLAW". It just proves that we are never satisfied with whatever you earn.

Criteria 4: Looks (25%)
Arjun Rampal look-alike (25%)
8-packs (15%)
All others with clean-shaven, disgusting, non-celeb looks(5%)
Geeks (keep off!)

Criteria 5: Household & other chores (12.5%)
Cooking + Taking care of our kids (not more than 2 of them!)+ washing & drying clothes (10%)
All the above and someone who doesn't mind carrying my shopping bag all over the mall and books the "Super-wednesday" show at the multiplex every week. (12.5%)
Only One or none of the above (0%)

Criteria 6: socializing & entertainment (12.5%)
Sings like Enrique + Guitarist + dances like Hrithik + can make me dance and someone who parties at least thrice a week (12.5%)
Other non-happening losers (Go get a life!)

The other 50% weightage would be would be for a "very personal interview" (VPI) which will include a dinner date at the Taj by the poolside. Its obvious about the bill payments, you dont have to wait for me to settle it. I am sure you are courteous enough.
And dont get any ideas during the VPI! If you try to get dirty I'll make your life miserable.
Learn how to behave with women.

Changu: Wat about love? I dont see it anywhere in your final criteria..WTF?
Changini: Oh ya! Forgot to tell you. It is used only to short-list for the very personal interviews (VPI). After that everyone is on an even keel. I have to be fair to everyone na, darling?

changu: ?????

He bangs his head against the wall.

He realized that getting GDPI calls from 7 BIMs and converting them wasnt as tough a battle as this one.

Regards

Vish

The IIM I interview experience

2011-03-17T12:05:00.000-07:00

Its always good if your IIM calls are closely spaced, preferably back-to-back interviews (although this isn't under our control). The intensity levels remain the same, you are charged up and you can say the same things over & over again without getting bored. My prolonged wait for the 'I' interview continued for 20 days after having finished XL, A,C,& L within 5 days. After what seemed like an eternity, I finally picked myself up for the big day.
The venue was the same as that of A & C (seriously, some age-old tie-up??). I reached there half an hr before the scheduled time of 1:30 pm and followed the directions to the I-waiting room on the 4th floor. There were 20-odd people already sitting there.
The usual scenes. Half of the crowd were shuffling & re-shuffling the contents of their folder, just to be sure. Some were deeply engrossed in their copies of the "Times", devouring every piece of information on tsunami-ravaged,N-crisis hit Japan. Some, like me, calmly studied the floor to avoid the nervous faces before us.

We were divided into 3 panels, each having 9 of us. We were provided with our sheets of paper for the Written ability test (WAT). The WAT was divided into 2 sections.
The 1st section was a large essay which had to be summarized in approx. 130 words. It was on the extinction of certain species of wild animals and factors affecting it.

The 2nd section had something which suggested " Ban on smoking in public places is necessary for public health." We had to present an argument for/against it in approx. 200 words and support it, preferably with suitable examples. I couldn't fathom whether I was fast or the others slow because I was giving finishing touches to my 2nd section when some of the others where in the middle of their 1st.

We were stipulated a time of 50 min. But the entire group was done with the WAT in only 40 min. I wrote on how ban on smoking is futile, issues in monitoring it, measures to discourage the habit, promoting public health at large, more spending for healthcare etc.

Our sheets taken, we were told to sit in the waiting room for our turns.
Yet another 2-hr long wait (I was used to it by now, a veteran of sorts in giving interviews.).

The girl before me came out of the interview room. She had almost the same expressions on her face as she had 15 min back when she had gone in. While she was inside, I could only hear laughter half of the time. No, not from her, from the panelists! After a 2-min hiatus, I was called in.

Panel:
P1: A man in his late 40s (Appeared the quite chilled,logical type interested in having a civilized & casual discussion.)

P2: A guy in his late 30s (Reminded you of your cruel young uncle with the god-given right to impose himself on you, monitored my words closely, looked for mistakes and chances to corner me.)

P3: An old man in his 60s who displayed the trademark features of all oldies who had interviewed me so far. The prime motive for his presence on the panel was to make me look as dumb as possible, throw random finance & eco terms at me and pummel my confidence to pulp.
He spoke less, was more intent in arranging the interview paper than gauging my intellect. He chipped in with questions on subjects which I had no idea about. He was ably supported by nitpicker P2.

P2 summons me inside.

P1: So..er..Vishwanath?
Me: (Still standing)..Yes sir, vishwanath

P1: Right vishwanath, pls sit.

P1: (Still looking at my interview form)..I was looking at your form and couldnt help wondering how photogenic ur face is. You are handsome with a smiling face. (???)
Me: Thank you Sir.

P1: You should be in modelling, man. Why Indore? It isnt the place.
Me: (Still smiling)
P2 sees it as an opportunity to sneak in and eyes my form.

P2: So, what is it..ok..metallurgy & materials engg. So wat is carbon-dating?
Me: Told him about it as a technique to measure the age of age-old items etc.

P2: How are the ages of fosils of plants & animals measured?
Me: Explained to him the theory of carbon-dating and usage. (fumbled in between)

P2: What is half life? (Cracked a cheap joke on it, saying his half-life is 18 years and he would love to tell women about it. The other laughed.)
Me: Explained to him about half life, decaying of carbon, etc. Somehow made sense.

P2: (cutting me ..)But why only carbon is used for it? why not any other element?
Me: 'Coz it is an element which has an affinity & combines well with different metals & non-metals to form different compounds abundantly available on earth.

P2: (Again cut me..) So,u mean carbon is most abundantly available on earth. Really?
Me: No.

P2: Then?
Me: Silicon, Oxygen & Iron are the most abundant on earth.

P2: (Again..) But you haven't told me. why the reason for carbon-dating for detecting the age? Its not just its affinity.(Gave some example of him having an affinity for different people but that doesnt mean he is good enough. He had a laugh about it.)
Me: I dont know.

P1: What is Bessemerization?
Me: (Thought for some time). Spoke about its importance & significance in steel-making process improvement.

P1: What is the current method?
Me: electric Arc furnace.. Elaborated on it.

P1: So what is value-engineering?
Me: It is about adopting an alternate route/means to create benefit in terms of cost reduction,lead time reduction,productivity enhancement, quality enhacning, weight reduction etc (gave an auto example.)

P1 nodded in satisfaction .P2 dint want to. No sign of P3 yet.

P1: But in a particular case,ford did value engineering and tinkered with their vehicle safety systems in the process? What about it?
Me: Sir, it was a case where ford evaluated the damages they would have to pay for the accidents occuring due to the change and the savings they would get from the value engg change. The former turned out to be less. So they went with the proposal.

P1 smiled & nodded. He felt good that I was knowing some stuff.

P2: But whats wrong with it? (Gave a wicked, sly grin).
Me: It compromises on the passenger safety knowingly. It is unethical.

P2: So what? (I wished this guy was in one of those accident-prone Ford Cars)
Me: It would signal bad quality, send a bad message out to the customers and the image of the company would take a beating.

P2: So what is the job of materials management exactly?
Me: Materials,cost, quality, delivery, supplier parts development,process...

P2: What is your efficiency?
Me: In terms of?

P2: How would I know? You must be having some targets right?
Me: Yes we do. In terms of completing the development in time, cost targets..

P2: (Cuts again..) So what si the efficiency?
Me: 80%

P3: (Intro)..What is Break-even?
Me: It the point where you start earning profits.

P2: Are you sure? (doubting, suspicious look)
Me: yes

P3: What is gestation period?
Me: period in which you recover the investments we make etc.

P2: (cuts me yet again..he was doing it on purpose) what is the difference between cost & investment?
Me: spoke about money, human capital, time value etc etc.

P3: So can humans depreciate?
Me: No, in terms of knowledge.

P3: Can this building depreciate?
Me: Yes

P1: How do you go about value engineering? process followed for it?
Me: Explained about defining the objective in mind, forming a cross functional team, validating the process & the product, comparing the before/after effects and the nimplementing it.

P1: If we have very little/no time for all this?
Me: Then we can go for benchmarking with a imilar part for similar application used elsewhere and compare & verify data to conclude.

P2: If I want glass/glass-like appearance in my office tiles what type of material do i require?
Me: Materials which have the ame polished, surface finish like glas ...

P2: (cuts..shares a giggle with the other 2) No, but I want only glass. what should i take into account?
Me: A list of properties like compressive strength, load, machinability, surface finish, tempered glass etc.

P3: (obviously feeling left out)..What is cost?
Me: explained

P3: Do u know the 2 aspects of cost or not?
Me: fixed & variable cost

P3: What is fixed & variable cost?
Me: explained with examples like raw material & process. Variable would mean labour, inventory etc etc

P3: What labour? temporary or permanent?
Me: ?????

P2 (giggling all the time)

P3: Your salary has a variable cost right?
Me: Yes

P3: What is it? Esops?
Me: No, sir. It is sector performanc...

P2: (Cuts me off..) what are Esops?
Me: explained employee stock options

P3: How does Esops help you? (I have never taken Esops dude)
Me: Told that it is na option to take a stock of the company.

P2: What is a stock?
Me: A financial instrument by buying which you get a certain ownership of the company/firm. the price can appreciate or come down.

P2: So if u have a M&M Esops do you become equivalent to Mahindra himself? (Laughs out load. P1 & P3 join in.)

P3: So what r you. 0.000005% owner of M&M?
Me: (Damn you, did I ever say I took Esops any time.)

P3: So, what happens if you buy M&M company bonds?
Me: (Smile all the while) I dont know bonds sir.

P2 flashes a silent victory smile to himself.

P3: What is UPA-2?
Me: UPA in the 2nd term.

P3: (turns to other) OH..2nd term it seems.So, if u fail in your 1st term and give the same exam again, you have completed 2nd term?)

All3 of them have a good laugh and I give a big, bright smile.

P2: What is UPA?
ME: United Progressive Alliance.

P3: Who is the chaiperson of UPA-2?
Me: (thinking)

P3: C'mon, take a guess.
ME: (thought of Manmohan being remote-controlled by Sonia)..Sir, sonia Gandhi.

P2: What about Manmohan then?
Me: (??? Wat abt him?)

P1: There is a lot of talk about plastic & its connection to pollution. As a materials engineer waht will your opinion be?
Me: Spoke on identifying which plastics are degradable and which are not. Time taken to de-grade, educating the public on the classifications, making them aware of wat they use etc and use substitutes.

P1: What if it were one of your auto components?
Me: Talked about doing technical feasaiblity, application requirements, alternate materials, having a cross-functional team which includes a environmental engineer.

P2: (Not spoken for a while)..So, why was Keshub Mahindra in news lately?
Me: In connection with the Bhopal gas tragedy.

P2: What about it?
Me: He was implicated..

P2: sure?
Me: No, he was just arrested.

P2: What was the company?
Me: (Thought for a while) Dow Chemicals.. (AArgh.. it is Union carbide. How did i miss it??)

P2: But Dow says that it is not their company? (sly smile again)
Me: I know the company but cant recollect its name.

P2: Do you know the name of the chemical?
Me: Methyl iso-cyanate

P2: What was Keshub Mahindra's role in it?
Me: M not sure. But he was on the board of Directors.

P3: Actually much more than that. Chairman.
ME: ok

P2: (Showing off his GK)..Have you heard of chernobyl disaster?
Me: Yes

P2: What was it?
ME: explained nuclear reactor, radioactive explosion, etc etc

P2 (Cut me again..) what is the difference between Bhopal & Chernobyl?
Me: Chemicals were different, implications different..Chernobyl was...

P2: (Cuts.) When did chernobyl happen?
Me: Told

P2: Where did it happen?
ME: ukraine

P2: Where was it?
Me: USSR

P2 What is USSR?
Me: (Accidentally said "United Soviet Socialist Republics". But said it confidently enough)

P2: Where is USSR?
ME: Its no more there. It broke up into different countries.

P2: Broke up in 2 different countries?
ME: Not 2 different countries. Into (Spelled "I-N-T-O") many different countries including Russia.

P2: Ok. got it.

P1,P2, P3 look at each other and finally decide that they have had enough.

Me: (Smile) Thank you.

I dont really know how much the ordeal lasted. But it was good fun.

Final Verdict: " Converted "

Regards

Vish

The IIM L interview experience

2011-03-05T04:03:00.000-08:00

Coming close on the heels of the 2 biggies 'A' & 'C', the 'L' interview was supposed to be the last of 'em all. It would end the series of 4 interviews on the trot (5 in 9 days) and i had to ensure that I ended the week on a high. 'L' wasnt going to be a cake-walk ,so i had heard and read at different forums. Even though I had become a veteran of sorts at facing GDs & PIs, I egged myself on to focus more. Complacency was the last thing on my mind; there was precious little gap between the interviews to get over-confident.

So, 26th of Feb it was. The venue this time was "Sea Princess Hotel" in the western suburb of Juhu. A plush, 4-star hotel in Juhu, its a stone's throw away from the Juhu beach. Many people, including me, dont know such a hotel exits due to the presence of other giants in the same region like the 'Marriot', the 'Ramada', the 'Centaur' etc etc just like IIM L is dwarfed by the presence of IIM A,B,C et al (Terrific analogy!!).
The security man at the entrance dint even take the trouble of 'X-ray'ing my bag after knowing that I was an "IIM interview-wala".

I sat with a few others in the beautiful banquet hall (Read: 'L' waiting room)as the crowd trickled in slowly but surely. The morning session had got over. No one was willing to comment on how they had performed, if not positively. I saw around and noted that 50% of them had already accompanied me to 'A' & 'C'. Quite a few of us had become good friends, some of them on back-slapping terms.

We were divided into 6 groups (panels) each consisting of 7-8 candidates for GDs/PIs. I was in panel 5 with 6 others (including a guy whom I had met at my coaching classes. A tough, talkative nut to crack watever be the GD topic.). We were led to one of the posh hotel rooms. 2 small tables joined together and 7 chairs fairly close to each other (and some light music would have made it perfect) was the GD site. But first the essay writing

We were alloted about 15 minutes for it (L showing that they were far more generous than the others.). The topic - " All Government instituitons should come in the purview of RTI."
A good topic and a far cry from the not-so-ideal GD of 'C'. There was lots to write on - the RTI, its uses so far, examples, recent facts & figures, good points, flipsides etc. The script was well-reasoned out, structured & concluded well.
A word of advice - please be aware of recent happenings and develop opinions on it.
Watch loads of talk shows,debates, discussions - it helps bigtime.

Most of us finished within the stipulated time (for want of more space to write. The guy beside me had increased his font-size deliberately.). Our papers were then taken away. The panel of 2 men instructed us to start our discussion saying we had 10.5 minutes for the same (7*1.5 = 10.5 min. Got the logic?). They then pretended to read through our 'essays'.

The GD kicked off on a brisk note as the spectacled guy opposite me spoke without interruption for half a minute till we thought it was time to cut him off and I managed to enter it. I managed to enter 3 more times. Everyone got an oppotunity to talk & most importantly be heard.
The points were pretty much the same as the ones put on paper. I spoke on RTI activism, the real estate mafia, politician-bureaucrat-biz nexus, RTI in defence deals & mining etc, the flipsides, media attention etc. At the end of the 10.5 munutes, we exited the room, a satisfied lot.
We were called for our turns for our interviews and as expected I was the last one.
All 6 panels had their interviews simultaneously in addition to the IIM B interviews which were also held in the same floor in opposite rooms. When you have the top 100-200 brightest minds of the country together within a few square metres, it is hard to miss the competitive streak and an air of anxiety is always prevalent.

My turn finally did arrive after what seemed an eternity of wait outside the same room in which we had our GD session. (They deliberately did that i guess).

P1: (the khadoos guy), P2 : (relatively cool).I sensed a stress-session there in the offing and i guessed it right!!

P1: Come in, why are you waiting outside. We were wasting time inside
waiting for you.
Me: (Not my problem)Sir, I thought it appropriate to wait till u called me.

P1: Sit down, you dont expect us to ask you questions standing, do u?
Me: sat down

P1: (Not looking at me. He dint 70% of the time ,to unsettle me)Tell us about urself.
Me: (perfect poetry - blah blah1, blah2 etc)

I hand over the originals/certificates to P1. P1 & P2 divide it among themselves as if it were the 'prashad' offered in temple.

P1: (Pissed at not being able to find a fault in my 10th, 12th & grad marks started examining the quality of my trancript, quite deliberately) So where is the original for ur transcript?
Me: Sir , what u r holding is the original transcript of my marks.

P1: What??? (Stunned expression on his face, as if I had told him my favourite hobby was watcing porn) You call this a transcript and u call urself an engineer.
(Turns to P2) Looks at this piece of paper. They call it an original these days it seems. imagine how worse a photocopy wud be (Hearty laugh all around. Hearty laugh changes to a disgusted expression and shake of the head.)

P1: You have a lot of work to do. My advice to u is go and get this laminated properly and only then attend future interviews.understood?

(Ya right, it was just torn a bit at 1-2 places which had obviosuly not missed his eye. He was making a mountain of a mole-hill. I sat expressionless and nodded my head).

P2: You say u hav completed B.Tech. what is so great about B.E/B.Tech? what is the difference between degree & diploma?
Me: (Ragging chalu) ..Sir , B.tech is composed of balh, blah.. ( happily cut off by the ever-khadoos P1).

P1: You have done B.tech in NIT Trichy.
Me : yes sir.

P1: So u will go to IIM Trichy?
Me: Yes sir.

P1: and IIM A?
Me: Yes sir.

P1: Stop confusing us. Do u want IIM Trichy or A? Dont change ur answers at will.
Me: I would A over Trichy.

P1: So u have done B.tech in metallurgy...(cut off by P2)
Me: Yes sir

P2: What is the latest in metallurgy these days?
Me: Rattled off the names of a few processes & benefits in the industry.

P2: (Still obsessed with my marksheets)..See this marksheet specifies marks. You must have a certificate which specifies whether u have flunked or passed?
Me: (What the?) Sir, the marksheet satisfies both requirements. Pls have a closer look (He did and ruefully admitted he was wrong.)

P1: (Purposely singling out a subject in the 6th sem in which I got a D)What is High speed steel?
Me: Told what it is, its uses.

P1: What are its benefits?
Me: Clung on to my 6th sem basics and formed the answer well.

(P1 nodded in appreciation.)

P1: Do u know the inventor of this?
Me: No sir.

P1: Think. He is one connected with 'scientific management'.
Me: Cant recall the name, Sir.

P2: (Feeling left out)I see u have also studied Economics in ur graduation (As if I had a choice then).
Me: Yes sir, i did.

P2: What do u remember? Do u remember anything?
Me: Yes sir (rattled off names/terms/terminologies like 'bandwagon effect','demand-supply' curve,elasticity of demand, 4P's of marketing, Some smith etc.

P2: What is on X-axis of demand-supply curve?
Me: Dont remember ir.

P2: Y-axis?
Me: Dont know sir.

P1: You said adam smith. When did he live?
Me: Sir, 16th century.

P1: He wrote a book. what was it called? (argh..can v just move on)
Me: I remember he wrote book. Cant seem to recollect its name.

P2: At least he remembers Adam smith ( and both have a laugh. I join in)

P2: So wat is ur job about. explain it to us?
Me: Told about it for a few minutes.

P1: So,wat is standardisation?
Me: Explained it to them with the help of an example in automobile part. Told them the benefits of it.

P1: (nodding his head) good. So which is a most recent & visual exampls of standardisation in auto industry?
Me: (thought for while)..Sir, its K-series engines in Maruti (explained about maruti's platform and multiple launches in short ime).

P1: do u know wat is simplification?
Me: no sir. Not heard of it.

P1: do u have any hobbies/interests?
Me: Yes sir reading & blogging.

P1: So u write your own blogs and you are forced to read them urself only. ( Turns to P2. Roaring laughter all around.)
Me: (smiling) Sir, i have got enough readership base for my blogs.

P2: What do u read?
Me: Fiction. Political-fiction.

P2: Which language?
Me: English

P1: What about Tamil? you know to read it?
Me: Yes sir I can read & write

P2: So u read tamil novels also?
ME: No sir, not novels. But i read the smaller sections/captions/sign boards in tamil.

P1:(turning to P2) Most of them dont even know to read their mother-tongue well. Its a pity. (yeah..say that while staying in Mumbai)

P1: Do u read Jeffrey Archer?
Me: No i dont.

P1: Why?
Me: Coz, I find it boring.

P1: (turns to P2 who by now seems to be having a ball of a time)These guys specify reading but say they dont like Archer. What a shame, these people.
Me: (Nothing but a stifled smile)

P2: what books & author?
Me: Named a few

P1: Is the protagonist same or different for all Dan Brown novels?
Me: Sir, for "Da Vinci code" and "Angels & Demons" it is the same.

P1: What is his name?
Me: Robert Langdon.

P2: (cuts off P1 and his questioning spree)..Did u watch the movie or u stick only to books and more books?
Me: Sir i did watch the movie.

P1: What did u like? book or movie and why?
Me: Sir , the book. Becoz while watching the movie you only have to watch what is shown or pojected to u. In a book, u can analyze and make mental pictures of characters as per ypur convenienc and thought.

Both seemed satisfied with the answer. A few more questions followed on it which I reasoned out well. Some more banter and laughter.

P2: You have fileld up PGP-abm profile also.
Me: Yes sir. But its a 2nd choice

P1: Whatever it is. At the end of it, its a choice and u filled it. There is no escape.
Me: Yes sir.

P2: So tell me..why do u want to do abm?
Me: (fumbled at the start but then picked up after a few seconds of thought. Talked abt M&m, farm equipment, initiatives for productivity,mechanization, farm advicing etc and so my interest.)

P2: what is the initiatives taken by m&m called?
Me: Shubhlabh. (Explained what they do like seed distribution, supporting irrigation, soil testing etc.)

P1: Have u been to a village?
ME: Not exactly village. but my engg college was in the country-side far frm city.
(Both giggle over my answer.)

P1: have u been to a village farm?
Me: Yes Sir.

P2: Have u seen people farming?
Me: Yes sir. But not from very close quarters.

P2: So from where do u see farming? Using binocolurs?? (Both have a laugh and i join in with a smile)

P1 & P@ look at each done with a " I am done" expression.
"Thank you" They said in a chorus, I reciprocated and walked out of yet another gruelling session.

Final Verdict: " Converted after a prolonged wait-list. (Not that it mattered finally)"

Regards

Vish

The IIM C interview experience

2011-03-05T04:01:00.000-08:00

The first IIM biggie (IIM A) was done with the day before. Although the process went off well for me, I wasn't convinced my performance would be good enough to take me through. The others along with me had had similar interview experiences and most of them had come out with smiling/non-crying faces, a non-indicator. Hence the expectation on the next biggie was more.

'C' had its process at the same centre as 'A' and a similar afternoon session. There was a verification team who checked and matched our attested photocopies with our originals (The Bengali accent too amusing and hard to miss). There were 3 panels for the GD & Interview. I was in panel 1 and there were 7 others along with me. We were led to a room where sat the panel - a lady and a man.

We were told to sit, each given a sheet of paper and told to write an essay.
The topic, well ,take a guess - " The woods are lovely, dark & deep but I have got promises to keep." I could hear hearts sink in the room when the topic was announced. Our 5-min had begun and so did the frantic scribbling. I tried to make some sense out of the Robert Frost lines given to us by linking it to the present day gloom of corruption, negativity and the positivity of youth as the silver lining which helps them keep their promises. Within a few moments our papers were taken away.

We were then instructed to have a GD on the same topic for the next 10 minutes. Everyone had a " Are you kidding me?" expression on their faces for the next 10 seconds till I decided to break the deadlock by bringing in my ideas which more-or-less reflected what I had put on paper.

The others, not to be left behind, then summoned enough thoughts to speak on it for the next 5 minutes. I did make an entry 3more times. The guy & girl to my right & left respectively were more intent on improving their listening skills. A 3rd guy , who seemed to be a Robert frost fanatic, quoted lines from frost's other poems. A 4th guy was making sense everytime he spoke only to be cut by the 5th guy who made up his mind to be as tangential to the topic as posible.

The discussion threatened to meander into a tame end in the first 7 minutes itself as all of us fumbled for new ideas, our creativity taking a kit-kat break. All our efforts to revive the discussion came to no avail and soon enough all of us were summarizing the whole thing. Just too abstract a topic we thought!

Yet another 2 hr long wait, I was the last person.(I once contemplated changing my name. Sometimes its a disadvantage.)

I was called in for my turn.

P1 - the lady
P2- the man

I handed over the interview forms and the verified documents to them.

P2: So tell us a little about yourself.
Me: Acads, company, profile,work ex, city, family etc (lasted 2 minutes till I was cut off by the lady)

P1: What is your job all about?
Me: Ma'am , its more about vendor management & part development. (Spoke about my job in Materials management, developing auto components, suppliers etc)

P1: (Getting more curious) So which are the vehicle projects you have worked on?
Me: Spoke about the Scorpio, Xylo, Bolero and commercial vehicles like MAxximo and Ingenio and the vehicle systems.

P2: So what are the challenges you have faced in you work?
Me:(talked about satisfying the various agencies including the designers, pricing team, supply chain, the supplier etc)

P2: Any specific challenges you can highlight?
Me: Talked about a recent challenge of developing a second supplier, upgradation, resolving critical issues.

P1: (Validating my answer) Where was the supplier?
Me: Rajkot.

P1: I see you have won a few awards in quizzing. what about GK quiz, nothing?
Me: I am good at it Sir. but back in college there were many who were more competent than me. hence I dont have any objective evidence to show for it.

P1: Ok..So besides that, what are your interests?
Me: Blogging & Reading

P1: What do u read?
Me: Fiction

P2: Tell us about the last book that u have read.
Me: "The negotiator" by Fredrick forsyth. (Gave her the entir gist of it.)

P2: Any 3 highlights of the book?
Me: Told

P1: But why is called the negotiator?
Me: Told

P1: So does every situation need a negotiator?
Me: told him something like , u dont need any specific person. Each situation demands certain skills or strengths and each one of equipped with those in given circumstances could act as one.

P1: So do you think Hosni mubarak was a good negotiator?
Me: Spoke about how he had to assess the ituation, the benefits and flipsides of him continuing or stepping down, needed to 'give' more than 'take' on issues like unemployment, std of living etc.

P1 & P2 nodded in affirmation

P2: So ..tell us about your blog?
Me: told them about the latest one.( One about CAT2020, which took a dig at excessive proliferation of new B-schools & institutes and their selection criteria.)

P1: So, would you have been shortlisted if we had applied a minimum criteria for 5th std marks also?
Me: Yes, I have topped in school consistently.

P2: So you think mushrooming of new institutes, as per your blog,is good or bad?
Me: Reasoned out my opinion and then came to the answer on how the management colleges should be graded & classsified, monitored over a period of time and then be given a IIM status because brands dont emerge overnight and that they take shape over the years.

P1: But if we dont have new institutes how will you give management education to people?
Me: Another reasoning on quality and parameters affecting it and employability of the students, not to generate supply by comprimising on quality etc.

P1: How do you measure quality of mba institute?
Me: Spoke on broad-based competencies & capabilities built by a institute which can be applied in practical uses and also how a quality institute provides good human capital even in face of crisis.

P2: Only capability is enough for a job?
Me: Capability, knowledge and attitude all are needed & matter equally.

P2: So M&M selected you because of all these?
Me: Gave yet another reasoning on how there might be constraint of time & space when recruiters come to pick students in colleges, so it might not be possible to assess all these in a shortt time and some asumptions go in it like the name of the institute.

P1 & P2 look at each other and then at me and say " I think we are done"

P2: Do you have any questions?
Me: Why isnt IIM C featuring among the top 10 best b'schools in the world?

They wouldnt have expected anyone to ask it but nevertheless the lady explained how the rankings were not a credible yardstick and they had their own benchmarks and if we had a discussion on it it would cost us the whole day.

I smiled, said a "thank you" and walked out feeling quite satisfied.

I had managed to banish the performance of 'A' aside by performing better in 'C'.

Final Verdict: " Successfully Converted . Khoob Bhaalo"

Regards

Vish

The IIM A interview experience

2011-03-05T03:58:00.000-08:00

The past week was packed with activity and it was more hectic than one could have asked for. (The "CATatastrophy" series will still continue on my blogpage but with a few interruptions in the form of my interview experiences like this one.)

So the day had finally arrived. 23rd of Feb it was! The venue for the interview was Dadar Catering College, a stone's throw away from the iconic Shivaji Park. I reached there a good 30 min before the scheduled time of quarter to 2. Seeing a tie in my hand, the man at the gate instantly recognized me as a "interview-wala" and let me in. The college looked more like a complex of residential buildings joined together. Each of these had interview sessions of other IIMs simultaneously. Nervous students and their more anxious parents sat in chairs outside; posibly making the mistake of coming to the venue hrs before the process and sweating their palms off.

Following the directions in the placards, I made my way to the 4th floor to the waiting room of IIM-A which housed about 7 candidates including 2 girls. I greeted all of them with a smile and took my seat. Not even did i spend a minute in the room, did I feel the immense sense of competition all around me which I could literally smell & taste. And why not, it is IIM-A after all, voted the best B-school in the country by popular public perception!!
2 of the dudes were deeply engrossed in the "economic times" enough to give you running commentary on the volatility in markets & inflationary sentiments. The girl to my right, not to be outdone, took out a book from her bag and started romancing derivatives & integral calculus. The most nervous guy next to me tried to strike a conversation with me by asking me about Laplace transform & Fourier series equations. I gave him a look as if he had just asked me about Suresh Kalmadi's bank balance.

A big, burly man who could barely make it past the room's entrance, called out our names from the corridor and ticked in his sheet. Maybe they kept him there to intimidate us. We were then summoned into a room with 8 chairs.

We got the first clear view of the people who would evaluate us during the process. P1, was a man probably in his late 40s and with a very accomodating look on his face. P2, a guy in his late 30s, seemed for like a alumnus of the institute, dressed in smart casuals.
After the initial pleasantries, we were asked to keep our certificates/marksheets/profile interview form aside for their verification. We were then given a topic " Networking is more important than academics for success in life." and asked to write on for 10 min on the given sheet of paper.

The 10-min essay writing session started sharp at 1:45 pm (impressed).
I dont think it lasted the exact 10 min.
I made my points crisp,clear and structured it reasonably well although I did sacrifice my hand-writing at times. I tilted towards networking's importance wherein i explained what it is, its evolution over time, what acads can get u to,what networking can get u to, examples about blogs & social networks for brand promotion, etc etc. Our papers were taken away after what seemed like only 5 min. We were then told to sit outside for our turn.

Mine came after a prolonged 2 n half hr wait.

P2 did most of the asking and P1 most of the document verification.

P1: So, what should we call you "Vishwanath" or " Hariharan" ?
Me: sir, "Vishwanath" is my name. (As if it matters, both names aren't the shortest)

Unlike most people whose interviews started with the standard favourtie of the interviewer "Tell me something about yourself", my interviews invariably started with something more simple like "What is your name?".

P1: (smiling & studying my 1st sem graduation marksheet closely) I see you dont seem to be too fond of "Matrices & calculus"
(aargh..D grade in the first sem of engg. I dont know about past-life karma, but past karma of present-life can come to haunt you bad.)

Me: (Smiled and nodded my head in the affirmative with a sheepish "Yes sir")

P2: (Scanning my profile form intently) Vishwanath, just tell us something about your work.
Me: I told them about my journey from the production shop to materials managementin M&M,supplier-related work, quality, cost , delivery, my role & responsibilities in brief, development work in some vehicle projects etc

P1: (whose eyes had lit up when i said Scorpio)So u develop components for Scorpio?
Me: Sir, not just the scorpio but all vehicles which come under the purview of the auto sector.

P1 & P2 nodded.

P2: So,how is M&M doing?
Me: (I spoke abt the varied product range (bike, car, truck etc etc)which M&M had got itself into in place of just the iconic 'jeep' with which it was identified earlier.)

P2: Hmm.. How is M&M's 2-wheeler business doing?
Me: I spoke about it as a brave move. But brave always doesnt mean great move..but still early days

P2: Would u buy/recommend somone to buy a M&M 2-wheeler? why?
Me: (I spoke about the latest news of sales nos dropping in the last quarter, market scene, skepticism to the new entrant and adopting a wait-n-watch policy.)

P2: What is the existing perception about M&M as a company?
Me: I had enough to blurt about. I told them about how M&M as a company is changing from a conservative indian company to a global brand, its JVs with Renault, international trucks & navistar, its acquisition of South korean auto major Ssanyong motors, M&M's entry into new markets like US which are challenging and demanding, projecting a positive image, re-positioning etc etc

P2: Why do u want to leave your present company for an mba?
Me: Told him about how I look to add to my skills with each opportunity, about my growth from just a metallurgist to the auto-engineer and the value-addition i have done in 3 yrs, talked about mba giving me the flexibility to diversify to new areas/sectors and taking up higher responsibilities.

P2: What would u do mba in (specialization)?
ME: Sir, I would want to keep my options open for now (cliched answer)

P2, till then, was still scanning my profile form which was barely 5 pages long and dint need such intense scrutiny. he looked at me with an expresion of "I have heard that b4. Be specific"

Me: If I am asked for preferences, then operations & marketing would be on top of it.

P2 smiled..he had probably heard a lot of finance till then. Finally, someone had saved operations from extinction.

P1: (Who had taken a profound liking to my graduation mark sheets) Which other calls have u got?
Me: Sir, I have got calls from calcutta, lucknow, indore and the 4 new IIMs (have to be honest, no? dont hv a choice, do u?)

P2: What are your hobbies/interests?
Sir: I am passionate about blogging, reading, travel etc

P2: Good, so what do you blog on?
Me: Told them that the blogs are on people, places, events and I keep the subject as relevant and contemporary as possible so that people can enjoy them.

P2: What is the latest on ur blogspace? What is it about?
Me: Spoke about the latest "CATastrophy" series on my page which takes u to CAT2020 with 26 new premier institutes of management, the intensity of competition, the selection criteria etc (they seemed to enjoy it)

P2: What do u read?
Me: Sir, Fiction

P2: Recent fiction novels?
ME: Rattled the names of a few of them and the recent one I had read.

P2: Do u read & follow current affairs?
Me: Yes Sir

P2: So whats the latest news?
Me: Its about Libya. the current situation has escalated to violence.100s are dead and many injured in clashes. Gadaffi is still defiant under international pressure. he has been there for 42 yrs and says he will die a martyr.

P2: Before Libya? in Egypt, the jasmine revolution?
Me: Sir, it started off in Tunisia and then spread to Egypt where Hosni mubarak had to step down eventually.

. Why did Hosni step down after so many days of revolt? he could have held on right?
Me: Sir it was not just the protests. but there was some amount of back-channel diplmacy going on between the US. The US backed him for their interests but they dint want the situation to go out of hand. So he stapped down. (accidentally I said that the americans were fond of him. This attracted a hearty laugh from both of them)

P2: What is the impact of this spreading crisis on india?
Me: I talked about the region being a strategic point for africa, europe, asia and trade & trade routes being affected,the suez canal being an important region with a capacity to transit 3 million oil barrells a day, oil crisis spiralling out of control and more inflation especially for countries like India dependent on arabs for oil.

P1: What are your favourite subjects?
ME: Sir, heat treatment & powder metallurgy

P1 asked me a metallurgy related question which I answered correctly

P2(Again back to current affairs) What is the latest economic news hogging headlines?
Me: Reliance selling stake to BP, budget'11, GDP growth at 8.9%, industry decline a bit etc etc

P2: U say there is economic growth but industry decline..how do u explain the contradiction?
Me: Talked about contributing factors being industry, services & agri sector. While services sector, agri have witnessed growth in each of them , it has been slow in industry.

P1: what is Contribution of agri sector to india's gdp?
ME: 16%

P1:What is the % of population in india dependent on agri?
Me: (Guessed).. Sir 40% ! (feeling silly for the bluff)

P1: Are u sure?
Me: Its just a guess Sir

. Any latest bad news in inda?
Other than the scams, the parliament not functioning due to want of JPC.(aargh..how did i miss telangana, godhra..feeling silly)

P2: Parliament not functioning is actually a good thing. (All 3 of us had a laugh about it.)

P1: What is the market share of M&M in vehicle sales in india?
ME: Told them (on my finger tips)

P1: Do u think the last 3-4 yrs for M&M has been stagnant?
(Spoke about decline in production due to low demand from sept 08 till feb09 , then steady growth, said it was largely slow growth if 2007 compared directly to 2010, hence stagnant overall... I could have done better in this , especially the reasoning)

P2: Do u know probability (oops..finally comes the nuclear bomb)
Me: Yes, a little

P2: Explain cummulative distribution something-something curve..(???)
Me: No sir, not heard of it ( wat do u expect from a metallurgist who has forsaken it for the last 5-6 years of my life.)

P2: Basic probability laws?
Me:(thought for some time)The probability of 2 mutually exclusive events occuring does not influence each other , to which he asked for more basic stuff

P2: can probability be negative?
Me: No

P2: Can probability be zero?
Me: Yes

Both look at eahc other saying "We are done", smile at me and say a pleasant 'thank you'. No alpenliebe offered from the cup.

It was chilled out and lasted between 10-15 mins i guess. the panel was cool.
If u dint know anything u cud say that u dint know it.
It was the same for everyone, so I dint read much into it.
Personally, i cud hv reasoned better in some questions but overall it was an ok feeling.

Kept my fingers crossed..the next day, the next biggie - IIM C.

Final Verdict: " Biggest Convert of the season"

Regards

Vish

The XLRI interview experience

2011-03-05T03:54:00.000-08:00

Feb: 21st. I had been shorlisted for the BM profile by XLRI (which seemed a distant dream after my XAT exam which was no less than a disaster. One of the rumours making the rounds was that next yr the XAT exam would be in French to discourage people from attempting any questions.)
Anyways, My XLRI interview was scheduled on the 21st Feb at the Xavier's College. Arguably the most colorful college in town, the hip & happening crowd in the college a far cry from the grilling I was about to face.

I reached the college at 11 for my inteview and started interacting with the 10-odd people inside the AC-filled waiting room. Most of them had the PMIR (HR) profile which entitled them to have a 20-min case-study before their interviews. I got into a conversation with a girl & a guy who had just finished with their case study which was about relations between top management & union leaders hitting a low due to different incidents and unfourtunately u r the guy in between who can mend ways.

I could gather from their talk that the case-study hadn't been a "fish market" (a dreaded proposition which no one wants in a GD. Beats me! Then who converts it into a fish market??) and each of them had got an opportunity to put their thoughts. The 2 then asked me about how case-study applied only to PMIR profile and not the BM profile to which I applied. I told them I had no idea and continued wearing and adjusting my tie. The girl took my noncholance for great cool-headedness and confidence, commenting that I dint seem nervous at all. (Ya right! wats the point?)

The guy who had his turn before me had just returned. Judging from his grim smile and not-so-pleasant reactions he had got a royal rollicking from the BM panel. At one point he was confused whether it was an interview or a JAM (Just a minute) session.

One of the panel members called out my name and I followed him to the interview room.
I was shortlisted for BM. So it was just the interview for me

A panel of 3 sat before me

P1 - middle-aged man (spoke 50% of the time)
P2 - middle-aged man (did everything but talk)
P3 - old man (did the rest of the talk, listened intently, looked for opportunities to stress u out using whatever you spoke..)

Duration: 20 min

No forms/documents were filled by me. They had all details of me before them.

P1: So should we call you "Vishwanath"?
Me: Yes sir, thats my name.(Naam mein kya rakha hain?)

P1: So tell us something about yourself
Me: Blabbered for about 2 min about school, college, mumbai, nit trichy, metallurgy, 3 yrs of experience in M&M, materials management, automobiles etc.(the idea here is to keep talking abt urself, ur acads, work ex, job profile, company etc etc..but stick to the truth)

2. y the chosen field for grad. (be genuine abt it)

3 relation of field of grad to current work (dint have to take much of an effort in my case )

4. challenges at work (dont make it up)

5. projects/ achievements

6. how is the market for ur industry (do a lot of reading and form opinions)

7. asked abt competitor and competitor's products (Nano)

8. some more info asked about auto industry, comapny stding, latest news, new happenings etc.

9. asked abt interests.

10. i told them abt blogging.. so they asked about when i started? blogpage? wat is the content? lot more talk (pls choose a intrest which u can speak about)

11. P3 spoke for abt 5 min on the company i was workin for, its progress, my salary, my work, my profile, etc etc..and then all 3 stared at me.
I stared back at them. They told me to answer. I asked them wats the qstn? actually it was "y mba"?

12. preferences (told options open)

13. they told me to be specific. (i told prefernces are ops/mktg)

14. which industry? (i told manufcg or non-manufcg)

15. which industry other than manufcg.. (i told fmcg)

16. Some basic qstns on fmcg, a few companies and products.

17. Tried to unsettle me by saying fmcg not ur cup of tea etc etc, v dont take engineers for fmcg, etc etc. I smiled back and said u ll face massive manpower shortage then)

17. Y mktg? convince us. ..they tried dicomforting me again in between

18. Y not finance? and a few more qstns to try and spice it up ..responded

19. Asked me abt my other calls.. (told them)

20. In case of converting all calls which one u ll take and y? (be careful here..its a pitfall. I told them I would prefer one of the IIM calls and they used this as a tool to question me further.)

21. Tried needling & unsettling me again.. (big smile from my side)

Pi,P2, P3 - i think we r done..thank u

I think it went of well ..no regrets as such

Important points:

.No bluffs pls ..be honest
.Choose intrests properly...Rest all will be fine

And no need to make an effort to remember wat you scribbled after the XAT exam (Read "essay").

Final Verdict: Converted

Regards

Vish

The SP Jain GD/GI experience-1

2011-03-05T03:51:00.000-08:00

Feb the 17th: Cometh the day, cometh the hr..
Chic Formal clothes + shiny black shoes and me are poles apart! Before this, formal clothes were my companions only on two occasions: College sypmosiums or job-interviews. Finally I settled for a striped black shirt & the new "tailor-"made black pant.

I always seem to have a tryst with Murphy's law each time (The chances that you come across an occupied rickshaw is directly proportional to the criticality of the GD-PI you are gonna attend). Today wasn't the case though. As the auto-wala maneouvered his baby through the busy andheri traffic and I reached well before the stipulated time of 9:00 am.

It was quite an emotional moment to be part of the campus which I (supposedly) spent 2 years of junior college in. Old memories flooded my head - the broken beaker in the fume-filled chemistry lab, dissection of a hapless frog crying for help, 35% attendance, my parents being called to campus, my father giving me a discourse on attending lectures properly, the sports centre, the frankies at Guptaji. It was all up there in front of me like a ppt presentation projected on screen.
Infact, this single day was going to be more value-adding for me than the 2 years put together. The Bhavans' college building wore a new look, a far-cry from the dirty, crumbling castle it was when we last saw it. An anecdote which did the rounds then was that even if the building crumbled to rubble there would be no casualties. No one attended lectures anyway!! I brushed aside all these memories with a wry smile. It was business time , time to get serious.

SP Jain is quite a miniature version of most B-schools. As you enter the main building, there is no "Top 10 B-school" aura attached to it. Serene atmosphere, Simple in construction & style with a few rooms, lecture-halls, a few open spaces here and there and a small piece of vegetation outside which I assumed was the garden. That made up the B-school.

As I strolled to the room which read "Registration for interview round 1", I saw scores of snxious parents outside. Waiting, for most of us seems to be a waste of time but parents, especially mothers dont mind doing that all their lives. They wait for you to make your way out of the womb crying. They wait for you outside the kindergarten classroom as you sit with a teary-eyed face inside. They wait for you outside during the wretched board-exams. They wait with bated breath, to know which college you got into. They wait for you to know how well your interview went off and how good a job you got.

There was a sprinkling of students, 20-odd of them. Half of the males wore ties, some in blazers resembled leaders representing their countries in UN assembly meetings. Most looked like they come straight from their office-meetings and were immersed in their own thoughts.A few females sat far away in the last benches resigned to the fact they would recieve less attention than the interview files no matter what they tried.

I sat in between 2 guys. The dude on the right was dressed in chic-formals; a pink shirt wit hs shiny tie. He wore a nervous-look on his face, almost scaring me to wits. A part of me wanted to go to all the seemingly nervous dudes and calm them. I instantly reminded myself that they were all my opponents in this game. The guy on my left had a very confused expression. He was shuffling & re-shuffling the contents of his folder. He seeemed unsatisfied with the loads of documents,papers,certificates he was armed with or probably he had missed out on a few photo-copies.
The air was filled with a thick sense of competition by now that I could feel it envelope me. We were told that we were gonna be part of the A-panel consisting of 6 of us. We were the first group for the PI. There were 3 other groups after us. As the clock struck 9 we sat in chairs outside the interview room and then we were called in..

To be continued..

The SP Jain GD/GI experience-2

2011-03-05T03:46:00.000-08:00

We were 6 of us in the 9:00 am session. After a small wait outside the room, we were summoned in.
There were 4 gentlemen on the panel. The one on the extreme left (P1) was a old man in his 60s, the 2nd man (P2) a much younger guy seemed very much like an almunus, the 3rd man (P3) had a swagger about him and the 4th man looked like an a intellectual.

"Good morning to you all" said P3 as we greeted him back.

"So guys, lets have a GD just to break the ice. Are you ready?" (What ice? GDs are potential ice-makers, not breakers!)

" So your topic for the GD is - " Development and Corruption go hand-in-hand ".
You get a minuted to put down ur points in the sheet of paper."

1 min over, i started off very briskly with points on development, industry, forms of corruption till I realized after the first 2 min that not one was interrupting me. Fast running out of ideas, I gave a momentary pause. One of them took it as a window of opportunity to enter the discussion. I thanked him silently. We ensured that each of us got a decent chance to put forward our points without making it a fish-market and we succeded in doing it and utilizing the full time. Good group dynamics!
I made an entry 2 more times in a big way by quoting examples of the RTI activists being murdered, the builder-bureaucrat-politician nexus, recent stats etc. After about 10 minutes, we were asked to stop. No one was asked to summarize. It did turn out to be a ice-breaker of sorts!

It was evident by now, P3 would do all the talking. He looked the kind who liked to talk. I wasnt wrong.
Each of us had to take turns telling about ourselves, our background, our acads, schooling, work, grad, work, interests/passions etc. 2 in our group were freshers who were still in grad.
P3 took it upon himself to provide some entertainment by indulging in some serious leg-pulling, mainly the 2 freshers. One of them was asked about his favourite subjects. He fumbled when he was asked to define thermodynamics and some other subject. He had kised adios to his chances, in the first 5 min of his interview. The poor guy had a horrid look after his turn. The more confident fresher, a mechanical engineer, was grilled on stock market terminologies when they were told that he wanted to do finance because he liked the sensex (thats called "digging your own grave"). Finally, they (P3)had made him look more foolish.

Then came my turn. P3 at it again. I had to ensure that he dint get a chance to smother me like 3 others before me.

P3: So, "Vishwanath" or is it "Hariharan"?
Me: Its Vishwanath

P3: Lets stick to vishy. Ya, so..vishy tell us who you are?
Me: Spoke about the usual stuff in a free-flowing manner, as if I had mugged it up.

P3: (After listening to a 2-min intro)so how is the auto industry and how do you the prospects in india 5 yrs hence?
Me: Talked about recent auto stuff & launches, threw nos & stats at him, random mention of JVs & acquisitions in india, talked about expansion plans, india growth story etc

P3: So..how do u compare the Indian & Japanese auto-makers?
Me: (Excellent..thats my domain u r in,dude!)Spoke about competencies in design, process, suppliers, discipline, culture, jugaad etc

P3: (With a chuckle)So how many years will it take for us to be on par with the Japanese?
Me: Reasoned out how Indians are up there with the global quality stds and work in-process. It may not be long when Indian brands will be preferred to others.

The other 3 panelists till then had just been sitting dummies. P3 , after occupying a lion's share of the questioning time, went cold and P1 took up with a little help from P1.

P2 asked each of us " Why MBA?" in 6 different styles.

I gave him the very carefully rehearsed answer (true answer!)about building a better skill set, more decision making scope, higher responsibilites..

P2: "How a better skill set?"
Me: More flexibility. more diverse opportunities, more value addition..( more gyaan)

P2:" You r the only person here who has a techno-commercial profile. Why not continue in it and take more responsibilities?"
Me: (I thought my "Why MBA?" answer would suffice. It dint) Told him how my 'metallurgy' tag was acting as an impediment to further challenging roles.

P4: (Making a late entry) " Did u take metallurgy by chance or choice?"
Me: Sir, by choice. I dint want to get into any circuit/IT related field of engg.

All 4 of them looked at each other and nodded their heads in affirmation with a polite" We are done. thank you."

We thanked them and walked out after a 40-min group interview.

After a 15 min break , we were told that only 3 of us had got through and I was one of them.

We then found ourselves in a similar-looking room for our 2nd group interview. There were 6 of us and 2 on the panel. One of them had impeccable english and had a Parsi twang to it. Some of the questions they asked were from the psychometric test we has to take before our 1st group interview.

We were asked about :
our whims & fancies,
our contribution to the society,
our achievements at college & work
"what animal/bird do u identify urself with?",
" What kind of job do u see urself in after u pass out?"
"Where do u see urself 10 years from now?"

Some food for thought! It was a forum to be clear about waht you wanted, your goals, projecting oneself (telling the truth and not bluffing..they did pull up one of the guys because he gave "Miss India" like answers.)

After a 15-min interaction we were through with it.

Final Verdict: "Converted"

Regards

Vish

CATastrophy-2

2011-02-18T06:09:00.000-08:00

Changu keyed in his details which included his CAT reg no & his mail id. No sooner did he hit the ENTER button, a "INVALID reg no" page returned to greet him. Changu cursed under his breath and studied the details of his CAT admit card only to note that it was his admit card of CAT2018 which he had still preserved with as much care as his mother's pakoras.
He dug out the recent admit card,entered the details and waited with bated breath & silent prayers. (Possibly one of the few occasions when Katrina had a minority stake in his mind & Lord Ganesha the majority.)

Up came the details!

QA: 99.9265, VA: 99.9162, LR: 99.6271

OA: 99.9281

He fed in the details on the BIM J page since they were the first to come up with their shortlists.

A "hand-shake" image greeted him with the mesage below it reaing:

"Congratulations! You have been shortlisted for the GD-PI process of BIM J."

For a moment, Changu went blank like the screen of his 14" lappie, like those times when it just refused to start. Sitting on the very edge of the chair, hands covering his mouth, eyes wide open, he went into a compete tizzy. He re-confirmed the score a dozen more times. Computative errors where common-place in a competitive exam which decided who among the 2 million young minds were eligible for the 26 Bharatiya Institutes of Management BIMs of the country(BIM-A to BIM-Z)and make good managers.

"Kya hua be?" (What's it dude?). Nangu & Mangu did not miss the cacaphony of emotions on Changu's face. By now, he was looking at the screen intently and grinned incessantly (Katrina had taken a whopping 100% of his mind stakes).

"Abe b*****d !! , I m through? I cant believe it!!" Changu jumped out of his chair and caught his startled room-mates in a bear-hug.

" What's your score & which BIM you checked?" enquired Mangu as he gave him a dry "congrats" hand-shake.

"OA: 99.9281 ,yaar. Can you belive it. Got a call from IIM J!!" still thrilled.

BIM J or BIM Jhumri-talaya was a 3-yr old institution which had just come out the shadow of extreme nurture and care provided by its mentor BIM G (BIM Gorakhpur).

"How come you got through and I dint? We have almost the same percantiles" Mangu eyed Changu with a mix of suspicion & shock. His initial surprise had turned to a heart-breaking sense of having missed the bus.

" Arre, its their criteria. They have given 5% weightage to 5th std marks and 4% each to 7th,8th & 9th. Bach gaya bhaai (Saved)."

"Damn!" Now it was Mangu's turn to bang the table with his fist. He knew he had missed BIM J by a whisker. He was transported back to the past: If only he had supressed the pangs of adolescence clawing him from within and not had a crush on Aditi, he would have done better than a meagre 93% in 9th std. His 'puppy love-life' met a premature end though. Aditi had kissed goodbye to his dreams.

Mangu slapped himself for thinking about Aditi at this inopportune moment. His past sins were not letting him live in peace. "Screw her." he thought. A thought struck him that even her kids might be competing against him in CAT2020.

To be continued...

Regards

Vish

CATastrophy

2011-01-16T01:42:00.000-08:00

If one Kat sizzled & seduced in "Sheila ki Jawani",the other CAT was a mixed bag of emotions for many. 12th Jan,2020! Dawned the day when the CAT would finally start purring the fate of the 2 million eager applicants, at the click of the mouse. It was their prized ticket to the 26 BIMs or the 26 Bharatiya Institutes of Management. These were the premier institutes of the country, out of which 6 of the BIMs were the original flag-bearers.

"Abey,yeh site b*****d khul kyun nahi raha hain. Dimaag ka dahi ho raha hain!" (Damn! why is this ite not opening. I am fed up.) Changu exclaimed loudly with a bang on his table.
The half-finished cup of milk on the table almost fell on his 5-year old lappie due to the impact. It was a 14", 2nd-hand lappie which had been repaired out of proportion so much so that its maker's name had faded away. The table had just taken the 17th beating of the morning and would have thought about its past-life karma, if it had a mind of its own.

Changu was clearly frustrated. It was judgement day for him today now that the CAT results had been announced online. He had been at it since 6:00 am in the morning. By CAT-taker stdandards, that was pretty late since the results were out just after midnight. Much to the expectation of the numerous candidates, the site was wilting under the heavy pressure of a million hits, all at once, much like a straw bridge under the weight of a 100 elephants waiting to cross.

Changu had sacrificed 2 hrs of sleep (which he planned to make up for at work later in the day). The optimist that he was, he typed in the site name and punched the ENTER key, only to see a "FORBIDDEN" sign staring him in his face.
He waited patiently,refreshed the page a dozen times within a few seconds but all in vain. It wouldnt budge and stood motionless. He was starting to skate on the edge of impatience when Mangu had told him that some shortlists were already out.

Mangu, Changu & Nangu were room-mates. They were thick friends and shared an amazing sense of camaraderie although they were diametrically opposite in nature. Changu & Mangu shared the same set of hobbies: preparing for numerous entrance exams, giving interviews/GDs, getting rejecting on the same grounds etc.

Nangu was wise enough to opt out of the CAT race. He had understood that his likelihood of success in an Mba exam was as good as the probabilty of finding a camel in Antartica. Mangu, in contrast to Changu, was the "networking" type. He had a god-given penchant for broadcasting "breaking news" very early in the morning, however irrelevant it sounded to the persons listening.

" Abey, Suna kya? Aaj A/B/C/D ke shortlists nikal chuke hain!" (Did you hear?Shortlists for BIM A/B/C/D are already out.) exclaimed a visibly excited Mangu.

" Pata hain, lekin khul nahi raha hain site.
G***d maraa!! kya farak padta hain. kuch ukhaadne waale thode hi hain me!"
( I know that. But the site refuses to open. Curses. What difference does it make. We wont get too far anyway.)
Mangu replied. The optimist in him had just taken a kitkat break. He was visibly frustrated. And when he was in such a mood, he mouthed cuss words (a little more) at will. Mangu & Nangu wouldnt as much bad an eyelid even when Changu used his choicest cuss words. They had got used to each other.

" Mil gaya, mil gaya!!" Nangu screamed. The other two looked at him with shock as if he had just had an orgasm. They rushed over to his table. Mangu was the first one ot punch in his details. He erred at the firt attempt as his finger fumbled under anxiety. A page in the .pdf format opened. It showed a scorecard replete with all details.

"QA - 99.9901, VA - 99.9906, LDI - 98.9261. Overall: 99.99902". Arey yaar, meri toh vaat hain yeh baar" (I am screwed, baby!)
his head dropped in depression. He had missed the magical figures of 99.999996 by a good margin.

Changu waited for hi turn with bated breath.

To be continued...

Regards

Vish

Travel-logs

2010-12-28T08:13:00.000-08:00

Despite my long (self-imposed) exile from blogger.com and the growing concerns over whether I can still write, I finally did make it to the blog-o-sphere. (lol..Now, dat did sound as dramatic as a cricketer making a comeback after an injury). It had been a hectic 2 weeks for sure,not surprisingly since travel has become as much a part of my schedule as brushing.
3 days of a jam-packed schedule & travel in Chennai, covering the length & breadth of the city did ensure I had known enough to give the locals directions to avoid traffic snarls. A non-Chennaite (a non-tamil, as many saw me)like me, pronouncing 14-20 lettered tongue-twisters (Read: names of different landmarks in Chennai) with ease and guiding people was a bit of a shock & shame for many. Thats always been the case here.
In sharp contrast to my past trips which lacked any sense of planning(the ones I have got accustomed to), this one was well-planned. Well planned, in our home terminology,meant booking the travel tickets and letting my father know abt the destination 2 days in advance.
My father had been so overjoyed I thought he would offer a coconut to the temple deity for pumping some sense into me. He thought I had turned over a new leaf.

" My God, thats a whole lot of travel!" he observed with an air of pessimism as i gave him a brief of my itinerary. True, it had been pouring all over Tamil Nadu for the past 3 days; but my development work too wouldnt stop pouring.
The next morning was filled with sights which had become much too similar now: security guards, women decked in colorful "uniform"-sarees & tons of make-up (Needs some taking to invest time to look good at 5:00 am). The guards were loaded with guns and the women with artificial greeting smiles.
People rushed about to their respective gates as bright lights lit the area around. A buzz to go with it. There is something about the airport that brings about a drastic change in the way people behave. Or is it just us Indians! The enormous sense of discipline, hygiene & grooming means much more to us.

Ever observed the "denim" aunties in their mid-40s who seem like an overdose of botox, with goggles on, looking the other way and lapping the meagre attention with the corner of their eyes? Or the junior executive who has donned a borrowed blazer, looking at his swatch with unnecessary urgency & frenzy. Or the marketing manager of a company spelling out orders on his Blackberry with an air of sophistication, anticipating a delayed departure. Truly, we are podium-finishers at the Olympic of deception, if there was one!

As I was just about do give a silent kudos to myself and all fellow-indians when a big burly man in a swanky 'Armani'jumped the security queue and kept walking along as his costly perfume followed. He was too occupied on his bluetooth to realise that there were 10 other men ahead of him waiting for their turn.
I finally settled down in a seat in the boarding area as I saw a couple argue with the "Maggi" counter fellow for charging exorbitant rates for a cuppa. Maybe the fact he served them with hand-gloves and gave them extra sachets of ketchup dint impress them enough to part away with a 100 bucks.

" Flight 164 is delayed by 20 min due to bad traffic conditions. The new departure time stands at 5.30 am. We sincerely apologize for the inconvenience caused to the passengers due to the delay." came the announcement; although the jolly tone didn't exactly sound like one meant for an apology.
I took off my floaters,unbuttoned a bit and sat comfortably on the seat with my feet folded as the lady seated opposite me gave a slight "shameless bugger" frown.

Regards

Vish

"V"ivacious

2010-04-08T01:31:00.000-07:00

It felt like any other Saturday except for the fact that there was something special in the offing. After a few busy weeks,the plan to meet "V" was to materialize.
I address her as "V" since her parents like mine did not believe in the principle of KISS ("keeping it short n sweet") while naming her. The location for our rendezvous this time was conveniently chosen as R-City, an amazingly large mall very well-known in the eastern suburb environs of Ghatkopar which is equidistant from our respective homes. I dint mind it one bit - "V" was spot-on in her choice of locations.

As luck would have it, the scheduled time of 3.30 pm could not be honoured by both of us. I made my way into the mall quite obscenely decorated with flashy designs which resembled stockings with color all around and flags fluttering at the entrance. Perspiration poured out just like water from over-flooded reservoirs & it covered my forehead each time I wiped it clean; No! it wasnt the thought of meeting "V" that made me perspire but the summer was taking full toll of me.
Having reached there by 4 and unable to find her, I felt a mini sense of victory thinking I had reached earlier than her. I dialled her number only to hear from her that she has reached a good 10-minutes ago and in one of the floors upstairs scouting for potential shopping hot-spots.

She dint mind my late attendance as she was busy indulging herself in the feminine hobby of "checking" out the costliest dresses on the 1st floor. She instantly located me through the unusually sparse Saturday crowd while still on the call. She had a earphone dangling out from a ear which begged for more music.
Today she had worn a lovely grey T with a black "over-dress" and black pants which made her look slimmer though I dint admit. Her hair fell neat on her shoulders. "V" flashed her 100-watt 'welcome mister' smile which could have brought the crowd to a grinding halt if not for their frenzied window-shoppping. We dint stop too.

We made our way up to the food-court as I checked out the heavily-decked men's suitings stores, electronic shops, fun & gaming zones, till we reached upstairs. There's something about "V" which serves as the source of stamina for her to talk endlessly unless interrupted, unmindful of where we are. Today she sounded really fresh despite the sveltering heat outside. Maybe a transfer of energy-levels from her to me could restore some equality, I thought.

I could sense that a part of her wanted to rush to the ladies' garment section given a chance since she had only half-checked it thanks to my sudden call. "V" ranted, rather apologetically, about how shopping for her sister (Read " shopping with her sister") was still unfinished business as per her. Its official: Girls cant resist splurging which they seldom admit.

Her thoughts snapped once we reached the food-court which was housed in a very large area on the toop-floor which also has the multiplex. We spotted a small table bang in the centre of the food-court. "V" is a die-hard sucker for filter-coffee thanks to her typical south-indian (tamil)upbringing in Mumbai. My dislike for coffee, quite a known fact by now,dint bother her; we sat down with 2 refreshing cups of masala chai and lots of talk.
"V" had started off on her rich agenda of topics and shot point-blank as usual. No, it wasnt about our MBA class pursuits. We had long got over class mock-tests, CAT/XAT/SNAP scores, percantiles, after-class sessions and other such pains in life. In-fact one of this very pains was the reason we had reached till this very point. "V" is a girl smart & sharp enough to handle almost anything in life except for her math abilities which is a perennial weakness and a big pain for her.

I have often wondered if only there was an extra section of witty remarks/sarcastic humour in each of these exams, she would top them all hands-down. Nevertheless, unlike most females , she made no bones of her weaknesses.She was happy about my B-school calls and I couldnt help thinking that a day with her would prepare me well for all possible GDs & PIs.

Chairs around us changes, people came and went, people at the counters changed but we remained deep-rooted in our seats. Time n again, V would push her hair back from her face and scan the entire food-court for any potential irritants ( her office colleagues, friends who stay closeby) to be absolutely sure there eas no eavesdropping.
"V's" free-flowing ability to talk and talk non-stop at length & speed, describing every minute/miniscule detail of time (till seconds),place,person (physical descriptions included), emotion and her ever-expanding memory can put a Pentium-5 microprocessor to shame.
Some of our engrossing talks centred around:

. Her mother's recent efforts to fatten her up and repeated comments on her waistlines from every quarter in her family. My jokes on her maintaining a supposed "size zero" frame were met with the same retorts of " I wont listen to anybody" as she mused over her cup of masala tea wshing for it to become invisible.

. One of her Chembur office managers whom she had just spotted a few tables away digging into a big sandwich. Not surprisingly she had "kind" words for her.

. Her favourite red dress which got oil-soaked accidentally which meant 400 bucks down the drain. (I expressed my desire for a kitchen cleaning cloth which attracted a stare and some sarcasm from her.)

. Her bestest friend "K" & "K's" boyfriend whom I had, by now, picturized as a person on the "to-be-met" list.

. Her dear cousins whom we have conveniently re-chirstened as "Katrina" & "Akki" respectively.

. Her new black bag which instantly attracted my attention even though I am no critic on women's accessories.

. Her dad (Took a major chunk of our time. Her tea had gone cold. Mine empty)

. Her work. (she audits people)

. IPL (Surprise, surprise?? Not a bit..she sees it for Rohit Sharma though my offers to buy his posters for her room were met with strong rejections.)

. Refreshing good old memories of the past 5 months (No, it wasnt doubt-clearing sessions on quadratic equations)

After almost 4 hrs which passed by unnoticed, we were thoroughly exhausted; she from the talking & I from the listening.
One of "V's" fervent complaints is that most people dont listen, they just hear. Point taken Sir. I did perform my duties well today. I mentally gave myself a pat on the back for the achievement.

Proof of the listening?? You just read it , mate !!

Regards

Vish

Deciphering corporate lingo

2010-03-14T01:03:00.000-08:00

Its actually quite a puzzle to figure out what goes on in the minds of the top bosses of an organization. When the going is good, its supposed to be everyone's company and when its bad its my company and i kick u out. Weird huh??. Its during these "going good" times that the HR chips in with their quota of training-cum-competency development programmes. Moe often than not, these sessions are packed in the final weeks of the fiscal year when the HR dept eventually break their yr long slumber.
One such training session was spread over a whole week for the 1st week of march. It was one "designed" to sharpen & give shape to our already existing skills since it was supposed to be essential for "superior business performance to leverage the stregnths." There is something to the current fiscal status of a company and the discovery & use of new hi-fi management jargons. The relation is a very direct one would agree. An evidence for this was the very fromal mail for this training session. The mail for the training wasn't short of a wedding invitation although no one was willing to bet on whether it would be as enjoyable as one.It looked as if the Oxford dictionary had worked overtime for the mail and with its outrageous sprinkling of management fundas it sounded like a subtle. Some snippets:

The giant strides of progress we have made are in line with our larger goals for the next 5 years to meet our custemers latent desires.

What it means: We made 4 lac nos., we sold 3.8 lac nos. Not bad!! Next time make sure everything is pushed well into the market.

The fruits of success have finally begun to ripen. The architects of these herculean achievements are undoubtedly all of you. You have made yourselves & and your company proud.

What it means: Damn! i cant belive it! you guys managed to sell it all. How on earth did u do it??

We have achievements tremendous growth in sales & valuations despite the turbulent scenario, the skewed exchange rates, the volatile interest rates (some more rates). But we still shouldnt be happy!

What it means: You did good. ..Doesnt mean you ask for a raise. You wont get any. Remember what Lord krishna told arjuna in the Gita!

It that time of the year wherein you can revel in your success. Give yourselves a pat on the back. But make sure you dont rest on your laurels.

What it means: Party now! ITs now or never!! You never know when I will change my mind. Doesnt mean you take frequent leaves, you still have to report to work tomorrow. Work your a**es even harder now.

Its an example of how well the company vision has been cascaded to all levels with your consent & participation.

What it means: We have successfully drilled our ideoloy into your minds with absolutely no room for your stupid questions. We dont care whether you like it or not. If you dont like anything, learn to respect your bosses' decisions and learn to accept stuff as it is.

The goals we have set are not easy. The pitfalls are many, the hurdles insurmountable and the market unpredicatble.

What it means: I cant guranatee that you will be on the payroll of the company for too long. You are so gonna be screwed, baby!

Its that time when the grains are seperated from the chaff; The strong from the weak.

What it means: Only the luckiest sons of b****es will survive, others will have to find a job pretty soon!

And the strongest indication of strength is the posession of knowledge, skill & attitude all at once. This is what distinguishes the best from the ordinary.

What it means: The training will transform you into those lucky sons of b****es!

Your process is quite critical to the sound functioning of the sector to meet the future business challenges.

What it means: what would I do without you?

Hence it becomes inevitable that you are equipped with the necessary skills to manage & design new,improved & robust processes & systems for superior business performance.

What it means: I dont dont what its all about but I want you all at the training

The HR training & development team have conceptualised & designed the program in a way that will appeal to all and take care of your on-the-job training lacunae, if any.

What it means: My boss has received a complaint from Sr.VP HR that you guys treat them quite shabbily. i am getting jacked for no fault of mine!

It will be a 5-day long residential training session in-line with your functional training requirements. It will serve as the necessary break to re-assess and introspect our approach

What it means: Geez..You guys are on a company-paid holiday for a week. So what if it is just 80 km from Mumbai, dont expect us to take you to the beaches of Bahamas.

If any person, for any particular reason has contraints in attending the program, he/she is free to meet any of us.

What it means: We dont like "No" for an answer. We dont care what problems you have in life or what the program is all about. We want 100% attendance.

Regards

Vish

The weekend hike

2010-02-28T02:41:00.000-08:00

My quota of travel for the season has just begun. I sincerely gave it a thought to have a twitter account just to contend with regular travel & still stay in touch with as many of my people. Morever, it is the new "in" thing in social networking; so they say. But I instantly shot down this idea for 2 particular reasons. Firstly, my brain seems to have reached all-time saturation levels and refuses to remember new passwords, IDs, secret questions (yes..these are absolute necessities if you forget passwords on a consistent basis). Secondly and most importantly,you need to have followers to be in twitter.

Having said that, the overtly mad craze for social networking hasn't showed any signs of subsiding yet. Or maybe it has just started. For the moment though, the bug doesnt seem to have bit me well enough. It was startling to be called a loser by one of my very close friends the other day just because I didnt know of a certain "fishville" game. Yeah right !!
Fishville, Farmville as amusing as the names of these games get, its almost as if you are from the stone-age if you haven't tried your hand at any of them. Personally, I was a die-hard sucker for orkut thanks to its user-friendly format. Despite the many changes it has undegone, the makers have made sure it requires no user-guide for anyone to maneouvre through. Virtual networking seems to have taken a backseat for me; u see nothing does match up to personalised physical presence.
And what better way to chill with mates than a 2 day hike on the weekend!

The ground-work for the hike had been laid out long ago thanks to a series of chain-mails fuelled by a certain Mr. "Yogi" who had made it absolutely clear by then that he wasn't really loaded with work. The result: As expected, it received an overwhelming response & a thumbs-up from the "trekking" junta.

Well, getting to the travel part of it. For a change it was a far-cry from the routine, boring supplier visits/out-door duties which are so much a part-n-parcel of the job. Infact it was a trip close to spirituality & history, quite far from the bustle of city life. Social networking would have been the last thing one anybody's list..(agreed..but then its always part of the list).

So finally, the 17 of us did set off on a 2-day hike to a place called Raigad. It is place loacated nearly 90 km from Mumbai, a fair distance from the Mumbai-Pune route. An amazing fort built by the great Maratha warrior-king Shivaji in the 17th century, in the environs of the massive Sahyadri mountain ranges (close in resemblance to the Grand Canyon), 2800 ft above sea-level!

To be honest, it wasnt as challenging or arduous a trek as some of the earlier ones were, where loosing your grip and slipping were common sights. Still, with 17 of us, there is always a strong lurking possibility that a few flashes of extreme dare-devilry could ruin the whole thing. Thankfully, the heroics were within palpable limits. It was just a 3 hr trek climbing up but the scorching heat ensured that by the time we reached the summit our energies had been sapped to nil.

As a matter of fact, unlike most other places, forts in Maharashtra are always on mountain tops. The topography of Maharashtra with its sprawling & sometimes treacherous ranges was an asset to the Maratha kings who preferred it that way since they were naturally gifted in mountaineering & guerilla tactics and could easily ward/fight off their enemies, especially the Mughals who preferred the plains.

A trek to any of these mountain-forts would leave you marvelling at how they were built at such seemingly inaccessible places at high altitudes complete with provisions for running a full-fledged city; markets, stables for horses & cattle, temples, granaries, water systems, massive palace courts, watch-towers & vigilance check points etc. All of which have managed to survive for centuries & now lie in ruins. Hats off to these super dare-devils and their fine sense of architecture too.

One notable feature was the highest point in Raigad called "Takmak Tok". It drops down almost vertically into the valley. Centuries ago, serious crimes had only one punishment- Death. The criminal would be tied up with ropes , put in a sack and would be thrown down this spot. Seriously, there is something about history that sends shivers down your spine, more so when you imagine it happen.

Some things which do not change irrespective of the trek - the relentless Dumb Charade & Antakshari sessions (preparations for which start almost a month in advance), intense photo sessions (outrageous poses) which serve as a serious impediment if you want to complete the trek in the stipulated time.
Nevertheless, here are a few "drops" from the "ocean"

Regards

Vish

Ajab CAT ki ghazab kahaani !

2009-12-04T23:26:00.000-08:00

Strange things happen! Technology does come up with its share of betrayals especially when it is looked upon as an ever-reliable enabler. At a time when most Bollywood hits bombed at the box-office and a sudden vacuum in T20 cricket, the online CAT'09 served as the perfect blockbuster with some much-needed action. It had all the ingredients which any die-hard fan would normally associate with a 2 n half hr long Bolly film/ T20 match. There was action, drama, thrill, suspense.. (er..no romance here).. No marks for guessing who the villans & victims were. Whats more, as is the case every year, its cash registers were ringing with the moolah of 2.4 lac young, eager & unassuming students who were in for a surprise! A real rude one! Dawn the 28th of December, disaster struck on the 1st day itself as a supposed virus/bug broke through, rendering all the arrangements ineffective, causing the CAT to flunk its first day. IIMs blamed the virus, students blamed the IIMs and the test-agency,the test ageny blamed the PCs. Whats more, there were concerns of re-tests which contributed to the blood-bath for the next few days.

The 5th day; 2nd of of Nov and the 30 odd cities with 300 something CAT centres geared up for the test which would be spread over the remaining period of days. Mumbai had its share of 5 centres to cater to the student population. Each centre had both morning & evening sessions. The morning sessions begun at 10.30 sharp and most candidates were advised, pretty wisely, to report 2 hrs in advance to their repective centres to complete the set of rituals before the Computer Based test and, most importantly, get accustomed to a PC in front of you for the exam instead of a paper & pen. The feel at the examination centres was just so "not-exam-like". In contrast to the normal paper-pen exam, there were no parents waiting with bated breath outside the exam rooms like husbands outside maternity wards, no herds of students wielding their class notes like AK-47's, no mad frenzy in the air.
The only thing in the air was the stench from the garbage lorry stationed adjacent to the gate of the college which was my exam centre. The man at the entrance stopped me & grunted for my identity. I shoved everything into his hand as if he were a airport security officer. He pretended to understand & read the info (obviosuly printed in english)and then stepped aside to permit me in. A mini-line stood at the stairs and each of us were given our respective floor numbers, classes & PC nos. As I made my way upstairs, there was yet another mini-queue where screening was done "airport-style" minus the X-ray machine & metal detector. The only difference being that our pockets were turned outside-in, all the contents consfiscated & sealed in plastic bags usually reserved for storing perishables.
I then proceeded to the plush, AC-filled room which housed 30 computers. 2 well-dressed dudes, rather over-dressed dudes who donned dark blue aprons were seated in the first row. I failed to understand the logic behind this outrageous dress sense which would have otherwise sounded suitable in a scientific laboratory.
One of them grunted for my paper content and I gave it to him..What was this?? Some kind of a grunt fest or rudeness competition? After the verification, I was summoned to sit in the chair facing the cam connected to the computer and my pic was taken. Finger prints from both hands were taken. Wow! all this sounded straight out of a Holly flick where a bank locker housed a billion dollars with Z-level security to protect it.
The biometrics over, I was given 2 HB pencils,an eraser, a rough sheet,a do's & Donts laminated sheet and directed to my PC where my just-taken photo flashed on the upper-right corner of the screen. "Not bad" i thought as I momentarily gazed at it and mentally gave myself a pat on the back, wondering whether it would easily qualify as one of my best & chic display pictures in orkut or facebook. I instantly shook off the thought reminding myself that it was pretty ridiculous to think of social networking just an hr before the CAT exam. And in any case, even if I demanded the pic for my personal use, Mr. grunt wouldnt so much as hand it over in a flash for anything in the world.
As the minuites ticked by, students/candidates trickled in. Both my "neighbours" has come now. Both were girls (not that i expected girls swarming around in the CAT examination). And it wouldnt have made a difference; the guy-tendency to stare at females seems to evaporate in the face of competition, no matter how much estrogen is present in the hall at the given time. I shared a polite " good luck" smile with each of them and they shared a smile which bordered on "good luck" & "baby, we are so screwed!".
The one on the right wore a orange kurta n jeans and the one on the left was in a magenta salwar. Unlike most mumbai girls who are intrested in appearances of other girls & hell-bent on making style statements, fashion,for these 2 girls, seemed secondary . Both looked like they had been locked up in a room filled with CAT-study material for the past one year. Their lack of interest in the activity around them and their nerdy demeanour made it absoultely clear to me that they would surely crack it & get calls from at least 4 of the 7 IIMs.

35 minutes to go. The entire class, by now, was subjecting itself to "pre-examination mannerisms": visitng the wash-rooms, having a glass of water, some even sharpening their already sharpened pencils, some adjusting their shirts as if it was an interview, some dudes praying silently, some trying hard to remember complex quants formulae and a few like me sitting quietly and studying the desktop. I picked up the "Dos & Dont's" sheet, printed on both sides. As per universal norm, the "Dont's" seem to exceed the "Do's". Our movements would be monitored constantly by cameras to catch cheaters, it read. Now, this was truly Z-class!!

15 minutes from the start..Mr Grunt and his friend went over each computer and logged a big password and ID and came to a page which requested yet another password n ID. Then came a tutorial page which ,it said, would give us the feel of the exam. The tutorial over, we were then directed to the test link which required a good 3 minutes to upload and at 10.00 am sharp the big T20 test for me started.

Regards

Vish

Corporate culture

2009-10-04T07:30:00.000-07:00

As I swipe my card and enter the brightly-lit, plush office which wears its corporate aura yet again at the dawn of a new day; I hear the usual phone calls, telecon sessions, vendor bashing, shortages,inventories, feasability talk, cost,quality,delivery,dispatch,...poooh.

But yet I somehow feel out of place.

Then I walk to where my work cubicle is and I fail to identify which one is mine (especially if everything's in the right place).
Not surprising if you are travelling half the month.

And then the boss/bosses notice that they havent seen me for ages and just as I put my back-side to rest and attempt to seat myself conmfortably, there is invariably an interrogation session around the corner.

Good morning. Where have you been? Long time, yaar!!" Trying their utmost to sound like long-lost pals at their cheerful and calming best, as if I had just returned from a vacation in Disneyland.

Where have you been??
You ought to know where I have been since its you who delegates work and you get paid for doing it, right?

" Sir, I had to attend to some pending development issues in of "A" project at "X" supplier in "B"city and then had to rush off all of a sudden to Y vendor."
(Damn supplier X & Supplier Y. They could easily win oscars for spoiling some else's holiday!)

Then what follows is a full-on, 10-minute verbal report of X & Y vendors.
The verbal report serves its purpose of calming any unfound fears, if there were any,that I was on a paid holiday under the pretext of "official" duty.

" So, developments on in full swing, huh?" cuts in one of the other bosses who it seems is having a field day with no work to do.
(That, these days, seems a very common phenomenon since the "delegating" job doesnt take much time.)

Weekends for are at a premium these days!
And if there ever was a long one,
(A long weekend for me is a non-working Saturday & Sunday)it invariably does end up in travel within town.
The previous weekend had come came with its share of travails. Not that it bothered me much since I had just completed a 3-day soujourn of Chennai & Nashik.

Friday was supposed to be a half-day which ended up being a hectic full-day thanks to "What's Your Rashee?". As it was, the only two things that seemed intresting were priyanka and the ttitle track. (The guy who recommended the movie was lucky enough to escape getting bashed up or paying a re-fund to the 12 of us who went for it carrying high hopes.).
And then we waited, with bated breaths & increased desperation,for what we call as the "honeymoon" period.
Yes you heard it right!
The Sept-to-Nov period is what i call the "honeymoon" period for most employees. Usually peppered with a series of festivals, it easily qualifies as the most unproductive season of the financial year as far as work is concerned.
Most blokes wouldnt care working just weeks before the festivities begin, since its the "run up-to-the-event" time and no one's in the "mood" to slog.
And guess what? No one's prepared to work after the fun gets over, since they are yet to shake off the festive "mood" (hangover as some may call it)!!

Good god, such strange ways of keeping away work! (Just say "No", that will do!)

Regards

Vish

IPL fever

2009-05-15T22:14:00.000-07:00

If ever there was a very colourful outburst of glitz, glamour, hype n hoopla, color and lights with a sea of people thrown in, it wouldnt have matched the IPL. Add to this 2 things which make India go crazy: Bollywood & cricket and every logic goes for a toss. The initial build-up to the IPL by virtue of its aggressive media campaign splashed all over the newspapers, TV, net & radio was something any marketing guy could learn from.
This massive IPL seduction ensured that the other IPL (Indian political league, which so many channels had cunningly christened to garner some miniscule viewership) had to be content with a shrinking fan-following.Surely, it did overshadow the election drama which failed to make an impact, at least in mumbai. Mumbai with its extended weekend had only 2 out of 5 people polling. Appalling to say the least, considering the whole hue n cry raised after 26/11 and the 'wake up' campaign. And you thought educated people would go all out to vote.

Anyways, back to IPL,some very interesting things of note;

1) The spotlight was more on the owners than on the performers. Rather it seemed as if the owners 'paid n performed' rather than 'paid the players to perform'.

2) Controvery stalked SRK like his shadow.
His gimmick of distributing golden mukuts failed miserably.
His 4-captain theory was rubbished by the pundits and thrown into the dustbin even before it came into effect ( A very popular anecdote doing the rounds on sms suggested that the 1st captain was for the toss, the 2nd for choosing the team, the 3rd for effecting the field changes and the 4th as a substitute captain)

3) Yet another anecdote on SRK after his team took a beating from every other team in the tournament was the one which likened him to Mahatma gandhi since both of them were 'insulted' in south africa!

Fair say..The knight riders had their daylights knocked out

4) Rains played spoil-sport in the initial parts of the tournament and transformed the T-20 matches into T-10 & T-5 matches (glimpse of the future??).The mathematicians had to work overtime to calculate the new scores. And the players were paid millions.

5) Men were auctioned off to the respective franchisees to the tune of millions. The only time when Shilpa & Preity would have fancied fighting over a man( in real life).

6) Man of the match awards have gone out of the window the window after Preity's "Jaadoo ki jhaapis". Shilpa" Hot" Shetty could well have her own brand of cricket (different bats,balls,cricket gear etc) just like "shilpa yoga".

7) JP duminy - $ 950000, Kevin pietersen - $ 1550000, Dada - $ 1092000.
Cheer-girls - $$$$$$$.....Priceless.

There are some things money cannot buy and those are the most attractive ones!

8) PVI - Paisa Vasool Index which measured the performance + brand value of a player, was invented . (Not long ago we discovered the zero)

9) Lalit would have had his heart in his mouth firstly when the elections knocked off any ideas he entertained of having an 'Indian' IPL and when the heavens opened up in south Africa. But he is currently on a splurging his excesses albeit for charity work in SA.

10) Its becoming increasingly difficult to decide which team to support.
I have changed my allegiance at least 4-5 times now.

(It started off with rajasthan since they won the last time, they failed miserably this time - > Mumbai indians 'cos of a dashing opening partnership, till their losing spree started...then chennai and lately its Kings Punjab. I luv Preity tll then..)

Regards

vish

Corporate culture - Part 1

2009-03-21T08:56:00.000-07:00

There's more to work than just the desk,the PC, the heaps of files and documents,bosses,suppliers and the likes. Each day (day in office I mean) is an event in itself. but some things never change.I have ,quite flawlessly, managed to maintain my (unofficial) reporting time as 9 am ,every day; which is actually a very blatant, 15-min violation of the official time of 8.45 am. Without sounding proud or emphatic, I should say "its an art well mastered". Even in my wildest dreams, never have I fantasised myself swiping in at the official company time.

Just as I trudge into our posh, brightly-lit office, I am greeted by a half-filled office which makes me look like an early bird. Not surprising!!I give myself a pat on the back, mentally. Then the junta starts trickling in slowly but gradually. Some people wait with bated breath and count down seconds for the shrill 'breakfast' bell to ring at 9.30 which is a signal for everyone to put down everything before them and have a bite. A few minutes later, the 'breakfast' place strewn with samosa or 'bhajji' pieces and cups of tea resembles a battle-field thanks to some clumsy idiots who haven't been given a crash-course on eating properly.

As i make my way back to my place, to my right, I find 'Shaktimaan' seated comfortably in his place, typing away furiosuly on his lappie and debating hard with a supplier on a quote I guess . Shaktimaan (obviosuly not his original name) has been christened so because of his daunting, 'Salman'esque frame and a heavy walk to go with it. His (body-hugging) shirt looks like it could tear off any second due to his Popeye-like bulges. He is known to follow a very religious health regimen at the company gym despite his busy schedule. Shaktimaan's intimidating physique is enough to psyche out all his suppliers to the point of ' no more negotiations'. Shaktimaan in his new role has been buried under heaps of responsibility lately and he still plays mentor to 'Virus'.

'Virus', 'Viral fever', 'Tame tiger' whatever you say, points to just one person. Seated in the cubicle adjacent to shaktimaan, you are forgiven for mistaking him for a 8th grade school boy. He gives you that confused look that seems to suggest that he hasnt spoken for ages in an otherwise boisterous department. Some people even observed that the last time they heard him talk was when he had conducted the morning meeting on Monday, a good 2 months ago. He is the junior-most addition to the department and touted to be the dept's bright future.

"Viral" shouts Shaktimaan and gives him the 'khunnas' look as if he would bash him up then n there. Viral gets up with a start, half startled by the sudden call of duty. Shaktimaan asks Viral for a blow-by-blow account of the activities which he was supposed to complete just like a school headmaster asking a child the status of the previous day's homework. Viral apprises him accordingly. Shaktimaan gives him the 'satisfied' look and along with it a few words of wisdom. Viral then starts off work in his trademark fashion which appears like a slow-motion sequence from a movie; be it removing a file from his shelf or typing a mail. I meanwhile, manage to wave a quick 'Hi' to Viral.

Sai Baba looks on, as he sees Shaktimaan sounding some instructions to Viral. Baba is amused to the core. This morning he has carved out a special look moustache like one of those heavily-loaded telugu movie stars. Baba is famous for his versatile cooking skills which could put any living female to shame. Easily one of the most shrewed guys around, he is one capable of arranging a training session on notoreity ("jhol" as we call it). He can be heard giving the supplier an earful. But the catch here being that he doesnt distinguish between genders and that sounds awfully confusing to the listener.

"Sir, tere ko pata nahi target date kab hain. Material kab laayegi?
Material kabhi aayegi. AAyegi ki nahi aayegi?" (Pauses)..
"Tu mere ko commitment date do" (Bangs the receiver into the resting position, sits expressionless).

A cubicle even further away is 'Yogi' who has worn a'happy' look this morning due to the absence of his boss who literally 'stares him in the face' while at work. He dials he number and as the voice answers he starts of in customary fashion.

" Hello? Hasmukh bhaai..main yogi baat kar raha hoon... Aaaj kya banaa raha hain?? Achcha theek hain, 200 piece bhej do."

Kya bana rahaa hain??? Now, What kind of a question is that supposed to be??? It would have made sense had he posted the same query to the halwaai-waalaaa or the roadside chaat-waalaa after seeing the menu-card.
Anyways,Yogi seems to float around in a world of his own completely unmindful of what is happening around him. He is perhaps the tallest guy in the whole of the company and the primary target of all his banter is his immediate neighbour 'Saab' and 'cheerleader'.

Saab is a part of a very rare species which is a combination of a metallurgy and an MBA degree in marketing. Formally dressed, bespectacled, oily hair side-parted to perfection to the smallest micron and an aura of a scholarly saintliness. And then you realize why the name is 'Saab'. Hearing him speak, you cant help but wonder if he was actually paid to sell ideas or really outrageous fundaas. People are still willing to bet their money on what his responsibility in the organization actually is. But for the moment, he is seen as the partner-in-crime to none other than 'Bala'.

Then suddenely the momentary silence is interrupted by a very familiar female voice.
"Chalo, Lunch..Lunch ke liye jaate hain."

Enter the cheerleader!
The outdoor expeditions and picnics that she is part of earn much more coverage than her office work. Infact there are times when you can see her working too. Although she wouldnt admit, but her fetish for a lean figure makes sure she counts the number of grains of rice on her plate. C'mon, a lone chapati hardly qualifies as 'lunch'! And she ponders over it for ages till it begs and cries to be eaten.
Her fervent calls for coffee breaks in the late afternoons have dwindled somewhat in recent times. Her flirtatious exchanges with 'Saab' are a notable feature, but Saab appears too busy (with what??) and steadfast to fall for it.

As the clock strikes 6, the cheerleader is the first to pack up what looks like a shopping bag. The others pretend as if they are still enagaged in 'important' work (some really are). By 7.30, the whole office wears an empty look.

And you thought it was just about work!!

Regards

Vish

Socialite Activism

2009-01-11T02:38:00.000-08:00

6 weeks after 26/11 and the outrage which most people had nursed for a while seems to have evaporated into thin air. Interesting to note, that the most vociferous voices against the carnage were those of the South Mumbai socialites a.k.a socialite activists. Yes socialite activists are the "in" thing when it comes to public expression or voicing his shortcomings.They are the ones who who call the shots: From politician bashing to representing the aam aadmi (whomever it may be)

So who exactly is a socialite activist?? Well, he/she (mostly its a 'she', apologies for the gender bias guys) has to fulfil the following criteria to be accorded the status of a socialite activist (SA):

1) Should be a regular on the Page 3 party circuit in Mumbai

2) Should have lived all his/her life in South Mumbai or if not then had a remote connection to someone living down there.

3) Should essentially be one of these
A model/super-model who has been branded "unhot" and dumped into oblivion by the ramp-gurus.

An actor/actress who hasnt been bagging any roles lately due to fall-out with major banners or someone who has been labelled "uncle/aunty" by the audience and lost favour with them.

A tv serial actor/actress who doesnt even fit in as a judge in reality shows and has taken refuge in tv commercials.

A loser author whose books'pages are now used by the chaat-waalaa to serve bhel-puri.

A theatre personality who hasnt been able to draw crowds to his boring Shakespearean plays/dramas.

A social activist/human rights activist who has been the pin-up boy/girl for many an andolan/agitation thanks to the media romance.

A local restaurant/spa/beauty parlour owner who wasnt doing business till 26/11 and got 5 times as much customers after the incident just by showing to TV that his/her place was targetted,partly damaged and he/she escaped unhurt.

A top-notch columnist in a news daily whose daily crap doesnt make much sense anymore.

4) Should be someone who can easily bullshit with an air of sophistication about them and wants to share a piece of the limelight.

And what bigger platform for these colorful personalities than the one built by our media. The media was lauded from all quarters for their (constructive) role in portraying the groud realities during the operation. It has to be said that barring a few jingoistic news channels, the majority of them showed uncanny restraint in reporting the events without actually becoming a hindranceto the ongoing operations.
But they had other ideas. The news channels ,drunk on praise, decided to go overboard with their sympathy & anger hysteria aftermath the operation.

It would have been a different story had there been a panel of the common people on the talk shows. Instead, the representatives of the aam aadmi, the SAs were on the panel for the discussions. One such show had an expensive silk saree-clad buxom lady of medium build,with presumably 5 layers of make-up done, thoroughly "lip-sticked", streaked hair and to go with it an obvious swagger. I tell you, the camera is such a powerful invention. It captures the most subtle features & mannerisms. She was a noted human rights activist they said, although she looked as if she had lost her way to one of those frequent art gallery exhibitions in tinseltown. Or maybe she didn't know how to dress up for the moment since occasons such has this dint occur on a daily basis.
She expressed 'deep outrage and shock' at the attacks. Being a resident of south mumbai she felt more 'insecure and unsafe than before'. She was feeling 'helpless and confused'. Then her helplessness gave way to anger all of a sudden. She wanted 'heads to roll'. When questioned who was to be held responsible she flipped her streaked hair back and with her characteristic swagger said that it was 'us' (The common man she meant) since we elected the politicians. Some politician bashing followed and then the host decided he had had enough of her and then told her to shut up politely.
The second SA on the panel was an actor with an enviable string of flops to his credit ( if that is something worth envying). He couldnt have put a foot right in bollywood even by mistake. Girls had forsaken him ages ago and so had "hits". He was dressed in his customary body-hugging Tee, trying to look cool and casual. His talk was something akin to what the 1st lady had said ,albeit it had a dash of hi-fi vocab thrown in. Words like "dismantling the terror infrastructure"," increased surveillance mechanisms", "accountable governance" were clearly missing from the 1st SA.

Then a noted lyricist, a mad economist,a renowned fashionista, a bearded theatre personality, an ad guru followed. Some of their common rants being:

. The two hotels were their favourite hang-out places/2nd homes from their days of yore.

.The wine in the two places was unparalleled. Look at the bar now, its lying in shambles.

. They were not going to celebrate the new year. (Baah..most hotels had cancelled off new yr plans by then and parties were to be low-key events. So basically this was a subtle way for these SAs to say " I have nowhere to go dude".)

.I want heads to roll. I want good intelligence. I want answers. I want explanations. I want the sun, the moon, the stars...

.Mumbai's spirit will never die nor will it stop.It fights back everytime it is under crisis. ( It was almost like getting your ear drilled hearing it for the umpteenth time. Boss, I cant stop going to work for fear of being bombed or attacked.Can I?)

. We the people are responsible for the carnage. We are electing them (Someone please tell these guys that we can only elect among the candidates thrown at us.)

.Terror Infrastructure dismantling, Accountable governance, Increased Intel Surveilance mechanisms...

On the brighter side, some positives did come out. The administration underwent a shake-up change. Some attributed it to the strong show of public strength at The gateway of India which had candle-light marches and peaceful demonstrations whre the SAs tried hard to mingle with the commoners and join in. The media made merry, they had a 'big story' to report, they had achieved their goal of what they called citizen journalism.

6 weeks on, the SAs are back to doing what they did best: page 3 parties,socializing, art exhibitions, ribbon-cutting ceremonies

As they say, It happens only in mumbai

Regards

Vishwesh

Social Net-working or not-working?

2008-10-18T03:23:00.000-07:00

This was about a year ago. I got the shock of my life one sunday morning when my inbox welcomed me with 60-odd new mails. Being a sunday, I had time on my hands to go through each one of them before I could decide whether to retain it or delete it. Most of these mails were 'invitations' from different people, known(Read: jobless friends) and unknown. These were invitations to join and be a part of their friend circle on some not-so-popular social networking sites. I tried my hand at accepting the invitations, which involved filling lengthy registrations forms like the ones normally enountered while filling applications to uiversity programs.Then you were to choose ur 'cool' IDs and passwords. I did all of this and then all of this disappeared into oblivion for me.
Then a new batch of invitations to yet newer sites would find their way into my mail-box. Over the period i have got smarter and have reduced the burden on my already grief-stricken mailbox.
But social networking is here to stay and it is the in thing. It was a phenomenon which kicked off about 3 yrs back in India and since then ther has been no looking back. The e-mail rendered the letter useless, the instant messaging 'chat' replaced the e-mail and now its the 'scrap' which reigns supreme. Orkut and Facebook take the cake, though orkut is the more popular one in India. Most social networking sites have a structure which resembles the bio-data often submitted during job-interviews which includes:
The professional,
personal,
'About me' section and the 'interests ' section to top it all
On an average a startling 75% of the male population uses social networking to hook up (or make an attempt at hooking up) with a person of the opposite sex. The reason is simple,these sites link different people through list, circles,mutual friends etc and a lot many people project themselves openly. Well for once, even the most shy or dumb guy got his 'chance'.

Things most common on social networking sites, especially orkut:

1) Each guy has the current hot actor's pic as his display picture to avoid any embarassment while inviting any girl to join his circle.

2) For girls the display picture features either their favourite actress or things like flowers/puppies/kittens/ or anything according to them that qualifies as cute.

3) Most people are proud of the number of scraps they own. Some cant even count the number of zeroes in the number of scraps they own.

4)The worst friendship invitations a.k.a pick-up lines cane be easily discovered here. Sample it for yourself:

hey sweety i went thru your profile/....and then traced this community of thy....
1).u look damn sweet n say

2). hi wanna be my friend?

3)WOuld u like FRIENDSHIP with me .

4)If u wish and like then reply fast my friend.

5)hey girly u got a nice smile haaa

6) hi dear
u dere?
can i be ur fri?
my name his XYZ

7) so dear,
u like pets lot write ?? note the 'write'

8) hello, thx fr acceptin the request....

9)hi dear,
i need ur help.....pls scrap back into my scrapbook too

10) "Hey i like your smile/eyes/ears/nose. so, can we be friends?"

11) " Hey, will you please accept the hand of friendship from me?" (I can't see any hand)

5) Most of the so-called pick-up lines are hoplessly loaded with grammatical errors and the result of it is completely distorted and meaningless lines.
( I am a compete fan of these lines and there are many 'communities' n groups which are dedicated to celebrate these friendship lines.)

6) On the flip-side, if it weren't for orkut, no girl would get requests/invites and she wouldnt feel like a princess.

7)Orkutting is now the most sophisticated way of time-pass.It involves a lot many features and add-ons these days.

8) Most school students score really bad in English thanks to the poor quality/hip language used in such sites.

"Watcha Doin" replaces "What are you doing"
"Ssup" replaces " What is up with you?"

wa88, gr88 etc have done their bit of damage.

So if u bleve in orktn pls. dnt frgt to read this.it ll do wndrs to ur alredy spoilt languge and ll mke sure u dnt join oder social ntwrkin sites and waste ur prcious tym.

Regards

Vish

Female Quotient

2008-07-19T08:12:00.000-07:00

The Sunday newspaper does throw up something intresting in the midst of all the Nuke Deal chaos, the ballooning inflation and the grief-stricken stock market. Well as amusing at it may sound, there's something called a women's vodka. Yes,a drink exclusively for women. The latest addition to the list which celebrates 'female'dom. Women's day, Women's cream, a Women's radio station,women's reservation, woman mail etc etc.
And now women's vodka! I was pleasantly surprised no one had made a big deal about it, either on TV or radio. It could be because of 3 things (besides ,of course,poor marketing strategy): maybe women find it too sissy to celebrate 'being a woman' and stuff like that, maybe they really dont care or both.
Well, guys do have a point when they say that its not a 'man's world' as it is so often, made out to be. And girls too being the true "fight-until-death" species would argue otherwise, saying the are the worthy ones. A lot had been said and written about the so-called gender war. Most of this being very conveniently exploited by commercial movies to the fullest for producing typical candy-floss entertainment which, if viewed now, are.. Yawn!
Anyways, breaking the cliche and being unorthodox is and has always been the trend.

Below is a questionnaire for the fairer sex. Hope you like it and I hope you manage to read the whole thing. The more the negatives, the more your FQ or female quotient is. So, Go on, Why should guys have all the fun!

Complete the sentence
. Behind every successful man...

1) There is a woman (-100)

2) There is a woman who wonders "How did he become successful with me around?" (-150)

. Most girls think ...

1) Every guy is an a**hole. (-10)

2) Every guy, except her favourite film hero, is an a**hole.(-50)

3) Guys are normal. (0)

. If a guy doesnt give you the attention you seek, doesnt indulge you in sweet talk or basically sounds dis-interested in you, your reaction would be

1) "I think he's gay. He isnt straight." (Grapes are Sour). (5)

2) " Thinks he is some Big VIP or something..snob! Er.. is he looking this side by any chance? " (-15)

3) " Never seen such a MCP in my life.(Male Chauvinist Pig, if u havent figured that out). Doesnt know how to talk to a girl." (-20)

4) " Damn boring. Nothing 'Happening' about him. Arre, just imagine...like..I stood near him and he dint notice me for like 10 minutes!! whoa! By the way, am I looking too fat.?" (tugs at the bottom of her 'top' as if there is a mirror visible only to her.) (-10)

. If the same guy were to give you the 'interested' look,the attention you seek or tries to indulge you in sweet talk and ask you out, your reaction would be:

1) " Cheap Flirt! I know what your intentions are, Mister." (10)

2) " So you say I am the one ,huh? Or am I number 31?" (15)

3) "Akeli ladki ko chedte sharam nahi aati, Ghar mein ma-behen nahi hain kya?" (5)

4) " You cheapo,womaniser! How disgusting can you get." (20)

5) " Actually..Er..can we just be good friends." (-100)

6) " Dont worry bro, very soon you will get hooked." (-200)

. When a guy talks about Angelina Jolie, Jessica Alba, Bips,Aishwarya and the likes. you would

1) Say "Oh puh-lease" , feel utterly disgusted and start bitching about the above actresses, and villify them to the point of hate. (-1000)

2) (Smile expectedly) "Boys will be boys." (-10)

3) (Sarcasm)"All you men are the same." (-50)

4) (Disguested expression) " You guys are all sick." (-50)

5)(Give your guy a look as if he had watched porn) "You pervert!" (-100)

.You are in the theatre and there is love scene, in which the lead couple is holding hands and whispering dialogues with absolutely no other action for the next 10 minutes.

1)You say " Aww..how cute!" in a soft and girlie tone. (-90)

2)Slap and Wake your guy up. (-100)

3) .. And tell him " See duffer! This is called romance. Learn it" (-1000)

4)Expect your guy to assume you are better than the actress and pester him to enact the same scene daily with you. (- 5000)

. Men make a big fuss about how women are a mystery and how they cant understand what women actually want. Women want

1) unconditional love. (0)

2) A guy = Her Favourite Bolly actor + Her favourite Indian male super-model + her favourite singer + Sanjay kapoor (remember Khaana Khazaanaa on TV??)+ an inustrialist, all rolled in one. (-5)

3) A Guy who is sweet, caring, loving, affectionate,... BLAH
( BLAH = a list of 1490 common adjectives commonly used by every girl for describing the concept of something called a "dream man",common on social networking sites) (-100000...)

. Your favourite question/exclamation of all time would be?

1) " Am i looking good?" (-25)

2) " Is she slimmer and hotter or am I?" (-50)

3) " This color/dress/ring/necklace suits me ki that color/dress/ring/necklace?" (-75)

4) " Who is She?" (-100)

5) " How Sweet/Rude!" (-150)

6) " Oh puh-leaze, Grow up guys!!" (-200)

. You find this girl in a party, much better-looking than you,who's got all the male- company, conducts herself pretty well. Your next-day girl gossip would be as follows:

1)Say good things about her during your gossip session. (+ infinity..You can skip this option!!)

2)Make a face as if you dint care one bit but deep inside you are burning and reminding yourself that " She's a Bitch and I feel like killing her". (-100)

3)Say " Bohot attitude dhika rahi thi woh." And make faces,imitate her walk and talk. (-200)

4)Say " Gosh, did you see her dress. Her dress sense was shaming and appalling. (And you buy and wear the same dress a few days later.) (-300)

. As a girl,Your favourite pastime would be..

1) Shopping, bargaining and spending on stuff (-20)

2) ...which is expensive and of absolutely no use to you (-200)

3). Swiping credit cards (-25)

4) ...which are obviously not yours (-250)

5) Make the guy carry the shopping bags without paying him coolie charges (350)

Do calculate your Female Quotient and let me know.

Regards

Vishwesh

A rainy day

2008-07-01T09:15:00.000-07:00

As kids,I remember, our first essay of english class from 3rd to 5th grade would be titled " A Rainy Day". And we used to write it without an iota of suffering, destruction or misery mentioned in it,making it sound almost next to a fairy-tale.

Today was just the opposite. It poured on unmercifully for almost the first half of the day. I Got stuck in the middle of nowhere and somehow made it,past mini-rivers, to work. Comin back was easy though as the weather had easened up.
200 mm of rain was recorded today. Almost a fifth of the downpour experienced on 26/7. Its the start of july and the next 2 months will be tough; the peak season so to speak.
I am already in the process of setting up a mini house in my office cubicle, with the luxury of bare necessities like a towel, extra sock and other dressing accessories. I am sure many of you would have done pretty much the same thing or would be doing it soon.
Nevertheless, today was nighmarish for many. For a brief period, I guess, transport services were hit, but otherwise it was life as usual.It was just sufficient enough to remind people of that dreadful day which is still fresh in minds even after 3 monsoons.

Health to all!

Regards

Vishwesh

Monsoon Raaga!

2008-06-08T09:27:00.000-07:00

I cursed under my breath,as I stood in the bus,struggling hard to pull the wallet from my pocket which was covered by layers and layers of armour (Read rain-jacket and 'rain pant'). The wretched thing showed no signs of coming out and slipped deeper each time. The onlookers a.k.a the seated people watched on as if I was the chief clown performing at the russian circus and it was show-time.One more addition to murphy's laws: The closer the bus conductor is to you, the more time it will take you to dig the damn thing out of your pocket. And by the time you shell out the notes, they are already dripping wet!

Well,the rains are here with the usual bang. Been a week of action.
"Please Dont be santhusht. Thoda aur wish karo", thats what the rain-gods seemed to say as the skies opened up.And we have already got a trailer of what we'll be seeing for the next 4 months. Same story though!
The showers come with pin-point accuracy every year something that the Met dept here is not noted for. And they have been a source of much-needed respite from the near unbearable drip-drop,sweaty and humid conditions that the city experienced during the summer.Mumbai's murkiest, dirtiest, mushiest(pun so obvious),slushiest and perhaps its most romantic season is back.
I had my first drench on my way back from work. Felt nice. It felt so blissful, even after numerous rain-baths, year after year. Mom dint think so.
In most flood-prone areas here, stuff like ropes, boats, nets etc are kept handy days before,to face a possible flood situation 'baywatch ishtyle'. Most people who reside at the lower floors of buildings in such areas vacate days before, to escape a watery grave. Ask even a 4th grader here which places would perenially be under water and he would rattle a dozen names,faster than his geography lessons.

The BMC is at the recieving end yet again for the slippery roads, pot-holed roads and roads under construction which are dug up exactly a day before the rains come. Perfect timing!
And the mother of them all: The American consulate sounded an advisory to all americans who are in mumabi or who plan to visit mumbai in this period. No, not a terrorist strike or blast scare.
It reads "When in mumbai,Beware of open manholes. Dont venture out too much." Ok, agreed that each year the notoreity of the monsoons assumes dangerous proportions. But this is ridiculous man!! Hahahaha, travel advisory!

Hot tips:

In Mumbai everything goes down the drain, except for the rain water. True.Very true during the high tide.
.High tide + heavy rains = full-too flooding + you having to swim in flood waters.

High tide timings are important. Dont venture anywhere near the sea, unless you are serious about suicide.

.Open manholes. Walk in a chain, if you are a group. If one falls, the others are there to pull him/her. If the others fall, not your fault.

.If you cant form chains and you cant see ahead while wading through the water, then play " Follow the leader." If the person before you goes missing after some time, then choose a different path.

. For heavens' sake keep yourself clean after coming home at least! Leptospirosis is now becoming a common word, although people can't spell it. It's caused by rat urine. Obviosuly, you cant stop the rat but you can care for yourself.

.Most importantly, keep off the Eastern Express highway as much as possible,especially the vikhroli-ghatkopar stretch (now nicknamed the 'road to death'). The reason: 136 accidents in just 5 days. A certain chemical called 'mast' turned out to be in surplus while laying the road. Add to that the rains which made sure that the vehicles on the 10 km long stretch were in for a slippery, skiddy ballerina show.

.Try to minimise travel. (I know its its next to impossible)

. When stuck in a traffic jam, dont get too frustrated. The guy in the posh Honda Accord is also feeling the same pinch. See, the monsoon is a great leveller; it teaches you to be patient. (I know, by now you have made up your mind to kick me)

. People who own cars: Carry out pre-monsoon checks of batteries, tyres, maintenance of your car including wipers and top-up the fuel of your car during the monsoon

.Hammer is a handy tool: To break the glass on the driver's window from the
middle/centre, in case of an auto-lock system failure if you are stuck in a car say for about 8-14 hrs.

.Thick long nylon rope at least 20 metres long with a hook to be kept in
the dicky.Just in case..

.Keep dry and non -perishable food items in a vacuum container in some quantity. Dry fruits are recommended for pet-pooja.

.In a disaster- like situation instead of trying to reach home,first reach the nearest acquaintance.

.Also, carry a whistle with you. Remember Kate Winslet in 'Titanic'?

. Last but not the least, get a life. Stop cursing the BMC or the administration. You wont gain much by blaming other people. You are the one in charge of yourself.

Regards

Vishwesh

Global Masala!

2008-06-01T02:59:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, the revered US prez stated that the global food shortage and price rice was thanks to developing economies in asia (Read India and china) wherein the middle class had become 'pretty rich' and more spendthrift towards their basic needs. Well tried Mr. Bush! But we dont celebrate thanksgivings over here!
Not long ago many of us awoke to a terrible phenomenon that India was subject to. It was called brain-drain which cost our country something more than crores n crores of rupees - talent, good talent!! The craze to study in the elite IITs, IIMs and strike it big in "Amreeka" was first and foremost on evry youngsters' mind. US visa, permanent citizenship,Silicon valley, masters, Harvard,Dow jones were the buzzmords. Then came the 'LPG' (Liberalisation,Privatisation,Globalisation) era. India opened up well and truly to the world. Many lamented that Inida was committing harakiri and would never come out of it. India caught a cold each time its big brother sneezed.

But the years to follow were something very unlike it. The India growth story finally unfolded. Bollywood overtook Hollywood. Tata took over corus, JLR. Jumbo vada-pav replaced burgers for a change. Indian fashion flooded international markets.NRIs gave up their high-paying jobs abroad and rushed to india. Bingo!4 of the top 10 billionaires were indians. Bangalore was the new silicon valley the IT heavyweights and chennai the new Detroit for global auto majors. The whole world had to stand up and take notice. Suddenely everyone vied for a share of the India pie.
What better example than the IPL T-20 tournament. The glitz, the glamour, the hype and excitement of IPL has by far overshadowed everything. One and half months later,The "Manoranjan ka baap" has beaten everything outright. Its fast, aggressive, power-packed and its there right before you, staring you in the face.

Shane Warne captains Jaipur. Shaun Pollock captained the mumbai indians. I bet,20 years ago, their "India" knowledge would have been just limited to the Taj Mahal or the poverty-stricken portrait of India featuring sadhus, fire-eaters and street jugglers. The very thought of "firangs" playing on our turf, representing different Indians cities would have just been laughed off as a figment of imagination, when Indians first took to the sport of the bat and the ball. Not that IPL has changed everything overnight, its just one of the many big things that has driven home the point. The colonial inventors of the game would be rolling in their graves if they were to witness the transormation the game has underwent a in terms of the shift of power,the way the game is played, the mooalah etc.
The Hyderabadis cheered when Symonds smashed sixes of hapless Indian bowlers(nothwithstanding his role in the racist 'monkey' controversy Down-under).The Kolkattans went beserk when Shoaib took out Sehwag with a thunderbolt. For that matter,shoaib in current form , wouldnt even dream of getting as much support from the whole of Pakistan as he got from the Eden garden crowds.
Well,just to give you an idea, consider this:
A Paki Batsman, An Australian at the non-striker's end, a West Indian Bowler, A Sri-Lankan wickeetkeeper, a New Zealander as an umpire, sweating it out in a power-packed contest at Wankhede in tinseltown mumbai's humidity. And what more proof does one need of steadfast globalization!! (Er..for your information, the cheer-girls in the opening ceremony were American and the ones who followed in the latter part of the tournament were British).
To me this is globalization at its best(est) form! Indian corporate houses and Bollywood celebrities pumped in billions saying that the game was a bit undervalued.Players were auctioned like horses and each of them had a price tag attached to him. Sponsors chipped in with their moolah. Television right were sold. Broadcaster all around the world had a field time. The crowds got their money's worth. The cheerleaders had a ball . Money changed a million hands. It was no longer cricket. Infact it was branded and marketed as cricket-ainment. New talent was unearthed. Big names bit the dust, unheard names blasted their way to the top.

As they say,change is the only thing constant and its upon us to make it a good change or a bad one. Cricket, fortunately, has adopted changes better than other sports. Move over IPL, just look at ourselves. where are we heading?what have we done? what do we speak today? We are the ones who have successfully married the paneer with the pizza,made a schezwan dosa and mineral water paani-puri.We have the largest English-speaking population in the world. So what if we dont speak it the way the brits do ,adding our own dosage of peculiar Indian accent. The point is when a country of a billion people speaks a language a particular way or adopts changes steadfastly in its own way, the other dont have a choice but to fall in our path. It wont be long before people would be trained to speak 'Indian english'.
That would be true globalization!!

Regards

Vishwesh

Nitt-i-tude Test

2008-04-05T10:29:00.000-07:00

Well this was also one post which should have come out earlier ,during my engg days at NIT Trichy. But better late than never.
Ever wondered whether you were really made for the campus. Maybe a separate grading system to measure the degree of ‘NITT’itude in you. Well, worry not!
Here’s is a set of questions, which demand absolutely no use of your hard-earned engg knowledge, so to speak and no test preparation. The grading system is in +’s and –‘s (I hope you understand, + means more and - is less).

1.At 8.30 in the morning you

a)Are in bed wondering which world are you in, trying hard to reach out for the irritatingly loud alarm clock. (+ 4)

b)Have finished Splashing deo all over your unclean body and wear the same T-shirt. (+10)

c)Are trying hard to recollect what your bicycle looks like while searching for it among the ones fallen down… (-1)

d)..you realize you don’t have one and look for someone else to give you a lift (-2)

e)Are in the classroom, prancing to and fro, waiting for the teacher to come (-50)

2. In class you normally

a)Fight with the others for the first bench and then sit down to take notes (-100)

b)Are relishing "Tiger" biscuits, sitting in the last row. (+ 10)

c)Are halfway through ‘5 point Someone’. (+15)

d)...And the prof catches you(-15)

e)Wake up just in time for the attendance call.(+20)

f)Irritate the guys sitting beside you by pretending to enjoy the lecture and scribbling in your only book. (+100)

3. In the Octa User lab you generally:

a) Go to the SUN user lab. (-5)

b)... By mistake (-1)

c)Search for your name in the placement site (list of placed students) even 3 months after your placement and get happy once more. (+ 5)

d)Check the online silver notice board for the (supposed)movie in the trical audi, the next Saturday. (-10)

e) Do programming (-∞)

f)Play "Stick-cricket" for 2 hours on the trot (0 if you don’t have a PC in your hostel room, -20 if u have one)

g) Take printouts of your topper’s assignments (+25)

4. In the College Internet lab you:

a) Are trying hard to achieve your longtime goal of 20000 scraps, 800 friends, and 1 fan. (+2)

b) Read the online edition of ‘The Hindu’. (-50)

c) Open wikipedia and start mugging pages for the forthcoming inter-college quiz. (-100)

d) Memorize names of US universities and their disciplines (- 5)

e) Search for your house verandah on google earth (-∞)

f) Piss off the people waiting for their turn by playing the irfan pathan hat-trick on Youtube at least 10 times.(-15)

g) Annoy your 'neighbours' by playing the your favourite hindi song at full blast on your elephant earphones.(- 200 )

5. In the college mess you are:

a) Discussing your CAT scores (-50)

b) Draining out the excess oil from the curry (+15)

c) Working out strategies for CounterStrike (+25)

d) ...Which you started playing yesterday (-125)

e) Fighting with the mess-anna for an extra gulab jamun. (-5)

f) Searching for the paneer in the panner-parathaa, wondering why it is called so. (+ 500)

g) …And you find it at last (+ 1000)

6. The first thing you did after placements was

a) Nursed your battered n bruised backside, due to the 'love' showered on you by your dear friends. (+10)

b) Rushed to the ATM, to treat your friends. (+20)

c) Went to octa internet lab and changed your orkut profile name and used the company logo as ur display pic. (-5)

d) Wondered how many girls would be with you in the company. (-6)

e) Made a face as though you expected to screw up the interview and start boasting on how you overcame all odds. (+1 if less than 10 people got thru along with you, - 100 if more than 50 got thru)

g) Tried to look sad and forlorn over the company's pay package. (-200)

7. According to you, the library

a) Is a place where you sit and study, refer or take books from. (-1000…)

b) Is a place where you get to see,touch and feel rare, centuries-old manuscripts without even having to pay entry fee. (+5)

c) Cough, Cough, Aaaa..Aaaa.. Choo!!! (+ 1000)

d) Er..i don’t know. I am still asking people for directions (+15)

e) Library, you said?? (Long pause).. Is it some kind of a zodiac sign??? (+16)

8. Which of the following would you become, if (god forbid) you werent
recruited in the campus placements?

a) The xerox shop anna: Ever-ringing cash counters (+100)

b) The Gate Anna(Roadside dhaba): I wont need to give any second invitation to my customers. (+200)

c) The Bru shop anna: Night time is the right time. (+ 50)

d) The only stationery shop anna: Monopoly rules (+25)

e) The laundry anna: As long as no one bathes, its business all the way for me. (+ 20)

f) Become treasurer or Co-treasurer for one of the college fests. (+ 10)

9. In case you answered (a) to the above Question what will your future plans be?

a) Buy the library and convert it into "The central Xerox center". (+ 5)

b) Have a lifetime membership facility for regular customers. (+18)

d) Offer special gifts for the ones who duplicate material for more than 100 bucks
Per day. (+ 12)

e) "Buy one get one free" offers and festival discounts (+ 4)

f) Set up branches in the respective hostels itself (+ 1)

10. If your answer to the first Question was (b) what would your plans be?

a) Rechristen it. Give it a Fundoo name. ("Chill Gates" sounds much more appealing as opposed to plants, bamboo shoots, bananas,leaves etc) (+1)

b) Have my Best menu on the Saturday nights (??), at low costs, knowing that the mess food on Saturdays sucks bigtime. (+ 15)

c) Special placement-season offers. A 30% discount for guys offering their first-job treats and 50% discount for second-job treats. (GPA and pay-scale no criteria) (+25)

d) Have a credit card, I mean, "I-card" system,! (+ 26)

e) Obtain a patent for a new product called "Dew lime". (+1000)

11. If your answer to question one was (e), what would your plans be?

a) Launch a door-to-door delivery service. (-20)

b) Teach the hostel boys the virtues of cleanliness, washing and bathing (-100)

c) Stop interchanging clothes (+ 2)

d) Start recruiting boys and give them training. (-1)

Check your score and reply asap.

Regards

Vishwesh

College Bakar

2008-02-28T00:18:00.000-08:00

Now, this one should have come much earlier, even when I was in college. Nevertheless, better late than never. Its just part of the whole 'senti' feeling when you think about your alma-mater. Far different from our work-places. The lectures,profs,depts,snacky,juicy,hostels etc.
One characteristic feature of our hostels were the bakar sessions. Bakar, in very simple terms, means a congregation of perennially jobless people, at any place, at any time of the day, completely focused on discussing all issues of seemingly national, international, political, economic and social importance. Such sessions do not have fixed timing schedules and cut across all language barriers. Bakar groups could be discovered outside the snacky, mess, near the coffee shop, etc.
A bakar session in a hostel room invariably consisted of a minimum of 2 people in the same room, who showed the same intensity as that of a placement Gd session, if not more. They covered a wide range of topics starting from the reason why each one of got ot this college to the rumors of a certain IT giant hiking its compensation package in the campus recruitment.

A bakar session was mostly put in motion by identifying the potential bakar room which was equipped well to deal with the rush. A simple session started as a mere after-lunch or after-dinner talk. As time went by, the crowd built up slowly but gradually thanks to the curious passersby who took time off to peep in and got absorbed in no time.

Placement bakar session:

The final year sessions were more of the research n analysis type about the ongoing placement process. Each participant pouring out his own written/gd/pi experience, trying his best to dissect his performance at every step of the placement procedure and presenting his own picture of how skewed the whole process was and where he lost out (. The victors, however, jubilantly shared everything in an “I-don’t-know-how-I-got-thru” manner in all modesty. After the post-mortems were done, the focus usually shifted to the “next probable big company”. Each expressing his opinion of how far the college lagged behind the IITs or how it was light-years ahead of other NITs in terms of the campus recruitments and the number of firms.

A few common statements that u would come across in the placement bakar sessions.

. “How come company X is not open for our dept…sheesh man, this is ridiculous yaar. I mean, look at the trical (electrical in our lingo) dudes, they r such lucky dogs, they do nothing in their dept for 2 whole years and end up getting all the companies in the 7th sem, pathetic.”

.” You guys should have been there for the ppt(pre placement talk)? That lady in the HR team was hot.

. “Who wants to hear the talk, I went there for a T-shirt. They were distributing many of them.I don’t have money to buy one.”

(The height of frustration) “5 kelas(failure in our lingo)in 5 writtens! Damn, I am absolutely useless. I shouldn’t have come to this college. I shouldn’t have taken engineering in the first place.”

. (height of Endurance) “2 hours, they made me sit for 2 frigging hours outside and my interview lasted another only 15 minutes, I started feeling hungry; that’s why I didn’t do well”.

. (The sporting type)“ To hell with Dream Company!! This company is not worth it. I knew that right from the start. Good I got chucked out in the written itself.”

. (The muggu) Arre yaar! I forgot to mug the previous year written paper’s answers for company X; the same paper came yesterday. Damn!

. (Mr. modest) Seriously dude, I can’t believe how I got through. I gave the written for time pass (and the company selected u for just the same thing).

(But the Oscar goes to….)

“Guys, where’s my R.S agrawal. (Searches underneath piles of books scattered all over the floor) Been searching for it for almost an hour.”

“But you didn’t buy a R.S agarwal, you moron !”

“Is it?? Then give me yours’, I have to practice for tomorrow’s apti paper”

.

CS (Counterstrike)gaming bakar sessions:
These PC-gaming bakar sessions were in full swing in 3rd yr hostel rooms and in the final yr mess. Discussing strategies and maps had become more than a way of life for these gaming gurus. The hardcore CS freaks could easily be distinguished from the rest of the tribe by their sheer enthu they displayed while going hammer-n-tongs over “who should be and shouldn’t be in the clan”. Infact , clan formations and clan defections sounded much more intersting compared to the real game that was played. The game,though,showed signs of losing its old charm in the final year hostels in the face of fast emerging DOTA(another popular game). But the old CS hawks continued to remain.

A few common CS comments:

. “X plays like shit, throw him out of the clan; he’s a complete disgrace.”

. “The guys from that hostel have absolutely no clue about this map…hehehe..They are screwed!!”

. “Oye, u should go and play with level 3 BOTS, not with us.”

. “Man, I m like really depressed . I don’t seem to be sniping well these days yaar. I have lost practice.”

CS had brought the junta closer than anything else though they no longer addressed each other by their real names but by their CS names.

Intellectual bakar sessions:
Well this sounds more like an oxymoron but these sessions did take place in all earnest.
Talks were mostly centered around preparation for the 'BIG' exams.

. “Yes man, Good long holidays we are getting naa?
Gonna be total freak-out for me.
Only a few exams in between; GRE, TOEFL, CAT, RAT, MAT, GMAT and XAT that’s it! “
(Phew!! That’s it?? Aren’t u guys forgetting a few more.)

“I cant understand why he is giving the entrance exam. Isn’t he content with his million-dollar job? Just another bloody show-off I say!!”

. I gave TOEFL in chennai. Damn AC went off first, then the keyboard, and then the mouse had to be replaced, speakers betrayed me in the listening….

. “My friend smashed 1500. I wanted to show him its no big deal. Anybody can do that. That’s why I registered.”

. (Wears a depressed look)” Booo hoo I got only 1440 and I only have a mediocre 9.3. I am doomed. Looks like CAT is my only path to salvation. “

. (A “cut-off” expert lost in his dreams)” If only I could get a decent break-up of 29 in English, 15 in DI/DS and another 17 in quants, I could get all the calls.”
.
. “Hey, applications over for you??? I thought of making a small change in mine. I have decided to take off “ University of X” from my application list. I took out the atlas yesterday night and found out that such a place X never exists.”

.” God, I need to do well in my F slot. I need at least an A (grade) in it. I am banking on him for a decent reco.”

Grade and study bakars:
Most bakar camps were self-introspection sessions in the “if only I had done better” or “So sad he got less than me” mode.

. “Hey did u hear, X got 8.4 He’s surely gonna hang himself now that his CG has dropped to 8.99”

. “Oh yes, I checked his GPA on the net; he got only a C in this slot. Felt really good!!”

.” I couldn’t believe my luck!! I didn’t deserve an S in this seriously. My internals were the lowest in class. Tsk…tsk. (talks of a female competitor) She had internals of 30 while I had 20;she ended up with an A…hehehehe.”

. (topper looks into the notes of a seven-pointer, look of (false)horror written all over his face)
“ Gosh, What are you studying!!!!! Man I am seeing it for the first time (in spite of revising it twice??)!! Sheesh…I am dead, please explain this yaar fast!

. “(Hands on head, repents)” Had I sincerely done a group-study with u guys and not wasted the holiday accumulating scraps on chirkut, I would have at least been in the top 3.”

. (And the first prize goes to…) Actually it should be voted as the most annoying reply in the campus.A pseudo-cool topper in reply to repeated queries of “ How much r u expecting da?”).

“I just want to pass this sem. nothing more. Like I have been doing in every sem, I started just 3 hrs before the exam.”

Regards

Vishwesh

News-ical

2008-01-11T23:30:00.000-08:00

"To discuss more on the story we are joined in by our panel of experts, Mr X from the Institute of ABCD..." Does this line remind of something ,rather someone?
Well,TV journos and news reporters are a weird species!And unlike the Bengal Tiger,their numbers just keep growing by the day. Prime time 24*7 news has as much sensation, drama and masala attached to it as a 3-hr long Bollywood film. No wonder they refer to news as a 'stories'.Now, i m not someone who believes in rubbishing journos.They are such an integral part of our lives. I mean if it werent for them

. How would you keep count of the number of kids a certain Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie adopted from (god knows) how many continents.

. You wouldnt get breaking news about what what a certain politician ate for breakfast and whether the salt in it was less or more.

. How the god-damn world is coming to an end in 2008. (Yes..according to a renowned Hindi Channel the year 2008 is "Kaal ka saal")

The first ten days of the new yr , 'molestation' and 'Rascism ' were the keywords splashed across all the news channels. Yes, molestation is atrocious and unforgivable but a soul who would have seen these channels for the first time in his life would have probably concluded so:
"Women,get the hell out of Mumbai before its your turn"
"All male mumbaikars are women harassers."
Or even worse. "Delhi is better". (Ultimate insult, i should say!)

.Coming to the Rascism part he would hv thought:
" All Australians are wretched Rascists."
" 'Monkey' is a rascist taunt,as Mr Symonds pointed it out to the world. (Monkey! Oztraalian for Rascism ) and yeah , B*****D is no longer an abuse as v thought it was.

The other things which were..er..News-worthy

. A hindi news channel:
"Yuvi averages only 4.33 in his 6 innings ,Down under(which includes a match against a chindhi 3rd grade Australian club). Reason: Deepika is in Sydeny for a shoot. Phew! And we thought Yuvi was the guy at fault. To add some extra spice, Deeps-Yuvi pics are shown, his dismissals are shown for the umpteenth time with the popular OSO number " Aankhon mein teri.." playing in the background. The show goes on for more than an hour and there is an expert panel for discussion. Total timepass!

.Another channel screamed:
The 'Yeti' or the 'Maha-maanav' is no myth! Its has been recently spotted in the news(before the reporters allegedly scared it off. They forgot to add it!). Another TRP-raising show.

.Monsoon time in Mumbai(Field time for reporters.) The news-reader talks of the strong downpour, gives you the complete story and you are satisfied. But she isn't. So she follows it up with a
" For more on this, let's go to our correspondent Mr X on Y Road.".

Its waist-high water, not a single soul to be seen except for the reporter,umbrella in hand. The reporter shoves the mike inside a car stuck in the traffic jam and asks the guy behind the wheel.
" Ab aapko kaisa lag raha hain?" (This is their favourite!!!)
The poor chap has to contend with both the rain and the incessant barrage of queries before he is let-off.
I have always wondered about their love for seeminlgy 'inaccessible' places. Maybe Edmund Hillary wasnt the first guy to reach Everest.Maybe Osama wasn't the only guy hiding in the hills of Afghanistan. Maybe there was a news-person already up there, just waiting to ask them " Ab aapko kaisa lag rahaa hain?".

.And the ones which take the cake. Reality shows!!(Actually the major culprits here happen to be the 'soap' channels, for a change). The news channels just replay the 'reality(reel-ity)' dance and music shows from the 'soap' channels. And when you arrive at the news channel hoping for a dose of daily news when these shows are on , u obviosuly feel that you have clicked on the wrong channel. Then reality dawns and you have to remind yourself that its a TRP war exercise at its best.
The real performance in these shows comes from the judges' side. One cant help but feel that maybe the channel gives them the license to
.behave as indisciplined and school-boyish/girlish as they can,
.fight,
.tear each other's hair off,scratch each other,call names,
walk-out of the shows and promote all sort of cheap ,unruly and uncivilized behaviour.
And these are not normal people. They are the creme-da-la-creme of the entertainment industry.

Meanwhile,Our reporter gets into action and catches hold of the victor(who's now a celebrity) from the talent show and the inevitable follows
" Ab Aapko kaisa lag rahaa hain?" (sporting a fake, "I-m-so-happy for-u" smile)

The victor has to handle a few more and he/she learns the first lesson for a wannabe celebrity.Do not mess around with the press! We make u. We can break u. He/She is then linked to numerous women/men in the industry and the hulabaloo lasts till a formal statement is made which goes something like.
"We are just good friends." The channel is the undoubted winner.

.The top-notch journos in the business love putting the big ' news-makers' in a spot; be it the 'frank,hard-talk, one-to-one interviews', big (often ugly)fights, debates.And the best part is that these guys are never short of issues of national and social importance to debate over!

.Does our media really have a free hand?
Shouldnt they be given more power in a democracy? (Excuse me?)

.Why did Adam eat the apple? Was there something really happening between him and Eve or were they "Just friends"?

.Why did the chicken cross the road? Is it not an offence under "XYZ" animal act to let it do so?

.What came first: The hen or the chicken or the omlette?

.Was the tortoise the worthy winner of the Hare-tortoise race? Did he resort to unfair means? Did he call the hare names? did he sledge him?

.Is it right to use the word monkey? Is it just another abuse? Is it a racist taunt? Is it the name of an animal?

. Is Carla really Sarkozy's girlfriend ? If not, then who's child is she preganant with? Should she be accorded first-lady status according to existing protocol.

Phew!

And we thought all was well with the world!

Regards

Vishwesh

"Bus" Karo

2007-12-15T21:48:00.000-08:00

My training continues in top gear. People are actually shocked when i tell them that my training duration is 1 yr. Work, Training, Office; no matter what people call it, its the same at the end of the day. You are always counting down days to the coming weekend. And most importantly you waste no time in squeezing in that extra bit of comfort into your life ,before and after the day's work ,especially during travel. I m one among the million commuters in the city who tunes into FM on the cell , unmindful of all the noise n traffic which is effectively drained out(along with the conductor's cries of "Pude Chala, Pude Chala( marathi for "Move,It") thanks to the music on full blast. The hapless bus conductor has to do some serious throating.

Damn amusing..if u were to observe these things while travelling in mumbai.
Fortunately for me,my work timings are such that I literally get to choose my seat in the bus. Absolutely no crowd at all (touchwood!)on my way to work. But the return story is a different one if I work till late hours. The traffic and the sweaty fragrance inside the bus doesnt make things better.
Its a real sight to see guys getting tossed and jostled around courtesy that startlingly sudden break. Much worse if the guy is sandwiched between females (u know, like right at the front, near the "Ladies Only" seats). If he fails to hold on properly he ends up bumping into the aunty standing behind him. As he turns around to apologize, he is greeted by a real,cold glare from her; a look mostly reserved for chain-snatchers,murderers,rapists and the like. Hehee..as if the poor guy did it on purpose.
Then there are these hilariously stupid guys who take an eternity searching for their wallet in their pant pockets only to realize they dont have one. After a good 10-15 minutes of searching in their shirt pocket, they fork out a crisp 100-rupee note for a mere 5-rupee ticket in a "Keep the change!" style( The note held between the tip of the index and middle finger ). The conductor, obviosuly not impressed by the whole exercise, makes no secret of how pissed off he is and gives him a real mouthful along with the 100 rupee note.
Then there are the college dudes who prefer to be the back-benchers even in the bus no matter how much space there is at the front,playing with their cell phones and having a great laugh occasionally. The girls, on the other hand, engage in what appear to be real path-breaking discussions interspersed with an occasional chorus of giggles which makes a few heads turn.
Then there are the people who seem completely oblivious to whats going on inside the bus because they are so busy watching out of the window. Window seat is always the prized one, be it a bus,rickshaw or bike.
There is momentary silence as the bus comes to a halt at the signal. The silence is however shortlived. Suddenely, as if from nowhere, we are interrupted by the famous bollywood number "Dhoom Machale" (a Ring tone). It is followed by a loud "Hello,.. Haan, harish bhai.. bolo...acchaa" , as if to show the whole bus that he's got a cell phone and that too with handsfree! To top it, he gestures with his hands, while talking. You get really irritated and want to remind him that the person at the other end cannot see through the cell phone. 5 minutes on, the conversation is at its loudest best and the junta in close proximity is sulking and silently cursing the guy under their breath. Just makes one wonder how Technology can be a real pain in the a** !! By the time he is finished with his talk, he has ensured that the every person in the bus knows who 'Harish bhai' is.

Then there are the guys (heroes) who are hell-bent on showing that they are completely different from the rest. They stand on the step-board ('local train' ishtyle)with acres of space available inside. Its a blasphemy for these people to board a stationary bus; the thrill they derive out of catching a bus on the "running" is unmatchable. They always exit through the entry door and vice versa. When you hear the conductor spewing expletives and unmentionables, you can sense that the 'heroes' are there somewhere in close vicinity.
One more tribe of bus commuters are the 'surprised' kind. Ya!The people who wear that perenially surprised look like they have seen a celebrity in the bus. You remove and open your wallet to pay the bus fare and they examine every action of yours which makes you feel like Mukesh Ambani.
Finally its time for me to unboard and I make my way through the maze of standees to the exit door.
Thats life!

Regards

Vishwesh

In(tro)duction 3

2007-10-28T05:58:00.001-07:00

The next 2 weeks of my induction:
Mere classroom sessions with Saturday tests.Some losers even studied for it (night-outs, sleeping with their books open...u got my point na?)and some maha-losers even discussed answers after the tests. The tests were of the timepass kind just to scare the kids, which ultimately failed its purpose(although these loser a.k.a studious tribes would have their books perpetually open to revise their 'notes'..baah! gimme a break!).
Yawn!! for your convenience and to avoid the risk of losing my valuable readers I have(wisely) chosen not to elaborate much on gears, shafts,drives,suspension systems,...Yawn!

The 4th week
Without a doubt, the best of them all! 60 of us were taken on an out-bound fitness survival camp. It included trekking,reppling, rafting, kayaking, shooting, setting our own tents and (believe it or not)cooking (rather experimenting with foodstuffs) ourselves. 3 days later we were still panting for breath and thanking the almighty that each of us had returned in one piece albeit with niggles and muscle pains.

The 5th week
Some C2C(college to corporate) thing! Was supposed to build in confidence levels, know yourself as a person and it was meant to ensure that your transition from college to corporate was smooth.I dont remember much except that I played some kiddish games and did lotsa tp(familiarise yourself with short-forms..if you dont what is tp, go hang yourself). Things we did

. Made a house using handicraft paper which actually looked like one (Wow!)
. Built a pyramid using shoes (there were 10 in a group..ours was the tallest pyramid thanks to my ingenuity).
Moral of the story: No matter how much your shoe stinks ,when you work in a group and compete against other groups, it doesnt really matter!
. Formed human chains. Some more tp and games
. Small Ball, Big ball (Naughty naughty! its the name of a game!)
Thne some more fundaas by the proprietors (a couple).Phew.

6th and the last week
.Takes the honours for the most boring week of the program. Except of course, the last day, the DJ nite..Awesome stuff. It just went to show we had some real talent amongst us! Our company Prez addressed us and gave us glimpses of his fundoo-ness.
After eveything was over it was hugs,hanshakes,tears galore. A real emotional moment ( But nothing to beat the feeling when i left college). Everyone was gonna go different places, into various functions. That was it. We bid adieu with heavy hearts.

Regards

vishwesh

In(tro)duction-2

2007-10-27T01:07:00.000-07:00

Nasik is a weird city..Its a complete contrast to mumbai. The people, their lifestyle, the cool weather and lots of other stuff (except off course the pot- holed roads in some parts which are a trademark feature of mumbai). Everyone there seems to own a car; at least an indica. And I never saw a single signal there, forget traffic jams!
We had 40 odd days on our hands to make the most of our stay in the city. My day began at 6.30 (yes!daily!).A hostleler's nightmare as you may call it! I would be woken up by a sudden knock on the door. The funniest part being that I still havent figured out who used to do it..probably one of the "other" room guys. Fact is I never really gave a damn as long as the person regularly kept waking me up on time. Our induction seesions were scheduled at 8 am each day and the company bus would ferry us half n hour in advance so that we could swipe our I-cards in time before the rush started.
The first week was a bit of a pain although we were given 2 shirts and a bag and the "T-shirt and jeans" dress-code was enforced till we got our uniforms. they called it the senior management week as all the VPs, Sr. VPs,Heads..blah blah from each function( HR, Finance,marketing, product development..see i remember things) addressed us with fundoo powerpoint presentations which failed to make any sense to us. There are times u feel the company wastes its precious moolah giving these intelectual blabbermouths fat pay packets. But then these are the blokes who conceptualise. They work out the way ahead for the company ,which is something very important.
The common mantra in their "feel good" presentations being "You are the young,dynamic minds,brimming with knowledge who have entered the industry when the india story is just unfolding and rising. You are really fortunate. We wish we were 30 yrs younger so that we could be in your place". One just got the feeling that these big dudes had copied each others presentations the previous night ,just like engineering students copied assignments.

Ya right! Bright, young minds (I have heard that before, the first day at engg college when someone called us that in his speech)! They wanted to project us as the privileged lot in order to create an "I-am-soo-jealous-of-you" atmosphere. Crap! Utter crap! Why would a Sr.VP wish to be an engineer in the first place? Anyways,each day was packed with 3 breaks (morning tea- sumptuous lunch- snack n tea) and 4 senior management talks. Each of them spoke as if they had a vacancy awaiting us in their departments and we just had to pick n choose. Being a perennial back-bencher by default and design I slept through a few sessions(at times waking up my immediate neighbours by snoring loudly). Such sessions also help bring out the best drawing talents( mostly in the back rows). The funniest(and most eagerly awaited) part of these sessions was the "Audience Queries'" phase which followed the presentations. A thousand hands would go up and the poor guy on stage would be at the recieving end of a barrage of outrageously stupid questions.
Some of them which could be touted as automatic entries into the guiness book of records for the "World's Most stupid query"
Girl to the marketing VP:
"Sir, I think the Tv commercial you are showing is not very nice.It is not telling anythng about the product. It only focuses on the man and woman in the helicopter.(Lady, he knows his job better than you)

" Sir,thank you for the wonderful talk. I just wanted to ask what is the greenfield project you talked about. Is it the name you gave to your new environment-friendly plant." (Give me a break!!)

Even better:
Guy to the HR head
" Sir, do we have any chance of a overseas posting."
"Yes u do, Zambia! Nice country, nice people"

The ultimate:
" Sir,I am really very happy with your talk and I enjoyed it (??). I dont have any question in mind. I want to work with this company for entire life.

Regards

Vishwesh

In(tro)duction

2007-10-21T01:41:00.000-07:00

Its been a li'l over 2 months since i last saw the blogger dashboard. It just goes to show that just about anybody in this world can be kept busy and starved for time. (Infact some people politely enquired whether i had forgotten by blogger password or how to blog.)
But an eventful 2 months its been. So much so that even a blog freak like me cant decide where to start frm.
I joined my new company in mid-august in nasik, a place 180 km frm mumbai. This was the place where we were scheduled to have our induction programme. The company was kind enough to e-mail me the details of the place, the contact nos,general info about the location to ensure that i wasnt stuck in the middle of nowhere. Even before the e-mails, the company sent a series of letters (one of them a 'feel-good' letter addressed to my parents on me being one of the lucky ones to join their company ,which moved my father...hehehe)
I got off at the specified address (wasnt much of a pain). It was a spacious bunglow-type house with a plush lawn outside).Light music played on FM, creating an atmosphere of serenity n comfort. Coffee and tea vending machines were there on offer.All of these much needed after a (believe-it-or-not) 5 hr ride frm mumbai to nasik(courtesy a nasty, bumpy road and a toppled tanker).

"Ah ha!!So this is where i m gonna be put up during my stay over here" i thought.
My details were carefully checked ,cross-checked and matched like DNA samples; first by a guy who held a 'fresh trainees' manual in hand and another who had our details on his PC.
"Oh, congrats! U are the first in the list. Do you know you are the first trainee recruited by our company this year!" (Great! As if being the first in the list would entitle me to additional salary benefits.).
I smiled, as if to say " Oh, It was nothing really."
I was asked for a photo of mine and within ninutes i was handed a sheet of paper. To my horror i discovered that this plush bungalow wasnt where i was supposed to stay.It was just the company guest house. The place of stay was in the sheet of paper(an apartment they had said).
Besides me there were 3-4 other trainees. One who's face resembled that of a sacrificial lamb, yet another one who was attempting to look cool in
wacky jeans, most of them with anxiety clearly written all over their faces
After having made sure i was done with the details,i sat on the sofa and helped myself to some tea
A well-dressed man, cell in hand, entered the 'bungalow'and shook hands with me and spoke to all of us in a tone which most people reserve for new tiny-tots who r all crying-crying on their first day at school.

"HR guy!"i thought. Isnt that their job, making u feel at home even in the middle of Sahara desert.
A van waited outside for us to ferry us to our location. We gasped n grunted in pushing(shoving) our suitcases inside it.After a 10 km travel (i presume).. we reached the place. It was a fine 3-storey building with flats.
Me and a guy from rajasthan named dheeraj(whom i had met in the guest house) were put up in a room. The other room in the same flat was shared by a guy from mumbai(venky) and a guy from orissa(suprit). It dint take me long to realise that Dheeraj was the show-off kind who wouldnt waste an opportunity to publicise himself. Venky was the typical home-grown kid who grumbled and cribbed about stuff while suprit was our master story-teller who could make do with anything. He had done his share of india trotting. He was a Bong who had lived in different places and had experienced things which ordinary mortals only dreamt of. And this meant he had lots to talk about. There where 24 other trainees in the building. The ground floor had the common room where we would assemble for breakfast, lunch and dinner and each floor had a TV set.
Our caretaker was a thin, wiry guy called mahadev who wore a dirty orange uniform who would address each of us as "Sirji". We introduced ourselves and got to know each other well.This was our home for the next 40 days and we hoped everything would go on fine.

Regards

Vishwesh

Iyer Studies

2007-08-08T07:42:00.000-07:00

“ Dei vishu, how much did u get in your maths exam.” I remember a distant relative of ours asking me. in my school days.

“94 out of 100,Mama, ” I said reluctantly, apprehension gripping me. What would be his reaction, appreciation or sheer rubbishing?

"Only 94!!! (Nods his head as a sign of disapproval). Very poor. Where did u lose the 6 marks? Silly mistakes, huh? In those days we had tables of 25 on our fingertips. One mistake here or there and we used to get a thorough caning. We could perform 3-digit multiplications even before you could gulf down half a glass of water.” (We had no better things to do then.)

As time went by, I developed an immunity to his talks which oozed with gyaan of “good old days”, due to his frequent visits, to an extent that they now sounded much more hilarious each time. Just that it weakened my ability to suppress my smile n booming laughter every time i heard boasts of such hi-fi math prowess. Yes, really high standards are set and there’s no escaping them. 94 out of 100 is pathetic. Not pathetic, it’s despicable. What everyone wants to know is “where you lost the 6 marks?” No one looks at the 94. Surprisingly there were far more torturous subjects in school to contend with than math (the social sciences always ranked top on my hit-list), and so I considered myself really fortunate that maamaa's enquiry ended with math itself.

Yes, that’s a tam-bram aka iyer family . Enter the krishnans and the vekataramans. Enter the tam-bram (TB) boy; innocent and frail looking, oily head, side-parted hair, glasses for the geeky avatar. This dude has to go through a lot, quite literally from the day he is born. A typical TB name should satisfy the following features (in most cases):

. The boy is christened with his grandfather’s name, however archaic it may sound.

Think of the consequences of having such a naming system. A bit on the same lines as ‘King George-IV’, ‘Chandragupta-П’, just to distinguish you from your grandfather.

. The boy’s first name should span a minimum of 10 letters.

. His last name (father’s name) should be equally long.

. Both, the first name and the last names are:

a) Names of Hindu gods

b) Names of Hindu gods’ incarnations (avatars)

c) A combination of a) and b)

The logic behind this is simple. Each time someone calls out your name, he invokes the almighty and in doing so he absolves himself of all sins. And that’s a good thing.
All this sounds really good on paper, but one thinks it really arduous calling out a 10-letter name, especially in the age of instant messaging and scrapping where short-forms rule the roost. So, Balasubramanian is reduced to a Balu, a krishnamoorthy to a kicha and a Venkatachalam to …er…Denk or venky, whichever comes to mouth first.

The big name serves a big pain when you start filling out an application form and you suddenly discover that there aren’t enough boxes to fit in 20-odd characters. That’s when you cant help but wonder why your parents didn’t adhere to the KISS (Keep It Short-n-Sweet) principle.

The young TB boy then has to fulfill all the basic requirements of a TB childhood dutifully. These include learning at least one of the following: Carnatic music (either singing or an instrument or both), Vedas or bhajans, dance (in case of girls, STRICTLY classical; salsa sounds more like a Spanish dish doesnt it?).

Much of school life passes without hassles. The 10th exam and the 12th exams do their bit of image making or breaking, (though there has been some relief in recent times with the advent of additional entrance exams). Figures of 90, 98,99 (anything in the late nineties) are the order of the day. An 85+% in 10th and a 95+% in science in 12th is a must. Rather, these are cut-offs set by the TB hawks (read ‘TB maamaas’). Score more than that and its no big deal, u r a TB, u r expected to do well. Get less than that and get ready to face the music from all quarters. You wont need microphones to detect murmurs at marriages, functions, etc. Murmurs of your supposed poor performance spread like wildfire thanks to a few enterprising ‘maamis’ who would happily do overtime if BBC went on a strike.

"Gosh, did u hear how much Gopalakrishnan’s son got in 12th? Only 88%".

"Lord (a “Aiyyo Raama” or a “Krishna” or plain “Shiva, Shiva”) ,show him the good way. Pump some buddhi into the boy’s empty head.”

“Now they have put him into some XYZ engg college in New Bombay. It has cost them lakhs to get him in.”
By the way, the 95% in 12th is the magical PCM or the PCB total (that you are a TB boy automatically implies that you are a science student hell-bent on transforming the next 4-5 of your life into a slug-fest.). It has to be either engg or medical, anything non-engineering is a cardinal sin. Or wait! Engineering, not in any city college, (not with a new engg college sprouting every day, at every gully) .The whole series of entrance exams that follows the state board exams are an indispensable part of a TB boy’s life. The IIT-JEE, the AIEEE, the BITSAT…. Lo and Behold!!!! We have a whole rat race ahead. As a TB u r expected to make it to any one of the iit/nit/bits campuses.

The iit/nit/bits brand name does you a whole world of wonders, especially in marriages and religious gatherings, especially when you are being introduced to someone.

Mama1: “ namaskaaram mama! This is my son, he is studying in iit/nit X.”

Mama2: (who till now flashed an artificial smile, looks genuinely impressed)

“ Oh iit/nit X, very good, very good. Very prestigious institute. Which field (branch) are you in, paa? Software (comp Sci he meant) or Electronics.??

Grrrrrr… there you go!! Does computer and electronics alone make the world go round??? Where does chemical engg or even metallurgy feature in all this?

Boy (Son of mama1): "no maamaa, I have taken chemical!"

Mama2: (His face now exhibiting a variety of emotions, common one among them being pity) "Oh, chemical engg! You didn’t get computer Science or IT because of low marks?"

(Imagine the boy’s plight had he been doing any ‘non-engineering’ course)

mama2:(Reassures)" But don’t worry (as if the guy was all crying crying). Chemical is also a good course. Good scope abroad.
Infact, My brother’s daughter-in-law’s first cousin’s friend’s neighbour (works out a complex relation which sounds more like a Data interpretation question) also did chemical engg in nit X, he completed his MS in the “states”."

Mama2: (Now that the issue of higher studies has come up, this question is a standard favourite of most mamas. Doesn’t matter if you are in the 1st yr of engg or 1st yr kindergarten)

“So, what do you plan to do after engg, paa?”
Boy: (he has to answer it to the point, as his dad looks at him, smiling, not exactly a comfortable smile) “ I…I.Ah..Haven’t decided yet, maamaa. I just want to finish my engg and think...

(Before he could complete, mama2 cuts him off)

Mama2: (looks horrified) what is this paa? See, you should have some ambition in life! You should have specific goals, like doing a MS or MBA when you are still young (even before you know what M B A stands for). This is the age to study.

If you study hard now, you can enjoy later” (Yawn! How many times have we heard this same clichéd dialogue? Its far more irritating than the recorded message in Hindi “Is route key sabhi line vyasth hain”

Crash!! Izzat ka Falooda !

See, that’s the whole point, isn’t it? Here’s a child who’s just started learning how to walk and people expect him to run in the Olympic marathon.

The race doesn’t end with engg itself. The boy is then faced with the “12th std syndrome” again (lots of entrance exams again) in his final year. Most TB boys fill in every application form from GRE to CAT, which is their way of “keeping all options open in the worst-case scenario”.

A B.Tech degree from IIT/NIT and a MBA from IIM or a MS to top it all. 2 years later the boy lands a 14-hour job as an investment banker complete with a six-digit salary or he is a professor, armed with a MS/Ph.D, teaching in a university in the “states”.

Then disaster strikes, the unassuming TB boy’s amma talks of marriage and hands over his photo and a copy of his jaadhagam (kundali) to the same ‘enterprising maamis’ in her quest for a nalla ponnu (good girl, in literal terms), for her son. The same cycle repeats itself and many years later the TB boy(now a maamaa) is still left wondering “Where was the enjoyment after the hard-work?” as one of the maamaas had once said.

Well, That’s how it goes; from long names to institutes of higher learning, it’s all about living up to the standards and a way of life. High ranking, studious,..Whatever you may call it; a TB boy’s life is challenging, unique and a complete standout from the rest!

Regards

Vishwesh

Meeting Pam

2007-07-30T06:31:00.000-07:00

Sometimes bloody technology poses more problems than it solves..First it was my I-pod which started misbehaving (It hung comp-style! Wouldnt budge from its display screen..maa kasam). The wretched thing wouldnt even turn off.
Since my dad had used it last, he was the one who had his heart in his mouth. I wasnt to keen on screwing it any further by giving it to some local god-forsaken electronic-waalaa..So I did the best thing possible i could, albeit not the smartest of things..starved it for charge for like 2 days till it went off..then charged it again till it was full.. n Eureka, it sprang to life. See, sometimes it helps to have engineers in the family! We never practice what we study and what we practice isnt worthy enough to be studied..
The next day the computer started showing signs of insanity. It would boot (phew..so it wasnt a HD crash) but i just had a desktop for show..absolutely nothing else on it!! I later found out that it was a virus at work corrupting the OS which was later fixed by an old batch-mate of mine.
A few days later,I decided one fine morning that I would meet by college friends(Pall and Pam) who had started off with their training in Pune. Well not exactly Pune..but a place between pune n mumbai,on the city's outskirts,which houses a certain automobile giant. I had to take directions by phone from good ol' Pam at literally each step of my journey. Everything went off quite well.. till i got down at a place called chinchwad,where it was my cell phone's turn to give its quota of problems.
"Network busy" it said and to make matters worse there was no charge(so.. not just the cell phone, hutch was also partly responsible)!! Shit..I had to reach pam somehow.. otherwise I would be stuck in this damn place the whole night.
There are times in life where one desperately wishes actress Kajol to pop out of thin air and give a Tata Indicom, saying " Network problem?? Switch to tata indicom!Ye aapka saath nahi chodega".
This was just one such occasion!
After about 15 attempts on my side and as many attempts by Pam we finally got to talk to each other again and he found out my exact location. Pam was just the same as i had seen him last before leaving college. Not that i expected him to change.Its his nose which really stands out even today. The same nose which withstood the much talked about nose-operation. Today, he was in traditional gear- kurta and he was all cool n relaxed.

After a tight hug and pleasantries, we got into a "luxury bus" (buses with proper BEST bus-like seats are called luxury buses there). We were meeting each other after a long gap so we had loads to gossip about. Thursdays 'off' for them meant that Wednesday nights were reserved for party time. I gathered from Pam's tone that he did love his job, the place and his colleagues. Though he ruefully admitted that there were just 6 females in their batch of 100-odd .Not that Pam is a champion of women's participation but he would have liked a bit more gender balance.
His talk then centred around a cute HR chick in the company (they only one) on whom the entire male junta had gone bonkers. She was on a short stay in the company to complete her PMP(post grad). A hundred hearts bled when she was later discovered in a coffee shop gettting cosy with her boyfriend..She left the company soon, so no big deal, he said!
I am happy for Pam. Pam, i feel, is on a mission to re-discover himself, exploring the fun-part of himself. The part of him which was in deep slumber during his pre-engineering days, when he was immersed deeply in calculus, organic chemistry, electromagnetism,IIT dreams and coaching classes. We partied in a smallish multiplex-cum-pub till 12.30..till we were absolutely sure that all of us were out of breath and there was no means of transport to take us to our place of stay. Even the last local had left! There were 10 of us including me,Pam,Pall and their work mates. We walked up to the main road and made up our minds to stop any passing lorry for lift. But it was a car which came to our rescue. Yeah u heard it right,CAR not CARS! All 10 of us go into it like mad cattle. I still dont remember which car it was, at that point we found such details pretty irrelevant. We just wanted to reach our place asap
(Ah..I know wat u r still thinkin..how 10 in one car? Sorry cant divulge details.)..
When we reached our destination i picked myself up with great difficulty. I was virtually squashed to pulp under 2-3 big butts and to say that it was excruciating pain would be an understatement.
Pam shares his flat with a guy who lives to sleep all day. The only indication of his "awakening" ,pam said, was when a female's (his girl's) voice came from his room.And that too only thursday mornings when she came to meet him.
The next day was spent roaming in the city with pam and 3 of his friends from mumbai. It had started to rain heavily and we were drenched to the core. The roaming included a trip to one of the prime CAT coaching classes in city since Pam had to kickstart his CAT-prep somehow with the help of a suitable test-series for a reasonable fee.
The lady at the desk greeted us with a smile and later found herself at the recieving end of Pam's bargaining tactics usually reserved for vegetable vendors,which included some intermittent sweet talk as well.It was a cat-n-mouse game being played and finally it was Pam who had to conceede defeat. But Pam's attempts at informal talk seemed to have aroused a sense of regret in her that she was just an ordinary graduate, having worked in this god-forsaken coaching centre for 7 years.
We then caught up with the latest movie "Partner" ,typical of the "Govinda timepass" genre. We were thoroughly exhausted by the time we reached the colony at around 11.
Amazing how company life can change you n ur habits; Pam was up by 7 the next day! He always carries to work a bag which has a John Grisham in it...lol..
He dropped me at the bus stop on his way to work as I bid adieu.

Regards

Vishwesh

Mumbai mayhem

2007-06-29T23:03:00.000-07:00

10 hrs! 10 hrs its been raining unabated as i just peep out from the glass windows. No signs of a let-up watsoever as the roads,streets,shops n buildings take a battering.When it rains, it comes down really hard, in buckets.
The ghosts of 26/7 still havent died and each moment of that eventful day still remains deeply etched in peoples' minds. Ask anyone and he/she will have a story of theirs to tell u. Stranded 18 hrs on a flyover, fished out using ropes or spending half a day on the roof of a BEST bus..all this sounds like such bedtime story material, doesnt it??

'Its nothing new in Mumbai' you may argue ;doesnt it wreak havoc in the city every year? Fair say, 30-50 cm of rainfall a day is perfectly fine here, though at times, it may go to a 100. The city drains getting clogged are pretty normal .People wading through waist-high water at places is quite a common sight. Road transport is hit a bit. Local Trains run 15 min late (yeah if that happens in mumbai then u r absolutely sure that the city is facing a terrible downpour). Trade suffers. Houses are flooded. Money worth crores is washed away in no time. And people take refuge in their places of work for days, till the office canteens show signs of famine.

And still the people keep their mouths shut. No one cries for help. No one cribs or cries like cyclone or tsunami victims. See..havent u studied in school that 'Silence is golden' (or is it silver?))!! See.. there's not even a demand for a relief package of a cr rupees like other places (v wont get it anyways, so no big deal). Because ,u see, there's nothing new..yeh sab toh hota rehta hain yaar har saal." All this for a city which boasts of contributing a third to the country's exchequer.
And the reason why all this isnt new is because we have got so f****ng used to this life thanks to our "chalta hain" attitude and resilience infinitum.

Flood or blasts, in mumbai, we practise something called " The Art of surviving" (no its different from " The art of living").Its not something practised or taught in yoga classes. Its done by normal mumbaikars quite subconsciously,daily in their lives. For instance ,fearlessly hanging out of a crowded fast-local with just a semblance of a finger-nail inside it (even a day after a train blast), living in a micro matchbox apartment for generations in a crowded suburb, evading a million potholes everyday, getting stuck in traffic snarls for hrs together etc etc.
Brand MUMBAI is remembered (Rather exploited) only on two occasions- one to showcase its role as the proverbial cash cow (its hard-earned money in the form of taxes obviously feeding the hungry vote banks in north india, feeding the sarkaari babus in delhi and making life comfortable for the thankless capital city, ).
And Secondly (most importantly) to talk about the courage and spirit shown by the brave mumbaikar who stares calamity in the face and battles against all odds even as the whole system struggles to come to terms . The "salaam mumbai" rhetoric is sung by babus (when what the city really needs is something more substantial) and then all's well.After all the mayhem as died down, life resumes as normal for the common man in the city, the very next day itself or the very next week in the worst of circumstances. As if nothin really happened!
Fverything is forgotten....till the next calamity strikes. Meanwhile, plans to transform Mumbai to Shanghai are drawn out. And we thought that the whole Shanghai fixation was just one of those over-ambitious,candy-floss dreams that our leaders get from time to time! 'Modelling Mumbai on Shanghai lines' they say.
Interesting, it seems, Mumbai has six sister cities in different parts of the world (maximum permitted by the Indian government).
Yeah, six really hot sisters!!
They are: Berlin, London, Los Angeles, Saint Petersburg, Stuttgart and Yokohama (Shanghai is not one of them incase you were looking for it!).

Hmm.. for the moment, modelling the city is the last thing on our minds as every soul tries his/her best to keep indoors and admires the marauding rains, from the confines of their houses for isnt it supposed to be Mumbai's most romantic season.

Regards

Vishwesh

The "BOSS" of all films

2007-06-26T05:45:00.001-07:00

Hmm..for a change, this monsoon, Rajini fever is spreading faster than chikungunya.One is reminded of the famous Enrique number, with slight modifications of course-
" You can run, You can hide but you can't escape the Sivaji bug.".

All the wait finally ended on the 15th of June as the superstar's banners and posters all over Tamil soil were bathed in gallons of milk(paal abhishekam).News channels momentarily took a break from their obsession for " President's poll (Read: Kaun Banega Rashtrapati?") and stopped to rave about the Superstar's new avataar.
You could see pictures of cinema theatres with queues running for miles, ones u normal encounter in Mumbai junior colleges during admission-time.They showed ticket vendors having a honeymoon time selling tickets for prices as high as a whopping 1000 bucks per ticket..woow!
And to top it all there were happy faces in the queue, amidst all the pulling n pushing ;guys taking utmost pride in the fact that they were in the queue from 1 in the morning and would asolutely kill to get a glimpse of the superstar in his brand new movie. Then there were those who said they had done part-time jobs to pay for their tickets and those who had just come from a night-shift... Enough proof to say that they were all Superstar's Die-hard fans. See,all this has got just one name. Fanaticism!! Its the max limit u can stretch yourself to, to show the cameraman that you well and truly swear by the man.

Then all the statistics books were opened for this was the costliest Indian film ever to be made and Rajni Saar the highest paid indian actor. Comparison between him and the Big B were drawn at will by the wily news channels eagerly wanting a lip-smacking North-South clash so that they could create fresh tamasha.
" I am the king, but he is the real emperor" said superstar in all humility to a channel,putting to rest all the hulabaloo.
US, UK, Australia and malaysia were no exception, we heard. They were absolutely taken by storm as the film assumed Tsunamic proportions. Regional box-offices and some of the bollywood flicks back home had no clue what hit them as they suffered a heavy pounding ." Jhoom Barabar Jhoom" would have been a super-duper flop anyway, so no big deal. "Oceans 13" is populated with just too many hunks. "Shrek-3" is just another sissy animation movie compared to the superstar's stunts and "Cheeni Kum" doesnt have high-voltage punch dialogues.

So, Sivaji- The Boss it was! and superstar had one more entrant into his fan club..hehehe..temporarily though

Regards

Vishwesh

The "BOSS" of all films-2

2007-06-26T04:51:00.000-07:00

So..without much deliberation we went for the obvious choice- Sivaji-The BOSS (Bachelor Of Social Service, a change from the previous one which (for us)meant Brother Of Sexy Sisters). We encountered the usual Saturday shopping buzz at the mammoth Nirmal Lifestyles where there is a PVR. Timepass and hanging out (no,not shopping)in Mumbai has suddenely got a new definiton thanks to the numerous malls that have sprung up. But this one takes the cake. This is one place where the brands meet. For an ordinary man, a trip around the whole shopping space,especially the numerous cloth and food outlets (Mocha, Cafe Coffee day, tai-chi,pizza hut,only parathas,italian,chaat shops etc) more than makes up for his missed morning-walk.

We got the tickets for a princely sum of Rs 150. It was quite evident that the movie was a sell-out since the man at the counter politely tuned down my dad's request for a back-row seat and gave us centre seats in the 3rd row.My dad tried to make small talk in an effort to achieve the impossible- getting a concession over the tickets( for the pain of sitting in one of the front rows and sacrificing comfort).Instead he got two slit-sized cards,all glossy and colorful.

" What are these?" asked dad

" Well, we cant give you concessions, but you can win huge prizes in a lucky draw if you fill this up and put it into the drop-box after seeing the movie." said the man at the counter, rather amused.

I stuffed them up in my pocket as if they were empty toffee wrappers. We were already a bit late for the movie.
It was a typical Superstar movie. His "riches-to-rags-to-riches" formula worked wonders yet again as his previous movies. Lots of colour,flamboyance,masalaa and the subtle doses of comedy had the "madrasi" junta in the multiplex absolutely entertained.
The main-villain in tamil movies is diametrically opposite(in looks) to the ones we see in other languages. More often than not he is the only guy in the movie who is clean-shaven and all "gora gora(fair)" while the rest of his tribe sport unkempt facial hair and dark faces.
Well,as per the trend, tamil film heros(with moustaches ,of course) just seem to get darker and older whereas their sweethearts get fairer and younger (It always happens!!). Anyways, i guess,they are just out to prove the point that Opposites indeed attract.
The songs showed where most of the 80 cr was spent on (besides Superstar's fee, hairdressers and beauticians)
And yeah, before I forget, Superstar's histronics and his punch dialogues served as the perfect icing on the cake . His old cigarette-trick (Hang yourself if you dont know wat I am talking about!) has been replaced by the chewing gum trick. All he needs is a flat, reflecting surface for him to bounce the gum into his mouth perfectly, be it is hand or the villain's forehead(But isnt it supposed to be a gum and shouldnt it stick??).
Its no secret, there's no logic, only magic in Rajni Saar's movies! Then there is this 1-rupee coin which he plays table-tennis with it using the same hand, as if it were a ping-pong ball with zero gravity. And as only superstar can do, he uses the same coin to convert black money to white( no, not by painting it) and spends it for the people ,against all odds and gods.

His punch dialogues:
" Paera keta summa adhurudhu'la"
" When you hear my name you get the shivers, dont you?"

"COOOL...!!" (Most frequently used in the movie)

"Kanna, panninga dhaan kootama varum, singam single aa dhaan varum"
"Only pigs come in a group, the lion comes alone"

And if that fails to impress you ,he uses voice recognition as the password for accessing the info in his lappie.

"Hi buddy, Sivaji here.. KOOL!" That's the line!
And the strange creature replies "Hi shiv" each time. Koool !!

For a change, some of the "punches" were delivered by the comedian just to show that the Superstar was generous enough to give every person(actor) in tamil Nadu a chance to voice out "punches" and that he dint want it to be his monopoly of sorts..

"Punches" by the comedian were mostly the rhyming ones:

"Sixukku appuram seven da, Sivajikku appuram yevenda"
"After six there is seven, after Sivaji there is no one."

"Kuzhanthaigal paakrathu pogo, sivajikita vendaam go go"
"Children see pogo, dont take panga with Sivaji, go go!...hehehe nice one)

"Chittoor Thaandina Kaatpaadi, Sivajiya seendinaa Dead Body!"
"If you go beyond Chittoor you will reach Kaatpaadi, If you tease Sivaji you will become a Dead body!"

See, it had all the ingredients what an average man looks for in a movie- action, romance,comedy,style,dialogues,song and dance. Isnt that enough?
C'mon, movies are meant to entertain you after all!

And, I came out of the theatre with a satisfied,"Paisa Vasool!!" feeling after a li'l over 3 hrs of Superstar-entertainment.

KOOL...

Regards

Vishwesh

Nittwits

2007-06-15T00:50:00.000-07:00

"He is a silent,ever-smiling, sarcastic b*****d who loves tearing peoples' reputation to shreds with his blogs"
Hmmm (*enough adjectives used ,i guess)..Thats a very common opinion you would hear about me from most people in nitt. True enough, the 4-yr stay in the vast campus had given me enough to write about. But like most people, the senthu( senti + enthu) got to me in the last month of our final sem. The same things that we had complained n cribbed about all these years now became elements which aroused and added dollops of 'senti' (nostalgia) in us. There was hectic frenzy all around as Reminiscence videos and pictures constantly circulated in the hostel lans. There were pictures of us in fake "study" postures, us in the depts n labs(yes, at least for once we had to show our parents bak home that their money wasnt going waste),pics of us at the roof-top,tree-tops,at 3-star hotels ..we were everywhere. Treats had now become as common a feature in our lives as bread for breakfast, much to an extent that we longed for mess food sometimes. Job-treats, get-togethers,wing-treats, dept-treats, hostel treats, timepass-treats..they just assumed different names but the objective was the same - To make the most of whatever little time was left, with our mates before we passed out of the insti and went different ways. And it all ended on the 15th of may,as I vacated my room and transferred all my belongings into the rickshaw and bid farewell to the college and my friends. As anticipated, it took quite some time for me to digest the whole "getting out" feeling. 4 eventful years have gone by and dvds (or comps) filled with college photos n videos are the only real snippets of reminiscence left with many of us. One thing which most of us wont forget is the nitt college lingo which was part n parcel of our lives 'in' there. These are just a few specimen words from my nitt lexicon.

Chaat ( ch'aat', the number of a's in "chaat" actually gives out the intensity of chaaat one is subjected to (chaatitude) )- Used to describe someone who is well accomplished in the field of dry humour to an extent that you tear your hair in frustration n start screaming, a PJist or someone who can keep talking endlessly. Quite easily the most frequently used word in daily nitt conversations. Used as a noun, verb, adjective. Normally all class lectures are classified chaaaat!

Eg: Abey chaat mat! (verb)
F**k u , chaat b*****d! (adjective)
Man, how can u be such a chaat! (noun)

Qjaada (Jaa'daa', the q is just for timepass. its silent actually)- brimming with too much atti. Mostly used when talking about juniors
( "The guy has just too much 'qjaada'. We need to increase his score.")

Score- an outrageously crazy system put in place to measure the number of hits a hapless junior gets (for no fault of his).
Junior to other junior:" Look (gleefully showing his cheeks swollen like a fulka on the pan)!! my score is 200,its definitely more than yours)

Kela- ( K'laa', dont confuse with banana because the meaning is completely different )- a failure, alternatively used for a situation where things dont work out the way u wanted and hoplessly become worse.
("another kela for me! 5 kelas in 5 interviews! great going")

funti- girlfriend or someone who can be remotely termed so

funti - male version of the above

Dosa - (dont confuse with the south indian dish) dean of student affairs

coe- (pronounced as 'koi' or just C O E)the richest person in college thanks to numerous students' exam paper re-evaluation applications, transcript and grade card requests( along with the cash..i forgot)

cycles- Once in a month phenomenon. short for cycle tests.

afty- (aaf' tee')- still not sure about the spelling (whether its halfty or afty). It basically means that your day ends with the lunch break coz there r no classes after it.Afty can be a matter of pride especially when there are inter-dept clashes on the issue of which dept really works its ass out.

mornty- (mon' tee')- A situation where there r no classes in the morning and the day begins after lunch.

Fulty- (full' tee')- mornty + halfty - classes. Ok fine, its a weekday holiday!

supple (sapp' lee')- Another chance to screw up your grades. Arrears as they call it

baap/maa- one who chaats u, guides u, bugs u with useless advice, n basically gets to boss u around(during the first yr) just beacause you commited the cardinal sin of writing the aieee a year after him/her,from the same state as him/her and choose the same branch as his/her.

beta/beti - Someone who feels the same about u.

potha/pothi- part of the hierarchy

parpotha/parpothi- last in the hierarchy.

maal- Something nice to the eyes,, eye candy!

dog-rice- (the mess annas have a name for it- Pulav) a saturday-nite delicacy served in each n every mess across nitt campus.A must-eat for anyone visiting the campus. Every nittian had eaten it at least once (the only one time). This 'nitt special' comprises of undercooked rice and a generous sprinkling of vegetables, with a brownish-gold color to it.

PBM - Short for Paneer butter masala (also the conveniently modified name of a certain hostel deputy-warden)

barotta - No, not a failed attempt at pronouncing paratha. Its the staple diet of Tamil Nadu. The phrase " roti, kapda, makaan" can be suitably modified as " barota, lungi aur makaan"

dew lime - Water + Ice +Mountain dew + Lemon juice ( Pateneted by the roadside gate annas).

Rem - short for Reminiscence. A rem book and rem video are the highlights of the final sem.

Senti- (Sen'tee') the feeling of nostalgia. If the things that you loved to hate all these years bring tears to your eyes, then you are feeling reaally "senti"!!

Regards

Vishwesh

RaaRaa

2007-05-04T22:07:00.000-07:00

Quarter to 3! I was at the xerox shop staring at the empty glass bottles on the juicy table.The xerox anna instantly recogonized me as the guy who took 31 cpc copies daily and laid out 2 bundles of 31 copies each and with it the bill which read 219. What I had was a soiled 100 rupee note. Even then i fumbled in my pockets just to show him i was searching for more cash. Obviously not finding it, i gestured that this was just wat i had. He returned an angry stare which suggested " you are going nowhere mate' as he advanced towards me. And then I woke up with a start as my cell phone buzzed with the all too familiar 'Dil chahta hain' ringtone.Wooow! take that for a monday morning dream.
Bundles of A4 sheets,xerox copies,cpcs for juniors and then evaluating the crap had become more than just a part of life as the cpc co-ordi. Dint take me long to figure out that I was actually learning more from the cpcs than the juniors.But most importantly it gave a huge breathing space to the guy who had made me co-ordi in the first place. RaaRaa! RaaRaa's sole motive behind this whole mission was to delay the inevitable (a blog on him)and he made no secret of his deadly conspiracy which he had hatched to dirupt my lovely blog life.
Now something on RaaRaa, the man, the self-proclaimed drunkard! A battered and bruised face resembling a minefield of pimples( which he soo desperately tries to cover with a mask of ponds talcum powder), a thin lean body which doesnt seem to get any fatter despite the numerous treats he extracts out of others, a false smile on his face make up this Sick-rep. RaaRaa is quite famous for his oratory skills. His speeches,mostly chaat ones concerning placement, companies,etc (wat more can u expect from a sick-rep?)are a hit in the meta dept especially when we need a change from the usual chaat dished out by the profs. But none can beat the one which propelled him to the post of Sick-rep (and later had his adversary in tears).
RaaRaa's entry into the A2 hall for a ppt is nothing short of an event.
He's suave, sophisticated, gentlemanly and his dressing sense is just enough to make people take notice of him.(all the above mentioned qualities were described in a Valentine's Day letter from a secret admirer of his. will come to that later). He gives his pimple-studded face a massage, his fingers running cheek-to-cheek feeling for every crest and trough on his face, his face tilted at an angle,( the same massage that a guy treats himself to in a shaving-razor commercial) quite subconsciuosly though for almost 10 minutes continuously. He surveys the hall at 9.00am (the time when most ppts are scheduled). Seeing it half empty ,much to his disappointment,he strides out with the air of a busy executive. The only misfit here is his vintage 1100. Then the all too familiar "godfather" ringtone can be heard
His first crush
Contrary to his 'prfoessional' image in the tp, RaaRaa is quite a couch-potato in the hostel. Football ranks number one on RaaRaa's interests. All thanks to the love of his life. The one whom he finds absolutley irresristble and bewitching. None other than fernando morientus!! It was love at first sight and from that moment he had made up his mind that if he were to lose his heart to someone it would be this hot dude. His fanaticism(love)reached dangerous proprtions at times.His swelling Octa printing charges nothwithstanding he filled his room with morientus color printouts day in and day out and would keep staring at the posters all day fantasising about him n FM.
Not long ago football took a backseat and he switched over to the cricket world cup. Now what would you call a person who placed a wager on England saying they will win the cricket world cup? Wouldnt sound anything near a reasonable bet even if it was the soccer world cup!! Well, RaaRaa by no means is part of the Barmy Army if you thought so and even if he was one he would be the only one left! Come an England match he sits with his eyes glued to the comp or the laptop stolen from kaly's room. Dont be fooled by his analysis and comments (The types you usually encounter in post match sessions). His knowledge of cricket is as good as Mandira's if not worse.You cant miss out the permutations and combination he works out to suitably convince ppl around him that englands passage into the semis would be no fairy tale
" England will sweep SA,

They will absolutely steamroll ireland and Bangladesh and then make light work of Srilanka. See! not a problem at all"

You remind him that SL and SA are quality teams in world cricket and you can hear him singing hymns in the praise of Kevin peterson and James Anderson. Dont be surprised if you hear a sudden vociferous roar of " England" or " Michael Vaughan" arms raised in the "Hail Fuehrer" way(A cup of beer in his hand and you would be absolutely sure that RaaRaa is english). Unfortunately RaaRaa's hopes were smashed to smitheerens. Quite frankly not a single soul expected the English to blast their way past their opponents into the semis, the way RaaRaa predicted they would. On the contrary England stumbled at the super eight stage itself and RaaRaa switched loyalties to New Zealand to avoid being the laughing stock in our hostel-wing (which he ultimatley did become.). New Zealand ended up losing its semi final match. All this led us to conlcude that on a day if RaaRaa declared himself unofficial cheerleader for a team, the team was destined to bite the dust on that given day.

One of RaaRaa's strengths is his treat-extracting techniques. He is highly skilled enough to convert "dutch treats" into treats for himself despite having notes stuffed in his pocket. As promised here is the letter he recieved.

RaaRaa's Valentine's day letter

Dear RaaRaa,
Please dont think this is just another Valentine's day card proxy and tear it off. Its a piece of my heart that I am offering you in the form of a wrethced piece of paper stuffed in an envelope. Its been long since we met.Rather we havent met in person but u are always there in my dreams.You are soo smart, sophisticated, suave and your dressing sense is amazing. Makes me wonder whether they are really yours.
I have also heard that you are a really brave man and everyone who stands up against you is nothing more than an insignificant 'INSECT' to you !! I have never felt like this about a guy before.
But it seems you have too much of a pimple problem. Deja Vu I should say!! I ll give u a acne pimple cream as a valentine gift. Dont worry.
And it seems we will be working in the same company and place. Have you started searching for a home for "us" in Banglore?? Do tell me asap if you do. I can be your college mate,company mate,...(fill in the blanks)etc etc all in one. I think it will be fun being together. Recently i have come across rumours saying that you booze a lot these days(Devdas style) and people are attributing it to a certain failed love-affair. Well, now that I will joining you in another 2 months you will have no problems forgetting her (I know who she is ! i know who she is!).
Also please please for Heaven's sake change your cell phone and that irritating ringtone of yours. Its doesnt look like one anymore. There are a lot many other things said about you. But i am not the least embarrased by what people around me say because I like you.
Lets have a candle-light dinner at Jenny's today.

Signing off

Yours lovingly
your ValentinEEE

P.S: I am not paying for the dinner tonight.

Regards

Vishwesh

RaaRaa Kaise Na Jale !!

2007-04-08T11:12:00.000-07:00

Raaraa came along as a guy who was the least attracted to the fairer sex. He had never spoken to girls before, never even indulged in 'roasting groundnuts'(an obvious fact since he came from chennai, india's most conservative city).
He maintained status-quo till,would you believe it, the 6th sem( some even classified him as a misogynist). But the sick-rep job opened new avenues for frustoo raaraa leading him to discover his masculine self.
The need to shrug off his loneliness and change his orkut profile
to committed intensified. The strong feeling of compnaionship was just so hard to
resist.He threw caution to the winds and stepped down from his self-
imposed bondage, to woo females. And what better place than the tp.

( Hereafter, RaaRaa's crush will be referred to as plain "she" and her boyfriend " he". Sorry cant use names. This has been done to avoid any (further) damage to raaraa's image in tp).

She evoked street-corner whistles and made heads turn wherever she set foot."She" in contrast to raaraa had a treasure of males to choose from. "He" was the prized one among them. . The two of them could be seen hanging out at just every place in the campus hand-in-hand.
But raaraa with a saintly smile, both brush off all rumors of, saying " They are just friends. She will never go out with anyone else. Coz she was, is and will always be mine."
Slowly and steadily she turned raw material for most of raaraa's dreams as he fantasised holding hands with her, floating about, running around trees. Friendship(supposed) turned into admiration. Admiration into love. And love into lust!!But raaraa's high- flying fanatasies were brought down crashing to earth one evening. It was that evening when raaraa had decided enough was enough. Dreams needed to be translated into reality. It was in a way a perfect setting, just the two
of them caught inside tp, heavy rains outside . But,Raaraa was head deep in alcohol.Still it wasn't alcohol blinding him as much as love.

raaraa: (clearing his throat) ah. (coughing)...hic..(tries his best to control the hiccups, but is helpless)
she: (No response as she tried hard to pull out the xerox copies out off the
dabba tp xerox machine)

Raaraa: (clueless wat to do next, coughs; this time a bit louder)
she: (concerned look on her face) oh, do u have a bad throat. (fumbles in her
purse for a 'halls'). Here take this and you will be fine.

raaraa: (stumbles along to to her side) ah..hic.. hic....I wanted to
hic..tell ...hic..you
She: (covers her nose) you are drunk, raaraa. How many times have i told you
not to steal money from my purse to drink?

raaraa: (holds his head, shakes it twice. but the alcohol wont leave him alone)
Sooorry.. sorry..I (staggers). I... just had ...hic ..8 legs..sorry..(voiced reduces
to a mumble) 8 pegs and washed it down with some ...hic..vodka. Whats wrong in it?

raaraa, by this time had staggered enough to get closer to her, he stumbled, rather appeared to,and clutched the unassuming girl's hand for support. Even though she found the smell of alcohol from his mouth on her face excruciatingly uneasy , she dragged the drunkard along to the nearest sofa.

raaraa: (still mumbling, as he lay on the couch, still clutching her soft
hands)you know why i got drunk??
she: (trying hard to free her hand from his grasp) its obvious. You must have
gone with your fellow drunkards; i mean fellow sick-reps. Sorry ,slip of the
tongue.

Raaraa: (eyes half closed, smile) its ok.. yar.. its verrry ...hic..ook. Hey those
dumbasses.. don know how to drink thats why I give them a...hic..crash course everyday. Look at me. I m soo ...hic ..hicc..controllled. I always booze responsibly. An occasional ..hic..boooze once .hic..every 2 days.
she: (still cant help the smell) That I can see for!! Shame on you!!! I m appalled. At least spend your own money on the booze. Stop stealing money or taking booze treats.
Disgusting!!!

raaraa: (big drunkard's laugh, although it sounded artificial) money..comes now ..hic....goes tomorrow.. wats the use of having it in the wallet (eyes still closed).

raaraa: I want to tell you some..something (closes his eyes). I.. dont..hic..
(pause)..know how.. how.. tooo hic...say it..

Papa ney kaha cigarette chod do, chod diya
Doston ney kaha treat lena chod do,chod diya
Tum keh rahi ho sharab chod do, almost chod diya
Kal koi kahe " duniya chod do" toh main kya karoonga??

( Literal Translation:
Dad said "quit smoking", I quit
Friends said " quit taking treats from others", I quit
You tell me " Quit drinking", I almost quit
What if someone says " Quit the world?" )

She stood shell-shocked,,expressionless, rock-solid. For a moment the world seemed to have come screeching to an indefinite halt. Raaraa meanwhile was half out of the couch, hanging out of it local-train style,eyes half open, smiling to himself as if the whole poem was an original.(actually some part of it was straight out of Devdas)

she: (her face now changed to normal as she flashed a smile): Wow!! what a line. It
rhymed perfectly. you say poems even when u r drunk. But I have a feeling I have heard it somewhere before.

Raaraa looked confused. This reaction of her's wasnt remotely close to wat he had
expected.He was either expecting brickbats or roses!!

She: raaraa you are such a good guy, even though u r such a culprit.U r someone whom
i have always looked to for support.
Raaraa's joy knew no bounds. He opened his mouth in jubiliation, only to see her move her face away and cover her nose.

She: (now holding his hand, sending a 1000-watt shiver down RaaRaa's spine)
raaraa: (shaking his head) yeah? Yeah? go on?

she: I have a surprise for you. She pulled out something from her purse.
raaraa: Yes yes show it (really desperate now, all the booze seem to have evaporated all of a sudden)

She: (sound effect) Tan..Da..Daaan. her it comes out!! Guess what??
Just a sec! It took just one second for RaaRaa's expression to go from extreme ecstasy to the deep depression when he saw the 'surprise'. A silky, shiny and colourful surprise it was. He was shattered!!

She: Here's a nice Raakhi for you!!! Happy RakshaBandhan to my dear little kid brother RaaRaa!

RaaRaa's face fell!! Did she really say Dear little KID BROTHER(kid brother-
highlighted, bold, italicised, emphasized...)!!
Oh no!! the words rang in his ears for the next few minutes.

"Happy RakshaBandhan to my dear little kid brother RaaRaa!" (Echo Effect!)

She could well have stabbed him with a knife or strangled him. He pinched himself just to make sure it wasnt one of the real bad dreams (ones featuring his fellow sick-reps). How he wished he had stayed drunk a little longer so that he wouldnt have heard her. How could she ever do this to him?? All those "flower and bee" dreams that he had seen all these days were after all just screen-saver material. He was heart-broken. He couldnt swallow the lump in his throat; it had grown football size.

she: Kya hua? Dont u like it? its from me your big sister!u were shocked naa?
surprise surprise!! Why r u crying??
raaraa: (melodrama spilling over) ya.. yes it is a real surprise.. (wiping of
his tears) Pagli,Yeh toh khushi key aasoon hain (fool,these are tears of joy)!

That night seemed like an eternity. Those words still rang like a bell in his ears. He spent the next few months in solitude. Beer kept him company though he had graduated to gin by now. His marks dipped. His CGPA took a plunge. He spent each whole day listening to meodramatic a.r rahman and lucky ali tunes on the laptop stolen from kaly's room.

And if you are still wondering what happened next.. well..He spent some time in Alcholics Anonymous till he was fine.

Now, He's gone back to his old crush.
Fernando Morientes!!

Regards

Vishwesh

The CATalysis which never was!

2007-01-16T03:30:00.000-08:00

The day after the cat exam was a silent post-mortem. The exam never really matched our expectations and was unusually easy for
a guy who was cooling his heels till the previous day,celebrating the end of
the engg sem exams( 6 in 6 days) What made it even worse
was we were allowed to retain the test booklet. This meant that you still
felt the urge to open it, getting the occasional bouts of "did i mark the
wrong answer" feeling.
Sites flashed details of cut-offs and answer. Grr..I dont get this,What
sadistic pleasure do they get by doing all this?? I could sense eager iim-
aspirants all over the country gobbling up each n every detail from a certain
website( whose name when translated to hindi quite literally means 'mad'
guy).The number of attempts made by each guy was just demoralising, to say the
least.
Add to this the "cat is belled" headlines on every news-channel(right
from D-day), one of which had a reporter interviewing a hapless chap just
after the 2 n half hour grilling. He sounded a little a little too optimistic
(after claiming to have attempted 31). My mother sounded more upbeat about the
cat exam analysis( Read:catalysis) than me.This feeling was easily manifested
in the way she was surfing through news channels for more n more "cat news",
REMOTE CONTROL in hand(rarest of phenomena after Halley's comet).
Things eased out later. Thanks to various damage-control initiatives like
spending as much time with friends,away from home; switching to "everyday"
soaps on tv and not venturing anywhere near news channels and "cat"sites.
Then the day came when the three of us (jaj, pam, me) chalked out a plan to
watch the latest bond flick in town, 2 days after D-day. Since we were coming
from three different places,we chose a theatre which was the
nearest to the three of us. A movie in a theatre in mumbai after almost 5 months (in
wilderness) was the biggest relief on could hope for!!jaj and pam were there waiting for me with the
tickets. jaj looked different with his glasses on ,while pam..er..he looked
just the same(its his nose, i tell u!!). We had about 15 minutes before the
movie actually started. A conversation kicked off as we sipped on some cola(a
costly proposition at 45 bucks.Daylight robbery! You always have to make a face
that its all soo reasonably priced. Consumerism Murdabad!)

"Sheesh man.. screwed totally!!!" pat came pam's lament accompanied by a shake of the head!

I wondered what he was talking about. Infact, my initial thought was that he
was crying over the cola being overpriced. But when was the last time he
ever cried over food or drink. Something else was bothering him.

"What's it man?" jaj enquired.
"Man..I got screwed in the english section,I smashed quants and DI.I attempted
only 15 in english and I referred to the answer keys online. I am getting only
26."

Oh!! So it wasn't about the cola after all! it was about CAT! And
what a place to start a cat analysis(catalysis)session. From the
corner of my eye, i could sense a college couple already relishing our cat-
talk and they were finding it quite amusing.)

Me:( sounding genuinely concerned)" Pam, how much are you geting using the
time answer keys?"

pam:(sulks)"ONLY 143 yaar!! 28 in english, 47 in DI, 68 in
quants!
sheesh..I m so screwed!

(ONLY 143!! someone please tell this guy you dont repeat your cent-percent board-exam performance everywhere, max you get a 100% percantile, thats it!!!)

The college couple sitting at the table now looked really interested and
they watched every movement of pam as if he were a 9'0 clock sitcom show on
star TV.

Me: "Oh, only 143!! Sha..i m really sad for you! anyways, its ok, luck next
time. I am sure you'll do well.

jaj:(Performing his job of a sooth-sayer to perfection)" Hey champ, you
smashed quants and DI and you have a great gpa. So, who knows, you may get
calls from 3 IIM's, if not all 6."

pam:"Are you kidding? No chance! English turned out to be my nemesis, when I
expected it to be my main scoring area. And i got the test paper code 444
which had 2 wrong questions. both of them quants! God, (a slight laugh, more of a "why-is-it-always-me" chuckle) Everything went against me!

Damn pam!!He was at his loudest best now! The couple could burst with laughter any second now, at the sight of 3 geeks discussing answer keys
in a goddamn movie theatre.

jaj: "There wont be any re-test or scrapping of wrong Questions (much to the dismay of pam, pam's face fell). By the way,wat was the answer for the 2nd question in the quants section. The surds question.

Me:(fed up of all the talk now and acting completely uninterested) I think it was 2 or 3rd , not sure.

The 15 min ended and we were inside the dark theatre. the new
james bond did his bit of hero-giri, leaping and diving across multi-storeyed
buildings as if they were concrete srpingboards.I sat between jaj and pam still
sipping my cola.Then came the
intermission.

pam: "Nice movie, huh? different from the previous ones naa?
Me: ya, it is

jaj chipped in with his fundaas on the bond aston-martin, the bond martini, the bond gun, the bond suit and many other bond accesories.

pam:"Hey any of u guys giving the XAT exam?I wanted to fill in the details
online.?(It was quite clear by now, number 143 would give him many sleepless
nights.)

Me: What?? You mean,you you want to write XAT too

pam: Arre ,obviously yaar!! this is my last chance to prove myself.(chuckles)!
(last chance?? Grrr...people cant do away with the cat hangover, can they?)

Anwyays, the meet ended on a good note, as we had a snack in a nearby reastaurant near sion circle.

pam(after the snack): hey guys, please check your score using the answer keys and tell me?

jaj: (A very familiar picture of horror on his face) "F*** you, pam!!!You crazy or what??
I want it to be a suspense. I dont want to get depressed so early. I prefer to wait"

For the next few days, my orkut scrapbook attracted an avalanche of "did you bell the cat or not?" scraps.
All this prompted me to fled the city and run off to a place (100 km away from mumbai), totally cut off from the rest of the world and returned only after all the hullabaloo had died down.

Regards

Vishwesh

Jajment

2006-10-19T01:35:00.000-07:00

That my room stays locked for most part of the day is no surprise and to say that it serves as a virtual lodge would be an understatement.Perhaps the only time it finds favour with guys is when one of them drops in to get a good afternoon's sleep(dich,he says my room induces sleep thanks to its 'AC' effect) or when one of them needs the day's edition of the spicy TOI.One of them is jaj!Jaj fancies himself as the official wandering tramp of pearl hostel. You will be forgiven for mistaking him for the wild boar-hogging,Roman bashing Gaul Obelix of 'Asterix' fame. The fat belly of his is really hard to miss as it tries hard to push out of his T-shirt like an inflated balloon. He has a large appetite(pun intended) for words, and he has got the 'balls'(pun again) to smash any english lits event at any place, at any time.
No sooner has he brushed his teeth, he lumbers his way to the vetti wing. He
surveys all open rooms along the way, till he reaches dich's room which is his
obvious favourite.
Jaj's favourite pastime is pulling dich's leg's and in the process adding a few
more Tamil swear words to his already swelling lexicon. Jaj quite dutifully and
successfully fulfills all the 'hostel' duties like staying jobless for hours
together,listening to gossip and doing bakar . If he is lucky he gets charge of dich's comp in the room and then its CS all the way.He has this rather
unconventional stance of playing the game. His fat,bucket-like palms rest on
the battered and bruised keyboard, the fore legs of the chair are raised while
he supports himself on its hind legs. He has mastered this art to
perfection( Not that it guarantees safety to anyone sitting behing him on the
floor!). He goes about on his firing spree till he finds that he is no match
for the BOT. A spell of unmentionables(obviously directed towards the BOT) is
let out in fury, in whatever sparse tamil he knows. Whether its a confrontation
with dich or CS, decibel levels are always on the higher side.

jaj's obsession for his second job is the talk of the hostel now-a-days. He
was made to look gullible when he sat
for a company which presented quite a rosy profile of itself. Unfortunately, jaj was
selected.Since then he has been following the entire placement scenario under a
microscope. He is quick to latch on to anything which he consdiers a clue about
the new companies, their arrival date etc. He could go to any lengths to force
the beans to be spilt- take one of the cic-reps() out for a casual dinner at
a gate and after a hearty meal spend a few hours of mindless bakar and slowly
but gradually sliping in the placement issue so that they let out their secrets.
Unfortunately his indecision isnt helping him either. Raaraa's wise-cracks
only add to his misery.Its been going along for sometimes. Raaraa gives him
assurances about the most awaited 'big ones'. jaj plays the waiting game skipping the 'small ones' for it. But a day before the supposed big-one, jaj dsicovers that is is actually a "tech profile" which leaves him high,dry and frustrated. jaj's gpa doesnt help matters much.
Jaj is probably the biggest placement critic that the college has had for
years. He cant understand the logic behind so many tech companies descending on
our campus for placements. When you remind him that this is a T-school and
there are as many software companies as tech, he is quick to retort that there
should be more of non-software and non-tech offers (Why dont you try your luck
in Bollywood, sunshine!!). He even went to the extent of dashing of a
suggestion-letter titled "i will teach you how to recruit potential candidates
like me" to a particular firm after he failed to make it!
All this hulabaloo for just one thing: A Bloddy, Friggin double job!!!
If you thought this is the end of story, wait a minute, keep your fingers
crossed! For you just know he wants a double job to get out of his OC profile,
you dont know what about that profile scares him,(rather who about the profile
scares him). Well no marks for guessing! Its good old papa!! She was and is
news always, isnt she! She has been the raw-material for jaj's nightmares. The thought of himself and her working in adjacent, AC filled cubicles, sends
cold shivers down his spine. The mere mention of papa scares him out of his
wits.( wouldnt be a bad idea to refer to her as the "You-know-who" or "She-Who-Must-Not-be-Named" ,harry potter fame).

No surprises here, considering his hate-turned-phobia for females.Jaj comes
along as a really spineless dude when it comes to girls. Due his age-old
isolation from the fairer sex, he is facing a crisis of sorts.Stories are rife
that he knew about a girl in school only through his mom and that too
when he was in engg college. The introduction to chirkut
seemed just the right medium to connect with females. At least he dint hav to
talk to them face-to-face and avoid wetting his pants in fear. But paranoid jaj
has his own share of problems here too! He cant get along with any damn female.
He has narrowed his fem-quest only to ..er..well..Pallakkad females.Come what
may,he still cant get papa out of his mind (one of thsoe love-hate things)
. The heart-break after the kau incident explains it.

To give you an idea of how a conversation between jaj and papa would sound,lets
take a quick fast-forward. For more see the post below

Papa's jajment day

2006-10-19T01:15:00.000-07:00

Jaj and papa in OC, Bangalore:

Papa: (sees jaj, waves out to him) hey,hi,i have seen before,arent u from NITT?
Jaj: (looks back to check whether its really him or someone else, hesitates).
Er..ya..hi..I m from NITT.

Papa:oh! (strectches out her hand).hi.. I m lux papa!
Jaj: Er..( hesitates,dreads the possibility of shaking hands with papa, looks
around if anyone is watching)..I ..er.. just came out of the toilet now..sorry!
anyways.. Hi..jaj here!aaa.. nice meeting u.

jaj makes a dash towards the elevator to show her that he is busy but she
stalks him all the way. In the elevator:

papa:(pulls out her hanky and mirror from her bag) No probs yaar! (checks her
make-up).. I have seen u around for quite some time.Its strange v are from the
same college and havent spoken for a yr.
Jaj: (doesnt know what to say)..Er..I..I was a bit busy ..i dont think i
noticed you were around!

papa:(smiles, turns on her seductive charm)too busy..or..just too busy for me
jaj: (terrified, sweats profusely)i..i... dont know what u talking about!And in
any case I dont know you that well either.

papa: Oh c'mon, we got selected and rejected for the same companies countless times.Dont u think its something more than co-incidence??
jaja: (nervously) yes, it is something more than co-incidence..We were both useless 7-pointers. And even though u had a better C.G than me,u r stalking me like hell.

papa: Loosu! Why are u getting so frightened of me?? Oh, you thought I am
gonna ask you for a treat,like kau, right?? clever boy!I m not going to ask
anything from you. Is that ok?
jaj: (cools himself down,breathing heavily)Gosh kau!! you took a treat out of
that guy in college! (gets a measure of how powerful she can be,pauses)....ok..look..I
have to go..i have lots of work!

Suddenely the elevator comes to a halt!! The two are stuck inside!
papa looks as unfazed as ever,looks at jaj and flashes a wicked smile!

papa: Your work can wait and anyways it just the two of us here, so there's no
escaping!
jaj:( mutters a few tamil swear words under his breath)

papa: Hey, that! Those words sound soo familiar! arent they part of the dich-
slang??
jaj: yes.He promised to teach me tamil and taught me this instead, that idiot,
dog! But how do you know dich??

papa: aaah dich! shared some good times with him! He was good but not good
enough to deserve me! Had to chuck him and move on ,u know(says it as-a-matter-
of-factly). But he made a good courier-service guy, transporting notes and
stuff ,hostel to hostel
jaj: (Now start to feel a li'l more intimidated and scared of papa)..oo.. okk..
(wondering wat she will do next)

papa: Hey leave all the talk about guys.( Runs her fingers over her hair)How am
I looking today??
jaj: (fear filled, the look of a hostage, still looking at the
floor)..er..well.. nice..yes nice!

papa: Loser!! Cant you even see a girl in her face and talk?? Do I have to
teach you that too?? (Holds his face firmly so that it faces hers). Now tell
me, how do I look?? (winks her eye)

jaj:(limbs totally shaking and shivering with fear, summons all his courage,
looks at her for a split millisecond,turns his face away) nice.. cute!!

papa: (gives him a light slap on the face) Only cute?? nothing more than that??
Anyways,at least tell me how does this dress look on me!

jaj: (just too much for him, he is on his knees now, closes his eyes, shakes
his head) Shiv shiva!!pls forgive this girl n me too!!(slaps himself,prays to god)

Draws the lakshman rekha on the elevator floor with a pen, seperating him and
her
papa: (flabbergasted, half smiling, half confused) Cant you appreciate genuine
beauty? Now Wat the hell is wrong with you, y are u drwing that line, jaj?

jaj: dont cross that line! Dont step any further(his plight is now that of a
helpless woman standing in front of gulshan grover approaching her with hungry
eyes).

papa: (a laugh) Relax da!! Tell me, do I look like someone who would harm you,
I mean considering your size and mine. Do you talk like this to all girls?

jaj: Daddy told me not to talk to girls! My daddy was right!I even hate using
girl names(on the point of crying) Sings the nursery rhyme taught to him.
jajant jajant, yes papa
Seeing girls, no papa
telling lies, no papa
Open your eyes, wah wah wah!!

papa: Hey, that is my name which you are using at the end of every line,dumbo!
jaj: Oh sorry, i dint realize!

papa:cool cool! (stretches her hand out ), friends?
jaj: (looking a bit more composed now) No, I dont have any 'FRIENDS' cd's with
me,all that you wanted has been written and couriered to you by dich!!

papa: Poda mokkai (chaat)!! I was asking ,we are friends, arent we??
jaj: I guess ya! But it will be safe naa, I mean,I havent had female friends before.Daddy says....

papa: Oh shut up!! gr8, then!! Things always happen for the good! lets just say, I am your first girlfriend (grins, pats him on the back). I will add you in chirkut as my 500th victim. By the way , your Tamil sounds awesome, i'll teach much more tamil then wat Dich taught u and (pauses)..much more than tamil too!

jaj: So,..ya.. forgot to ask! Wat r ur hobbies other than filling up CV's and resumes,sitting for companies for a double job, attending interviews . Infact(now emphatic)I have the same set of hobbies, u know!

papa: Wow!!U too!! v have so much in common da! Infact I luv solving crossies,( takes out a crossie from her bag), isnt this a crossword??

jaj: (smiles) yeah... I ll teach u how to solve crossies. Infact very people know that I m the crossie king. They hav no "clue" who i m !!
papa: (charmed thoroughly, hands on her cheeks, open mouthed) wow!!u r soooo good!!

jaj: Oopss.. (rubs his stomach). I just realized... I m hungry now! I wish v could go to the gate if someone sponsors us!

papa: No worry! its on me! I'll treat u at home! I can make good rasam rice, (closes her eyes ,licks her lips) and I m sure u'll luvvvv mom's curd rice! (proclaims softly) After all, The best way to a man's heart is (eyes jaj's stomach) thru his belly naa?

As luck would have it , the elevator springs back to life.People look on as jaj and papa walk out hand in hand.

Regards

Vishwesh

Going Natts !!

2006-09-29T07:44:00.000-07:00

Time just flies huh? 3 months have gone by in a jiffy since the start of the
sem.
The 7th sem in the dept has been no different from the previous ones, except
that, its been a li'l too chaat for our liking. But the rules are the same ,
toppers perched on the first few benches scribbling away at will while we doze off
with our eyes open.The xerox process is still followed with the regularity of
an age-old ritual before the cycles ,no matter wat the subject and then we devise ways to mug the xerox copies.
Natts,true to nature, has been going nutts. He is your quintessential gurukul
school master (The ancient "sit on a raised platform under the baniyan tree"
types that you see in those mythological serials).Unfortunately his pupils are far removed from the gurukul system!
Besides being a little hard on hearing, he can be heard only within the radius
of the first 2 rows of benches. Sit in one of the coveted back-benches and you
will be treated to a silent-movie ,characterised by Nattu's sudden modulation and weird hand movements (one of which resembles a bharatnatyam dance move, another which sounds like the karate stance which keanu reeves' takes against agent
smith in matrix...lol)
His new record this sem was a greuelling 2 hour and 10 min session after the
lunch break. He went insanely beserk that day and guys would have wondered
whether they had enjoyed a little too much in the 2yrs in the dept.
Natts takes corrosion . But the first few months of the
sem were anything but corrosion.
He took the whole first month explaining why he was the boss and the virtues of cent-percent attendance(the conclusion: "if you dont atttend guest lectures, your job prospects are in trouble").
The second month was marked by an introduction to good ol' chemistry(his obsession with the Daniel cell is well-known. Good "chemistry" u see... pun very much
intended) .His age-old romance with electro-chemistry, at times, made me feel
that I was back in bhavans college, andheri for a second term. Well, after 2
months of constant belaboring, he came to the point, much to our
relief.Probably he must have seen the subject name "CORROSION" in the time-
table.
Nats has this uncanny knack of chipping in with the most outrageous analogies
and fundaas to explain a certain subject matter!He takes a smooth de-tour
from the topic under focus more often than not , in his quest for "give-n-
take" of information.

Welll.....To give u a taste of it just read the post below this.

Regards

vishwesh

Livin la viva loca !!

2006-09-29T07:34:00.000-07:00

The 6th sem and our lab exams were
on.Well, guess who was taking oue viva-voce!!! Natts !
I was the penultimate candidate for the viva session! Excerpts from the viva:

Natts: Come,Sit,(gives me my evaluated cycle test paper which I take instantly
without seeing the marks) What is your name?"
me: (my loudest best) Vishwanath hariharan ,sir !

The name struck him like a thunderbolt. He put down his paperwork and looked
at me.
Natts: Oh! where are you from?
Me: sir, mumbai

natts: mumbai!!oh! where in mumbai?
me: sir ,andheri.

natts: where in andheri? east or west?
me:(now this was getting on my nerves .Even then..) Andheri East, sir!

natts: (pen in hand,thinking wat next to quiz me on, history or geography)
hmmm...Why is it that there is only east and west? Y not north n south?

Gosh.. in these 20 odd years that I have lived in tinseltown mumbai, never has
anyone asked me this and neither hav I been curious enough to know why is
there no south or north.(Heheheh...Imagine borivli south,
andheri north...lol!!)

me: (giving him the impression of a planned, well thought-out answer)Sir, the
railway line divides a suburb into east n west.Sir, thats why there is no
north n south.

(grrr.... stupid answer. "u and ur super-chaat fundaas, vish!!" I thought)

natts:(gave the feeling as though he was thoroughly convinced)hmm..There is a
place called dadar, no? how far is dadar from andheri?

(How far??? Distance in terms of what?? In mumbai ,distance is measured in
hours of travel. But if I tell him that he ll probably tell me that my basic
physics is all screwed up!)

Anyways, I took the safer route and counted ... Dadar,
matunga road, mahim , bandra, khar, santa-cruz, vile parle, andheri.

Me: Sir, 8 stations away! (Perfect!!)

Natts:(His next question, I knew it was coming...hehehe).
How long does it take from dadar to andheri?

me: sir, depends upon whether u trvel by fast or slow local trains! U take
around 15 min by fast and a little more than that by a slow local.

A voice inside my head popped up and said
" Tell him that this is a semester viva voce!! He should be
asking you tech! You hav prepared for 1 full hour before coming here. 1
friggin ,full hour!!!
(Giggling , followed by a smirk)The guy after you (Raavana)has been preparing
for a "tech viva" (Yep,viva voce can be tech or hr, as I had just
discovered ) for a whole lifetime. If he faces the same viva as you, he ll be
heart-broken" Hehehe I coudlnt help but smile at that very thought.

Natts: Okk. There is a new place in mumbai. i dont know whether exactly in
mumbai or not.What is its name.
Me: (wat sort of a question is that?)Sir..er..new place..which place sir??
(heheh..even i was asking him the same question)

Natts: Its a very new place..dont remember what u call it!!
Me: (with a give-me-a-clue expression on my face) Sir ,is it Bandra
reclamation!!

(Bandra reclamation!!! hahahaha...(rollin on the floor with laughter).
"Gimme a break vish, U suck bigtime"! You are probably the only guy on earth
who would have dreamt of bringing up bandra reclamation in a metallurgy viva!)

How the devil did i come up wid that answer,god alone knows!! (It didnt sound
so funny at that point of time...haha..bandra reclamation!!)

me: Sir, is it Navi mumbai(correcting myself), New bombay!

Natts: (liteally sprang up towards me with an expression which
suggested "eureka,eureka!!", smile on his face)
Yes!! new bombay. So ,new bombay it is !!That was the place i was looking
for! It is a new establishment??

Me: sir, it is relatively new compared to Greater mumbai!It is a well-
developed n planned satellite town of mumbai. It houses residential
colonies.Many college have also come up.

natts: hmm..(seeming disintersted in the "residential n college" part)
hmmm...ok So u have 2 parts: greater mumbai n new bombay.What is that greater
mumbai that you said?

Me: Sir,it comprises of the island part of the city.

natts: Where are vashi and nerul ? greater mumbai or new bombay.
Me: Sir, new bombay.

natts:okk! So you have to cross the sea each time you have to go to new bombay.
me: Yes sir.

natts: There is a place which comes on the way to Vashi. I dont know whether I
am pronouncing the name correctly . Its name is mankad i think. Something of
that sort .(Repeats) mankad. Am i right?
Me: (Gotcha, this time!!) sir, it is Mankhurd!!

Natts:(repeating his earlier "spring up" act): Yes Yes!! oh, so the name is
mankhurd! (repeats)

natts" How many stations come between dadar and nerul?
me (Oh god not again):sir, both are different lines.

natts: Oh different lines!! ok ok! which is the line on which andheri comes?
me: Sir, western !

natts: and dadar?
Me: sir on both, western n central, it is sort of a junction!

Natts: There is also another place,(thinks),ya some so... ssomething starting
with S.
Me: Sir, Sion

Natts: sion, sion!!! yes. Its far away from dadar?
Me: no sir, (saving myself another question) sion,matunga,dadar.

natts: (looking much more interested n refreshed now)oh matunga comes after it!
ok!! which is that railway line which runs closer to the sea coast??

(along the sea coast aa??? ...sea coast???
oh achcha,!!! "arre tubelight!! He is referring to the harbour line i think")
Me: Sir, the harbour line!!

natts: "Harbour line!! ok ok!

Natts: I have been to mumbai before also, but I keep forgetting everything!
Me: (listens silently and nods at regular intervals)

Natts: That nerul, there is a big Hanuman statue there, is it not??
Me: Yes sir (Now it was very clear to me wat he was getting at). Yes sir...
....(quickly added) sir, there is also a well known Vedha-paatshaala there.

Natts: (his joy knowing no bounds,he would have got up and kissed my head had
it not been a viva) Oh Yes!!! Yes yes!I have heard a lot about it.

Just when the discussion was at its peak, we were interrupted by an unexpected
visitor, a certain math prof.
I waited outside while they spoke.
When they were done I was called in for the viva once again and this time
Natts fired metallurgy trivia straight away!! (as if nothin had happened at
all before this).
At the end of it he seemed satisfied .

I ended up with an 'A' in this lab, one of the very few ones and (phew..wipes
of the sweat off his forehead)one of the hard-earned ones!!

Regards

vishwesh

Full-too filmi !!!

2006-09-20T06:19:00.000-07:00

The period after the placements has been brimming with movies, movies and more
movies, the cycles nothwithstanding. The cycle tests, I am sorry to say, have
been reduced to a mere "come-sit-go" affair, a la cpc's. Nevertheless, cycles
are good timepass! That the number of cycles has been reduced from 3 to 2 and
the assignments have been given additional weightage has turned out to be real
bad news for the aam student junta( especially meta...booo hoo)!
The Pearl-Lapis lan link was mercilessly chopped off this sem.
But it dint make much off a difference for movie buffs like me, thanks to kaly (long time since he figured in my blogs, huh?). His new laptop and the 40 GB portable HD have, by far, been the biggest toast of the season. The HD has been instrumental in
facilitating the exchange of movies between emerald and pearl.
Out of the countless number of movies that we watched, there were a few good
ones,some not-so-good ones which needed a fast-forward once every 5 minutes
and some others where you could figure out what the story is heading for by
merely watching the first 5 minutes of the phillum.
Heeheh.. one of them, is the latest king-khan hit, KANK.Though it has had people
shouting "chaat, chaat" in various site reviews ,its been raking in the moolah
quite steadfastly. The intro scene of the movie had king-khan playing hockey!!
(if you thought that was the height of topsy-turvy'ness, there seem to be more
weird things around you happening these days, like,say, a certain cow milking,fodder
eating minister giving IIM grads a lesson on management or youngsters these days worshipping gandhigiri instead of 'bhaai'giri!)
King khan so effortlessly flashes that melodramatic expression of his( lips
pursed tightly, head suddenly tilted sideways or looking heavenwards,a subdued
smile accompanied occasionally by that irritating giggle of his) with amazing
regularity, film after film!! Its this expression of his which once prompted my mother to say " Oh, this dude has been doing the same thing since his 'circus' days!" KK seems so confused between life and wife, in this film. What is meant to be a film on serious human relationships, ultimately transforms into a wife-swapping saga. Pooh! (Loy's techno is just hilarious!!)
There was this absolute cracker of a film called "Souten", which ..er.. wasnt esactly oscar-winning.
The story: A certain modern
ruler(something something Singh) who lives in a mahal of his in rajasthan,
along with his babe-wife. Babe wife is bored of life 'coz ruler does nothin
but hunting (sheesh.. I thought there was no water in rajasthan, leave alone
jungles). The ruler has a family friend of his, who's younger bro comes from
mumbai(on a british airways flight), to handle "khaandaani" bussiness! Babe-
wife falls for younger bro's love n lust. Elder bro's wife persuades younger
bro to break up with babe saying " such unfortunate things do happen in youth
(???)". So he breaks off painfully! Then ruler's daughter(another babe,the
daughter of his first wife) comes to rajasthan, on a holiday trip. Thats when
you realize that babe-wife is actually his second wife!
Disaster strikes! Babe2 falls for younger bro's love n lust. Babe2
unmindful of bro's previous affair ,sings duets and goes holidaying with
him.Thats when you start feelin " enough is enough" !!Somehow babe1 reveals
everything to babe2. Babe2 now hates bro, does a fashion designing course in
goa and hooks another dude! Finally,bro wins over babe2 with his love n lust.
Poor ruler gets damn pissed when he is told thatt small bro flirted with
both,his wife n daughter and takes his gun. Problem is inspite of all these
years of hunting, his shooting skills are pathetic. instead of shooting small
bro , he shoots his babe-wife(One of the many bollywood rules when the number
of heroes and heroines dont match: one of them has to leave , hook or by
crook). Families unite ...hehehehe!

Then there was a German film that we saw ( recommended by me to everyone..hehehehe)..not such a good one though, which presents 3 possible climaxes to a story, where the hero and heroine have to make 1000 bucks in exactly 20 min: first climax is the one where the hero robs a mall but he is run over by a truck, second where the heroine robs a bank and is shot dead by the police and the third one where the hero robs the mall and the heroine robs the bank but neither of them die.aaaAArrrgh(I escaped getting bumps from my friends for suggesting such a crap film)!!!!

Notable among the good ones is the Gangster, in which serial kisser Hashmi makes an
appearance. His high-voltage lip-locks(which would have scared the daylights out of the newcomer heroine) are interspersed with occasional glimpses of his acting
skills. The story is good though (and need v say anything about hashmi video songs...lol)!
The other good one was Fanaa, which has Aamir khan constantly buzzing with shaayaris in urdu. A good story and great music has had everyone totally fida on it.
Loads n loads of tamil n english movies came our way!
Moving over hindi,tamil (most of which came in the "fast-fwd" category) n english films, off late, telugu films have become quite a rage among the junta in our wing!

As they say so often in our campus,
"Jobless after getting a job!" (2 jobs in my case)

Regards

vishwesh

Write Back!

2006-09-20T05:09:00.000-07:00

Howdy!!
I dont hav a count of how many countless number of times you guys have visited my blog address to see if anything new is cooking up (Its a pity actually, there's no recent vistors' list in here.).

Anyways, Sorry for the delay! No dat I hav run out of topics or issues(will never happen in a million years.) Just that I hav been cooling my heels(literally) after placements.
As we guys so often remark, "Jobless after bagging a job", (oops..two jobs)!Festember, our college fest, accentuated that feeling even further. That my cycles' (cylce tests) results are in total doldrums is also testimony to it! But as they say, life moves on.

By the way, psst..for once I have got a chance to use my penning skills for a more fruitful cause. Yep, TPS, the college mag! No worry,blogging continues as usual!
Hope everything goes along well!!

Regards
vishwesh

"Mad for each other"

2006-08-14T11:24:00.001-07:00

I guess the Darwinian theory of "survival-of-the-fittest" makes its presence felt everywhere in your daily life,whether you like it or not.
He hehehe ...Read on....
This is the stoy of Dich,papa and kau.

Lux Papa,though,a simple country girl, had this very stubborn-bitchy image
about her which made
her a total turn off for every Y-chromosomed creature in her dept. Everything
from the clothes she wore , the guys she talked (she never talks to females
anyway)to the "lux scandal" which rocked the dept ,raised her "infamous
celebrity" status notches higher, with every passing day. Someone who admired these
developments very secretly was Dich.
Dich was given the coveted title of Dich the Doggie, which only privileged few
in the campus are capable of bagging. As a token of his modesty he had
christened the Coffee Shop dog as dich too. An ardent animal lover, he had a
soft corner for the
cannine species and could be constantly heard saying "Wat a
faithful dog!!" In many a sense, the dog reminded him of the days when he
slogged is backside out to break into the top ranks in the entrance exam to get
into the college,the way he barked and drove out the countless denizens of Pearl hostel who infested his room and troubled him.
This was the same campus where he had met papa,his "figure".
He relived those past moments of how he had "corrected" her,the time they spent
together, in the same class, same bench, same..watever.Group study was always on
the cards. He even took to the "FLAMES" funda to verify whether she was the best
fit for him, by wrtin on the walls of the classrooms. Unmindful of her true
nature,he had built castles n sky-scrapers in
air, about transforming their bond into something substantial.But it wasnt to
be. He discovered to his horror that she was two-timing him. "That is it!!!" he
said. And it stood broken. Dich spent days in tears. OF course, papa was the
least affected as guys swarmed all around her.
2 yrs passed by. Placement season was on. The new-look dich had
blasted his way into MS and topped on all accounts: be it the CG, screwing
the comp(in the name of programmin), his fan following (male n female???). DS was
one of them.DS had accompanied Dich all the way to tinseltown mumbai. Dich
trusted her in every sense and liked her too.their combined pay totalled 2.5
lpm.But dich soon realized that there wasnt that fire that he had experienced when
he was with papa.
Papa's fortunes had just begun to look bright even though she looked a mere
shadow of dich. She got her lucky break in the form of the "OC" profile a few
days after dich. Dich had been on a short holiday to chennai then.
Meanwhile,Kau and his friends(the chennai gumbal) had just reached the station. They spotted a restaurant to get a light dinner before they moved on.As luck would have it,kau bumped into someone really familiar.But he couldnt remember who she was.Girls were never a comfort zone for kau. It was papa! papa too was on her way home and it seemed something much more than coincidence dat they meet this way.

Kau: WAT the SHIT?
papa:(lookin unnerved) i m so sorry.

kau: its ok, boss. so wat u doin her.
papa: doin research on zulu tribes. loosu , i came to eat here.

They sit down in a secluded spot, far away from the others.

papa: I hv seen u somewhere. Rn't u the presi of the "B' club?
kau: Hohohohohho(stifled laughter), Yeah dats me!
papa: wooooow!! I luv dat club so much. can i join it too. I luv drwing n painting.

kau: (feelin amused) All this is CHEAP shit! In a few months from now, i ll be
flyin to the Big apple (shows the sign of a plane flyin with his customary whistle.)
papa: Good, but for dat u need a visa first.

kau: PATHETIC! i thought i needed an air ticket. SCREWWWEED! anyways, What will
u do?
papa: Me will go to Singapore. marriage n stuff, u know.

kau: (whistles, runs his hand through his hair.) CHAMP!!

kau: will u come to US if u get a chance?
papa: Yes i want to daa, but how will I?

kau: Thats so simple! Mug the entire-wordlist, revise it 3 times.All this should
take only 3 weeks. Then give 10 complan tests. dat will take one week. everything over. last day give the exam.and then apply for univ. Damn Simple!!

papa: (by now floored n charmed by kau's knowledge):wow! And wat is dat "Hotel" test ?

kau: "WAT? its not hotel, its TOEFL. I ll give it this month."
papa: "ya watever. You know so much." (smiles flirtatiously)

kau:" Disgusting! In this mock CAT, a girl topped in ourcollege. WAT a SHAME!
papa:(looks amazed n confused,all at once n looks at kau as if he is talkin swahili)

papa: U on "chirkut" or wat?
kau: Ya, i m ther!

papa: So, wont u give a job-treat to a girl sittin with u,huh?
kau: : Sure! (pulls out n checks his wallet, in case..).

The talk went on, numbers exchanged.

papa: Thanks for such a lovely treat. by the way, dont you think your club needs a first lady,right? I m be of help.(Winks)

Kau: I leave 'no leaf' unturned,when it comes to feminine pulchritude.I detest
the adherence to archaic tradition in the club.

The chennai gumbal was left speechless as they saw the "figure" being
"corrected" by kau in the space of minutes.

Dich heard the news and is still in mourning.

Regards

vishwesh

Placement sentiment-1

2006-08-14T03:21:00.000-07:00

Hardly a month into the placement season as people all around me get their choicest companies and I go about blogging endlessly. The first of the tech co's for meta was TM and it was the first 'kela' that I got.
The TM debacle wasnt to much of a setback for me!Jobless and unemployed I always was and have no qualms about it even now! Nevertheless,the aftermath witnessed some shocked expressions from the junta,most of whom thought TM was a total cakewalk for me. But alas,they were treated to the biggest disappointment of all times( second only to Germany's unceremonious exit from the WC semifinals.).
Our placements kicked off, the most conventional way (the way its been going on in our college from time immemorial! Two software giants,bulk recuiters,( whose abbrev letters can be subjected to permutation and combination to obtain each others' names), coming back to back! But surprise surprise! All dreams of "bulk" evaporated once the HR and Tech interviews results came! Only 50 were thru (yes 50 thru, and we dont call it bulk, dats our college!). Was this the sign of things to come! There was widespread panic among the "softy" junta who had nursed high hopes till then! News spread rife that our college was no longer on the "favoured" list and that others had caught up with us!
The same week heralded the entry of the most expensive tech recruiter of the non-circuit branches till then(at least for our dept). TM was and is always the talk of the town! But alas they flattered to decieve, if the ppt was anything to go by. The 2 dudes, one a grand ol' man of 60(isnt that the retirement age??) something and the other man a tad younger to him, made their way in to the barn. The ppt was supposed to give an insight into wat the company is all about and y the hell shuld u be part of it. Instead, in half n hour's time, the whole junta was subjected to a series of mindless figures of thousands, various allowances,added benefits,PPF percentages n what not's. The audience was left in a daze as if they had just been treated to the first quarterly returns for FY-2006-07 of TM. Honestly, till then I had only seen such pictures on CNBC India where they talk about turnovers, gross profits, post-tax profits, F&O's and stuff! The young dude seemed to like our campus, because there was (supposedly) a lot of greenery in some areas (the trees must have grown overnight i guess). He compared the campus to their manufacturing facility which also had "big plants" (???..hehehe).Wat still remained a mystery was their profile- marketing or manufacturing?
The written test was held the same day in our net-lab, an online one it was!The same 2 dudes were there as well! The ol' fella was constantly saying something tothe tune of " Attempt every Q. There is no negative("no negative marking" emphasized, bold, capitalized,Italic ...) marking. As if he was endorsing the "matka-maaro"(guessing) thing that we fear doing in tests, due to the negative marking penalty axe on our head! Nevertheless it was a testing one and 6 of us got thru from our dept.
GD was the next round and the all shortlisted candidates were present at the t &p . There were 7 in my group and we were supposed to speak on globalisation! Normally one would smell a fish-market in most gd's here, but today was different! Everything was so amicably done.5 minutes of puttting ur thoughts down and the 15 minutes of talk! I cut loose and blabbered incesantly for a full 2 minutes in my initial burst much to the chagrin of my fellow gd mates who probably must have harboured thoughts of plastering my mouth.Then others got a chance, while I chipped in between,occasionally building on what the others said.
I was one of the 20 gd shortlists. I was the penultimate interview candidate and this wasnt a very encouraging sign at all.The ones who went in before, on an average had interviews which lasted 10 mnutes approx,which were"coolkaal"! My turn came at 7.40 pm, my stomach grumbled harder for food ! "But job u need more than food ", i said to pacify it momentarily!
There were 3 dudes now! The 3rd one had apparently flown in the previous day evening (I overheard their loud phone convo, during the online test.).

To be continued......

Regards

vishwesh

placement sentiment-2

2006-08-14T01:48:00.000-07:00

hi, to continue from where I had left.
There were 20-odd guys (by guys i mean, only boys, no females at all!)
shortlisted for the interview/s (v didnt know beforehand whether it was just
tech or only a HR).I was made to wait for a marathon 3 hrs in an A/C room (yep,as
if dat was a consolation).In the 3 hrs ,I made a trip to the snackyteria twice.
People on the way probably thought I was done with the I'view.

Later we were informed that, it was just HR, which made it even more
difficult .With two u had a chance of "making up" if at all u got jacked
in one. But here i had just a solitary chance.The candidates who went in came out, well, mostly wid smilin or non-crying faces. The interview time for each candidate just came decreasing all the time like a geometric series. After wat seemed to be an eternity ,my turn came.

I had observed all the previous guys subjecting themselves to ..well.. wat i would call "pre-nterview check-ups" (clearing the parched
throat,adjusting the straight tie,positioning the belt correctly, shuffling and
reshuffling all the contents of the folder,checkin their pant zip..) ,inumerable
times. I dint feel like doin any of those. Maybe I was too eager to rush into the
interview room and finish it off for the sake of my starved tummy, whose growls had
now assumed dangerous proportions or because I was so confidence
personified (or a bit of both maybe!).

There were 3 dudes in the AC filled room. All of them looked pretty
disinterested n exhausted.I identified the extreme 2 as the ppt
dudes. The ol' man was comfortably perched at the left end of the table, facing
me.The "slightly" younger dude was working away furiously on his lap-top. The
man in them middle (middle man)was the one who ,I thought, would ask me the bulk of the questions. And so he did.

Me: (Opening the door), excuse me sir?
All 3 in unision: Yes Yes, come come!!

Me: God evening Sirs (managed yet another broad, 32-bit smile of mine)!
All: Good evening..er.. Vishwanath. Please sit down. Sorry to keep you waitin
for so long!

Me: (smilin)Sir, its ok. Its worth waitin for a company like yours.
I couldnt help marvelling at myself for such an effortless, spontaneous ,
straight-faced,white lie. I mentally gave myself a pat on the back.

Middle man : (lookin disinterested in my comment as he glanced through my
resume ,at least he appeared to do so)
" So, u are from meta . wat type of job do u want?"(Sir , basically an
investment banking profile wont be bad.)

Me: "I am interested in the marketing profile that you offer."

Middle man:(sounding serious) " Actuaaally, we dont have any vacancy or
requirements in that profile.Any other profile?

Me: "Sir, I have given mfg as the next preference."

Middle man: "hmm... Actuallly even that seems to be difficult." (Sheesh..Was
this some kind of an employment exchange office.)

Me: (sounded undaunted): " Sir,anything remotely connected with mfg or meta
would also be interesting."

Ol' man:( His debut in the interview): Tell me abt...(middle man cuts him
off).. obviously the Q was " tell me something about urself?". A Q which many
dread the most and the need behind so many countless personality-development
classes and cramming "know-urself" notes.

I was just about to open my mouth when middle man (obviously feelin left
out) ,asked
" So , u r prepared for any thing our company offers,huh?"

Me: "Yes sir.It would be a very rewarding association, no matter wherever I
work in ur organization" (Jhoot boley Kauva kaatey!)

young man: (finally breaking his mouna-vrat): " You dont mind travellin also?
Because v have a plant comin up in this state X(one of the "relatively new
states" he mentioned)."

Me:"Yes sir, i dont mind it at all.It would be a new learning experience for
me.New place, new people"

young man: " Good.The profile in the new plant is of Y mfg, (then he went about
the
intricacies.. blah blah..given a chnace i would have yawned there itself.)

middle man: " Tell me something about his state X?

This simply wasnt a test of my geography knowledge.There was something more to
it , I realized by the expression on their faces. something said that these
dudes had already made up their minds on their final list and the were just
playing around with me, giving it the semblance of a casual hr interview so dat
I wouldnt return to hostel disappointed. True realization descended " Vishwesh
u r not getting thru, by any stretch of ur imagination. its over." everything
was over. To bad dude!!

Everything after that ..well.. seemed ordinary, even though it was normal Q-A.

Nevertheless,I politley gave them all they wanted on state X.

ol' man (still not satisfied wid the talk, it was already 8pm): Why do u want
this profile ?"

I built up some fundas somehow conecting meta wid the work in the profile. (No
matter wat the situation,the bluffing continued relentlessly.)

more followed on wat would be the ideal material for a car in terms of the
cost,properties etc if they were to make low-budget one.

I dug out my vast meta prowess. suggested a whole lot of new materials. they
appeared satisfies.
But I wasnt getting thru. that was the bottomline.

middle man: : " Do u have any Q's??"
I wasnt in a mood to ask anything . But I asked them about the allied activities of the organization, their dealings, their recent mergers and acquistions if any (displaying the curiosity of a loyal,retail shareholder.)

i shook my head blankly at the answers, couldnt wait to get the hell outta the place asap.

middle man: " thanks a lot. have a nice day"(shook hands)
Me: (smilin) "thank you sirs."

20 minutes of timepass had ended.

I was the penultimate candidate. I felt sorry for the dude after me. He would soon discover y.

my first "kela" of the placement season!

Regards

Vishwesh

"Funda"stic

2006-07-12T22:18:00.000-07:00

It was our 3-credit Economics class.
For a change, I was sitting in one of the front benches and regretted doing so since the lecture turned out to be nothin less than a lullaby marathon as the sir went cats and dogs about marketing. Most of these Eco classes are a concoction of dry,mundane theory and outrageously bad PJ's. I discovered even before the first class, rather adventitously, that this guy has a congenital disease of giving too much fundas, most of them stale ones.

The pick of the chaat lot is here: Read on...

. Snake's definition of good marketing:
"I am a good salesman if I succeed in selling a refrigerator to an eskimo."

"If you do not get good sleep you are suffering from inso-mania (plz dont look
so puzzled , the word is insomnia)."

.
"After the class gets over,after lunch you go to room for rest , then come back
for lab and go to room for rest again. why? Buckosh (because)body needs rest. It
generates some sorts of hormones and then some sorts of glucose is generated in the body and you become fresh again."

.For a good professional (lol)
" Dream at night, not at sight."

." As an individual, I want a good career. Please note I said career not
carrier."

." You see, Each person in the organization is working "as" an asset. Please
note ,it is "as" not "ass". Both are different words."

. "Humour is needed in my class otherwise we will walk and talk like zombies(and
shows it with live demo)."

. "A company should work for customer satisfaction and sales growth simultaneously. Like a movie where the hero is fighting the villan and later singing duet with the
heroine."

.You see, these are the 7 principles of management. Buckosh(Beause) you are the
manger, not damager!

.You see, Everyone wants profit, I dont want to live a life of celibacy.(????)

. A leader should be dynamic, dont confuse with dynamite.

. A country is poor Buckosh it is poor.(so saad, blog sites dont provide emoticons)

. The AIDA priciple is necessary for marketing. Read it carefully, the last
letter is not 'S' it is 'A'.

. A product should be packaged well, Buckosh old wife in new saree will always
be in demand. (His version of "old wine in new bottle.")

. You see, 50 years back americans were telling " Be careful with your food or
Indians will take it." Now they say " be careful with your job, Indians will
take it."

Regards

vishwesh

"VET"eran

2006-06-21T07:43:00.000-07:00

"Haan Haan, phod diya" I said for the umpteenth time in reply to repeated queries of how the paper was terribly easy( when was the last time u heard that the papers in meta were mighty herculean?). A sigh of relief was all I could manage after the last of the papers got over!The same old feelin of nostalgia(self evoked)of leaving the college campus for a long 50-odd day holiday,packin my mess, waving goodbye to friends etc marked the day after the exams.
Once I got home I wasted no time in switched "on" my "mumbaiyya" mode . Its amazing (pats himself on the back) how I switch "on" n "off" so quickly whenever the situation or place demands.But one hobby of mine still failed to die, that of loggin on to the site which boasted of "building networks between people" and had a whole gamut of new features namely the scrapbuk(where u get to see the trash which others dump),rating ur friends etc etc (i need not say more, huh?). Now, this 'O' site had become quite a rage among the college junta.
I registered as a member on the 'O' site ("chumma" timepass sake)rather late and as a critic I had to eat my words.It wasnt one of those typical "candy floss" sites which I thought it was, there were tons n tons of many good ol' friends (bichde yaar, jinki shakal bhi main pechaan nahi paayaa).
Thankfully (or unthankfully for some people whom I wouldnt mention) I was jobless while my meta dudes were supposedly doing projects which served well to camouflage their 'O' site hobby.
Heheh.. talkin about joblessness,one person isn't far behind at all!
Apparently, Niv too discovered this 'O' site syndrome rather late. A character that she is, her nickname sounds very much like a popular brand of winter skin-cream(??). Skin Cream,well.. she doesnt need any! She has this "i-m-sweet" aura about her n her petite damsel-like face coupled with a charmin, near-captivating smile could make her a complete "10-on-10" in the eyes of any normal guy. If that ain't enough, her "sleeping beauty" avataar just increases her Drool Quotient(DQ) exponentially. And if you thought she's mere eye-candy, think again! There's more to her. Niv has already laid-out a concrete road-map of what she would be upto in the next few years, (that when most of us cant even decide which shirt to wear for today's 8.30 lecture).
She plans to unleash the Doctor Do-little within her, in good ol' uncle Sam's country thanks to a scholarship. Boy, arent the yankees a lucky lot! Rather, the yankee animals! I have always found it really intriguing how animals are notches above humans when it comes to health(never seen an animal wearing glasses or using a walkin stick have you? ). The galli-ka-kutta drinks puddle water n still remains as fit as me( who takes pains to boil water). Anwways,thats not the point! Niv quite easily proved that she isnt any "munnabhai" who takes the easy route. And nor did she want to bust her backside slogging for huge competetive exams. She had different plans for herself! She chose to be a vet! Brave decision,i thought,as my mind raced back to the "bloody"(pun very much intended) zoology labs in 12th when half a dozen girls used to faint regularly when the heart of the dissected frog popped out like a ping-pong ball!
She's a bigger movie buff than anyone you can ever think of and an even bigger fan of Sophie("da vinci" fame)hehehe!!!! .But lethargy n boredom have taken their toll on her and driven Niv to the depths of ultimate frustration ,courtesy this never-ending vacation. As the days pass by she grows increasingly melodramatic. But her eagerness n curiousity to learn more turns out to be her biggest assset . Whether it's about brushin up her foreign-language knowledge, seekin tips,wanting to know more about football or doing an "alcohol research" for the first time!

Regards
vishwesh

P.S: Niv, if u r reading this plz dont get mad! You have achieved the unique distinction of becoming my first female blog character. Infact i did let the cat out of the bag by tellin u this was coming, hehe!!

"Guest talk or Ghost talk?"

2006-04-29T07:38:00.000-07:00

Guest lectures are the quintessential ingredients of any great technical event. Arranging for an expert to give a talk on a particular subject is a tough job no doubt. Making the students(read as 'audience') sit throughout the talk is an even tougher task. Of all events the lecture event shows an exponential decrease in student strength, much to the chagrin of the teachers. The students, quite naturally, feel that anything that comes up in the talk is next to Greek n Latin.

One such example was the technical event of our department. Two experts were invited for guest lectures. One from a reputed science college(institute) in Banglore and the other from an organization which boasts of being the world leader in electrical products. Both of them were expected to come by the same train from Banglore and so they did. I was to receive them at somwhere around 5 in the morning (the day when the event was set to kick off)which meant it was a complete nightout for me. Not difficult for a nocturnal like me !

The train was half an hour behind schedule and since I didnt have the slightest inkling of how their faces looked like, I held placards of "NIT welcomes mr X and Mr y to Trichy", hoping to find them. It happened! They found me! I introduced myself and lead them, ploughing through the crowd to the entrance where our car was waiting.

After that I dont remember much apart from the fact that there was an absolute shower of technical knowledge from both sides. It was clearly evident from their talk that they were meeting each other for the first time.

People who are really into "tech or research" inside a campus are real charcaters to watch out for. Inside the car:

Mr X: "So, Mr y, how is that your organization grows by leaps and bounds?"

Mr y: (A short pause) " Hmm, its 'coz we have built up a pool of ours. Good labs spending, (points to me) students , emphasis on research work and more. Then blah blah...

I discovered just form 5 min of talk that Mr X was the most animating type and Mr y was Mr Reticent. Mr X was very spontaneous and instinctive while Mr y almost took a lifetime to ponder over questions thrown at him by X. To be frank Y did not exactly appeal to me as the person who would go on to give a refreshing guest talk. Nevertheless, both had a sound knowledge of their respective fields.

X specialized in nanomaterial while Y dealed extensively in mechanical metallurgy.

Mr X: 'Sir do you know Mr Z?"

Mr Y: (A big long pause which prompted me to think that the guy had reached saturation point). Suddenely there was a reply. " Mr Z? Certainly rings a bell in my mind . Isnt he the one who deals in fatigue mechanics.

Mr X:(overjoyed that atleast there is something common which they can talk about) Yes he is the one. (doles out scoops of praises for Z). "He also works on amorphous systems, the effect of crack propogation on the texturing properties of crytals.

amorphous substances,cyclotronic behaviour , crack behavious in semiconductors, Ti alloys , use of polymers in nano came up.

As luck would have it , we reached college and drove straight to the guest house.

Next, just an hour before the event began, I had the privilege of having breakfast with the 2 gentlemen. This time it was a complete non-technical session , maybe because the gentlemen had enough of each other.

mr Y: (for a change he was questioning) Trichy is an unusual location for a college? Why is the college situated here ? what may be the signifance?

Myself: ( It was a such a dumb question I thought, as if I wanted them to build a college on this barren peace of land far away from civilization. But the need of the hour was to give fundaas.)

' Sir , its because there are quite a few hardcore tech industries in this area. We have BHEL nearby and blah blah.. (mentioned the names of a few more NIT's and explained to him that many of them were in the most weirdest places on earth)" Also explained to him about the impact of the industrial growth in the area on the lives of the ppl in and around Trichy.

Both seemed satisfied.

mrX: (not wanting to be left behind): "there are so many temples around ? but many of the capitals of kings who ruled south india are almost non-existent unlike the rulers of north india?

myself: (A feeling of "uh oh! screwed" but kept the smile on and blabbered endlessely):

"Sir in those days, south ndian kings had a penchant for building temple-cities and not big cities. This made it convenient for them to tour the whole city in very short time. (gave some fundaas on north indian rulers. somehow Shivaji came into the talk. I pumped more and more of history and rulers.)

They were enjoying the convo. Breakfast ended.

We walked our way to the lecture hall. Some more amusing questions and some more mindless fundas but reinforced by apprpriate facts. A prof intercepted us on the way. We reached the hall just in time for the start of the tech event.

And true to nature, I slept thru most of the guest talks.

luv n Regards

Vishwesh

"I,Me,Myself,Main,Mein"

2006-04-26T07:56:00.000-07:00

I,Me,Myself,main,Mein....
I m 19, 5' 11 high, weigh 64 kg, reasonably built and my vitalstats just missed the princely figure of 36-24-36 by a mere whisker (lol).

I find women's perfumes amazing!

Chemistry n electronics are interesting but I absolutely hate biology

I pity guys who smoke. They are actually committing suicide for no fault of their. The real smoking is done by the cigarette end, the guy just puffs.

"Turn off the lights" is my favourite bed-time line.

As a boy in kindergarten I liked open other kids' tiffin boxes before I opened mine.

There's one common thing to me and many other people around the world -all of us enjoy sleeping

Tea rocks but ice tea sucks.

Well dressed are better than good looking women.

A sweet smile and a tinge of attitude turns me on.

Too much atitude turns me off.

I am asian indian, not red indian. By the way y r they called red indians?

luv is all about "chemistry" first and then "biology" later .

i try my best not to mix my classroom life with education

Live and let live and please live for today

Men are far more desperate than woman actually think

Dogs are more egoistic then men

Evolution still goes on in man, I m still in the process of growing
into a
man(yippy)

I dont understand, if stone age man lived in caves where did the woman
live?

Why do they call it Wimbledon and not the British Open?

Approximately 80% of the male net users around me right now are
checking out female profiles.

The shirt never becomes small, we grow big for it.

Thanx for reading through this mindless crap!

Regards

Vishwesh

"Words of Wisdom"

2006-04-26T07:49:00.000-07:00

Things you shouldnt forget!

Brush Daily- So that you may live.

Bathe daily- so that others may live

For heaven's sake , please dont forget to zip up your pants! Just imagine, if you were on stage to give a speech to an audience of a thousand and your pant stays unzipped, you'll be the town's new clown.

Greet someone only if you really want to do it otherwise it sounds pretty artificial .

Dont wear a sad face unless something really catastrophic has happened! Have a smile ready on your face, it reflects your personality.

Dont smile or laugh for everything, people will feel absolutely sure that you are a lunatic!

Dont get Angry(this is the toughest part). If you are , by any chance, breathing fire :

go to a secluded place or the bathroom and vent your frustration on the mirror (like using the sacred F-word). count 1 to 1000 (dont cheat ok). Take 3 deep breaths (as in yoga)Talking to urself in front of the mirror wont help a bit, build up conversation even with the most reticent of guys by picking up something common between you two.

Dont give a person an impression that you are being friends with him/her just for getting your work done. Wrong attitude!!

Never stay idle! indulge urself into any goddamn activity. So wat if you arent as good as Dan Brown? Doesnt stop you from blogging ,does it?

Dont take anyone for granted, he/she may be the last straw to clutch, if at all you were in danger.

Dont hesitate to ask questions for fear that people may brand you as dumb or the question is too trivial. The fact that you have asked the question obviously means that you wanna know more than others do.

Presentation(both work and looks) is of utmost importance. Get over ur clumsiness, right now! Remember, Good looking ppl are less in vogue than well-dressed people.

Dont talk too much, mouth cancer found a new way to attack you!

And finally, whatever you do, just Be cool and composed. If you feel you are stressed out, start blogging like I do(it sure is a reliever, tried n tested).

Luv n regards

Vishwesh

Fairy-Tale

2006-03-30T19:39:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time there was a Buffoon who,through no fault of his own was cast under a spell by an evil witch .The curse was that the buffoon could speak only one word each year. However, he could save up the words so that if he did not speak for a whole year, then the following year he was allowed to speak two words. (This was before the time of letter writing or sign language.)

One day he met Sukhi (ruby lips,golden hair,sapphire eyes,) and fell madly in love.With the greatest difficulty he decided to refrain from speaking for two whole years so that he could look at her and say "my darling".

But at the end of the two years he wished to tell her that he loved her. Because of this he waited three more years without speaking (bringing the total number of silent years to 5). But at the end of these five years he realised that he had to ask her to marry him.

So he waited ANOTHER four years without speaking.Finally as the ninth year of silence ended, his joy knew no bounds.Leading lovely Sukhi to the most secluded and romantic place in a beautiful garden Buffoon heaped a hundred red roses on her lap,knelt before her, and taking her hand in his, said huskily, "Mydarling, I love you! Will you marry me?"

And Sukhi tucked a strand of golden hair behind a dainty ear, opened her sapphire eyes in wonder, and parting her ruby lips, said:

scroll down............

Well, guess what she said ................

come on, guess what could she have said.........................

well, she said..............

"Pardon?"

Regards

Vishwesh